So you want to be a shirtcocker

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:52 am

Okay, yet one more goddamn item I have to crochet for gifts this year:

It's like a fanny pack, only not.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/85301314/ad ... s-pack-bag

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:57 am

Can you make me a fluffy purple one? Actually, I need two, one for Purple Koosh.
And maybe a red one with a yellow hammer and sickle, so I can hang it out in Apok...

Please, please, please...

And none of that "do-ocrasy" crap, either...

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:23 am

theCryptofishist wrote:Can you make me a fluffy purple one? Actually, I need two, one for Purple Koosh.
And maybe a red one with a yellow hammer and sickle, so I can hang it out in Apok...

Please, please, please...

And none of that "do-ocrasy" crap, either...

I've got an email out to the seller to see if she'll sell me the pattern. Otherwise it will take some trial and error to get the design right, but I will totally make you whatever you like.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:29 am

I want one, maybe two please!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:48 am

VultureChow wrote:I will totally make you whatever you like.

Oh dear, that was totally a joke...

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:51 am

theCryptofishist wrote:
VultureChow wrote:I will totally make you whatever you like.
Oh dear, that was totally a joke...

That's it, Now you shall be forced to wear a fluffy purple penis pouch.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:03 pm

Critical Dicks, here I come!

cherryblossom73 · Post by **cherryblossom73** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:55 pm

That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:33 pm

cherryblossom73 wrote:That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

That is awesome!

I'm thinking of doing a pouch in a brown suede yarn with a thicker/more sturdy belt and wearing over this cute plaid skirt as though it were a sporran for a kilt. (Had to look that up. It's the pouch they wear in front).

MOOP bag in the frank and maybe a bag of candy in the beans... Is there any candy that doesn't melt into a mess out there?

Drawingablank · Post by **Drawingablank** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:44 pm

VultureChow wrote:
cherryblossom73 wrote:That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

That is awesome!

I'm thinking of doing a pouch in a brown suede yarn with a thicker/more sturdy belt and wearing over this cute plaid skirt as though it were a sporran for a kilt. (Had to look that up. It's the pouch they wear in front).

MOOP bag in the frank and maybe a bag of candy in the beans... Is there any candy that doesn't melt into a mess out there?

Seems you should reverse that and store stuff in the sack and use the johnson for dispensing candy - like a pez dispenser .

moonrise · Post by **moonrise** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:49 pm

They look too small.

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:03 pm

Drawingablank wrote:
Seems you should reverse that and store stuff in the sack and use the johnson for dispensing candy - like a pez dispenser .

Okay. New plan. Storage in the sack, Pez dispenser in the shaft with the head covered by the head so you lift the head and out comes candy.

Drawingablank · Post by **Drawingablank** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:45 pm

Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:56 pm

Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.

Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.

Drawingablank · Post by **Drawingablank** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:12 pm

VultureChow wrote:
Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.
Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.

Seems odd to say this in a conversation about crocheted penises, but somehow I find that disturbing.

BirthChazz · Post by **BirthChazz** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:53 pm

I now have a new use for my knitted uterus.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:02 pm

Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.

International Incident · Post by **International Incident** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:51 pm

Drawingablank wrote:
VultureChow wrote:
Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.
Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.
Seems odd to say this in a conversation about crocheted penises, but somehow I find that disturbing.

I needed a laugh. I have tears rolling down my face.

Thank you.

Marscrumbs · Post by **Marscrumbs** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:24 pm

I shirtcock at home while making breakfast. Then I live alone.

BirthChazz · Post by **BirthChazz** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:46 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.

LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html

BirthChazz

VultureChow · Post by **VultureChow** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:14 pm

BirthChazz wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.

LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html

BirthChazz

I've already done some of these:

BirthChazz · Post by **BirthChazz** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:04 pm

[/quote]

LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html

BirthChazz[/quote]

I've already done some of these:

[/quote]

be still my heart!!

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 5:10 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!

If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:29 pm

What does it say about me that this thread has restored my soul?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:32 pm

That crocheted naughty bits are life affirming objects?

Galaxo Magic · Post by **Galaxo Magic** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:42 pm

oneeyeddick wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!

If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...

Promises, promises!

FeetOfClay · Post by **FeetOfClay** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:25 am

When I first heard the term "shirtcocking", I had to look it up online, and found a written definition.

"That doesn't sound SO horrible," I thought, "I wonder why people keep referencing it in so many jokes".

Then, this morning, I did a google image search, and finally understood.

Remember when Elaine (on Seinfeld) said, of naked men,:
"The female body is a thing of beauty; the male body is utilitarian, built for getting around, like a tank."

Um, yeah. Some *really* bad shirtcocking photos out there. And one really nice one...but...ahem...we won't get into that.

If a woman wears a shirt with no bottoms, is it still "shirt cocking"? and is it still frowned up?

junglesmacks · Post by **junglesmacks** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:30 am

FeetOfClay wrote:If a woman wears a shirt with no bottoms, is it still "shirt cocking"? and is it still frowned up?

This would depend entirely on a few things..

Are we talking

or

catinthefunnyhat · Post by **catinthefunnyhat** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:50 am

I'm so puzzled by my own reaction to shirtcocking. I've always thought it was a creepy sight. This despite the fact that (a) I think both male and female bodies are beautiful, (b) I think penises are lovely, and (c) I have no problem with similar outfits on men -- say, crotchless chaps and shirt. A shirtcocker with an unbuttoned button shirt can be sexy, too. It's the T-shirt-only look that makes me shudder.

On women, shirtcocking (Daisy-Ducking), again, kind of depends on the execution. It's lovely with a button shirt, especially if said shirt ends just below the hips. It's somewhat less sexy, to me, with a t-shirt. Still better than a dude in the same outfit, though.

Hair, or lack thereof, does not really affect my opinion of either shirtcocking or Daisy-Ducking.

I'm trying to decide what I think of shirtcocking with socks (on the feet) (shirtsocking?). Oddly, I think it kind of improves the look.

Perhaps, for me, it's just about balance in the distribution of fabric.

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:09 am

oneeyeddick wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!
If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...

That'd be cool... I mean, there's gota be something to that... Guys like it for some reason...

I'd love to see one on a headband... always wanted an award for the biggest dickhead in camp that year (even tho I'd prolly have to award it to myself!!! lol)

I remember decades ago a bunch of us epoxied a rather large and ugly dildo to a bosses desk once (using botts dotts epoxy - that shit never comes off)... and the jerko LIKED it.

His boss (who was equally a dick) finally made him cut it off his desk (with a hacksaw - it was on there good!) after a contractor walked by his office, and saw sickoboss in there talking to his pet dildo. By himself.

A real Gollum moment if we ever had one...

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