Ask Eric

[goathead]

Dear Eric

Been kind of a long day, is to ok if I just kind of wander and snark, and be a fucko?

[Eric]

Two finger normal, the entire hand kinky?

"Kinky" is just something you're too afraid to try, otherwise it's all normal

If men think with their dicks, do women think with their ovaries?

Equating "dicks" with "ovaries" explains why so many women don't get to reach orgasms with their partners

Why do people refer to Big Brother as being oppressive?

They actually read the book

Are the Burgins scared to ask you questions?

Seems that way. Not that their questions could be any simpler than these.

What size leash does Goathead need, and can I rent him out to other ePlayans at the M&G?

Good kink is consensual kink - you'll have to get the measurements from him when he agrees to fulfill your fantasy.

Dear GreyCoyote [etc, etc]

All these posts and you still haven't figured out the "Dear Eric" part...

when you find yourself considering violence because nothing else seems to work what do you do?

Punch the fuck out of something that won't break my hand. Like a pillow.

fart

and have another beer...

Sorry Eric just to simple

someone is going off their rocker out there in the desert.

Would I submit to a leash? What would it be studded with?

""Kinky" is just something you're too afraid to try, otherwise it's all normal" - take it from there.

Why do some people seem to be opposed to asking questions of you?

It's not so much opposition as not being able to find a gap in the wall of Goathead posts.

Why are yo not here?

I live in the big city. There are things to do away from ePlaya.

Been kind of a long day, is to ok if I just kind of wander and snark, and be a fucko?

My permission hasn't seemed to have been needed.

[Joeln]

Dear Eric,
Why do people say wine doesn't go well on the Playa?

[goathead]

My permission hasn't seemed to have been needed.

snicker, no it hasn't,

not really evil, it just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling

[Eric]

Dear Eric,
Why do people say wine doesn't go well on the Playa?

It leaves a red stain, and is a bitch to MOOP. It's much better in a glass.

not really evil, it just gives me a warm fuzzy feeling

I wish all my friends were this easy to amuse.

[Lonesomebri]

Last year out on the playa I gave a ride to this tall nearly nude German woman who gave me all kinds of insightful advice for life. We stayed in deep playa past dark, even though I hadn't bought along the lights for my bike and I knew that was wrong. I dropped her at Center Camp. The next day I was out riding towards the Man and our paths crossed again. It was a serendipitous surreal coincidence, and another day together. It was only much later that I realized no one else I knew had seen her, I have a camera but took no pictures of her, she had given me the all answers I needed, she was half nude....and I wondered...was she a mirage?

So my question is, do you think I will see her again at the Burn this year?

[goathead]

No she wash't, would you like her number?

The Simon is strong in me now......

[Eric]

Last year out on the playa I gave a ride to this tall nearly nude German woman who gave me all kinds of insightful advice for life. We stayed in deep playa past dark, even though I hadn't bought along the lights for my bike and I knew that was wrong. I dropped her at Center Camp. The next day I was out riding towards the Man and our paths crossed again. It was a serendipitous surreal coincidence, and another day together. It was only much later that I realized no one else I knew had seen her, I have a camera but took no pictures of her, she had given me the all answers I needed, she was half nude....and I wondered...was she a mirage?

So my question is, do you think I will see her again at the Burn this year?

No, you won't. Don't even start expect-tating on it.

No she wash't, would you like her number?
The Simon is strong in me now......

No, no it isn't. Though from your typing, the booze may be strong...

[Joeln]

Dear Eric, I see we have some mis-communication here, let me re-phrase my question;

Why do people say wine is not recommended as a beverage for gifting burners on the Playa?

[ProfessorChaos]

Dear Eric,

Where are you in your preparations for this years burn between "when is this happening again?" and "car packed for the road?"

Also, are you a 9:00'er or 3:00'er?

[sadie]

Dear Eric,

What can I do to emotionally prepare my dog for my extended absence?

And, will she forgive me for abandoning her for 2 weeks?

[Eric]

let me re-phrase my question;

Why do people say wine is not recommended as a beverage for gifting burners on the Playa?

Have you ever had warm red wine on a hot day? *blech*. If you must serve wine, serve a chilled white of a decent vintage (a little minerally, not too fruity - you're an adult, not a high-schooler)

Where are you in your preparations for this years burn between "when is this happening again?" and "car packed for the road?"

Also, are you a 9:00'er or 3:00'er?

a) the former. I'll start getting ready mid-August. Maybe.
b) neither. I'm a dead-center'er

What can I do to emotionally prepare my dog for my extended absence?

And, will she forgive me for abandoning her for 2 weeks?

a) make sure her sitter has lots & lots of treats to give her
b) don't worry, she'll have bonded with the sitter because of all the treats and won't want to go back to you

[Jovankat]

let me re-phrase my question;

Why do people say wine is not recommended as a beverage for gifting burners on the Playa?

Have you ever had warm red wine on a hot day? *blech*. If you must serve wine, serve a chilled white of a decent vintage (a little minerally, not too fruity - you're an adult, not a high-schooler)

What if it's dessert time? Are stickies acceptable then?

[Eric]

What if it's dessert time? Are stickies acceptable then?

What the hell is a sticky? I'm assuming it's a bun covered with sticky icing, so, therefore, a dessert. Which makes this a sort of null question.

[Jovankat]

Oops I didn't realise that was Aussie slang let me rephrase.

let me re-phrase my question;

Why do people say wine is not recommended as a beverage for gifting burners on the Playa?

Have you ever had warm red wine on a hot day? *blech*. If you must serve wine, serve a chilled white of a decent vintage (a little minerally, not too fruity - you're an adult, not a high-schooler)

What if it's dessert time? Would a botrytis semillon be acceptable then?

[Eric]

Oops I didn't realise that was Aussie slang let me rephrase.

let me re-phrase my question;

Why do people say wine is not recommended as a beverage for gifting burners on the Playa?

Have you ever had warm red wine on a hot day? *blech*. If you must serve wine, serve a chilled white of a decent vintage (a little minerally, not too fruity - you're an adult, not a high-schooler)

What if it's dessert time? Would a botrytis semillon be acceptable then?

Dessert can be anytime on the playa. If you're having dessert in the evening, even an Australian wine would be acceptable. If you're having dessert at noonish, no.

[pink]

Dear Eric,

Is bacon considered a dessert? Or only if it's candied?

[Eric]

Is bacon considered a dessert? Or only if it's candied?

Bacon is the roadkill of food. It should be left to rot in piece. I recommend pickles instead.

[Lonesomebri]

Dear Eric, I have been unable to contact my campmate who lives across the country from me, I am in California and he is in Michigan, so actually we live worlds apart. Tonight, thru others, I discover that he has been arrested twice this year for driving without a papers, DUI, controlled substance, failed fashion sense and operating an organ grinder without a license. This is why I can't contact him, some serious multiple arrests. If he can't make it, I need to rethink my whole operation. I don't think it would be possible for me to find, at such a late date, someone else to drive the Giant Drunk Monkey On My Back No I Do Not Give Consent Mutant Vehicle. I can't get ahold of him, his phone has been deactivated, to check on his BM intentions, but the signs point to another fate this year for my dear friend.

I don't think I need to pursue trying to get 2 tickets anymore, do you?

[Eric]

I don't think I need to pursue trying to get 2 tickets anymore, do you?

Ya think?

[Lonesomebri]

I don't think I need to pursue trying to get 2 tickets anymore, do you?

Ya think?

What really I think is that some folks, clears throat, prefer I don't try to pursue getting one ticket,

[Goodwolfe]

Dear Eric,
What would you say most birgins miss out on during their first burn (in terms of experiences), and what can I do to avoid that?

[Eric]

What really I think is that some folks, clears throat, prefer I don't try to pursue getting one ticket,

Pursuing the one is good, unless you have a teleporter that can get you past Yggy. Just don't go for the second unless you can snag a better date.

What would you say most birgins miss out on during their first burn (in terms of experiences), and what can I do to avoid that?

Methinks someone should read back a couple of pages & see this is my thread to get my snark on.
Besides, what I like you may hate - go in with an open mind & chase the things that look interesting. Once you accept the fact that you could live 10 lives and still not see everything that happens in just one year at Burning Man it makes it a lot easier. Playadipity is your friend. Also, read this thread - all of it.

[Goodwolfe]

Methinks someone should read back a couple of pages & see this is my thread to get my snark on.
Besides, what I like you may hate - go in with an open mind & chase the things that look interesting. Once you accept the fact that you could live 10 lives and still not see everything that happens in just one year at Burning Man it makes it a lot easier. Playadipity is your friend. Also, read this thread - all of it.

Yeah, I was torn between asking a snarky question or a real one, but didn't have anything that I felt fit the bill adequately.
I tried a little on the pointless tips thread (and actually got some good stuff about treating zippers and the like on the playa), but I'm not really sure I can power through the whole thing, maybe if the badge of honor were something more tangible than a tarnished psyche. Still better than doing office work though.

[Eric]

Yeah, I was torn between asking a snarky question or a real one, but didn't have anything that I felt fit the bill adequately.

Don't worry, I noticed.

I tried a little on the pointless tips thread (and actually got some good stuff about treating zippers and the like on the playa), but I'm not really sure I can power through the whole thing, maybe if the badge of honor were something more tangible than a tarnished psyche.

The honor is finding some damn brilliant ideas buried amongst the snark! Kind of like this thread, but with less me.

[AntiM]

Eric lite?

[Eric]

Eric lite?

Only if you're not trying to lift me.

[Lonesomebri]

Dear Eric,
My entire persona depends on a certain pointless opposition to authority, though not really authority, but more towards anyone, along with an overriding sense of persecution and put-upon-ness. I generally find plenty who will play along with these notions. Recently, unexpectedly, free of snark and elitism aimed at this simple wanna-be hillbilly boy, there have been a few shining generous thoughts of, dare I say, kindness tossed my way. And not as in Frank Sinatra’s My Way, I didn’t slap around any poor waitress or sleep with a friend’s wife to get what I wanted. I didn’t get what I wanted actually, I got what I need. Like that Rolling Stones song. The one with the kid's choir doing background. With this kindness shown by these others, I am experiencing uncomfortable sensations near my upper torso regions, similar to “feelings”, only I’m not longing for a cheeseburger right now, so it can’t be that. Does yoga get rid of this gut feeling? Now I feel like I “owe” these good people, I need to live up to a standard worthy of their concern, though they would be the first to say I owe nothing. Along with this is the perverse relief from my friend not being able to make the event, as this takes all responsibility for another off my shoulders, though he has always been the greatest asset. It’s just with someone else, we got to live like humans, maintaining an acceptable level of comfort and convenience. While if it’s just me…. I’m figuring to scan the cooking/shade shelter/shower threads here and work out the schedule for my whole week. I have a confidence over the event, due to experience. The excitement of the event may have dulled some of the realities I need to face in my personal life that I may have been procrastinating about. Tomorrow I really need to talk to my lawyer, go through my bills and plan for my dog. But right now I feel like a getting a drink.

My question; Are these feelings normal?

Short answer, please.

[Eric]

My question; Are these feelings normal?

Sure, what the fuck. It's not like I'm going to bother reading that wall of text to find out what you're asking.

[Sic Pup]

Dearest Eric,

Is it wrong to:

a) want to pull that furry hat down to the neck and tie the hanging fabric into a knot, a VERY tight knot?

b) having never met the person, having never spoken with, or interacted in any way other than reading posts on ePlaya to want to seek a restraining order?