Eplaya Don Juans

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:04 pm

Okay - dunno if this is worth a whole thread, but i want answers!!

All you fine, upstanding, shining examples of male-ness - You Eplaya Barflies and poets and philosophers and academics... you know who you are, fellas...
i wanna know, really, in any realm of reality, is it ok for a guy to PM a lady you have never spoken to, met, or otherwise interacted with, with an overt come-on??

And if he does, what is said lady's optimum response??

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:08 pm

is it ok for a guy to PM a lady you have never spoken to, met, or otherwise interacted with, with an overt come-on??

You mean that you've never spoken/met/interacted in REAL LIFE, or never spoken on the eplaya, or both??

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:09 pm

fuck off

I recommend public humiliation

but then again, I'm a cranky old prude.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:11 pm

Why would you give a shit about our opinion?

But here it is: It's OK if you are attracted to the guy, but not OK if it squicks you out. How's that? Kind of vague, eh?

How about

NO

NEVER

IST VERBOTEN!!!

But that makes us come across as all prim and proper and having a thumb up our ass.

How about PM is OK just don't be boorish. I've PMed some people, and some of them have even PMed me back. I think it pays to be polite. You could always out them, but others consider that rude.

When it comes to matter of nettiquete, you're not likely to find much agreement. I say use some common sense and err on the side of being overly polite, but what the hell do I know?

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:11 pm

go find an AOL chat room you pathetic, tail trolling BBSer

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:22 pm

GuinivereElise wrote:
is it ok for a guy to PM a lady you have never spoken to, met, or otherwise interacted with, with an overt come-on??

You mean that you've never spoken/met/interacted in REAL LIFE, or never spoken on the eplaya, or both??

both.

Stuart - yes, thank you, exactly. I knew I could count on you for this one.

blyslv - thanks for the 2 cents... i happen to respect this lil crew of testosterone that frequents the GD boards and their opinions.

buckethead alien · Post by **buckethead alien** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:24 pm

T2, this would seem to BHA to be in incredibly bad form.

But then, if said PM was initiated by someone who noticed your FUCKING HOT HOT HOT avatar, then, BHA would say all is forgiven.

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:26 pm

on the e-playa?

hitting on people????

i visualize that as something akin to being a fratboy spectating at the Critical Tits Parade...

but, hey i am an old cranky guy... and i got over that phase (thank goodness)

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:50 pm

I gotta go with blyslv. And what I heard (LYDIA) is that blyslv met his lovely fiance at, get this, the e-playan meet & greet of 2003 (I think). The e-playa really isn't that much further as a place to start, but then again...

How "overt"?

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:54 pm

stuart wrote:
fuck off
I recommend public humiliation
but then again, I'm a cranky old prude.

I go with Stuart on this... unless, of course, I'm the one doing the PM, then it would be "Fuck off, asshole!"

I've only had one creepy online relationship, and she was a psychic vampire, trying to suck the life out of me. I wound up changing my phone number and my email address. There are loonies out there.

calicowboy925 · Post by **calicowboy925** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 12:57 pm

It's almost like the construction worker cliche of the whistle and "Yeeowwww!" expecting the woman to turn on her heels and exclaim, "Do me baby"....but then again Kristy Kreme probably has a mail box full of em!

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:11 pm

Am i permitted to quote myself?

'Dear Mr. Asshat.

Thank you for your interest in The Bar and it's owners. There are currently no openings for someone with your qualifications at our organisation. We will keep your application in the circular file for the next 86.2 years. As such, there is no need to reapply.

The next opening for Fucktards that we are aware of is the President of the United States. As the election just occured, your next chance at employment is in four years. Please enjoy your unemployment benefits unless, of course, you lost your last job due to sexual harrassment.

Regards,
Personnel Services Management
The Bar'

I prefer the 'pointed but humorous' approach.
if they don't get the message - ie, disappear or apologize - then perhaps a flaming is in order. private first. if it gets to the point that public humiliation is necessary, after trying other options, i'm not entirely above it. but probably best to avoid...

that shit would annoy the HELL out of me, but it could be that the person is socially inept and can't read the vibes. there is so much sexual in talk between the barflies - between the people who kind of know each other in general - that someone idiotic might be making an honest mistake and not realise how creepy they are.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:12 pm

damn. that whole thing wasn't supposed to be in quotes.
i want my edit!!!

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:13 pm

I'm with Rian.

my $.02.

buckethead alien · Post by **buckethead alien** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:13 pm

Wait, a minute R-Jack, did you actually send this to someone? Holy crap, its too funny either way.

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:14 pm

I wouldn't worry about the overt come-ons... they'll go away when you tell them you're not interested (or else it'll be easy to get a restraining order).

Now those of us who operate COVERTLY, we're the ones you gotta look out for. Can I buy you a drink in the bar? :-)

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:14 pm

The Tiny Fireball wrote:

there is so much sexual in talk between the barflies - between the people who kind of know each other in general - that someone idiotic might be making an honest mistake and not realise how creepy they are.

... story of my life....

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:21 pm

buckethead alien wrote:Wait, a minute R-Jack, did you actually send this to someone? Holy crap, its too funny either way.

unfortunately, no.

it's the updated version of what i PMed to Tisha.

i think, though, with a little tweaking we could draft form letters for these situations. then all you do is cut and paste. 'cause after all, we wouldn't want to waste our creative energy on Fucktards and Asshats.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:22 pm

Rian Jackson wrote:
it's the updated version of what i PMed to Tisha.

i mean, as a suggestion for the fucktard

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:28 pm

Oh shit you all know each other? Well then, I AM the creepy one!

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:33 pm

damnit.
i wanted to be the creepy one.

buckethead alien · Post by **buckethead alien** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:33 pm

Rian Jackson wrote:
Rian Jackson wrote:
it's the updated version of what i PMed to Tisha.

i mean, as a suggestion for the fucktard

I am glad you cleared <i>that</i> up.

CoworkerLurker · Post by **CoworkerLurker** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:35 pm

samtzu wrote:
The Tiny Fireball wrote:there is so much sexual in talk between the barflies - between the people who kind of know each other in general - that someone idiotic might be making an honest mistake and not realise how creepy they are.
... story of my life....

...if only I realized how creepy I was...

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 1:47 pm

Thinking and processing this whole thing more...
I still think that sort of thing can be very creepy and unwelcome.

But especially when the overtures are coming from someone who the GD crowd wouldn't recognise, it's likely that it is someone fairly new to the board. It doesn't mean they haven't been lurking it for a long time, but the sorts of norms that are more or less adhered to with the 'regulars' (not that i want to turn this into an inside/ouside dichotomy) probably aren't as clear to others.

I can imagine that it might look like it's a free for all to say whatever (which in some ways it is, i suppose).

More to the point, through interactions with each other - either in person or online - we *know* enough about each other that a lot of the banter is ok. When Sensei is makin' comments about hitting on my mother, i'm not too worried (even if i should be) because i know he's just an utter doll. (This is not to be confused with an Udder doll, which has more tits than Sensei does.) I mean, sure, misunderstandings happen, but Sam can whip woodrow out - both electronically and in person - and its ok because of the history of interaction amongst us.

Then there's the whole bit about how these boards change in character as the personnel rotates. In the summer of 2003 it was one thing. It became another after that year's burn. And now it's something else yet again. There are even noticable absentees who were here before this year's burn. With the departures of some and the arrivals of others, things change significantly in character. So for anyone who isn't spending far too much time tied to their computer, it would be even harder to see the behavioural standards.

Of course, maybe i'm being too forgiving. Flame the creep!

No really, i'm kind of uncomfortable with the way this post reads because while i love the comraderie and the community that's here, i don't want to make it more of a 'circle jerk' than it already is by defining who is 'inside' and who is not. I'm sure, if polled, we'd all have differing ideas on who fits there. I don't want to implicity or explicity delineate boundaries, so please forgive the lack of eloquence. I hope you all catch what i mean to say, and not what it looks like i'm saying....

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:07 pm

i don't want to make it more of a 'circle jerk' than it already is by defining who is 'inside' and who is not.

Like it or not, everyone who comes into a new group has to prove themselves. To open yourself up to everyone, without any discrimination, just plays into the hands of the creeps, who are preditors, period. We judge, we place value, on each and every person we meet. If we didn't, we would be swallowed whole.

Let the person prove themselves here on the board. If they are unwilling to, fuck 'em (not literally). Maybe this ain't Thunderdome, but there is still a lot of back and forth interaction in here, and it is only by this interaction that the 'real' us comes out, and then we are judged (like it or not) by this 'us'.

If this person is sincere, it will show. If they are a fucktard, it will show. If they are a troll, it will show. If they are a sock just jerking you around, let us know and we will hunt them down, kill them, skin them, and make jerky of their carcass.

...either that, or just call them nasty names....

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:19 pm

Wow, nice avatar. You're a hottie Tisha, what are you doing later?

Oh wait, what is this thread about again?

Please tell me I got a good creepiness rating. Ppplllleeeaaassseee.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:40 pm

There's plenty of estragen here as well. I asked, Tisha, my rather pointed question, because in the end you are the only person who knows how it feels, and what the proper response should be. We've all had bois and grrrrls hit on us. Sometimes it's flattering, sometimes it's annoying or scary. It is always intensely personal. So there is no right or wrong answer, just a lot of opinions.

I was on this board for about 6 months before I met anybody. I had read eli's words, as she had read mine, but we had never exchanged email until after we met in person. Then serious sparks flew and to make a short story shorter, we are now afianced.

How's that for a non sequitor?

For my own selfish reasons I think you should post the "offending" personal message here. It would be fun to see the person's technique, and public humiliation is always best when enjoyed as a vicarious thrill. I'm guessing you have some opinions. Tisha were you offended? Scared? Flattered?

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:40 pm

yeah... interesting undercurrent to this discussion of: "yer avatar is hot, so of course people are hitting on you!" like, "well, she was wearing a short skirt, of course she wanted it!" (not attacking you, Rob... i thought yer post was very funny! - although if you want, i'd be happy to address it on yer conflict resolution thread... )

i *do* enjoy flirting and sexy banter with y'all that i have grown to know and love, and that is apparant all over this board.

i *did* recognize that i had the hot little klingon babe avatar (as a lil inside joke regarding bar shenanigans a few nights ago, not as an advertisement for 'tisha2, virtual slut').

i *did* change my avatar upon realizing this.

i *did* feel a little bit perturbed that i had to alter my 'image' to avoid harassment.

feminist rant aside, i think Rian and Sam both really hit on what i was getting at with this thread - that real-world social 'rules' apply here as well. when entering a new group, or meeting a new person, you either take it easy and gauge the situation before throwing yerself into it - IF you want it to go smoothly; or (if you aren't the type to care) you throw yerself in full-throttle and are either wholeheartedly welcomed, if yer full-throttle self happens to fit with that group, or you run the risk of being cooked and eaten and thrown out if it doesn't. in which case you probably don't care.

anyway thanks for the feedback, y'all.

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:41 pm

addendum: I did meet eli at the the 2003 meet and greet. Thanks doc for being the host wid da most.!

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 2:59 pm

I hope you all catch what i mean to say

usually, but not this time

Tisha,

I think it a stretch to say that real-world norms apply here. I can't remember the last time I walked into a bar and saw some chick hanging naked from handcuffs and other gear getting spanked by some motley crew while other folks lick liquor off of each others bellies. There's other shit going on here that would keep pace with some cyber sex chat rooms as well I am sure. Still, trolling for chicks on a BBS, regardless of the forum, is pathetic and creepy. It's ultra pathetic and creepy if you have no prior interaction. I don't care what yer wearin. Am I suprised it happens? No. People suck. QEI.