Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

[Jackass]

go ahead, stick your xyz in that gloryhole. Now, what's on the other side?

[Gunslinger]

The instant some fireworks go off above the man during the night of the conclave, everyone sprints toward the base to gather the candy hidden before the burn.

[gaminwench]

Do ALL of the mind-altering substances as soon as you arrive!

[Rice]

When Gate finds you hidden in the back of a hippie bus, they will laugh and let you and the 10 other people in with no problem.

(Uh, No - actually you everyone in the bus will have their ticket's voided and then get to go home right away. No burn for you, dumbasses....)

[JayBobBoy]

Make sure you bring sharpies so you can express yourself all over someone else's project! Radical self expression right!

It's only acceptable at the temple and if the artist expressly instructs you it is OK. Don't be an asshole!

[tatonka]

use straight vinegar to wash with

[Meat Hunter]

Since the gate people, LEO, and sniffy puppies do not arrive at the gate until just before opening time; arrive several hours before the official opening time.

If you arrive several hours early, you can drive right in and not have to worry about long lines or the puppies sniffing out your organic herbal medicine.

[Lonesomebri]

If a rumor spreads that something valuable was left in the Man or the Temple during the Burn, say a rock from outer space, you really should spend the rest of that night digging thru the ashes and cinders, no matter how much your mates might complain that they would rather go have fun. It's there !!!! We all know it is.

[Jackass]

Stop by Camp Threat, they're a wonderful food service camp specializing in shellfish. If I were you, I'd order the 5 day old shrimp cocktail or the lobster bisque. They are to die for...

While you're at it DON'T label that Gatorade bottle you've been pissing in, leave it in random locations around camp and see what happens.

[shroom]

it's ok to grab all the naked bits you see on the playa, everyone knows if you go naked you have to share your bits.

[Lonesomebri]

Here's the thing, if you don't like the ticketing process, you want to confirm anything, or feel that all the doucheVIPs are ruining it, if you have any complaints, want to bitch and moan, any suggestions on how to run the event better, need to find discount RV rentals, if small parts of your life cause you discomfort and you seek answers...... that is what the mods are here for.

[theCryptofishist]

Because of the toxic releases in the city over the years, Chevron is now giving every resident of Richmond two free fill-ups a month. Pull into the Chevron, show your driver's license, and pump---


Ooops. Wrong city. Won't hurt any, because there are no Chevron stations...

[jneilvindy]

Center camp has daily trash pickup. Just bring your garbage to center camp and you'll find the dumpsters in back.

[Fan C]

Don't bother staking anything down. Just wish really hard.

[BoyScoutGirl]

The best time to create your documentary/master's thesis/how-to guide is before and during your first time participating. That way your deeply penetrating, brilliant new take on the event (no one's ever analyzed/presented it this way!) will be minimally tainted by any actual experience with your subject matter.

[1durphul]

eplaya is your first stop for making complaints to the BORG. All complaints and suggestions posted to eplaya get screened and then fast tracked to the board members.

It has also been suggested that Trilo is Larry Harvey's sock puppet.

[gaminwench]

The Black Hole is a great place for sparkleponies to get fed and entertained.

[theCryptofishist]

Think of this city as your home.

[Mista_Zero]

Dust storms are a playa myth that vets use to scare away newbies. Dust masks only make you look lame and make your face sweaty; same with goggles. Fuck that, you came here to look good, right?

[BoyScoutGirl]

Think of this city as your home.

Ha!

[geospyder]

Along with a photocopy of your ID don't forget to carry a credit card or two - not all Playa bars take cash.

[1durphul]

DEFINITELY use your shitty cell phone camera to record the man burn. Professional photographers and documentations never bother filming the man burn, so chances are your shitty cell phone camera will be the best/highest quality video you'll ever see of that burn. Besides, why be present and watch the burn directly with your own eyeballs when you can watch it on your cell phones screen, that fire is bright, don't burn your eyes out by experiencing it in the moment!

[Savannah]

[BBadger]

Like on airlines, (crying) babies are a welcome and appreciated presence on the playa, much like budget-brand generators. The porta-potties also all have changing tables and diaper-disposal containers. You're all set!

Bringing your "gift" to the playa will also allow you to bypass the gate lines! Just use that empty baby lane on the left. Don't worry about stuffing your baby on your front window like a vehicle pass sticker. When you arrive at the gate, just hold your baby outside the window like you're Michael Jackson and they'll let you right through.

[skippy3k]

Each day will be better and more fun than the previous.

[Lonesomebri]

On your way up to the playa, stop by Nixon or Wadsworth to discuss with the Paiutes their history and interaction with outside visitors to their lands. Make sure to wear your headdress.

[BoyScoutGirl]

Each day will be better and more fun than the previous.

... so don't bother going out of camp before Friday night, at the earliest.

[1durphul]

Each day will be better and more fun than the previous.

... so don't bother going out of camp before Friday night, at the earliest.

This is an excellent piece of advice.

[Dr. Pyro]

The DPW wants you to just walk right up and take their cigarettes and liquor. You don't even have to say "thank you", they know you mean it in your heart.

[Meat Hunter]

Those expensive and low-powered closed-type inverter generators are just a waste of good money.

You can find perfectly good and way more powerful and playa-friendly open-type generators for a lot less money.

And, the open-type generators are easier to maintain and burn way less gas....