Question and gripe

[Milayna]

I have a friend who will be attending her virgin burn in 2014. She is amazing, but will be bringing along her incredibly arrogant, difficult, and immature significant other. They will not be camped anywhere near me (will make sure of that), but I still feel bad for the general population that this guy is being unleashed on them. As an example: When I emailed her the survival guide and some useful links to make sure they prepare properly he apparently refused to read any of it, saying it was a waste of his time, and it's just a big party. HE SAID THAT, makes me cringe.

Anyway, there's my gripe. My question is: Has anyone met/known someone like this who went to Burning Man and by the end of the week was a decent community member? I'm pretty sure I've heard of the "clueless virgin" who "gets it" by the end of the week, I've just never personally witnessed it.

[theCryptofishist]

Well, I do trust the playa can give him a bitchslap or two, even now.
Is that what he needs? I don't know. Maybe this will pull the scales from your friend's eyes.

I think what I'm saying is that there are all sorts of "positive" outcomes, most of which we cannot anticipate.

[Eric]

Don't waste your time anticipating on what he'll be like at the end of the week - he could love it, hate it, be in a Reno hospital with heat stroke. No way to tell, and it's honestly not your problem (it is a problem for your friend and whoever they camp with, so make sure she reads the threads on here about relationships on the playa, as well as knowing that she may be in charge of keeping him alive).

Also make sure that you let your friend know your boundaries with this guy on the playa (no visiting your camp with him, don't get you involved in drama, whatever) - that way she understands that she can't come running to you with every problem he causes. You could also tell her where your camp is with firm instructions not to tell him, so that if she needs to get away from him due to his behavior, she'll have a safe spot to go.

[MacGlenver]

I say she should dump him.

Wait, this isnt a relationship advice thread -- darn!

I haven't seen it happen either, but, then again, we never would invite anyone like that. I feel sorry for your friend. I can't predict how her BF will react, since I only really know how to predict how good people will act/feel. The starry-eyed sparkle pony in me says that anyone can be converted or at least gain some insight. I wouldn't rule out the possibility.

I will say that you should try very hard to get your friend away from him for at least 1 or 2 days/nights so she can see how amazing the experience can be when surrounded by positive people. Maybe that will open her eyes to his issues and give her something to look forward to when she comes back the following year without him

I would also echo all of Eric's advice.

[C187]

I'll take up the view point of it's not your problem. However if you would want to suggest to your friend to camp away from her partner..
If he can't put together the concepts of desert, and a week stay. Then he's earned the lift to Reno.
Although you never know. Sometimes people who seem like the worst for this place end up doing quite well.

[CaffeineGirl]

The guy refusing to read the survival guide sounds to me like he is trying to weasel on all issues related to selecting, buying, and packing. Probably also means he is not very interested in going. Is your friend so anxious to haul his carcass out there that she will do absolutely all the work, and spend all the $, that it will take to be able to take his lazy ass to TTITD?

[VultureChow]

Fifty bucks says he wants to leave two hours into the Gate Line.

I too wonder whether he really wants to go and if not, who is pushing it. Is he insecure about letter he go by herself, or is she dependent on him emotionally?

Either way, it sounds like you are protecting yourself well, and as for the rest of the city? He'll just be another douche to either ignore or ridicule.

[GreyCoyote]

Make sure she knows about STEP.

Might be two tickets available at will-call on short notice!

[Captain Goddammit]

If the guy is a Marine who made do with a knife and a rag for three weeks at a time in the desert while getting shot at, fine, the survival guide is a waste of time, he'll be fine.

Otherwise it sounds like he really doesn't wanna go; those who do are usually interested and excited to learn all about it

Ok now come to think of it... I never read any Survival Guide before I went the first time. I'm not sure there even was one and I didn't have a computer anyway.
I showed up better prepared than everyone around me.
We don't know enough about this guy to know whether to worry or not.
But he does sound like a dick from the description we've been given.

[trilobyte]

I'm giving this a nudge over to the Q&A board, since that's a better fit for general event-related discussions.

I've seen some INCREDIBLE transformations firsthand. I've also seen cases where the person remained unchanged. I've also seen people that I truly thought would 'get it' (whatever 'it' might be), but once they got to the desert it was just one big party to them. The old adage "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" comes to mind.

There's no telling what will happen. While I wouldn't suggest writing him off, I wouldn't suggest worrying too much about it either. I'd continue to pass along helpful info or have conversations about preparation with your amazing friend if she's receptive to it, but otherwise leave things be. Hopefully at some point between now and the desert a light bulb will light up and he'll get invested, but for some people that 'holy shit' moment doesn't happen until they get out there (and sometimes it just doesn't).

[Mojojita]

Tell him people are talking about him online and have him read this thread.

[Ugly Dougly]

... They will not be camped anywhere near me (will make sure of that)...

Wisdom.

See if you can get your friend to read the "Relationships" page.

Good luck.

[FIGJAM]

"You can lead a mule to water but you can't make him THINK!!!"

[Milayna]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies everyone!!

So here's the extra weird part of this whole thing, HE'S the one who suggested they go to Burning Man. I've never encouraged her because I worried she would bring him haha. Once he suggested it she was totally on board. Anyway, he's really into raves, and I think he's watched a bunch of youtube videos He has zero camping experience, literally none, and I'm not sure he's ever stepped foot in the desert....

I also totally agree that it's not my problem, I think I just needed to vent about it because it looks like such a disaster waiting to happen. But we'll see how it turns out!

[EspressoDude]

there's RAVES at Burning Man ??

[MacGlenver]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies everyone!!

So here's the extra weird part of this whole thing, HE'S the one who suggested they go to Burning Man. I've never encouraged her because I worried she would bring him haha. Once he suggested it she was totally on board. Anyway, he's really into raves, and I think he's watched a bunch of youtube videos He has zero camping experience, literally none, and I'm not sure he's ever stepped foot in the desert....

I say let him show up unprepared and get heat stroke. Hopefully no one helps him.

[Fidget]

Anyway, he's really into raves, and I think he's watched a bunch of youtube videos He has zero camping experience, literally none, and I'm not sure he's ever stepped foot in the desert....

Oh man he's so doomed!

[theCryptofishist]

"You can lead a mule to water but you can't make him THINK!!!"

Ms. Parker had that as "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

[BBadger]

In a similar case, some of my friends went on a long trip in a different country. Because of some obligation, one of those friends had to bring along this other dude on the trip. Well, that guy was a whiny, arrogant bitch -- and an embarrassment for my friends in light of the hospitality they received in that country. The worst part was that there was no way to just dump the guy and go on.

And so it might be with your friend. The obligation to tend to that helpless, arrogant husband will tie your friend to death-do-them-apart. It may be that she'll be worrying about his misery all the time, or she may not be going out with friends because he won't, or feel obligated to hang out with him. I just hope that after the first night of partying, and the next day of sleepless intense heat in an unshaded tent that he doesn't act like a little bitch and whine and nag your friend into leaving early. Some selfish assholes are just like that.

Perhaps the best thing for them to do is create a "safe" place that he can stay relatively comfortable in if he chooses to sulk throughout the festival. It's not really for his benefit, but more so that if he throws a temper tantrum at least your friend can have that "peace of mind" that he won't leave the crib.

[gaminwench]

She could make an emergency exit plan (for him).
If he hates it, sucks at camping and cannot deal, he leaves the playa and heads for Reno and *civilization*;
she stays, rocks it and rides out with you at Exodus.
They re-unite in Reno.

it is important, I think, to get the naysayers outta there, quicklike

[Captain Goddammit]

They re-unite in Reno.

This part of your otherwise-well-thought-out plan could be left out!

[VultureChow]

She could make an emergency exit plan (for him).

[Captain Goddammit]

HAHAHA
Best suggestion ever!

[ProfessorChaos]

I am going through the same "ish" right now. There are four of us, all who are prepping like crazy... AAAAND the one chick who is trying to come too. She will probably somehow find a way to get a ticket last minute and show up with nothing but costumes. Drives me nuts because I know we are going to have to carry her dead weight around for the weekend portion she is there. Guess I should just grin an bear it... BM is like any city. There are people who contribute and those who... well... don't contrubute in the same ways.

TLDR: I feel ya, man.

[CaffeineGirl]

Four people should more than fill whatever vehicle you are planning to take. And who knows where you might end up camping? Even when you know an address for someone, they are darn hard to find.

[ProfessorChaos]

she could always get the wrong address... being new and all, we may just get confused.

[Milayna]

She could make an emergency exit plan (for him).

Looks like Professor Chaos and I need to start building

[GreyCoyote]

She could make an emergency exit plan (for him).

Looks like Professor Chaos and I need to start building

Ummm... I don't think this is what they meant by having a "fling" a Burning Man.

Or, maybe I'm doing it wrong? HEHEHEHE!

[ProfessorChaos]

Haha lets door this.
front gate- uh sir, is that a trebuchet your towing? We're gonna need some sort of an operating license or....

Me- oh this? That's an emergency sparkle pony exit strategy.

Front gate-Carry on.

[FIGJAM]

If they asked silly questions like THAT at gate, we would never get in!

They did it with flaming pianos and I don't think they needed a license.

[media]