Ask Eric

[Simon of the Playa]

seek a restraining order?

yeah, i'm not allowed in iowa anymore, i received a ceese and deecissed ordur.

[lucky420]

Snicker snicker ^^.

[Eric]

Dearest Eric,

Is it wrong to:

a) want to pull that furry hat down to the neck and tie the hanging fabric into a knot, a VERY tight knot?

It's a furry hat. You're expected to feel that way.

b) having never met the person, having never spoken with, or interacted in any way other than reading posts on ePlaya to want to seek a restraining order?

So, you forgot how to plonk someone? Today's fucking entitled youth, always wanting someone else to do the work.

seek a restraining order?

yeah, i'm not allowed in iowa anymore, i received a ceese and deecissed ordur.

It's Iowa. That's more like a blessing.

Snicker snicker ^^.

Thanks, but I prefer Ritter Sport. Mass produced American chocolate is waxy & gross.

[Lonesomebri]

I have been offered a chance to join a placed theme camp in the heart of the city. There will probably be an RV and generator involved, along with social interaction, meals, nearby porta potties. I won’t be camped out on the fringe alone, battling for turf, erecting barriers on all sides, taking pride in my shoddy camp. This will effectively sell out all my principles. I might as well start packing “costumes”.

My question: Should I still bring my luggable loo?

bucket_toilet_port-a-pottie_pp33350.jpg

[BBadger]

This will effectively sell out all my principles.

Just reframe it as "cashing in" on your principles. After all, isn't that what karma is all about?

[Eric]

I have been offered a chance to join a placed theme camp in the heart of the city. There will probably be an RV and generator involved, along with social interaction, meals, nearby porta potties. I won’t be camped out on the fringe alone, battling for turf, erecting barriers on all sides, taking pride in my shoddy camp. This will effectively sell out all my principles. I might as well start packing “costumes”.

My question: Should I still bring my luggable loo?

bucket_toilet_port-a-pottie_pp33350.jpg

Don't pack the luggable loo, they empty the RV toilets every other day (though you are stuck with just one mink seat cover for the week). Do pack your own food - they make you eat at set times (as if), and the other customers are pretentious assholes, unlike ourselves, who do these vacations to revel in the rich irony of it. If you have to supply your own costumes you aren't paying enough, don't short yourself. Do not trust the quality of their hookers and blow. As for your "principles" ... those are for the common rabble.

After all, isn't that what karma is all about?

"karma" in the western world is about parting suckers from their money, much like kombucha (or, as I like to call it, Sepsis Tea)

[Lonesomebri]

"karma" in the western world is about parting suckers from their money, much like kombucha (or, as I like to call it, Sepsis Tea)

I've been considered to join a Theme Camp, not run one..........
I've sworn off of blow at the Burn ever since that fateful "endless lines" in the dust performance piece out by the trashed fence back in '08-'10.
The quality of the camp hooker is not in doubt, though I prefer you not ask me about the small contributtion I am to perform for this camp.
And my gut tells me that the RV will be as available to me as much as RVs ever were...or women for that matter... except this one will be in our camp, and not belong to the jerks next door.
As for my principles, of course they are for the common rabble, what else do I have to beat, antagonize and shame the rabble with?
As for kombucha, luggable loo or not, I still plan to bring along my pee jug.

My question: I pretty much HAVE to bring feathers now, right?

[Eric]

My question: I pretty much HAVE to bring feathers now, right?

And loosely attached sequins. If the sequins are attached to the hem of your full-length Siberian white tiger coat for the evening, so much the better.

[Simon of the Playa]

eric, is it possible to do it SO wrong, it's right?

[Lonesomebri]

My question: I pretty much HAVE to bring feathers now, right?

And loosely attached sequins. If the sequins are attached to the hem of your full-length Siberian white tiger coat for the evening, so much the better.

Live tiger.

[Simon of the Playa]

eric, is it possible to do it SO wrong, it's right?

nevermind, i just answered my own question.

[theCryptofishist]

A big fat no, apparently.

You'll get chewed out for wasting Eric's time.

[Eric]

eric, is it possible to do it SO wrong, it's right?

Pretty much the story of my life, so yes.

Live tiger.

While live tigers are great in general for keeping the staff in line, pets aren't allowed on the playa unless you're DPW (and we're not going to [1] work, and [2] smell like them). Dead is the way to go.

nevermind, i just answered my own question.

Much like Liberace, they are proof that you can never go too overboard on an outfit. Never.

A big fat no, apparently.

You'll get chewed out for wasting Eric's time.

He'll get chewed out for doubting the power of Tacky. You'll get chewed out for thinking your name is "Eric". I get to do the chewing out - everybody's happy!

[Simon of the Playa]

eric, is this tacky enough?


or is it sub-LIME

[Joeln]

eric, is this tacky enough?
or is it sub-LIME

Sublime! So ugly it's beautiful.

[AntiM]

But does it need a bedazzling treatment?

[Eric]

eric, is this tacky enough?


or is it sub-LIME

That has never even met tacky - add a ton of rhinestones to the collar and we'll talk. However, as a suit, I'd wear it.

Sublime! So ugly it's beautiful.

Ugly? Ugly is a "business cut" suit walking around the financial district, in a parade of thousands of matching suits in shades of grey, brown, black, and blue. Simon's suit, sir, has style.

[Eric]

But does it need a bedazzling treatment?

Yes. Heavily.

[jneilvindy]

eric, is this tacky enough?


or is it sub-LIME

FABULOUS!

But that shirt could use some work...

[Eric]

But that shirt could use some work...

This from the man in a CK tshirt in his avatar.

Shirt is perfect - just needs a really vibrant, multi-colored (in jewel tones) tie. Purples & yellows would work, so would neon orange. (and do button the top button - if god meant for shirts to be open like that, he wouldn't have put buttons there)

[Captain Goddammit]

Eric I hope you'll forgive my boring-colored suit, it's simply a strategic playa color so it looks clean out there!
Do you think I should "pop" it with a much brighter shirt & tie?
(That's actually a ranger shirt)

[Eric]

Eric I hope you'll forgive my boring-colored suit, it's simply a strategic playa color so it looks clean out there!
Do you think I should "pop" it with a much brighter shirt & tie?
(That's actually a ranger shirt)

You can never wear clothing that is too bright. Bright ties, pocket squares, shirts, shoes; all can be used to remove you from the dismal lives of the boring people. The only time you want to be wearing dull clothes is when you're stalking prey and need to blend in.

[FIGJAM]

Three piece camo?

[Eric]

Three piece camo?

Only if it's neon camo (preferably pink) with lots of rhinestones. Otherwise, no. There is a vast divide between gloriously tacky and plain ugly, and a three piece camo suit is just plain ugly (and I've seen them).

[AntiM]

Eirc, have you ever looked at "camo wedding" on Pinterest? Double dog dare ya.

[jneilvindy]

But that shirt could use some work...

This from the man in a CK tshirt in his avatar.

Shirt is perfect - just needs a really vibrant, multi-colored (in jewel tones) tie. Purples & yellows would work, so would neon orange. (and do button the top button - if god meant for shirts to be open like that, he wouldn't have put buttons there)

Eric. Forgive me for my shirt choice. That particular CK sweater has a sordid past and at this point lives it life slumbering in the back of my closet. This picture was taken in December just to prove to a friend it still lived.

That poor sweater is like a faithful hound, always finding it's way back home after several drunken abandonments in various one-nighters apartments back in my debauched 30's. There was a point where my friends would eagerly wait at the bar on Saturday nights to see which man of the moment would walk in returning my sweater. Much mocking hilarity ensued as my friends passed judgment on my previous night's selection; to this day the term sweater-trick is dredged up whenever a friend wishes to point out I'm making a "in their opinion" foolish choice.

Let he who has never worn parachute pants or stone-washed jeans cast the first stone I say!

[Eric]

Eirc, have you ever looked at "camo wedding" on Pinterest? Double dog dare ya.

Luckily I am a cat person, so "dog dares" mean nothing to me. I have seen such atrocities to style in person, I don't need to reinforce how bad it is.

[snip the excuses]
Let he who has never worn parachute pants or stone-washed jeans cast the first stone I say!

Oh, I cast that stone already darlin'. Never worn either, and I am definitely of that era.

[Lonesomebri]

[snip the excuses]
Let he who has never worn parachute pants or stone-washed jeans cast the first stone I say!

Oh, I cast that stone already darlin'. Never worn either, and I am definitely of that era.

Dear Eric, have you ever had parachute pants or stone washed jeans laying on your floor, draped off the end of the bed, or fixed in view?
Question: What kind of stones are you throwing?

[Lonesomebri]

Dear Eric,
A kind ePlayan tried to sell me a ticket for $250 less than cost. They appreciated how I had promised to ride people around on my chariot and serve others cold drinks. I managed to pay full for the ticket, and was then complimented for my generosity. That ePlayan then rolled the money over into art supplies for another camp that will be distributed to the playa. Meanwhile, today I am going to assemble a camp sign that another ePlayan gave me last year, drove it right to my house. Last burn, I was served fresh strawberry daiquiris at this cat’s camp.

My question: The event embraces gifting to the community, yet none of these people are DJs. Is there a word for this kind of interaction where one supports the community at an expense to themselves, yet does so without wearing earphones, a faux fur jacket, and slightly tilting one’s head, placing a couple fingers to the downsided ear, while playing an ipod?

[jneilvindy]

Dear Eric:

Lately I've found myself troubled by dark thoughts concerning the fact that I don't yet have my tickets to burningman but I've chanted the mantra of Trilo and drove them back to the land of fear and covetness.

However upon waking up yesterday morning I found my arms covered in dirt up to my elbows and a crude map made up of dill pickles laid out on the kitchen floor.

Following the maps directions I dug up a pickle jar and found a burningman effigy doll stuck full of pins and the words ticket.org written on it with a sharpie marker and drowned deeply in pickle juice. I might add the sharpie had been pressed pretty deeply into the figure and the words looked frantically scribbled and were heavily underlined.

Not knowing what to think I re-buried the jar with the figure upside down in it this time and oddly..felt better.

I'm really very worried at this point and don't know what to think or do; worried enough to turn to Ask Eric.

So my question is this... how do I remove a pickle juice stain from my hardwood floor so no one else can follow my map?

Yours in trust; Neil