Violent Sex

III · Post by **III** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:30 am

there is a difference between violent sex, and sexual violence.

there's another one for the latter, and is a good place to discuss both how to prevent it, and how to help the victims. i unfortunately hijacked it with a snide comment that took onn a life of its own. i think it served a valuable purpose, and i'd like to see it go back to that.

so, this thread is the one is for getting your kink on...

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:31 am

what's your kink?

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:38 am

Kink? Hmmm.....I went into the MFA: Missouri Farmer's Association hardware and feedstore this last weekend and they had whips and riding crops...multi colored and black leather types, on sale. I bought quite a few. I gifted one of them away after working greeting duty at BRC this year and needed a replacement. I loved being asked to give spankings, I couldn't mention it but if they did, the riding crop was ready to go.

III · Post by **III** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:38 am

i gotta whole list of em. everything from twisted nipples to blood. oh, and both sides...

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:39 am

..and would it be okay to get it OFF instead?

III · Post by **III** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:40 am

might be easier to list what's on my no list:

feces
electricity
(almost always) people who only top.

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:41 am

Alpha wrote:..and would it be okay to get it OFF instead?

goes without saying, imho.

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:45 am

III wrote:might be easier to list what's on my no list:

feces
electricity
(almost always) people who only top.

What's wrong with electricity? And as for being a Top, someone has to do it so it might as well be me!

The twisted nipples I could do without though, especially if it draws heavy blood loss.

III · Post by **III** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:54 am

>What's wrong with electricity?

got zapped too much sticking forks into electrical outlets as a kid, maybe? it just pisses me off, more than anything else. and that'snot good for getting turned on.

> someone has to do it so it might as well be me!

my experience is that tops who refuse to play the other side lack both the skill and the temprament to be effective at it, and generally are just no fun to play with. i know several people who don't share that view, so i just put it down to personal bias towards subbing for switches.

>The twisted nipples I could do without though, especially if it draws heavy blood loss.

i have a hard on now.

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:02 am

III wrote:
my experience is that tops who refuse to play the other side lack both the skill and the temprament to be effective at it, and generally are just no fun to play with. i know several people who don't share that view, so i just put it down to personal bias towards subbing for switches.

Wow, someone gets it. In all honesty you can't be a good top if you haven't played the other side. Imho it's impossible really. You have to have that experience to know...only so much can be "taught or told".

Plus in the right circles it can be an extraordinary learning experience.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:34 am

Hot wax and a blindfold can do it for me.
Takes little preparation to get the candles right, but that's part of being a good top.
And another benefit of switching top to bottom, so you learn that stuff and can appreciate it when its well done.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:48 am

After too many fucking decades dreaming about this and that I find myself dreaming more about intimacy then anything else.

From my own experience I've found that switching is the only sane way to go. Please forgive me any natural doms/tops/slaves/submissives who bridle at this notion. But playing with power is dangerous and it should be balanced.

And finally, I hate safe words. (especially jar jar binks <shudder>). I know, I know they're important if you've never played ect., ect., ect. But I wouldn't uncork the power for a first encounter, at least not the heavy explicit stuff, until I was pretty damm comfortable with my lover and she with me. And by that point, safe words seem more of a hinderance than a help. I'd be interested to know other's experiences.

TawnyGnosis · Post by **TawnyGnosis** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 12:00 pm

God. I love violent sex. I really don't see the point of engaging in activity in all unless I get thrown around and I get to hurt the other person as well. Maybe that's why I never get laid, I think I'm too much. These silly young boys would get consumed by me.

You have to switch or else it isn't fun. I mean I want a big muscular hot guy to have sex with, who can really throw me around. Then I want to carve deep grooves in his back and maybe draw blood from them. I want to cause him real pain so he gets even more "pissed off". haha..

yep that sounds nice.

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 12:30 pm

I'm sure glad I'm outside of work when I read that last post...that sounds hot.

PetsUntilEaten · Post by **PetsUntilEaten** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 12:37 pm

well - back in the day - when I was a pup - - -

I spent a good long time talking alot of smack to a guy I intended to get on with - the night it finally happened I'd been talking a good game of how rough I liked it - and so - - -

when we finally did - i was bracing myself for something nearly terrifying. instead he was so gentle & sweet & close - I instantly fell in love with him for knowing that I was just bluffing & scared & trying to fend him off emotionally.

the rough stuff didn't start until a few days later.

(damn you & your thread, trey, I'm not suspose to be posting!)

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 12:39 pm

Actually to be honest I like it rough - but not violent. I don't generally put myself in a position where a safe word would be needed. I don't "play" in that scene. For one thing, my hubby isn't comfy there - and for another my relationship with physical pain is fucked up enough as it is.[/list]

III · Post by **III** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 1:04 pm

on safewords:

i don't like em either. or rather, i think "stop" makes a perfectly fine safeword for 90+% of the situations. to me it seems that they act as more of a shibboleth than anything else. the only time i can see properly using them is if you want to play at being nonconcensual, pretending to not want what you're getting and to be able to shout no! don't! stop! with out really meaning it. but one of my turn ons is the whole consensuality thing: i want to know that you're a pervert, that you want my fingernails digging into your flesh, or my hand at your throat, that all those things i do to you turn you on and make you want more. and you yelling "no" or "stop", even if you don't mean it, isn't going to make me feel that way.
whimpering, on the other hand, is quite allright...

TawnyGnosis · Post by **TawnyGnosis** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 1:12 pm

Lydia Love, I agree with you about not needing a safe word. My activities have never verged to the point where I need to stop them out of discomfort or fear.

I suppose I was speaking more of obviously consensual rough play rather than being whipped and gagged and such.

You don't really need a safe word when someone has a fistful of your hair or is pinning you down.

and Pets, yeah I've talked smack to a guy plenty of times just to get in his pants. It's a good technique in my opinion.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 2:23 pm

ahhh, there's nothing like a wooden hairbrush and an imaginary transgression...

miles of rope and a double joined prom queen...

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 2:42 pm

So, is wacky sex a part of the spirit? Do you have to get your kink on in order to be a true burner?

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 2:46 pm

stuart wrote:So, is wacky sex a part of the spirit? Do you have to get your kink on in order to be a true burner?

all burners are kinky - it's in the burner's guide to the universe.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:01 pm

stuart wrote:So, is wacky sex a part of the spirit? Do you have to get your kink on in order to be a true burner?

I don't know Stuart, what do YOU think?

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:17 pm

Well, I got a lot of that shit out of my system at a very young age. I have been a serial monogamist most of my life. I don't find it overly challenging. I do find that in the 'community' there seems to be a lot of very LOUD conversation about peoples sexual behavior. It seems like a lot of 'ME ME ME ME'.

I want everyone in this wide world to engage in whatever primes their pump. I want everyone to pursue just happiness vigorously. I want unfettered access to pleasure. I think that putting on diapers and other assorted sexual infantalism says something about you, but if it turns your crank then please be takin those huggies and all the cash in the drawer.

What I don't like is the idea that being a burner is a branded lifestyle choice. I don't think I need to be a tattoed, pierced, branded, utilikilt wearin, polyamorous PBR pukin, own clothes makin, B&D lovin, jeep drivin money hater in order to 'get' Burning Man.

flame on

TawnyGnosis · Post by **TawnyGnosis** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:38 pm

"What I don't like is the idea that being a burner is a branded lifestyle choice. I don't think I need to be a tattoed, pierced, branded, utilikilt wearin, polyamorous PBR pukin, own clothes makin, B&D lovin, jeep drivin money hater in order to 'get' Burning Man.

flame on"

So do you have a problem with that sector of burning man? I don't have a problem with people who arent into these things and they don't have to engage in these things to "get" burning man.

Coming from a person who is a tattooed, pierced, own clothes makin', sort of polyamorous, and B & D person I have no problem with your point of view. I appreciate how we can all be from different cultures at Burning man and make it so functional.

Sometimes I do flame about yahoos, and plain clothes people who go to burning man but I'm not really speaking of those who are really participating. I'm really annoyed by the tourist type much more.

Oh yeah, and utilikilts are hot.

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:39 pm

blyslv wrote:ahhh, there's nothing like a wooden hairbrush and an imaginary transgression...

miles of rope and a double joined prom queen...

darling, they're playing our song!

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:41 pm

stuart wrote: What I don't like is the idea that being a burner is a branded lifestyle choice. I don't think I need to be a tattoed, pierced, branded, utilikilt wearin, polyamorous PBR pukin, own clothes makin, B&D lovin, jeep drivin money hater in order to 'get' Burning Man.

Amen. I actually don't have/do any of the above. It never ceases to annoy me when someone implies that I don't "belong" at BM simply because I don't fit the stereotype.

PJ · Post by PJ » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:42 pm

alice wrote:...all burners are kinky.

I'm not. I'm completely normal.

If you don't believe me you can ask my livestock.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:45 pm

stuart wrote:Well, I got a lot of that shit out of my system at a very young age.

I'm wondering if you're setting up false dichtomies. Like you, serial monogamy is my mode of choice. It's too exhausting for me any other way. But that doesn't preclude kinky sex. And I think that extrapolating the idle chat of 6-7 people into a "branded burner community" is way too big a leap.

To me, radical inclusion means giving everybody a change, not being everybody's best friend.

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:47 pm

tempest wrote:
So do you have a problem with that sector of burning man? I don't have a problem with people who arent into these things and they don't have to engage in these things to "get" burning man.

Coming from a person who is a tattooed, pierced, own clothes makin', sort of polyamorous, and B & D person I have no problem with your point of view. I appreciate how we can all be from different cultures at Burning man and make it so functional.

Oh yeah, and utilikilts are hot.

Like I said in my post, I want everyone to have unfettered access to pleasure. I do find it interesting that these things often come in a single package. I take English vitamins and sometimes listen to EDM, am I a raver? No, as I take these things a la carte. As far as utlitkilts go, I don't have the calves for them. Perhaps I am just bitter.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 3:52 pm

stuart wrote: As far as utlitkilts go, I don't have the calves for them. Perhaps I am just bitter.

Yeah, but the bitchen' haircut more than makes up for it. It's the total package, dood.

Violent Sex

Violent Sex

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