Accept me for who I am

[gobucks2073]

Went to BM this past year for the first time. Had a blast and would love to attend again. That being said it changed me in some way. I am totally open with who I am and never been more comfortable with who I am and what I have to offer. Unfortunately my family, friends and spouse are not as accepting of the change or the fact I was even there. My spouse, then new fiancee, feels It was disrespectful to even attend BM. A fact she only told me afterward. I guess I'm looking for on some insight on dealing with their negative take on BM. The only real negative thing from BM for me is that I realize how messed up the default word is. Thanks for the input and I'll see you on the playa not soon enough

[Captain Goddammit]

Oh man... there’s a lot of trouble brewing there.
I think the only piece of advice, from decades of experience with things like that, is don’t make babies with that person. You’re on the ocean with stormy weather my friend, don’t take on more cargo.

[gobucks2073]

I'm old enough that kids are not an option so I'm good there.

[Token]

1. Annulment

2. Move West

[Ratty]

If you're past child rearing age, you are old enough to figure this out. We have seen a lot of new relationships on the rocks over That Thing In The Desert. First she doesn't like this. Then she doesn't like that. Then she doesn't like you. Either put on the collar and leash or run now.

[Token]

Unfortunately my family, friends and spouse are not as accepting of the change or the fact I was even there.

That there is DENIAL.

One of the deadliest words in our language.

Run, do not walk.

If your people cannot even get past denial, there is no hope. That’s the sad truth.

Moving West should be a prime consideration.

[Aurelia]

What you want to do?
You and I both know there is no real answer to this…
So good luck and maybe you’ll get a ticket this year and will see you there

[gobucks2073]

I will definitely be there

[gaminwench]

Can you bring the spouse?

[Sham]

Hopefully your life will settle in to some normalcy without getting things flipped upside down for you. Your realization on the playa, and your sharing of that information was not expected to uproot your whole world. I would say to give it some time to settle in with the family, and stay put and keep your convictions of who you are.

[Aurelia]

is completely good advice dear Sham

[some seeing eye]

No ePlanan would wish an existential crisis on another.

Some questions:
Write down your & partner values and where they come from
In previous relationships how have values caused parting?
How has unique creative experience influenced your life?
Safe vs threatened in solo experienced by a partner?

What is her deep concern and what is your deep concern?

Couple connect with other coupes and participation in regional campouts is a good first step. Burners want you together.

[Token]

Your realization on the playa, and your sharing of that information was not expected to uproot your whole world.

Funny, endless newbs post on this board that they seek and expect that life-changing experience.

Perspective is a bitch.

[Dr. Pyro]

No ePlanan would wish an existential crisis on another.

I'm not so sure I necessarily agree with that considering some of the anti-Trump and anti-Clinton sentiments I've read over the past year.

[Captain Goddammit]

On the other hand, you gotta look carefully at disrupting your whole life and marriage for this goddam party you might not even be able to get tickets for.

[Aurelia]

From now on you will never know you’ll have alternate creative impulses as you grow…

[Dr Helix]

When I first said I was going to Burning Man in 2008, I asked my wife if she wanted to go. She said no. I went. Met a woman on the playa and fell in love with her. We are now married and the one who said no way is my ex. Never been happier. And WE go every year. That's all I got.

[Savannah]

Went to BM this past year for the first time. Had a blast and would love to attend again. That being said it changed me in some way. I am totally open with who I am and never been more comfortable with who I am and what I have to offer. Unfortunately my family, friends and spouse are not as accepting of the change or the fact I was even there. My spouse, then new fiancee, feels It was disrespectful to even attend BM. A fact she only told me afterward. I guess I'm looking for on some insight on dealing with their negative take on BM. The only real negative thing from BM for me is that I realize how messed up the default word is. Thanks for the input and I'll see you on the playa not soon enough

Your extended family doesn't have to be okay with your Burning Man attendance, so maybe table that for a bit.

Your friends--eh! If they're willing, show them your 10 favorite pictures per year afterwards (or whatever), but don't expect miracles (and try not to talk their ears off too badly). If they're real friends, they're probably doing their best, but they just can't fully relate and there's nothing wrong with that. Geeking out on the burn is most enjoyable with other Burners, so . . . obviously, keep your default world friends, but also keep posting here, and join some local email Burner lists and/or Facebook groups.

http://regionals.burningman.org

New Burners have a hard time NOT-talking about the event, but it's hard to do that when it's with people who have never been, and have no interest in it. For a lot of default world friends, it's boring or confusing or misunderstood; they may never be able to appreciate it, any more than I would want to discuss religion for longer than a minute or two per social occasion with an enthusiastic friend who has just converted.

I'm concerned that your spouse felt it was disrespectful to attend Burning Man, but hid that from you until it was too late. Maybe she was afraid of you ending the engagement if you knew she disapproved. (I almost hope it was that; it's the most understandable). Or maybe she just wanted to use it against you later, which is a little worse.

I hope that both of you will communicate more, including your true feelings on things, and whether you have plans to Burn every year for the foreseeable future.

[Token]

Cat is out of the bag! Didn't work out well for Neo in the finish.

As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson.

It seems that you've been living two lives.

In one life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a Social Security number, you pay your taxes, and... you help your landlady carry out her garbage.

The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias Neo, and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for.

One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.

[cryoguy]

gobucks - Was that you I saw in the orgy tent?

Bad joke , not helpful I know!

[Lonesomebri]

First off, this didn't involve shirt-cocking, did it?

[Ratty]

[Aurelia]

Thanks ready I really needed to see that

[gobucks2073]

Thank you Savannah for your insight... helps so much...ty... Actually I recently sat down with my wife and explained exactly how BM has given me a new perspective on life. She admits it freaked her out when I came back from BM but rather likes the post BM me. She will prolly never go to BM with me but I look forward to going again.

[Ratty]

.

[Savannah]

Thank you Savannah for your insight... helps so much...ty... Actually I recently sat down with my wife and explained exactly how BM has given me a new perspective on life. She admits it freaked her out when I came back from BM but rather likes the post BM me. She will prolly never go to BM with me but I look forward to going again.

I'm glad to hear that you were able to have a good chat! . . . Keep that habit up, and it'll probably be for the best. You can tell her quite honestly that not all Burners with spouses bring them along. Not everyone can deal with the heat and dust and prep, even for love.

Make sure you take non-Burn trips with her . . .

[kevinwells]

I have to agree with gaminwench, bring your spouse if you can. It is likely to precipitate some discussion, and might be a litmus test for the relationship in general. I hope it helps her understand your desire to be there.

My own story is that I brought my first wife with me in 2006. It did however, lead to the dissolution of the marriage,...

While we were biking around on the deep playa, she waved her arms around and derisively said "look at this, ANYONE thinks they can be an artist!. Even what you built, is just .not. art." ( I was one of the designers of a project called the "Conexus Cathedral" , and we had just spend an entire year building it..." . ))

This was the defining moment of the end of the relationship. I agreed with her statement, but I viewed it as positive, Burning man is a place where anyone CAN express themselves (even Me, a dork, who helped to create a 50,000 sq ft space that was one of the major art pieces on the playa that year!)

Fast forward to today, I have remarried, two kids, and a my wonderful wife, Caroline, would rather slit her wrists that go to Burning man. BUT.... She sends me off, every year, with a kiss and the realization that it is a persistent need of mine to be out there, letting my inner mad scientist run amok....

[Sham]

Thank you Savannah for your insight... helps so much...ty... Actually I recently sat down with my wife and explained exactly how BM has given me a new perspective on life. She admits it freaked her out when I came back from BM but rather likes the post BM me. She will prolly never go to BM with me but I look forward to going again.

Gobucks, I hope thing s are now going more smoothly for you with your bumpy reentry into civilization.
There is a great way to get your family to get a peek into the phenomenon of Burning Man without subjecting them to a week in the dust. If you are anywhere near DC before January, there is a great full gallery exhibit on Burning Man. Many of the actual pieces that were on the playa are there as well as hundreds of photo and artifacts. They would be able to get a good sense of the life changing feelings you are dealing with.
https://americanart.si.edu/exhibitions/burning-man

[gobucks2073]

I saw it and plan on going soon.... Just when I think I figured things out something else hits me about my experience... Not going back to the playa this year but will as soon as I can...