Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Questions, answers, tips & tricks for newbies and veterans alike
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1durphul
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Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by 1durphul » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:35 pm

Please post some bad advice for virgin burners.

The playa will provide... you with water. Unless it doesn't in which case the following fact might be more relevant:

A full 40% of first time burners die from dehydration and exposure.

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Drawingablank
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Drawingablank » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:40 pm

Don't bring comfortable shoes - in fact stiletto boots that lace up to the thigh are recommended.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

Yet Another Crappy Birgin Guide

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VultureChow
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by VultureChow » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:41 pm

Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.
Sic Semper Spectatores

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gaminwench
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by gaminwench » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:42 pm

You can totally live on beer, chips and MREs for the week.
"the prophecies of doom were better last year" trilo

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1durphul
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by 1durphul » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:43 pm

VultureChow wrote:Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.

How is this bad advice? You get to smell like bacon while you sizzle.

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1durphul
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by 1durphul » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:44 pm

Drawingablank wrote:Don't bring comfortable shoes - in fact stiletto boots that lace up to the thigh are recommended.
Stilettos are the only effective way to drive an art car.

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Drawingablank
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Drawingablank » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:48 pm

gaminwench wrote:You can totally live on beer, chips and MREs for the week.
How is this bad advice? It's pretty close to what I live on there.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

Yet Another Crappy Birgin Guide

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VultureChow
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by VultureChow » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:51 pm

1durphul wrote:
VultureChow wrote:Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.

How is this bad advice? You get to smell like bacon while you sizzle.
It's bad advice for the virgin

For the veteran, it's convenient to have your "long pig" pre-seasoned and cooked in event of a Condition Alpha.
Sic Semper Spectatores

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Lonesomebri
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Lonesomebri » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:51 pm

Once you pass thru the gate, if someone hands you a beer while driving to camp, you are home brother !!!! Drink up !!!!!
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

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Lonesomebri
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Lonesomebri » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:53 pm

The thorough ticketing process, and limited number people who know of the event, effectively screens out all sketchy untrustful people.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
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Lonesomebri
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Lonesomebri » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:56 pm

Once you produce your medical maryjane card, the joint Law Enforcement taskforce with the sniffing dogs will wave you through.

(FYI, a medi-card is probable cause at BRC)
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
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BeeWeeDee
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by BeeWeeDee » Thu Jul 31, 2014 1:56 pm

No one wants to know you, no one cares, so don't even bother trying to strike up a conversation. They are all crazy.

It's not THAT hot
It's not THAT cold
It's not THAT windy
It's not THAT dusty where you need much of anything. Go light.

There is not much to see or do or much fun so bring a book.
The next morning you will wake up pretty much your old self except that a very unusual 16 hours will have been added to your store of life experience.

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1durphul
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by 1durphul » Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:40 pm

The poolside cabanas sure are nice, however their drink menu has outrageous prices. Definitely BYOB when you head to the pool.

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Nipple
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Nipple » Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:50 pm

Photograph EVERYTHING.

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jneilvindy
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by jneilvindy » Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:06 pm

As soon as you turn off the highway pass all those slow moving/sitting still fools and drive right up the greeters!

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misfit
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by misfit » Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:25 pm

leave your psyc meds at home, you won't need them.

forget birth control, ESD supplies the morning after pill.
Be happy while you're living, For you're a long time dead.

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Chowski
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Chowski » Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:45 pm

It's totally bad karma to hoard your ecstacy. You should definitely give the Gift of a couple hits to those cool kids who are walking from group to group asking where they can buy some outside Camp Thwomp Thwomp's Wednesday Sunrise Soiree, especially if they ask you to trade some of yours for some of theirs!

Because Gifting!

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FIGJAM
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by FIGJAM » Thu Jul 31, 2014 4:27 pm

You can only cum if you're going to participate!!!
"Don't buy ur Burn...........Build ur Burn!"

"If I can't find an answer, I'll create one!!!"

Fuck Im Good Just Ask Me

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skippy3k
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by skippy3k » Fri Aug 01, 2014 7:26 am

It's becoming so brightly lit now with everyone riding around on bikes covered in EL wire that you tend to blend in and get lost. Now the trend is to use NO lights at all. This way you will be the one dark object amidst a sea of lights, and everyone will now be able to pick you out in a crowd and not run into you.
I'm a fixer. I fix things.

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Lonesomebri
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Lonesomebri » Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:30 am

You can save an awful lot of money on tickets and a vehicle pass if you simply walk in to Black Rock City from the east.
May even save money on future life expenses, as your dehydrated body may end up laying out in the desert feeding the ravens and crows.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

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jneilvindy
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by jneilvindy » Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:17 am

If your bf, gf, husband, wife or date start freaking out, having a bad time and feels overwhelmed you should immediately leave their lame @ss and go find somone with a much better attitude!

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remi
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by remi » Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:22 am

Wear the biggest, fanciest headdress you can find... other then that.. don't bring anything other then your credit card.
Can you at least admit that nuclear explosions are awesome!?

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tatonka
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by tatonka » Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:24 am

Its so dry out there you dont need any deoderant .
Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed by the masses.
-Plato

If a good man is offered power , he has to lower himself to pick it up .

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jneilvindy
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by jneilvindy » Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:27 am

Don't bother bringing a bike. there's plenty of them laying all over the place.

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Lonesomebri
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Lonesomebri » Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:32 am

On exit, after the Burns, do you really want to use those porta potties again? No. Hold it until you get to the luxurious lavatories of Reno.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

caffeineslinger
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by caffeineslinger » Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:14 am

Buy your ticket at the gate to avoid the service charge.

Meat Hunter
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Meat Hunter » Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:41 am

If you skydive in, you do not need a ticket or a vehicle pass -- that is the truth.

There is a skydiving camp set-up just for those who jump in next to the airport that will supply everything that you will need (including showers and booze) FOR FREE and after the event, they will also provide free transportation back to Reno.
Specializing in Calibrating Windsocks -- Any where, Any Time, and Any elevation.

Vidi ego exars.

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some seeing eye
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by some seeing eye » Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:47 am

Sell your ticket to a veteran burner because it will be better next year.
increasing the signal to noise ratio with compassion

Ano
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Ano » Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:48 am

Hit up Center Camp for the best tacos on Playa.

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forty_eight
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by forty_eight » Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:05 pm

Hydrate vigorously with Jose Cuervo

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