Accept me for who I am

Share your pictures and video. Tell us about the sights, sounds, and scents, as well as the rumors and truths found at Burning Man.
Post Reply
gobucks2073
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:53 pm
Burning Since: 2017

Accept me for who I am

Post by gobucks2073 » Sun Jan 21, 2018 1:33 pm

Went to BM this past year for the first time. Had a blast and would love to attend again. That being said it changed me in some way. I am totally open with who I am and never been more comfortable with who I am and what I have to offer. Unfortunately my family, friends and spouse are not as accepting of the change or the fact I was even there. My spouse, then new fiancee, feels It was disrespectful to even attend BM. A fact she only told me afterward. I guess I'm looking for on some insight on dealing with their negative take on BM. The only real negative thing from BM for me is that I realize how messed up the default word is. Thanks for the input and I'll see you on the playa not soon enough

User avatar
Captain Goddammit
Posts: 8092
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:34 am
Burning Since: 2000
Camp Name: First Camp
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Captain Goddammit » Sun Jan 21, 2018 1:53 pm

Oh man... there’s a lot of trouble brewing there.
I think the only piece of advice, from decades of experience with things like that, is don’t make babies with that person. You’re on the ocean with stormy weather my friend, don’t take on more cargo.
GreyCoyote: "At this rate it wont be long before he is Admiral Fukkit."

gobucks2073
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:53 pm
Burning Since: 2017

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by gobucks2073 » Sun Jan 21, 2018 2:48 pm

I'm old enough that kids are not an option so I'm good there.

User avatar
Token
Posts: 4008
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:55 pm
Burning Since: 2001
Location: Gold Country, CA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Token » Sun Jan 21, 2018 3:11 pm

1. Annulment

2. Move West

User avatar
Ratty
Posts: 5701
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:43 pm
Burning Since: 2008
Camp Name: Tiger Man

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Ratty » Sun Jan 21, 2018 3:52 pm

If you're past child rearing age, you are old enough to figure this out. We have seen a lot of new relationships on the rocks over That Thing In The Desert. First she doesn't like this. Then she doesn't like that. Then she doesn't like you. Either put on the collar and leash or run now.
Pictures or it didn't happen Greycoyote
I a recovering swagaholic I have to resist my grabby nature VultureChow
Those aren't buttermilk biscuits I'm lying on Savannah
You should start doing drugs, it doesn't mess you up as much. CaptG

User avatar
Token
Posts: 4008
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:55 pm
Burning Since: 2001
Location: Gold Country, CA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Token » Sun Jan 21, 2018 4:04 pm

gobucks2073 wrote:Unfortunately my family, friends and spouse are not as accepting of the change or the fact I was even there.
That there is DENIAL.

One of the deadliest words in our language.

Run, do not walk.

If your people cannot even get past denial, there is no hope. That’s the sad truth.

Moving West should be a prime consideration.

User avatar
Aurelia
Posts: 2432
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:34 pm
Burning Since: 1986
Camp Name: the Love Camp
Location: San Fracisco, Bay Area

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Aurelia » Sun Jan 21, 2018 7:22 pm

:mrgreen:
What you want to do?
You and I both know there is no real answer to this…
So good luck and maybe you’ll get a ticket this year and will see you there

gobucks2073
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:53 pm
Burning Since: 2017

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by gobucks2073 » Sun Jan 21, 2018 7:40 pm

I will definitely be there

User avatar
gaminwench
Posts: 2784
Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:57 am
Burning Since: 1999
Camp Name: DOTA, EoD, OBOP, Destiny Lounge
Location: Shangri-la

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by gaminwench » Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:04 pm

Can you bring the spouse? 8)
"the prophecies of doom were better last year" trilo

User avatar
Sham
Moderator
Posts: 8165
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:10 am
Location: The hidden mythical place.....

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Sham » Mon Jan 22, 2018 1:26 am

Hopefully your life will settle in to some normalcy without getting things flipped upside down for you. Your realization on the playa, and your sharing of that information was not expected to uproot your whole world. I would say to give it some time to settle in with the family, and stay put and keep your convictions of who you are. 8)

User avatar
Aurelia
Posts: 2432
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:34 pm
Burning Since: 1986
Camp Name: the Love Camp
Location: San Fracisco, Bay Area

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Aurelia » Mon Jan 22, 2018 3:21 pm

is completely good advice dear Sham

User avatar
some seeing eye
Posts: 2779
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:06 pm
Burning Since: 1999
Camp Name: Woo
Location: The Oregon

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by some seeing eye » Mon Jan 22, 2018 5:04 pm

No ePlanan would wish an existential crisis on another.

Some questions:
Write down your & partner values and where they come from
In previous relationships how have values caused parting?
How has unique creative experience influenced your life?
Safe vs threatened in solo experienced by a partner?

What is her deep concern and what is your deep concern?

Couple connect with other coupes and participation in regional campouts is a good first step. Burners want you together.
increasing the signal to noise ratio with compassion

User avatar
Token
Posts: 4008
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:55 pm
Burning Since: 2001
Location: Gold Country, CA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Token » Mon Jan 22, 2018 5:35 pm

Sham wrote:Your realization on the playa, and your sharing of that information was not expected to uproot your whole world.
Funny, endless newbs post on this board that they seek and expect that life-changing experience.

Perspective is a bitch.

User avatar
Dr. Pyro
Posts: 4617
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 8:11 am
Burning Since: 1999
Camp Name: Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro
Location: Newcastle, CA
Contact:

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Dr. Pyro » Tue Jan 23, 2018 11:38 am

some seeing eye wrote:No ePlanan would wish an existential crisis on another.
I'm not so sure I necessarily agree with that considering some of the anti-Trump and anti-Clinton sentiments I've read over the past year.

User avatar
Captain Goddammit
Posts: 8092
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:34 am
Burning Since: 2000
Camp Name: First Camp
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Captain Goddammit » Tue Jan 23, 2018 12:55 pm

On the other hand, you gotta look carefully at disrupting your whole life and marriage for this goddam party you might not even be able to get tickets for.
GreyCoyote: "At this rate it wont be long before he is Admiral Fukkit."

User avatar
Aurelia
Posts: 2432
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:34 pm
Burning Since: 1986
Camp Name: the Love Camp
Location: San Fracisco, Bay Area

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Aurelia » Tue Jan 23, 2018 1:02 pm

From now on you will never know you’ll have alternate creative impulses as you grow…

User avatar
Dr Helix
Posts: 975
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2009 1:38 pm
Burning Since: 2008
Camp Name: Interaction Cafe
Location: Hayward, CA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Dr Helix » Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:39 pm

When I first said I was going to Burning Man in 2008, I asked my wife if she wanted to go. She said no. I went. Met a woman on the playa and fell in love with her. We are now married and the one who said no way is my ex. Never been happier. And WE go every year. That's all I got.
"Love, Rockets and write when you get work"

User avatar
Savannah
Moderator
Posts: 12481
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:33 pm
Burning Since: 2018

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Savannah » Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:05 am

gobucks2073 wrote:Went to BM this past year for the first time. Had a blast and would love to attend again. That being said it changed me in some way. I am totally open with who I am and never been more comfortable with who I am and what I have to offer. Unfortunately my family, friends and spouse are not as accepting of the change or the fact I was even there. My spouse, then new fiancee, feels It was disrespectful to even attend BM. A fact she only told me afterward. I guess I'm looking for on some insight on dealing with their negative take on BM. The only real negative thing from BM for me is that I realize how messed up the default word is. Thanks for the input and I'll see you on the playa not soon enough
Your extended family doesn't have to be okay with your Burning Man attendance, so maybe table that for a bit.

Your friends--eh! :) If they're willing, show them your 10 favorite pictures per year afterwards (or whatever), but don't expect miracles (and try not to talk their ears off too badly). If they're real friends, they're probably doing their best, but they just can't fully relate and there's nothing wrong with that. Geeking out on the burn is most enjoyable with other Burners, so . . . obviously, keep your default world friends, but also keep posting here, and join some local email Burner lists and/or Facebook groups.

http://regionals.burningman.org

New Burners have a hard time NOT-talking about the event, but it's hard to do that when it's with people who have never been, and have no interest in it. For a lot of default world friends, it's boring or confusing or misunderstood; they may never be able to appreciate it, any more than I would want to discuss religion for longer than a minute or two per social occasion with an enthusiastic friend who has just converted.

I'm concerned that your spouse felt it was disrespectful to attend Burning Man, but hid that from you until it was too late. Maybe she was afraid of you ending the engagement if you knew she disapproved. (I almost hope it was that; it's the most understandable). Or maybe she just wanted to use it against you later, which is a little worse.

I hope that both of you will communicate more, including your true feelings on things, and whether you have plans to Burn every year for the foreseeable future.
*** 2018 Survival Guide ***

"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

"Snark away, ePlaya, you magnificent bastards." -- McStrangle

User avatar
Token
Posts: 4008
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:55 pm
Burning Since: 2001
Location: Gold Country, CA

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Token » Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:18 am



Cat is out of the bag! Didn't work out well for Neo in the finish.
As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson.

It seems that you've been living two lives.

In one life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a Social Security number, you pay your taxes, and... you help your landlady carry out her garbage.

The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias Neo, and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for.

One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.

User avatar
cryoguy
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Aug 05, 2017 2:01 pm
Burning Since: 2017
Camp Name: BRC Realty (tour of homes)
Location: El Segundo, California

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by cryoguy » Wed Jan 24, 2018 11:34 am

gobucks - Was that you I saw in the orgy tent?

Bad joke , not helpful I know!

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2427
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Lonesomebri » Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:24 pm

First off, this didn't involve shirt-cocking, did it?
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
Ratty
Posts: 5701
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:43 pm
Burning Since: 2008
Camp Name: Tiger Man

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Ratty » Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:18 am

Pictures or it didn't happen Greycoyote
I a recovering swagaholic I have to resist my grabby nature VultureChow
Those aren't buttermilk biscuits I'm lying on Savannah
You should start doing drugs, it doesn't mess you up as much. CaptG

User avatar
Aurelia
Posts: 2432
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:34 pm
Burning Since: 1986
Camp Name: the Love Camp
Location: San Fracisco, Bay Area

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Aurelia » Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:26 am

Thanks ready I really needed to see that :mrgreen:

gobucks2073
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:53 pm
Burning Since: 2017

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by gobucks2073 » Fri Jan 26, 2018 4:00 pm

Thank you Savannah for your insight... helps so much...ty... Actually I recently sat down with my wife and explained exactly how BM has given me a new perspective on life. She admits it freaked her out when I came back from BM but rather likes the post BM me. She will prolly never go to BM with me but I look forward to going again.

User avatar
Ratty
Posts: 5701
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:43 pm
Burning Since: 2008
Camp Name: Tiger Man

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Ratty » Fri Jan 26, 2018 4:25 pm

.
Pictures or it didn't happen Greycoyote
I a recovering swagaholic I have to resist my grabby nature VultureChow
Those aren't buttermilk biscuits I'm lying on Savannah
You should start doing drugs, it doesn't mess you up as much. CaptG

User avatar
Savannah
Moderator
Posts: 12481
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:33 pm
Burning Since: 2018

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Savannah » Tue Jan 30, 2018 4:28 pm

gobucks2073 wrote:Thank you Savannah for your insight... helps so much...ty... Actually I recently sat down with my wife and explained exactly how BM has given me a new perspective on life. She admits it freaked her out when I came back from BM but rather likes the post BM me. She will prolly never go to BM with me but I look forward to going again.
I'm glad to hear that you were able to have a good chat! . . . Keep that habit up, and it'll probably be for the best. You can tell her quite honestly that not all Burners with spouses bring them along. Not everyone can deal with the heat and dust and prep, even for love.

Make sure you take non-Burn trips with her . . . :)
*** 2018 Survival Guide ***

"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

"Snark away, ePlaya, you magnificent bastards." -- McStrangle

kevinwells
Posts: 34
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 5:35 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: Firmament
Location: San Rafael, Ca.

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by kevinwells » Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:43 pm

I have to agree with gaminwench, bring your spouse if you can. It is likely to precipitate some discussion, and might be a litmus test for the relationship in general. I hope it helps her understand your desire to be there.

My own story is that I brought my first wife with me in 2006. It did however, lead to the dissolution of the marriage,...

While we were biking around on the deep playa, she waved her arms around and derisively said "look at this, ANYONE thinks they can be an artist!. Even what you built, is just .not. art." ( I was one of the designers of a project called the "Conexus Cathedral" , and we had just spend an entire year building it..." . ))

This was the defining moment of the end of the relationship. I agreed with her statement, but I viewed it as positive, Burning man is a place where anyone CAN express themselves (even Me, a dork, who helped to create a 50,000 sq ft space that was one of the major art pieces on the playa that year!)

Fast forward to today, I have remarried, two kids, and a my wonderful wife, Caroline, would rather slit her wrists that go to Burning man. BUT.... She sends me off, every year, with a kiss and the realization that it is a persistent need of mine to be out there, letting my inner mad scientist run amok....

User avatar
Sham
Moderator
Posts: 8165
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:10 am
Location: The hidden mythical place.....

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by Sham » Sat Apr 07, 2018 4:57 am

gobucks2073 wrote:Thank you Savannah for your insight... helps so much...ty... Actually I recently sat down with my wife and explained exactly how BM has given me a new perspective on life. She admits it freaked her out when I came back from BM but rather likes the post BM me. She will prolly never go to BM with me but I look forward to going again.
Gobucks, I hope thing s are now going more smoothly for you with your bumpy reentry into civilization.
There is a great way to get your family to get a peek into the phenomenon of Burning Man without subjecting them to a week in the dust. If you are anywhere near DC before January, there is a great full gallery exhibit on Burning Man. Many of the actual pieces that were on the playa are there as well as hundreds of photo and artifacts. They would be able to get a good sense of the life changing feelings you are dealing with.
https://americanart.si.edu/exhibitions/burning-man
Image
Image

gobucks2073
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 4:53 pm
Burning Since: 2017

Re: Accept me for who I am

Post by gobucks2073 » Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:59 pm

I saw it and plan on going soon.... Just when I think I figured things out something else hits me about my experience... Not going back to the playa this year but will as soon as I can...

Post Reply

Return to “Stories”