Ask Eric

[Eric]

Dear Eric, have you ever had parachute pants or stone washed jeans laying on your floor, draped off the end of the bed, or fixed in view?

I have, but they most certainly weren't mine - I was doing my part in beautifying the world by removing them from their owners bodies

Question: What kind of stones are you throwing?

Who said anything about throwing, I'm casting them. They need to be able to stand the shock and high heat of molten metal, so usually it's rubies or garnets (I guess common people could use diamonds, but I don't work with overpriced river rocks)

My question: The event embraces gifting to the community, yet none of these people are DJs. Is there a word for this kind of interaction where one supports the community at an expense to themselves, yet does so without wearing earphones, a faux fur jacket, and slightly tilting one’s head, placing a couple fingers to the downsided ear, while playing an ipod?

Well, since you think your gifts have value, but the DJs gift of music does not, I guess it would be called "hipster gifting".

So my question is this... how do I remove a pickle juice stain from my hardwood floor so no one else can follow my map?

Tonight cover the rest of the floor in pickle juice, leaving the areas that are already stained dry. When you wake up tomorrow, wipe it all off. Your floor now has no discernible map, plus you have the bonus of glorious pickle smell filling your house. Hopefully you use real brined pickles, not the nasty rushed vinegar things, otherwise the smell will not be so glorious.

[Lonesomebri]

Well, since you think your gifts have value, but the DJs gift of music does not, I guess it would be called "hipster gifting".

Well, yes and no, gifting to the community is what the DJs do, that was the basis of my question. I enjoy the sound camps. I enjoy the target rich characters. You inferred/projected/were honest enough to admit the value claim. What do you call the other stuff people do for people at a cost to themselves, that is not on an elevated stage, without crowds cheering, and out of the spot light? Your answer- "Hipster" gifting? Okay. If you can believe a person getting up at 8am to serve pancakes to strangers is sharing and motivated the same as a person furthering their glamorous entertainment career, well, yeah, sure. Everyone is a hipster now. Tell the DJ's I'm hipper than them, see how far that will get you.

[theCryptofishist]

It's true, just the other day I saw someone in a hipster sweatshirt, or, to be more precise, a sweatshirt that had "hipster" printed on it. That made my mind do a couple of back flips. But I'm not here to talk to you, Bri.

Eric
I am feeling despondent and don't want to read most threads on here. Which ones (besides this) will be best for me at t his time?

[Eric]

Tell the DJ's I'm hipper than them, see how far that will get you.

Doesn't have to get me anywhere. I'm not the one judging the relative merits of gifts - and I'm never, ever up by 8am, on playa or off. Besides, I work for DJs. Full time.

I am feeling despondent and don't want to read most threads on here. Which ones (besides this) will be best for me at t his time?

Just hang out in the Bar & here, and anything else you find fun (page 2 maybe?). Stay the fuck out of the ticket forum - I would if I could.

[winterdream28]

Dear Eric:

This will be my 2nd year back. I am wanting to give back more so I have had to opportunity to help out with greeters this year(Very excited) as well as I would like to gift something back to the community.

However, I am torn if my idea of a gift is to much barter/tradish.

The thought/idea behind the gift.

"A Penny for Your Thoughts"

The Background - My Fiancé and I will be getting married in March of 2015 and one thing I greatly value is that of sound advice and guidance let it be from a friend or a total stranger.
I would love to bring a Journal to the Playa in which people share their thoughts with me on how to have a successful, loving, a spiritual journey together in our new chapter of husband and wife.
I would ask them to please fill out a page in the journal let it be 2 words or 2 pages. Whatever their heart desires.

Then in a show of appreciation of sharing their thoughts I would like to give them a penny for their thoughts.
I would like to make approximately 200-300 penny necklaces that have a drilled penny on it ( possible paint of The Man on the back side) On either side of the Penny there would be two different beads one representing myself and one representing my Fiancé to say thank you for taking their time to gift to us as well.


Now my question Eric.... is this to much of a "trade"..... something I know is not of value and frowned upon.

Let me know your thoughts. Thank you:)

[Lonesomebri]

...I have had to opportunity to help out with greeters this year(Very excited) as well as I would like to gift something back to the community....
I would ask them to please fill out a page in the journal let it be 2 words or 2 pages. Whatever their heart desires.
Then in a show of appreciation of sharing their thoughts I would like to give them a penny for their thoughts.

As an aside, I'll give a greeter five bucks if they just wave everyone thru at gate.

[Eric]

I would love to bring a Journal to the Playa in which people share their thoughts with me on how to have a successful, loving, a spiritual journey together in our new chapter of husband and wife.

Do not ask me to do that part. It is taking everything in my power to just remind you that this is my snark thread.

now my question Eric.... is this to much of a "trade"..... something I know is not of value and frowned upon.

Don't let them know you're going to gift them something - ask them if they would like to share (and don't be upset if they say no), and if they do, offer a necklace (and don't be upset if they say no). Also, my gift was a non-snark answer to this question.

As an aside, I'll give a greeter five bucks if they just wave everyone thru at gate.

I'm all for having Gate just tossing the pre-MOOP into the vehicles & ditching the Greeters, but then those fucking hippies will be free to wander from camp to camp offering hugs. Keep them corralled at Center Camp & Greeters.

[winterdream28]

Appreciate your wisdom:) Thank you happy weekend!

[Jovankat]

I would love to bring a Journal to the Playa in which people share their thoughts with me on how to have a successful, loving, a spiritual journey together in our new chapter of husband and wife.

Do not ask me to do that part. It is taking everything in my power to just remind you that this is my snark thread.

Is it possible for other's to get their own snark thread?

[theCryptofishist]

Apparently, one has to have one started for one. I'm thinking of

Oh blast, I started answering a question in Eric's thread. I'm doomed.

[FIGJAM]

Dear Eric

Has Fishy "Done it" now?

[Eric]

Is it possible for other's to get their own snark thread?

Fuck if I know - this was dumped on me as a surprise. This thread is the mass-produced cheap Chinese trinket of gifts.

Apparently, one has to have one started for one. I'm thinking of

Oh blast, I started answering a question in Eric's thread. I'm doomed.

I'm going to toss some guppies in your tank - they're the hippies of fishdom. Breed like crazy, run in packs, probably smell like patchouli.

Has Fishy "Done it" now?

I don't know about "now", but she's an adult fish, so I'm assuming she's "Done it" at some point.

[ProfessorChaos]

A scathing review on Yelp is a badge of honor - they're usually so over the top they cross into comedy. Use the best lines in your advertising, in your sig-line, in marketing campaigns (not kidding, I know clubs that do this & it's brilliant).

Nothing pisses off an asshole more than you laughing at them, because they want to make you angry. You get angry, they win. You laugh, you win.

Your infinite wisdom is very much appreciated!

Dear Eric,

I wanted to update you on this old situation. I actually applied your wisdom in the art of snark and it worked!!!
Customers of mine saw this butthole's rude yelp review and actuall flocked to give me better ones because of her single insane one! I also just found out from my sibling she was fired from the real estate company she worked for this week for drinking with high school kids in her house. Apparently some kid posted the photos to Facebook of her getting trashed with 16 year olds.

Not bad for wearing her insane review as a badge of honor!

[Eric]

And to think there are people who doubt my wisdom! Taking an insult & using it your advantage always makes you the winner, because it takes the other persons perceived power over you away.

[jneilvindy]

Dear Eric:

Do you have any thoughts on THE fashion look for this year?

For instance; bandana's or motorcycle masks? Tye-dye or solids? Retro 70's, mad-max or dignified Raj look?

finally, must one ALWAYS shirtcock in a dirty white tee or is solid colors and prints allowed, maybe with a catchy phrase such as an "I'm with stupid" and an arrow pointing down shirt?

[BoyScoutGirl]

Dear Eric,

A friend who will be at TTITD for the first time this year thinks I speak in hyperbole; I ask your response to their hypothetical question: "After all, how much dust can there be?"

My mind just could not generate sufficient snark for quick rejoinder.

Thank you,
Perhaps bitten off more than she can chew

[Eric]

Do you have any thoughts on THE fashion look for this year?

Same as always: variations on cowboy hats, furry leg coverings, fake-fur jackets and lots of Mad Max black shit. Boring as hell, but apparently always in playa fashion.

As for shirt-cocking - it doesn't matter what you wear, everybody will be doing their damnedest to look away anyway.

I ask your response to their hypothetical question: "After all, how much dust can there be?"

There is no answer to this stupidity: just look at them sadly, shake your head slightly, and mutter "poor poor creature..." while giving them a wan smile. If you're feeling especially Jewish, you can always add a shrug and go "what would I know, only having been before?" in quiet tones. This year, they'll be smacked inn the head by reality shortly after they arrive...

[BoyScoutGirl]

I ask your response to their hypothetical rhetorical question: "After all, how much dust can there be?"

There is no answer to this stupidity: just look at them sadly, shake your head slightly, and mutter "poor poor creature..." while giving them a wan smile. If you're feeling especially Jewish, you can always add a shrug and go "what would I know, only having been before?" in quiet tones. This year, they'll be smacked inn the head by reality shortly after they arrive...

I take it the "poor, poor creature" becomes me if - and this is entirely hypothetical, mind - the naive first-timer happens to be my charge for, say, the whole shebang?

[Eric]

I take it the "poor, poor creature" becomes me if - and this is entirely hypothetical, mind - the naive first-timer happens to be my charge for, say, the whole shebang?

Well, hypothetically of course, if you set yourself up with a birgin who's not going to believe you about conditions out there or take your survival tips, you would, hypothetically again, be more ready to reply "Burning Man sucks, don't go" the next time you are asked.

As for this year... straight up tell them they're an idiot (you can tell them I said it if you want to be nice), and that other then making sure they have water, you aren't responsible for their hypothetical comfort or fun.

[Sic Pup]

As for shirt-cocking - it doesn't matter what you wear, everybody will be doing their damnedest to look away anyway.

Dear Eric,

Is it wrong to dress people with your mind?

[theCryptofishist]

Eric
Why isn't your birthday an international holiday?

[Elorrum]

Eric
Why isn't your birthday an international holiday?

I was going to ask something along this line. Isn't it a wonderful day? I hope so.

[theCryptofishist]

So, I've rekindled my love of Ak-Maks, which leads me to wonder: What is the best cracker for the playa?

[Jovankat]

Dear Eric,

What is an Ak-Mak?

[pink]

Maybe we need an ask Fishy thread?

[Lonesomebri]

Dear Eric,
When would be the appropriate time to notify the boss of my new camp that I have zero structural, building, social, organizational, knot tying skills?

[Just_Joe]

Dear Eric,
As a corrollary, what's the best way to dimiss a campmate who you believed had command of said skills.

[Jovankat]

In a related vein, how does one politely explain why it's upsetting that a camp mate with said skills who was sold a ticket based on said skills is now saying they think they're going to go to a party rather then come help at early entry?

[theCryptofishist]

Dear Eric
How to I make sure that no one thinks I'm with those three clowns persons above me?

[Eric]

Is it wrong to dress people with your mind?

Absolutely not. I do it all the time - usually in a burka, regardless of gender.

Why isn't your birthday an international holiday?

I don't need the plebs sullying it.

I was going to ask something along this line. Isn't it a wonderful day? I hope so.

I don't remember. So yes.

So, I've rekindled my love of Ak-Maks, which leads me to wonder: What is the best cracker for the playa?

Does it matter if you're not going?

What is an Ak-Mak?

Does Google not work in Australia?

Maybe we need an ask Fishy thread?

Isn't that every thread?

When would be the appropriate time to notify the boss of my new camp that I have zero structural, building, social, organizational, knot tying skills?

About 15 minutes after they need you to do any of those things. Then move your hippie ass to Center Camp.

As a corrollary, what's the best way to dimiss a campmate who you believed had command of said skills.

Pack their tent & supplies into a neat pile with a sweet "bye-bye" note attached (directions to Center Camp are optional)

In a related vein, how does one politely explain why it's upsetting that a camp mate with said skills who was sold a ticket based on said skills is now saying they think they're going to go to a party rather then come help at early entry?

If they've paid for the ticket your screwed on that end, but retract their EA offer (since they haven't been issued yet), and when they arrive let them know that they'll need to find a new place to set up. No need to be polite to a mooch, no need to invite drama to live in your camp. Feel free to let them know of this in advance.

How to I make sure that no one thinks I'm with those three clowns persons above me?

Camp somewhere else.