Isolation

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 8:29 pm

As a former truck driver, isolation is nothing new. Now, that I'm out of the bustling city of Benicia, it's a flashback. It's a strange thing to describe...their is both loneliness and inspiration. Ive learned more in the past 3 days here, than I would normally learn in years. My head is clear, and I find myself thinking of how to do things, much more than before. I've experienced this as a driver, and sadly in a holding cell.

The last time I went to 4th of Juplaya, I couldn't find Dragon, and his crew, and wound up camping alone...in the middle of nowhere. I had the same sensation then..my mind was thinking about anything and everything. Not sure where this journey will lead, but seems a hell of alot more positive than before.

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 8:39 pm

(((Tom)))

It is a wonderful thing to be comfortable inside your own head.

Post by **Elderberry** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:56 pm

Good for you!

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 10:43 pm

I know the feeling of isolation well. Like right now, even though I'm staying in the same house with my former husband and 3 of my 4 kids, I feel so isolated. I'm in my room now, in the basement, and everyone is outside bbqing and sitting out at the fire ring. No one has even invited me to join them. I guess it's their way of letting me know (on more than one occasion) that I'm no longer a member of the family. And I'm ok with that.

Being alone down here, has given me time to think about where I want my life to go, like I'm opening up a new chapter in my life. I like change however drastic change and fearing the unknown, scares me to death.

I pray everyday for help to lead me in the right direction, for a place to call home. I know soon I'll get there, but right now it seems so far away.

As I sit in my room, quiet, peaceful, with Max and Auggy cleaning themselves, getting ready to happily snooze by my side, I think about the future and what it holds for me. From the looks of things, I say it should be a wonderful transition.

Post by **Elderberry** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 11:10 pm

maryanimal wrote:I know the feeling of isolation well. Like right now, even though I'm staying in the same house with my former husband and 3 of my 4 kids, I feel so isolated. I'm in my room now, in the basement, and everyone is outside bbqing and sitting out at the fire ring. No one has even invited me to join them. I guess it's their way of letting me know (on more than one occasion) that I'm no longer a member of the family. And I'm ok with that.

That's cold. How old are the kids?I can understand that behavior from your ex, but the kids!? What's wrong with them anyway?

Post by **Savannah** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 11:18 pm

I'm guessing the ex is sort of setting the culture in the house, and if the kids want to stay in his good graces, they follow the party line. Especially since she's there only 'til she gets situated.

That's a big old guess. The only reason I even say it is that if maryanimal hasn't thought of it yet, it could be (vaguely) comforting to realize that the kids might just be trying to get along. Doesn't make it right or good, but maybe they're not as cold as they sound. Boys in particular might be trying to identify with Dad, right down to emotional state or lack thereof. (Again, total guess, but I've seen that happen with people I know.)

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 11:37 pm

jkisha wrote:
maryanimal wrote:I know the feeling of isolation well. Like right now, even though I'm staying in the same house with my former husband and 3 of my 4 kids, I feel so isolated. I'm in my room now, in the basement, and everyone is outside bbqing and sitting out at the fire ring. No one has even invited me to join them. I guess it's their way of letting me know (on more than one occasion) that I'm no longer a member of the family. And I'm ok with that.
That's cold. How old are the kids?I can understand that behavior from your ex, but the kids!? What's wrong with them anyway?

The kids who are home are 21 and 24, and they have a few friends over. The ones that I haven't seen in a while came up to hug me! That felt good. I think the boys are still subconciously (?) still mad at me for leaving the marriage, and I have to accept that. I ate my dinner by mself and went to my room and cried. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I've been in a depression for a while now.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat Jun 18, 2011 11:44 pm

Savannah wrote:I'm guessing the ex is sort of setting the culture in the house, and if the kids want to stay in his good graces, they follow the party line. Especially since she's there only 'til she gets situated.

That's a big old guess. The only reason I even say it is that if maryanimal hasn't thought of it yet, it could be (vaguely) comforting to realize that the kids might just be trying to get along. Doesn't make it right or good, but maybe they're not as cold as they sound. Boys in particular might be trying to identify with Dad, right down to emotional state or lack thereof. (Again, total guess, but I've seen that happen with people I know.)

The boys aren't always dispondent towards me but when I used to have an arm load of things from the car, they'd help me carry stuff in. Now they just walk past me and at times, maybe open the door for me. But I like that I have a room to go to and just be alone. Get's lonesome at times, but I'll be gone soon I hope.

Post by **Savannah** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:01 am

Glad you got some hugs. Aw. They might still be stinging, yeah. I almost think their age and that their friends are over might also add to the lack of sweetness. Not the most mature age in the world for the average person. Just legally adult. They might lack a clue of how to make things better. The really big things you need (housing, emotional support, maybe employment?) they are probably not masters of themselves, and in my personal experience I have found that a man who does not know what to do to help, even if he cares, feels grumpy and helpless--and hates that.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 2:03 am

MA i tottally understand where you are, sitting alone and crying finding comfort in your pets and wherever you can.
just over 2 years ago i had everything i ever wanted and more in my life, a woman i loved, a job i got every single morning wanting to go to that paid me enough to do the things i wanted and something i had never really had a home of my own (we were buying it off her parents).
Then she left me, the boss of my job made me redundant (because he didnt understand my motivations) and as a result i lost my home.
since then ive lived in a room- my current room is about the size of a holding cell just big enough for a bed and wardrobe.
The friends i made when i was with her, were her friends so i havent spoken to them since, in fact i have only one friend in the real world, i find it difficult to make friends and easy to lose them so lonliness is a big part of my life and yes i frequently cry a lot. I spend to much time drunk or asleep because thats easier.
Its a big part of why im going to burning man this year to show myself i can acheive something difficult - though the self destruct button is terriffyingly close so often.
Like you MA i feel there is a future out there just waiting to happen if i can find it, i know that its not where i am now but its a big world to look in for something very very small and its difficult to find when you are depressed in fact its difficult to even look.
If you ever doubt the world can be a good beautiful place just come on here and read the FUCK thread not for the things that make people post but the replies

One day soon i shall pick myself up and go somewhere else its scary to think of because i have no idea where i am going and if it will be better, but I KNOW because of here i will find good people who will help me find a life, because i've seen people here do just that for others and for me.

MaryAnimal its a journey you have to take on your own but I hope you have found as I have its not a journey you have to be alone on, every single person here is next to you giving what support they can, be it physical, financial or simply spiritual.

(hug)

knowmad · Post by **knowmad** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 2:12 am

I also have been spending this year in Solitude, Self imposed exile. I am night watch in a rock quarry living in my bus and until last week isolated even from the Internet. I has been awesome, when I do chose to be around people I am able to give them my full attention, they don't annoy me when I'm concentrating (mostly on writing, but also art or music)

but these words I now have above my door Because of my time alone.

"I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone."
â€” Rainer Maria Rilke

Edited to add a Hug
((((((((((MaryAnimal&Graidawg))))))))))

wedeliver · Post by **wedeliver** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 4:35 am

Isolation, from Wiki: Human isolation (disambiguation), Solitude, Solitary confinement

Just the first few things listed, are they self imposed? Can periods of peace and quite be an opportunity to organize oneself? If a person does not use their time wisely is it wasted and gone forever? Should our lives be as organized as they need to be so that we feel comfortable and not anxious? Is it up to each of us to stand up on our own and take life by the goat horns? Can a person be isolated in a crowd? Do we, each of us, have a personal responsibility to put our own boots on and address the day with positive thought and effort. Do each of us have a need for our own space, our own place, where we can begin the creative process.. To be creating is to be justifying our existence. Even if itâ€™s wrong at least we try

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 6:54 am

I read this thread, and, am moved.
wow, what stories..
I note, in my self, the tendency to "isolate"..........

Now, I see a commonality here. Well, more than one, but one that for me, is cause for concern.
Understand, I don't come as "wiseman, sage, whatever".
But, I do come as a person, who cares for those here, and well, strives for clarity.
I pen these words, not to admonish, scare, or pontificate. And, if it's already obvious to all, please forgive.

To Wit:

Burning Man, CAN, BE, ANYTHING.
Burning Man, IS NOTHING

IE: to come hoping for some sort of "redemption", seeking a life changing event, to gain clarity of thought and purpose, or just to "find yourself", is setting a great expectation. And, placing the power of manifestation, in the hands of many random folks.
This, to me, is a dangerous path. Not that we should shy away from danger.
But, one of the major tenants, spoken of by so many for so long is "No expectations". I so agree.

In this, I can only speak for myself, but, feel I may well echo the sentiments of others here, and there.

You will come to the playa, and there will be folks (from here and those you meet there), who love you. Who want to help, Who can and will help. Some will admire you, and vice versa.
That said, nothing is for sure.
Intent is everything.
Coming and "releasing" conception, notion, and expectation, can be liberating, but, there is no guarantee of outcome.

Hope, is wonderful, but expectation, can lead the wrong way.

It is my hope, those who journey, find that which they seek.
It is my wish, to help them, as best I can.
But, I expect nothing.

WTF is with me and waxing the philosoph?

Post by **Elderberry** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:58 am

Anticipation almost always exceeds realization.

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:16 am

Ygmir, JKisha, I hear your wise words and I heed them.

For me, though, as a noob, while being at Burning Man can be nothing but opportunity, arriving at BRC is a magnificent achievement.

Breaking the chains that tie me to this place, while carefully preserving my option to return? Preparing for adventure in an environment I have never experienced? Planning and executing a long journey, on my own?

That is the nature of my pilgrimage, and the achievement I seek: to arrive alive.

What will happen when I get there is what I am coming to find out.

delle · Post by **delle** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:30 am

I'm so glad you said all that, Yigg. It's all niggled constant with me since I first started reading on eplaya.

The notion that Burningman (The Event) would somehow save someone and forever alter the remaining 358 +/- other days of the year has never quite sat right with me.

As tho just in going you'd pressed a magic button that erased everything mundane, tedious and disagreeable about your default life.

Seems to me that the opposite would be true. That having tasted pure honey, the bitterness would be extra apparent every other day of the year. Once the adrenaline burns off, what are you left with?

My virgin take on the matter is this:

The spark turned to a flame when I joined Eplaya. I don't really count on that flame getting much hotter than it has already become. The event will be amazing - of that I have no doubt at all. But it won't be a cureall balm that will magically repair all that ails me in my default world.

I kind of feel like the most important changes to my life offered by Burningman have already happened.

...and continue to flavour every single day...

The Event will not save me. My walking in a brighter direction Every Single Day will save me.

And for that I thank Eplaya -- whose good folks are there making me feel and think and laugh and question and REMEMBER (Every Single Day) where happiness lies for me.

....and that's out in the world and deep in my heart and in the arms of my family and in the experiences I live Every. Single. Day.

The influence is real enough, but the action is mine.

Huge high five to this group. You people amaze me every day.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:30 am

MyDearFriend wrote:Ygmir, JKisha, I hear your wise words and I heed them.

For me, though, as a noob, while being at Burning Man can be nothing but opportunity, arriving at BRC is a magnificent achievement.

Breaking the chains that tie me to this place, while carefully preserving my option to return? Preparing for adventure in an environment I have never experienced? Planning and executing a long journey, on my own?

That is the nature of my pilgrimage, and the achievement I seek: to arrive alive.

What will happen when I get there is what I am coming to find out.

thank you MDF once again somebody manages to say for me (succinctly) what i need a 10 page essay for.

my expactations are entirely on getting there i steadfastly refuse to look for things to do when i do, its like watching the tralers for a movie they spoil the best bits because you know whats coming.

knowmad · Post by **knowmad** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 9:09 am

Solitude has given me clarity and ability to see a fluid picture of the world around me, while static I see it in it's mobile dimension I see our past and presents merging at these moments of now. and am both appalled and and in awe of the perfect meshing between between opposites. Sage thoughts reviled by our collective illumination. Plato said "All we are is dust and shadows". But I see the dust gathering together in one place condensing into a force of its own massive collapse Dust now radiating with such light as to blind the Star of our own creation.

Is the world a safe place? The universe for that matter? While the chaos swirls, and Mad men roar; the stable refuge of collective harmony draws into itself the material to construct a reflective soul. And the union of such souls illuminate the cosmos around them. We do not fear the shadows for they are always present where there is light. We cast no Shadows for we are one within and without.

Trishntek · Post by **Trishntek** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:08 am

The vibe happening on this page reminds me of when I severely broke my ankle in 2004 and ended up healing for 6 months. I only took two weeks off of work and used a wheel chair a crutches.

Trish helped me move equipment and setup for work and it gave her a great appreciation for what I do. During my downtime, I took the opportunity to create policies and procedures for everything I do. It was great to have Trish's fresh eyes to see what I wrote and determine whether it makes sense to her.

After finishing that writing exercise, I was offered $10k per annum for the use of the document. I say this because we tend to allow adverse situations to pull us down. It turns out the situation is only part of the equation. The other part of the equation is your response to the problem.

PROBLEM X RESPONSE = growth and progress? defeat and failure?

It is all about responding instead of reacting. This is what differentiates humans from animals. They react out of instinct and the "fight or flight" reaction. Humans have the ability to respond according to the merit of the situation based upon knowledge and understanding.

What seems to be a challenge of survival and a threat to life itself, can become a true blessing and positive life-changing experience with the proper RESPONSE.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:10 am

Trishntek wrote:The vibe happening on this page reminds me of when I severely broke my ankle in 2004 and ended up healing for 6 months. I only took two weeks off of work and used a wheel chair a crutches.

Trish helped me move equipment and setup for work and it gave her a great appreciation for what I do. During my downtime, I took the opportunity to create policies and procedures for everything I do. It was great to have Trish's fresh eyes to see what I wrote and determine whether it makes sense to her.

After finishing that writing exercise, I was offered $10k per annum for the use of the document. I say this because we tend to allow adverse situations to pull us down. It turns out the situation is only part of the equation. The other part of the equation is your response to the problem.

PROBLEM X RESPONSE = growth and progress? defeat and failure?

It is all about responding instead of reacting. This is what differentiates humans from animals. They react out of instinct and the "fight or flight" reaction. Humans have the ability to respond according to the merit of the situation based upon knowledge and understanding.

What seems to be a challenge of survival and a threat to life itself, can become a true blessing and positive life-changing experience with the proper RESPONSE.

Risky · Post by **Risky** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:58 pm

We have been discussing at the temple buildsite just what the temple means to each of us. It's easy to get caught up in deadlines and finances and hammering. Someone will stop by with a heartfelt story about what the temple means to them and remind us of the heavy intensity we feel out on the playa.

One of our crew members wrote this. Seemed appropriate here somehow -
Temples can be as castles in the sky come down to earth. Fortresses of ideas people hold onto tightly with clenched fists. Blooming into beautifully open buildings. Where people who once wore their eyes closed. Can blink and discover the great diversity and spectacular richness of culture and beauty in the world. . A concept descending out of the higher consciousness into the physical world to become a piece of art. Jason Alan Davis

motskyroonmatick · Post by **motskyroonmatick** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 2:41 pm

delle wrote:The Event will not save me. My walking in a brighter direction Every Single Day will save me.

What seems to be a challenge of survival and a threat to life itself, can become a true blessing and positive life-changing experience with the proper RESPONSE.

These are very important lessons I have learned with help from this Great Recession. I am thankful for it. My financial response to my radically lowered income has developed in to a well outlined methodology for providing for my real needs and aggressively saving for retirement.
I have learned that Burning Man is a great thing I do but taking care of and improving my Defaultia life is more important than Burning Man. In the long term my investment in my Defaultia life success will lead to more freedom and time to BURN.

Burning Man is a great place to draw a line in the dust and cross over it in to changing things in one's life. I think it is the big events in life that instigate change. Burning Man is a HUGE event. Many people change their lives in huge ways after experiencing The Burn.

I wish all of you desiring change the best of success in making those changes in the time until TTWDITD and continuing after.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 3:14 pm

graidawg wrote:MA i tottally understand where you are, sitting alone and crying finding comfort in your pets and wherever you can.
just over 2 years ago i had everything i ever wanted and more in my life, a woman i loved, a job i got every single morning wanting to go to that paid me enough to do the things i wanted and something i had never really had a home of my own (we were buying it off her parents).
Then she left me, the boss of my job made me redundant (because he didnt understand my motivations) and as a result i lost my home.
since then ive lived in a room- my current room is about the size of a holding cell just big enough for a bed and wardrobe.
The friends i made when i was with her, were her friends so i havent spoken to them since, in fact i have only one friend in the real world, i find it difficult to make friends and easy to lose them so lonliness is a big part of my life and yes i frequently cry a lot. I spend to much time drunk or asleep because thats easier.
Its a big part of why im going to burning man this year to show myself i can acheive something difficult - though the self destruct button is terriffyingly close so often.
Like you MA i feel there is a future out there just waiting to happen if i can find it, i know that its not where i am now but its a big world to look in for something very very small and its difficult to find when you are depressed in fact its difficult to even look.
If you ever doubt the world can be a good beautiful place just come on here and read the FUCK thread not for the things that make people post but the replies

One day soon i shall pick myself up and go somewhere else its scary to think of because i have no idea where i am going and if it will be better, but I KNOW because of here i will find good people who will help me find a life, because i've seen people here do just that for others and for me.

MaryAnimal its a journey you have to take on your own but I hope you have found as I have its not a journey you have to be alone on, every single person here is next to you giving what support they can, be it physical, financial or simply spiritual.

(hug)

Thank you grai*hugs* I know once I leave here things will only get better. Even under certain circumstances, I'm blessed I have a roof over my head. I think you will overcome all of your issues too! See a doctor about your depression. Like Foxfur said, she's felt a difference when she was diagnosed properly and given the medication she needs. And I know with depression come substance abuse. Drinking may numb the pain but the issues will still be there when you wake up. grai, I know for a fact, it'll be a long, hard uphill battle in the beginning. You'll discover that your way of thinking changes, and you can deal with things in a different and positive way.

It's a strange, wonderful, and sometimes confusing feeling when you feel like you can see the blue skies instead to the dark clouds! There is help out there for you! All you have to do is take the first step, You don't have to do it alone either! You have all of us right beside you!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:00 pm

Maryanimal--what circumstances need to come to fulfillment for you to move out? Because I think that getting the lukewarm shoulder from your kids is really ugly. The sooner that ends, the better. I do realize that being away from there probably wouldn't make them seek you out eagerly right away, but I think the less bitterness you eat the better for all three of you.

If you take advise from a strange fish on the internet. Always a risky proposition.

Hope I didn't overstep my bounds.

Grai--I think you're doing okay. For what that's worth. Maybe the drinking thing, but yeah, the pub can have camaraderie, and if you're lonely that's nice.

knowmad · Post by **knowmad** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:12 pm

It is all about responding instead of reacting. This is what differentiates humans from animals. They react out of instinct and the "fight or flight" reaction. Humans have the ability to respond according to the merit of the situation based upon knowledge and understanding.

And Isolation; brings reason to rationalization, and develops rational reasoning. It is a mirror.

I chose reason over reaction but only when I have time and space on my side. inside our personality's do we really have such luxury?

I would like to believe I do. And that I'm able to cultivate that space in others.

My animal needs bring out my fear of disrupting ability to keep my solitude.

Post by **Elderberry** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:12 pm

But beware of too much isolation...

That was supposed to be a picture of Jack Nicholsen from The Shining.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:41 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Maryanimal--what circumstances need to come to fulfillment for you to move out? Because I think that getting the lukewarm shoulder from your kids is really ugly. The sooner that ends, the better. I do realize that being away from there probably wouldn't make them seek you out eagerly right away, but I think the less bitterness you eat the better for all three of you.

If you take advise from a strange fish on the internet. Always a risky proposition.

Hope I didn't overstep my bounds.

Grai--I think you're doing okay. For what that's worth. Maybe the drinking thing, but yeah, the pub can have camaraderie, and if you're lonely that's nice.

Not overstepping bounds at all fishy. I accept any advice I can get. Right now I have to wait at least 2 paychecks to move. I get paid twice a month. So I'm looking at the end of July. I'm going to have a garage sale over the next few weekend and sell my posessions, which is going to kill me because I've worked so hard for everything I have, however that are just "things". I will save my moms high boy and dresser. That is not going anywhere, plus a few of my own person stuff that I "just can't live without".
That's werre it sits right now.

knowmad · Post by **knowmad** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 9:47 pm

I backed this tread up- as per the june 20, re-Eplaya move.
I'll re post next week.

Post by **Elderberry** » Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:40 pm

knowmad wrote:I backed this tread up- as per the june 20, re-Eplaya move.
I'll re post next week.

Better safe than sorry, but I'm hoping it won't have been necessary.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Mon Jun 20, 2011 3:39 am

knowmad wrote:Solitude has given me clarity and ability to see a fluid picture of the world around me, while static I see it in it's mobile dimension I see our past and presents merging at these moments of now. and am both appalled and and in awe of the perfect meshing between between opposites. Sage thoughts reviled by our collective illumination. Plato said "All we are is dust and shadows". But I see the dust gathering together in one place condensing into a force of its own massive collapse Dust now radiating with such light as to blind the Star of our own creation.

Is the world a safe place? The universe for that matter? While the chaos swirls, and Mad men roar; the stable refuge of collective harmony draws into itself the material to construct a reflective soul. And the union of such souls illuminate the cosmos around them. We do not fear the shadows for they are always present where there is
light. We cast no Shadows for we are one within and without

I like this,,,,,,,,very poetic. Well done knowmad.