Suicidal Tendencies

[graidawg]

oh ((((((((jax)))))))).

[moonrise]

The repubs may actually succeed in blocking Obamacare (slowbamacare) and depending on where one lives, it might help some of us (fucking extremely high medical costs are outrageous, arrrg!) to NOT have Obamacare at this juncture.

Just thinking out loud...Do NOT forget to add depression and anxiety to your SSDI claim....from what I'm told it throws a big fat monkey wrench in one's favor for winning SSDI...and they cannot give you "crazy" money or treatment- ie shock treatment, ever....) sooo, remember add depression and anxiety if you have it...seems almost everyone does and could actually win SSDI an JUST that, if they really wanted to. Living on the pittance of SSDI won't be easy, but there are ways to manage....

Fuck I hate this thread!

[Elderberry]

Trust me. They won't succeeding in blocking it or delaying its implementation. They only thing they will succeed in is shutting down the government for a week or so and insuring that the Democrats take back the house in 2014, gain seats in the senate and assure Hillary Clinton wins in 2016.

[Ratty]

It's a beautiful day here in Norte Califa. Yesterday it poured. Now the sun shines and the weeds grow. Yippie. (NOTHING is as depressing as talking about politics). The rain always finds more playa dust hidden on my car. New streaks.

[Elderberry]

It's a beautiful day here in Norte Califa. Yesterday it poured. Now the sun shines and the weeds grow. Yippie. (NOTHING is as depressing as talking about politics). The rain always finds more playa dust hidden on my car. New streaks.

LOL Totally agree. So, what are you DOING about changing things?

[graidawg]

It's a beautiful day here in Norte Califa. Yesterday it poured. Now the sun shines and the weeds grow. Yippie. (NOTHING is as depressing as talking about politics). The rain always finds more playa dust hidden on my car. New streaks.

LOL Totally agree. So, what are you DOING about changing things?

not talking about politics? there is a thread for that i believe

[burner von braun]

..so how are things going today Jax Dee?

[Jax Dee]

Not great. But not worse.

[Box Burner]

(((((((((((((((Jax Dee)))))))))))))))))

[Jax Dee]

Just as I got hopeful and felt like things were going my way...they cut off my long term disability payments. With no warning. Based on one 10 minute "independent exam". Losing over a third of our household income has us scrambling. I have to file an ERISA appeal. I meet with a lawyer next week about that. The shitstorm just keeps coming. The thoracic MRI found at least 4 more herniated disks in my back. That makes a total of 11. Funny how everything hitting rock bottom has a way of pulling me out of a funk. I don't have time to be depressed. I'm busting my ass just trying to survive right now and make sure my family and myself gets taken care of properly. So that's good right?

[Sham]

Oh Jax, this bureaucracy we have is dreadful. I know if you fight them, you'll win. Why the heck should you have to be dealing with this?
Keep the faith kiddo!

[Jax Dee]

There are so many disenfranchised groups. People with disabilities is one of them. The tragic and reprehensible fact that the onus is put on the sick person to do all the work precisely when they are least capable of it needs to be changed. The ADA and FMLA and ERISA laws help but they need to go further. Every one of you can help by paying attention and calling for/supporting new legislature that changes the status quo of the insurance companies getting to make medical decisions based on a bottom line.

[Box Burner]

(((((((((((Jax Dee))))))))))))

sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble jax. Unfortunenetly the government has many hands and none of them knows what the other is doing, or even cares. To top that off most of them cannot coordinate their own fingers. (Kind of like my ability to type ) Hopefully it will get sorted out quickly.

And keeping busy does help with depression. But don't let it be just "busting my ass just trying to survive". If you do not have a hobby get one. And make time to play with it. That is what works for me.

I crushed the nerves in my hands a few years ago and now they hurt all the time. (It's OK. I am fine with it. It is what it is.) Had a couple of hobbies at the time but was most active in carving. I drove to my first burn with both hands in splints, which I wore for 2 years. Anyway, long story short. I began to become very depressed. And the depression did not go away at all until I started on a hobby again. Like you when thing get rough and i am "busting my ass" I just don't have time for the depression. But busting your ass without any relief just wears you down. Eventually. Having a hobby gives you something to focus on without stress. And a place where you can always see progress. Seeing progress in something you are doing, even if it doesn't get you out of tight spot, is very important. So now I have taken up art again. I am learning to draw on the computer as it is easier on the hands. And I am listening to music more often. I would like to play my bass again too, even if it does hurt to do so, but I have no place to plug in, much less room for an amp here in the motor home.

Anyway just my thoughts on keeping busy. I know your situation and mine are not the same and I hope I am not just rubbing salt in the wound.

((((((((smooch)))))))))

[Box Burner]

There are so many disenfranchised groups. People with disabilities is one of them. The tragic and reprehensible fact that the onus is put on the sick person to do all the work precisely when they are least capable of it needs to be changed. The ADA and FMLA and ERISA laws help but they need to go further. Every one of you can help by paying attention and calling for/supporting new legislature that changes the status quo of the insurance companies getting to make medical decisions based on a bottom line.

This is one of the reasons why we need to pay attention to politics every day and be active in calling our representatives to attention and account about what they are and should be doing.

[gyre]

BB, have you considered one of those tiny amps? (if you're talking electric)

Not bassy, but something.

Or we could design a nice built in?

[Box Burner]

These are the two that I played most of the time. My Favorite amp is as big as the two that are stacked here.

I used to have a little practice amp that fit on my belt and I could use with headphones. It is in the leather case on top of the amps. But it required an electrical outlet. In any case it did not survive the fire.

[Jax Dee]

(((BB))) Thx I draw when my hands aren't cramping and I'm building a dollhouse right now. And I read...A LOT. You are so correct that hobbies and creative outlets need to be indulged even more so during rough times. I'm trying. Good grief am I trying.

[gyre]

Burner, It's probably not worth shipping, but I have a bass cabinet that belonged to Black Oak you can have if you want.
No drivers, made for two 15"s.
Still has the band label on it.

I would think one of those small amps would run on a small inverter.
Some used batteries.
Used to see them all the time here.

[AntiM]

Jax, I do dollhouses, well, I've done them before. I started a one inch scale burner bus, which I need to finish, and have a trailer kit to go with it. I'd love to chat about them.... endlessly.

[Jax Dee]

This is my first one! I have wanted one since I was a child to the point of obsession. My hubby surprised me with a huge Victorian kit for our 14 year anniversary this past summer. It is daunting tho. The box is almost as tall as me. The finished house will be over 3 feet tall I believe. I've just sorted the pieces and begun to put it together. I'm slow cause my back hurts or my hands cramp up and then I can't work on it. We haven't been able to use the dining table for 2 months now. But it's so exciting!

[Elderberry]

Nice to see the suicide thread cheering up.

[Elliot]

Nice to see the suicide thread cheering up.

That's our purpose and we are succeeding!

About enjoyable hobbies.... I also sometimes have to force myself to go out in the barn and start on my projects, but once I get going I don't want to stop. And the barn is more attractive now that I have music out there. I load some favorite CDs in the stereo and go out in the barn to listen to it. Progress on projects follows automatically. This ought to work even if your "barn" is simply a card table in the corner. Quality time.

[Ratty]

Hobbies...I can never understand how people get bored. I haven't seen my front room table in years. (Except glimpses in between projects.) Paint, sew, glue, sort. Everything is unfinished but that keeps me busy. When all else fails, Make Swag!

[tatonka]

http://www.upworthy.com/bullies-called- ... g=2&c=ufb2

[Aurelia]

Good one Tatonka

[delle]

I probably spent two hours yesterday with the SOS Suicide line, talking about a friend.

Not that hypothetical "friend" that we all hear about, but an actual person other than myself.

In between my two calls with them I had another hour talking with the person himself, giving him a list of resources that he hadn't known were available to him. A glimmer of hope to get him thru the evening....

One was also available to me... because as horrible as it sounds, it is HARD being the only person keeping someone alive. ...The only person he can or will talk to... I so want to be A person helping, but I just don't have the strength right now to be the ONLY person. And that tears me apart.

I find there are days where it's so easy to lock my own demons out in the cold while I listen to him and comfort him, but there are other days (with fluctuations of my own meds and circumstances) when my own demons just won't budge, and they leer and jeer between us making me about as helpful as train wreck.

Those days drain me.

I am hoping he makes the first call. There are people out there willing to listen and much more qualified than myself to help.

Today I am not qualified for anything....

Today I need my own listener....

[Elliot]

.
And we are here, Delle!

Fabulous of you to support your friend. As we know, I have benefited from such support myself. And I suspect there are few humans who are "above" the value of such friendship.

Of course it is tiring to work so hard with our brain. I used to have a neighbor who was quite retarded, a man in his 30s. He loved coming over to "help" me with my projects, yard work, and such. He was able to do some light lifting if I gave him careful instructions, and then he was so proud he practically glowed. But mostly he slowed me down, and after a couple hours I would be drained from constantly educating him in basic skill such as how to use a rake or a paint brush -- most of which went right past him. But maaaaan... it was so worth it to know that I brightened his day a little, and maybe he absorbed a tiny bit of ability.

I figure... when we give of ourselves, we never run out -- it regrows as we "use" it.

[delle]

It's not so much the brain as the emotions. Being unable to FIX someone's problem for them, as much as you'd like to, takes a toll because of course you can't.

I can listen. I can feel for him. I can do research for him to find resources. I can include him in my plans so he can meet people. But I can't FIX his problems.

I guess the important thing is to keep things in perspective and in balance.
My own meds have me wavering between super-human powers and absolute lethargic heapage. That makes me unreliable as a sole source.... because when he calls with an overflowing need to puke out his soul with me and I'm in the latter state, I can't tell him that my bucket is already too full of my own puke, and I haven't the energy to deal with even it. He takes it personally. And FINALLY. Like I'm telling him that he's the cause of my downfall and I will never be there for him again.... no matter how I try to tell him. No matter how I try to reassure him. No matter how....

...somehow I have to get him to not feel guilty for MY state when I don't have the energy to help him with his...

[Patsh]

(((((((delle)))))))

[Elliot]

.
"May you have the wisdom to change the things you can, and the strength to accept the ones you cannot."

Or the other way around, or something like that. It is doable!