Hello all, I'm Monkey Gurl, I'm a new burner, first burn 2011, and what a wonderful experience it was. The Temple of Transition was (as it clearly was for so many) a very powerful and emotional part of my burn. Facing my fears and my demons, tears dripping into the dust for what seemed like hours, I let go of some toxic and very old crap. Later in the year, that experience helped me repair my relationship with my Dad, who passed away, ironically, on March 2, 2012. At 3pm (EST) when I could have been registering for STEP to get back home, I was with my pops, who passed away less than 12 hours later. It was definitely one of the most important and scary things I've ever done, and I am grateful for that time. His eyes saw me I know they did, right before he died. I was looking into them and telling him I loved him and he couldn't speak but I KNOW he wasn't alone. My sister was with me, and after he passed, she left the room for some reason. It was just me and pops and I couldn't quite believe this fierce and intimidating man, who I was so afraid of all my life, was just this skinny shell, with nothing behind his eyes anymore. I started freaking out, feeling like he was going to sit up and start talking (or worse, yelling). I really had to do some deep breathing and find peace.
I don't know if I'd been able to do that if I hadn't visited the Temple. That visit, that experience, filled my soul. Particularly intense was this memory...there a beautiful young girl, burning incense in the sand, I think there were 7 sticks. Every so often, the scent would find my nostrils, filling them just briefly. I watched her and others around me, some people chanting, singing, some crying, smiling, quiet, home. When I was ready, I stood up and walked over to the young incense gifter to thank her for that part of the experience. As she unfolded herself to a standing position, she stood so tall, she had to bend over to soooo gently, hug me. I have chills thinking about it right now, it was incredible, I wish I could describe the feeling that came over me. Accepted, I guess is the best word. Like I belonged right where I was and I was more in that moment than any I can remember since giving birth or nursing my children.
When Dad passed and I felt that fear and panic, that's the moment I went back to. I let myself feel, everything, I didn't run from it or try to self medicate or deny it. Jesus.
I have a dear friend who lost her Dad this year also, Green Monkey, and she is the reason I made it to BM last year. She has a ticket and I am hoping one will find me, I have more burning to do.
Peace.
MG
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