hello, I'm an ass

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:32 am

I'm da mule and I've been trying to go to Burning Man for years now.

Last year, the greeters wouldn't let me in. Some dumb stuff about no animals and I'm under 18. I tried to tell them it was a costume and I was really 48 but they wouldn't listen. They took my packs off me and took all my blinky stuff and anything that was made in China. I tried to tell them that I was made in China so that I could be confiscated and let in, but it didn't work.

I was going to go like 15 years ago, but you know how life is. Was married to a psycho chick and then a hinny who was really cute but too uptight. Then there were the kids....okay, okay, there weren't any kids, although Molly and I sure did try. Don't remind me of the pain of learning that I couldn't father any baby goats or mules either! How unfair is that?

So I really wanna go again this year, but I don't think I'm old enough. Can someone let me hide in their van? I promise I'll try not to take a poop in there. Or maybe you could just give me an mutated horse trailer. I mean I deserve it, right? I've always been such a good mule.

And I really just want to come in and watch critical tits.

And oh yea, what really happens at Burning Man? Should I bring my own drugs and stuff?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:48 am

my dearest Mule:

Even though, you have no name, and, I've ridden you through the desert,( into the barn) to get out of the rain.....where it felt good.

I so respect you, and, miss you, when you leave.............

I will, as always, respect and think of you, when at the burn.........
I will do, whatever it takes to get you in.........you are like my left nut, not so important for impregnation,but, I'm unbalanced without you.......

I think of you day and night, night and day............

I've always done my best to repay your kind transport with soft hay, carrots, a jacuzzi, even inviting hot, nekkid gals to jump in, and, admire you and your......big ears.......

I know it may not have been enough, ever, but, I will spend eternity, if I must, to win your adoration, and, acknowledgment..........I know love for such as I is beneath you...........

I"ll dare not call you "Donkeylet", I know what that'd mean...........
but,
if you happen to peruse my response, and, feel so inclined to respond to my heartfelt missive,
I will be eternally grateful.........

all my best, Oh faithful friend...........

goathead · Post by **goathead** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:51 am

WELCOME DA MULE.....

We need more four foot participants.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:52 am

not many liliputians there, I guess..........

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:55 am

goathead wrote:WELCOME DA MULE.....

We need more four foot participants.

did you mean quadrupedal, or, short?

goathead · Post by **goathead** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:56 am

Just how many people would that fuck with???
Want a lollipop?

**burn** · Post by **burn** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 1:16 pm

I heard that if you offer to be a dj you'll get a free ticket.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 1:35 pm

Burn:
D or B?..............hahahaha

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:35 pm

Oh yeah, I'm a super cool DJ, making good donkey jam in honor of my dad. I like to spin that music that goes boom, thumpa, boom, thumpa, boom, train whistle, truck horn.

Here's a picture of me DJing on my PC:

and see I can dance too:

and I could help out with ice and stuff, see how good I am at carrying really heavy stuff:

Can I join your theme camp, and come early too?

klondike_bar · Post by **klondike_bar** » Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:54 pm

Da Mule wrote:Oh yeah, I'm a super cool DJ, making good donkey jam in honor of my dad. I like to spin that music that goes boom, thumpa, boom, thumpa, boom, train whistle, truck horn.

Here's a picture of me DJing on my PC:

and see I can dance too:

and I could help out with ice and stuff, see how good I am at carrying really heavy stuff:

Can I join your theme camp, and come early too?

that looks photoshopped.... I bet your really just a giant fat ass....

(puns, lol)

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 12:40 pm

I smell a sock.

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:24 pm

Then take my shoe off your face.

(but you may be right...)

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:14 pm

How come JK hasn't cum to welcome me?

Once again, as a mule, I'm a second class citizen.

People claiming I smell like feet, no pounding it welcome....

klondike_bar · Post by **klondike_bar** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:21 pm

maybe JK is confused as to how one would "pound" a non-humanoid?

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:26 pm

Da Mule wrote:How come JK hasn't cum to welcome me?

Once again, as a mule, I'm a second class citizen.

People claiming I smell like feet, no pounding it welcome....

Hey now, don't be an ass

Artemis · Post by **Artemis** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 4:12 pm

What a cute mule. Welcome!

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 4:57 pm

Sail Man wrote:
Da Mule wrote:How come JK hasn't cum to welcome me?

Once again, as a mule, I'm a second class citizen.

People claiming I smell like feet, no pounding it welcome....
Hey now, don't be an ass

i don't think he can help it .... !

maybe JK is just busy.

Post by **Elderberry** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:44 pm

What a thread to have made an ass of myself!

How could I have missed your welcome thread!?!?

My most sincere appology and a hearty WELCOME TO EPLAYA!!!

JK

(actually, I was in las vegas for new year and wasn't logging in that often while there, so at least I have a half-assed excuse.

)

Artemis · Post by **Artemis** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 4:54 am

Look, muley, JK is here!

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:05 am

klondike_bar wrote:that looks photoshopped.... I bet your really just a giant fat ass....

(puns, lol)

Who you calling fat? I'm not fat, those are saddelbags!

Ouch...who is making that god awful banging noise? And why is my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:30 pm

Da Mule wrote: Once again, as a mule, I'm a second class citizen. :(

People claiming I smell like feet, no pounding it welcome....

Second class citizen! That's the nicest I've seen this crowd be to a newb for a couple of years now.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 7:53 am

thats because i havent been here yet to wonder how the hell you pull a sock on an ass.

evidently, pretty easily.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 7:53 am

donkey fuckers.

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:04 am

Ooh, all kinds of people here to welcome me.

*walks over to cryptofishist and bends down to lick face*

Simon - You bet I fuck donkeys! Just cuz you prefer sheep, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with ass. Don't knock it til you try it.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:20 am

it's mostly the smell of shit on my dick that does it for me.

Artemis · Post by **Artemis** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:24 am

you can reach your dick with your nose?

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:29 am

didn't you know Simon's socks name:

Otto Fellatio

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:33 am

you can reach your dick with your nose?

how do you think i can get away with being such an asshole and have so many girlfriends and ex-wives?

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:47 am

I knew it! Simon's an ass too! Are you my brother?

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Thu Jan 08, 2009 9:14 am

Da Mule wrote:I knew it! Simon's an ass too! Are you my brother?