So you want to be a shirtcocker

What to wear? What not to wear? Where to find and how to make anything from goggles to fantastic pieces of playawear.
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VultureChow
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So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:52 am

Okay, yet one more goddamn item I have to crochet for gifts this year:

Image

It's like a fanny pack, only not.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/85301314/adult-novelty-handmade-penis-pack-bag
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theCryptofishist
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:57 am

Can you make me a fluffy purple one? Actually, I need two, one for Purple Koosh.
And maybe a red one with a yellow hammer and sickle, so I can hang it out in Apok...

Please, please, please...

And none of that "do-ocrasy" crap, either...
The Lady with a Lamprey

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Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

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VultureChow
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:23 am

theCryptofishist wrote:Can you make me a fluffy purple one? Actually, I need two, one for Purple Koosh.
And maybe a red one with a yellow hammer and sickle, so I can hang it out in Apok...

Please, please, please...

And none of that "do-ocrasy" crap, either...


I've got an email out to the seller to see if she'll sell me the pattern. Otherwise it will take some trial and error to get the design right, but I will totally make you whatever you like.
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maryanimal
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby maryanimal » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:29 am

I want one, maybe two please!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:48 am

VultureChow wrote:I will totally make you whatever you like.

Oh dear, that was totally a joke...
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:51 am

theCryptofishist wrote:
VultureChow wrote:I will totally make you whatever you like.

Oh dear, that was totally a joke...



That's it, Now you shall be forced to wear a fluffy purple penis pouch.
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theCryptofishist
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:03 pm

Critical Dicks, here I come!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby cherryblossom73 » Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:55 pm

That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

Image

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VultureChow
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:33 pm

cherryblossom73 wrote:That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

Image



That is awesome!

I'm thinking of doing a pouch in a brown suede yarn with a thicker/more sturdy belt and wearing over this cute plaid skirt as though it were a sporran for a kilt. (Had to look that up. It's the pouch they wear in front).

MOOP bag in the frank and maybe a bag of candy in the beans... Is there any candy that doesn't melt into a mess out there?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Drawingablank » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:44 pm

VultureChow wrote:
cherryblossom73 wrote:That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

Image



That is awesome!

I'm thinking of doing a pouch in a brown suede yarn with a thicker/more sturdy belt and wearing over this cute plaid skirt as though it were a sporran for a kilt. (Had to look that up. It's the pouch they wear in front).

MOOP bag in the frank and maybe a bag of candy in the beans... Is there any candy that doesn't melt into a mess out there?


Seems you should reverse that and store stuff in the sack and use the johnson for dispensing candy - like a pez dispenser .
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby moonrise » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:49 pm

They look too small.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:03 pm

Drawingablank wrote:
Seems you should reverse that and store stuff in the sack and use the johnson for dispensing candy - like a pez dispenser .


Okay. New plan. Storage in the sack, Pez dispenser in the shaft with the head covered by the head so you lift the head and out comes candy.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Drawingablank » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:45 pm

Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:56 pm

Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.


Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Drawingablank » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:12 pm

VultureChow wrote:
Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.


Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.

Seems odd to say this in a conversation about crocheted penises, but somehow I find that disturbing.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby BirthChazz » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:53 pm

I now have a new use for my knitted uterus.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:02 pm

Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.
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Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby International Incident » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:51 pm

Drawingablank wrote:
VultureChow wrote:
Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.


Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.

Seems odd to say this in a conversation about crocheted penises, but somehow I find that disturbing.


I needed a laugh. I have tears rolling down my face.

Thank you.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Marscrumbs » Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:24 pm

I shirtcock at home while making breakfast. Then I live alone.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby BirthChazz » Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:46 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.



LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html



BirthChazz
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:14 pm

BirthChazz wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.



LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html



BirthChazz



I've already done some of these: Image
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby BirthChazz » Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:04 pm

[/quote]


LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html



BirthChazz[/quote]


I've already done some of these: Image[/quote]

be still my heart!!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby oneeyeddick » Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:10 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!



If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby tamarakay » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:29 pm

What does it say about me that this thread has restored my soul?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:32 pm

That crocheted naughty bits are life affirming objects?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Galaxo Magic » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:42 pm

oneeyeddick wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!



If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...

Promises, promises!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby FeetOfClay » Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:25 am

When I first heard the term "shirtcocking", I had to look it up online, and found a written definition.

"That doesn't sound SO horrible," I thought, "I wonder why people keep referencing it in so many jokes".

Then, this morning, I did a google image search, and finally understood.

Remember when Elaine (on Seinfeld) said, of naked men,:
"The female body is a thing of beauty; the male body is utilitarian, built for getting around, like a tank."

Um, yeah. Some *really* bad shirtcocking photos out there. And one really nice one...but...ahem...we won't get into that.

If a woman wears a shirt with no bottoms, is it still "shirt cocking"? and is it still frowned up?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby junglesmacks » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:30 am

FeetOfClay wrote:If a woman wears a shirt with no bottoms, is it still "shirt cocking"? and is it still frowned up?


This would depend entirely on a few things..

Are we talking

Image

or

Image

or

Image
Savannah wrote:It sounds freaky & wrong, so you need to do it.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby catinthefunnyhat » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:50 am

I'm so puzzled by my own reaction to shirtcocking. I've always thought it was a creepy sight. This despite the fact that (a) I think both male and female bodies are beautiful, (b) I think penises are lovely, and (c) I have no problem with similar outfits on men -- say, crotchless chaps and shirt. A shirtcocker with an unbuttoned button shirt can be sexy, too. It's the T-shirt-only look that makes me shudder.

On women, shirtcocking (Daisy-Ducking), again, kind of depends on the execution. It's lovely with a button shirt, especially if said shirt ends just below the hips. It's somewhat less sexy, to me, with a t-shirt. Still better than a dude in the same outfit, though.

Hair, or lack thereof, does not really affect my opinion of either shirtcocking or Daisy-Ducking.

I'm trying to decide what I think of shirtcocking with socks (on the feet) (shirtsocking?). Oddly, I think it kind of improves the look. :idea: Perhaps, for me, it's just about balance in the distribution of fabric.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Lassen Forge » Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:09 am

oneeyeddick wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!


If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...


That'd be cool... I mean, there's gota be something to that... Guys like it for some reason... :twisted:

I'd love to see one on a headband... always wanted an award for the biggest dickhead in camp that year (even tho I'd prolly have to award it to myself!!! lol)

I remember decades ago a bunch of us epoxied a rather large and ugly dildo to a bosses desk once (using botts dotts epoxy - that shit never comes off)... and the jerko LIKED it.

His boss (who was equally a dick) finally made him cut it off his desk (with a hacksaw - it was on there good!) after a contractor walked by his office, and saw sickoboss in there talking to his pet dildo. By himself. :shock:

A real Gollum moment if we ever had one...


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