Doomed Relationships

aforceforgood · Post by **aforceforgood** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 1:43 pm

Thanks to Analog Girl for the spark of an idea for this one...

Analog Girl wrote:
all the clues that were dropped along the way in all my doomed relationships.

Anyone care to share what you've learned from experience about bad relationships? Defining moments (hopefully humorous) when you knew it was over?

III · Post by **III** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:14 pm

things that should have been warning clues:

- she was only married because she had a kid.
- she was mumbltybig thousand dollars in debt.
- she just *had* to buy that cute dress, could she pay me back next week?
- she wasn't on speaking terms with *any* of her exes.
- none of anything was ever her fault

what i'm wondering, in retrospect, was how i could have been so so stupid. it's not like this was back in my youth. my only excuse, i guess, is that i'd been extraordinarily lucky with previous relationships, and was completely unprepared for such a self centered lying manipluative bitch.

maybe that , and i'm a sucker for girls who like to fuck. after that, though, i got a little pickier, and restricted it to girls who like to fuck *me*.

analog girl · Post by **analog girl** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:21 pm

Sad but true . . .

When he started quoting the Dead Parrot Sketch while we were making out, and wouldn't stop until he had recited the entire thing.

PJ · Post by PJ » Tue Sep 16, 2003 2:56 pm

III wrote:...i got a little pickier...

Had to re-read that. On my monitor those little italics looked like "i got a little pecker."

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:00 pm

i'm certain i could bore you to tears with all the minor details, so i'll go with this specific gripe:

happened in at least four relationships as i recall; we started out with a polyamorous relationship. then the guy would want to become monogamous or move in together or what have you. as soon as i consented, they wanted to start seeing other people. the fact was, they didn't want me to sleep with anyone else. they of course, didn't expect to be contained by these rules.

RebA! · Post by **RebA!** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:35 pm

aforceforgood wrote:Defining moments (hopefully humorous) when you knew it was over?

When he slept with a stripper.

PJ · Post by PJ » Tue Sep 16, 2003 3:53 pm

RebA! wrote:it was over...When he slept with a stripper.

Without inviting you? That's very rude.

angelface · Post by **angelface** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:15 pm

the second time I found out he was cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend.. people get one chance to screw up, but not two..

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:17 pm

Slightly off topic here but this is a great thread for me to be reading right now.

The woman who lived across the street from me for 3 years came back to KC the past few days. I learned she was stalking me, is in love with me and wants me to marry her. She also has kids names picked out and says if I don't marry her that every time I try to sleep the kids will cry in my dreams and wake me up. I'm not making this up, I was outside at 11 pm missing Monday Night Football to hear this.

Then my new girlfriend goes psycho and says after e-mailing for 2 months and then going out on our first date that she wants to get married and have kids. Fast forward to this afternoon and many e-mails later and she wants to be married by January, and have kids like now...like she was apparently looking at conception timing charts and had due dates and all memorized, and even had a name picked out, Meghan Renee Sinclair and of course my last name.

Then I have another ex...she can't have kids but I broke up with her because she was acting strange too...she says she wants me to move in with her.

I'm tempted to take a leave of absence and volunteer at the work ranch to do ANYTHING they would need done. This is freakin crazy around here. The further away from this I can get the better. I don't know how I get into these jams...the women seem nice at first then they go psychopathic. And I don't know how to get rid of 'em, that's the worst part.

Has anyone got advice for me other than RUN?

PJ · Post by PJ » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:20 pm

Kinetic wrote:...Has anyone got advice for me other than RUN?

Tell all three of 'em that nobody gets nuthin' unless all three agree to move into your house.

(No need to mention that you're getting a vasectomy before this can all be arranged.)

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:22 pm

Kinetic wrote: I'm tempted to take a leave of absence and volunteer at the work ranch to do ANYTHING they would need done. This is freakin crazy around here. The further away from this I can get the better. I don't know how I get into these jams...the women seem nice at first then they go psychopathic. And I don't know how to get rid of 'em, that's the worst part.

Has anyone got advice for me other than RUN?

running is excellent advice. however, if you're looking for another way...

i used to have a speech impediment: i couldn't say the word , "no". or "get the fuck away from me you crazy fuckwit".

you might not want to run, but withdrawing might be smart. lol.

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:24 pm

Kinetic wrote:Has anyone got advice for me other than RUN?

Restraining order.

RebA! · Post by **RebA!** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:29 pm

Kinetic wrote:<snip>
I learned she was stalking me, is in love with me and wants me to marry her. She also has kids names picked out and says if I don't marry her that every time I try to sleep the kids will cry in my dreams and wake me up. <snip>

Then my new girlfriend goes psycho and says after e-mailing for 2 months and then going out on our first date that she wants to get married and have kids. <snip>and have kids like now...<snip>

she can't have kids but I broke up with her because she was acting strange too... <snip>.

<snip>

Has anyone got advice for me other than RUN?

My best advice is to do what I did to this message.

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:34 pm

I want kids but not like this.

In all seriousness one of them has tried to spike my drink while I was out mowing the grass. I left a plastic bottle of Coke sitting on the step while I mowed the grass. She came over and while talking to me and my friends and I didn't pay any attention to her...I came back to grab the Coke and it didn't taste right so I tossed it and went in to grab another. She saw me come out with the new one and she had this really pissed off look on her face. Later I learned from her roommate that had moved out that she bragged about spiking the Coke but she was pissed that I dumped it.

I shouldn't bring personal stuff on here like this but it has me totally freaked and I don't know what to do. I really don't. I'm already under high stress and this is a bit too much.

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:39 pm

Sever contact. All contact.

Be nice, but firm--at first. Then become more unpleasant if you have to.

Do not have any discussions with her under any circumstances.

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:40 pm

Zane5100 wrote:Sever contact. All contact.

Be nice, but firm--at first. Then become more unpleasant if you have to.

Do not have any discussions with her under any circumstances.

no shit, bro. just get the fuck out!

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:43 pm

I'm thinking ... restraining order.

antron · Post by **antron** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:52 pm

relationships are doomed whenever they have more baggage than fits in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:56 pm

antrony wrote:relationships are doomed whenever they have more baggage than fits in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you

werd!

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 4:59 pm

Great advice but it hits one problem. A character flaw. Right now my major achilles heel. And that is I'm too nice. As bad as this is, if I totally withdraw I'm going to hurt all of them badly. One of them might even try retaliation....and I don't like getting ugly with anyone. I'll talk through almost anything, hell in HS when I had a guy that was picking on me we got into a boxing match...I let him take his shots and I landed a few but nothing like he did. That was the last time I got ugly or confrontational with anyone.

So back to the women...I'm too nice, and they know I'm single and they tap into that little worry about being alone and not having kids which they know I want. It's like I gave them a key to the lock and they know how to let themselves in. It's like giving the Saddam a crusie missile that has your home ship plugged in as a target...it works very well. I gotta break the cycle and change...but where to start?

BM let me brush everyone off. I let nothing stand in my way of that, and then I come back and my resistance crumbles like an eggshell. So what I need is a virtual swift kick in the ass and any other suggestions you might have. I got myself into this...now I gotta get out.

precipitate · Post by **precipitate** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:04 pm

> And that is I'm too nice

No shit, Sherlock.

You need to learn how to say no. You need to be able to deal with people
in a way that allows your needs not to get trampled. You need to believe
that just because something you do makes someone unhappy doesn't
mean you shouldn't have done it. Sometimes people just get hurt.
Especially when they're psychotic manipulative bitches. And in that
case -- even though you can see their good qualities -- they deserve
whatever they get. Think about what it is they're trying to impose on you.

I'm not sure how you go about learning that. Sounds like some therapy
wouldn't hurt, and a good therapist should have some suggestions for
learning to be more assertive.

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:06 pm

getting angry helps lots. hard to be a wet noodle when you're vibrating with rage

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:09 pm

When he slept with a stripper.

Hey, strippers need love, too!

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:18 pm

Therapy....sheesh they'd have a cow if I walked in...Dragontear has an eeg test Wednesday morning to check out some problems, Mom's still on her chemo, I learned that when they put my grandmother in the care center that Hospice is taking care of things for her and that was a shock.

My job might end up having me "Rebadged, Redeployed, Training or Reskilled" or I might get voluntarily separated in the next 30 days. Or nothing might happen. My dad is hiding his smoking related medical problems. Yeah, I need therapy. Fuck therapy. Until the psychobitches came along I actually juggled it all pretty damn well. But it is good advice.

Actually I don't have time for therapy. I sneak e-playa and my prolific posts in between what I do at work. This is my therapy.

And the above wasn't a rant or pity party. I just have to find a way to move the psychobitches off my plate so I can get back to what I can handle which is all of the shit I mentioned. Oh and I want to be the KC BM Regional Contact....which AG hasn't wrote me back about either but that's understandable. If I get that some of this crap has to go so it's time to cut, cut, push back, and so I posted to ask for feedback on how I should get it done. And I've gotten good feedback! Damn good feedback.

It's gonna get better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:19 pm

Yeah a restraining order is required at this point. She is drugging you or attemting to , that in itself is a felony. Next it wont be a spiked drink. She will drive a spike in your head!

G

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:31 pm

Great advice but it hits one problem. A character flaw. Right now my major achilles heel. And that is I'm too nice.

Never too late to change.

As bad as this is, if I totally withdraw I'm going to hurt all of them badly.

And if you don't.....

I'm totally available for tutoring and consultation if you need to ramp up on your asshole skills....

aforceforgood · Post by **aforceforgood** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:38 pm

I had a psycho in my life waaay back, and it was such a harrowing experience that I have avoided psychos ever since. I too was too nice and too inexperienced to see they were taking advantage of me and placing their happiness before mine. And that's not love. Love sacrifices for the other person with joy.

I think that might be the key for you to remember, that their "love" is basically selfishness and happiness that they've found a victim willing to play a role in their twisted fantasy.

I don't think restraining orders are the answer, unless you're so angry that you want to go through legal hoops to put them in jail, and it doesn't sound like you are. They will feed off even the negative emotional turmoil of the police being called, etc. This makes their lives feel like a soap opera. I do think TOTALLY severing all contact with them is, if you can do that.

Remember that they are responsible for their own actions, happiness, etc. NOT YOU. I know you want to help and improve their lives, but they are asking too high a price from you. Ignore their threats of suicide. There is a big difference between those who THREATEN to commit suicide (they want attention) and those who actually do it. The psycho I left threatened suicide all the time, and about 10 years later called me out of the blue to tell me she was married, had kids, etc.

Reacting to their bs, even in a negative way, is attention, and only feeds them. Being ignored is no fun, irritating, and unfulfilling. Eventually they will seek attention elsewhere.

III · Post by **III** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:38 pm

>too nice

not to yourself you're not.

maybe you should take lessons from tenacious.

RebA! · Post by **RebA!** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:39 pm

Badger wrote:And if you don't.....

I'm totally available for tutoring and consultation if you need to ramp up on your asshole skills....

This is one of those times.. that i know it wasnt right to laugh, but i did anyway. Dont hate me for my sick and twisted mind.

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:42 pm

nothin sez "i love you" like a loaded ak-47

Doomed Relationships

Doomed Relationships

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Re: Doomed Relationships