Post
by AntiM » Sat Apr 17, 2004 6:42 am
Maybe this belongs over in youthful indiscretions:
Okay, this was really mean, and I rarely admit having done this to a guy .... I was in the navy and lived in the barracks on Diego Garcia. (Small tropical island seven degrees below the equator in the middle of the Indian Ocean, literally thousands of miles from anywhere). The one laundry room was always in use and had nowhere to hang out while you did your wash. Given the tiny nature of the landryroom and the hot evironment of a tropical island, you reallly could not stay there for the entire time it took to dry your clothes. So the routine was to put your clothes in to wash, go shoot some pool in the barracks lounge, come back and put your clothes in the dryer, return, and fold 'em up and haul 'em back to your room. Laundry room etiquette was that if you didn't return by the time your clothes were dry, someone else could neatly take them out and set them back in your basket or on top of the dryer IF they were dry. Some nice folks would even fold them. It was pretty much taboo to fuck with the wash.
As everyone knows, dryers take a lot longer than washers. My friend and I would do laundry together, and we'd head back down to get our dry clothes and find them on the top of the dryer, still wet. If we didn't stand guard over our stuff, the same fuckwad would take out clothes out so he could dry his things. We knew the same fuckwad was doing this, hey, in the military you really do put your name in all your underwear! We tried talking to him and got told to fuck off, it wasn't him, it wasn't his problem ... and so on. So we tried going back, taking his clothes out wet, and drying ours. This worked once, then he began dumping our clothes on the ground and walking on them. We knew better than to steal his clothes, the navy frowns on theft, but expects you to work out squabbles all on your own. Also, we weren't the only victims, he did this to any one who was hapless enough to not stand guard over their clothes.
I wish I'd thought of icy hot, but as we didn't have any, we had to use an acceptable ball-unfriendly substitute. Nair. Thousands of miles from civilization and the tiny mini-mart carried nair. We waited until he had pulled someone else's wet clothes out of the dryer and put his in. We went in after he left, took out his tighty-whities, which are the only underwear which a man can successfully wear in navy whites (summer tropical uniform), and applied nair all inside the crotches. It dries to an invisible film if applied carefully enough. I think the dryer sheets masked the odor.
Anyway, the next afternoon after work, a very hot, sweaty kind of day ... which describes everyday on Diego Garcia even when it rains ... we all knew he'd had some sort of horrible experience in the shower. We could hear the screams of laughter (his roomates we think) and disbelief (likely his) throughout the barracks. I understand Petty Officer Fuckwad spent the next morning at sickcall finding out why all the hair on his balls had washed off. I imagine it was painful during the dry application stages too. The medics must have been busting a gut. I hope I didn't truly hurt the guy, but (ba ba bump) it seemed like a really good idea at the time.
My friend and I were never accused of anything, but he started going over to another barracks to do his laundry.
I swear I'd never, ever do anything so mean to another human being ever again. really, trust me.
Anti M