Alternate Fucking Profanity

[graidawg]

That was long ago and far away.. Been sober longer than most of you fuckos been alive.. Fifty two fucking years..

bugger me, you decided you had drunk too much before i had my first one.

[tatonka]

[media]

[Captain Goddammit]

It's not exactly profanity, but I learned in Hawaii that "mahalo" means "trash". Every garbage can I saw said "Mahalo" on it...

[GreyCoyote]

Capt; there is a growing belief that you did NOT actually go to Hawaii this year, but instead hit Tijuana and caught the donkey show.

Pictures, or Hawaii never happened. )

[Captain Goddammit]

I'm still in California but I can produce evidence when I get home. You know there was a San Francisco appearance because Trilo posted evidence in The Bar.
I didn't wanna bore anyone with "My Vacation" photos that had nothing to do with BRC.

[^Rhino!]

Take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.. That has been around for years..

Alternate

Attempt aerial intercourse with a rotating pastry

Good grief. unjon, you need better writers.

I got a new Fisher-Price kiddie toy for you.....(**holds up middle finger**)......it's called a 'Sit and Spin".


(*grumble, grumble.....bunch of coprophilic hirudinate amateurs*)

[^Rhino!]

oh for fucks sake! it's a fucking word. I find nothing wrong with it at all and can actually use it in the workplace (thank you cool co-workers).

Of course there are inappropriate times (I guess) that one shouldn't use it. Funeral memorial maybe. But I certainly wouldnt be offended if at a funeral and the speaker says "he was a great fucking guy/gal and shall be missed" It would probably lighten the mood a bit or at least make a few people smile because it is unexpected

Why are people so uptight with this word?

and frankly I have a hard time remembering what words I used to use. I guess if pressed I would say "freaking" instead of "fucking" or you can almost say the word such as "fu....."

And if people think I swear to much they can plonk me or walk away or throw holy water on me.

i really dont give a fuck

Just imagine, lucky, if they inserted the word "fuck" instead of "kill" in some of those old western movies.

"Sheriff, we're gonna fuck you and we're gonna fuck you real slow."
"The Injuns rode into town and fucked every last man, woman and child!"
and of course,
"My horse broke his leg so I had to fuck him."

**turning up the Carlinesque charm**

Just imagine, the word "tits" (Rhino hears "love to" from most of the men here)

Tits sounds like the name of a friend.

"hey, Toots, meet Tits....Tits, meet Toots"

Very Friendly.

OR, it could be the name of a Nabisco snack....betcha can't eat just one.

New, giant sized Cheese TITS, Corn TITS, 'Tater TITS......

Imagine the smile on my face when I actually found a box of Cheese Nips. And nobody knew why I was grinning like a seasick shark, or a holier than thou Cheshire cat.

[lucky420]

oh for fucks sake! it's a fucking word. I find nothing wrong with it at all and can actually use it in the workplace (thank you cool co-workers).

Of course there are inappropriate times (I guess) that one shouldn't use it. Funeral memorial maybe. But I certainly wouldnt be offended if at a funeral and the speaker says "he was a great fucking guy/gal and shall be missed" It would probably lighten the mood a bit or at least make a few people smile because it is unexpected

Why are people so uptight with this word?

and frankly I have a hard time remembering what words I used to use. I guess if pressed I would say "freaking" instead of "fucking" or you can almost say the word such as "fu....."

And if people think I swear to much they can plonk me or walk away or throw holy water on me.

i really dont give a fuck

Just imagine, lucky, if they inserted the word "fuck" instead of "kill" in some of those old western movies.

"Sheriff, we're gonna fuck you and we're gonna fuck you real slow."
"The Injuns rode into town and fucked every last man, woman and child!"
and of course,
"My horse broke his leg so I had to fuck him."

**turning up the Carlinesque charm**

Just imagine, the word "tits" (Rhino hears "love to" from most of the men here)

Tits sounds like the name of a friend.

"hey, Toots, meet Tits....Tits, meet Toots"

Very Friendly.

OR, it could be the name of a Nabisco snack....betcha can't eat just one.

New, giant sized Cheese TITS, Corn TITS, 'Tater TITS......

Imagine the smile on my face when I actually found a box of Cheese Nips. And nobody knew why I was grinning like a seasick shark, or a holier than thou Cheshire cat.

[theCryptofishist]

After all, it's the queen's english.

[kiboy]

Godfrey Daniels.

[southern crone]

I know my 85 year old dad is really upset when he calls someone a dumbass peckerwood.

[Captain Goddammit]

I've been known to use "doo doo head"

[^Rhino!]

Twain (and others of that era) enjoyed the use of the insult 'chucklehead'. He described Laclede Gas Co. in one of his letters like that.

Laclede is notorious to this day for their reticence in the marking of their underground facilities. Twain was dead-on. Chuckleheads.

[Sunbeam56]

I use the term "needle dick". It has a flexible meaning, which at its basest form describes a certain inadequacy...
Mostly it means narrow minded, inadequate in flexible approach, and shitty.

My contribution to the vocabulary of deserved insults.

[^Rhino!]

I use the term "needle dick". It has a flexible meaning, which at its basest form describes a certain inadequacy...
Mostly it means narrow minded, inadequate in flexible approach, and shitty.

My contribution to the vocabulary of deserved insults.

My drillers actually use the term 'pinhead' fir a similar type of individual. There was a district geologist in the backwoods of Willow Springs, Missouri that they used the term frequently for. My drillers have nicknames for a lot of the individuals they come across.

Some of the more 'colorful' ones include:

"The Green Weenie"
"Buzzsaw"
"Tacklebox"
"Pretty Boy"
"Doughboy"

The names each have a story behind them. For instance, 'doughboy' was out one night dancing at the Ramada for fun wearing a white linen jacket, white slacks and shirt, and the guys thought he looked like the Pillsbury doughboy. After a few uses, these nicks stick like burner names.

[BBadger]

In Utah, Mormon kids would use the word "schizz" as a lame substitute for "shit" -- to which my friend would inform them that "schizz" actually means "shit + jizz" from anal sex. That shut them up pretty quick.

[Captain Goddammit]

Ha! The Green Weenie was what I called my old '72 Chevelle I had almost 30 years ago, back when they were worthless.

[theCryptofishist]

In Utah, Mormon kids would use the word "schizz" as a lame substitute for "shit" -- to which my friend would inform them that "schizz" actually means "shit + jizz" from anal sex. That shut them up pretty quick.

Ah, the golden years before santorum got its name.
Sheesh is another near shit.

[Patsh]

My little 1964 Datsun truck... the Fruck

AKA Flattery, because it got me nowhere.

(Gosh, I loved that little fruck....) *sigh*

[geospyder]

"Mumble grumble - curse curse and all those nasty words"

...is my alternate profanity when around non-profanity speaking people. Usually gets a smile or two

[^Rhino!]

One of the best profanity acronyms is actually a series of acronyms.

SNAFU = Situation Normal, All Fucked UP
TARFU = Things Are Really Fucked Up
and
FUBAR = Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.

These are useful for describing situations, not so much as people.

Also, there's the Americanized version of Vietnamese where you tell them, "Doom on You."

The Vietnamese, 'du ma nhieu', is a perjorative that tells someone, "Go Fuck Yourself."

I also like using the Mandarin phrase "Dew neh loh moh" for "Fuck your mother", which in the cultural context is more of a statement of disbelief than it is an insult.

[lucky420]

Well, fuck me running...

For fucks sake and

A fuckton, that's a fuckton you got there.

[^Rhino!]

Jiminy Fucking Christmas......I hadn't heard 'fuckton' in years.

My insults take a minute to get sometimes. We used to have this 'holier-than-thou' type who made everyone's life at work miserable. Exasperated finally with his shenanigans, I looked him square in the eye, and pronounced him "Prick!" True to his nature, he runs to the nearest supervisor and tells him, "Rhino called me a prick" The supervisor looked him dead in the eye and said, "Well? Were you being a prick?"

Mere minutes later, tired of his whining, I asked him politely, "When are you getting ready to quit being a poster child for keeping abortion safe and legal?" He thought it over for just a minute, and then his eyes grew wide. He shut up for the rest of the day. ZING!

[TT120]

[media]

[Patsh]

My mom's worst swearing was,
"gosh darn it all to heck"
that may not have been what she was thinking....

[Patsh]

Ha.
TT120, that was funny...
but did you notice all kinds of spelling blunders?

[Elorrum]

metric fuck ton. bigger than a fuck ton.

[theCryptofishist]

metric fuck ton. bigger than a fuck ton.

Yup.

[^Rhino!]

metric fuck ton. bigger than a fuck ton.

Yup.

I didn't know fuck had gone metric.

Learn something new every day.

[solarhero]

FIRETRUCKS! my dad loved this one in place of fuck
His second favourite was mos def (no, not the rapper, most definitely short form), what was I saying? That's right, his most favourite was "JESUS MARY AND JOSPEH"
Oh no, am I going to hell for using the lords name in vain? what happens if I use the whole family? I WILL BE BURNING, (pause) MAN! Get it?