Rumors and Trumors

Molotov · Post by **Molotov** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:59 pm

Post the most outrageous rumors you heard this year or verify that some of them, in fact, were true. (Please no Daft Punk rumors-that subject has jumped the shark)

I will start:

1. BLM cops were setting out "bait bikes" and anybody who took one (even during exodus) got tagged with a theft citation.

gibson_ · Post by **gibson_** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 3:05 pm

Betty White played at White Ocean on Wednesday night.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:32 pm

At the Burn this year, over past 9, off of L, behind the iron curtain, protected by the great wall, when he wasn't doing a segway dance behind a full-on over the head respirator on a clear day, or handing out cherry ice-pops, the Supreme Eternal Leader for the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea Kim Jong-un was chilling in the dust. Due to the Burner vibe, which Kim totally got, no longer in North Korea is wearing LED finger pointers or pink fur a crime punishable by hard labor for the offender and family...well, the offender still pounds rocks but the family is only mildly tortured and ostracized from eating, manifestations initiated due to Kim boogying down at Robot Heart, no worries.

And I heard that the camp Kim was in, which he joined after reading the glowing article in the Wall Street Journal, just pulled up with a box truck in front of a mega-hardware store on the way to the Burn, and loaded up with the laborers waiting outside on the street corner looking for work, giving each a ticket, two glowsticks, 7 squares of single ply, and a hundred "Larry" bucks to work the week for the amigos en llamas on the outskirts of Black Rock City. The camp is actually run by a LCC composed of the Vatican, the Illuminate, a militant libertarian Rainbow family splinter faction, the desert cats running Dubai, and the state lotto of Illinois.

After the laborers constructed the camp from the ground up, they were made grilled cheese sandwiches by Fresh Prince and Zuckerbaby, while Grover Norquist made a satellite phone call for them to one of the 38 law enforcement agencies covering the Burn. The sandwiches made a nice comforting meal for the workers to enjoy on the long ride, after the Temple Burn, as they traveled back south with the notified INS in an overcrowed un air-conditioned inhumane white bus with barred windows (this later turned out to be the Burner Express bus to Reno). Though the bus could be seen from the windows of the private helicopters carrying the the newest, richest members of the Burning Man community back to write articles, make commercials, and rule with an iron fist, those traveling above the riff-raff had no time to gaze down on silly slowly moving dots on a squiggly line in the desert; they have bubbly to drink and selfies to take.

DrYes · Post by **DrYes** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:17 pm

Rumor: That anyone had fun this year.

Truth: No need to enter the ticket lottery going forward. The rumors of fun were grossly exaggerated. Nobody showed up and nothing happened.

maladroit · Post by **maladroit** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:21 pm

Lonesomebri wrote:At the Burn this year

I love your frontal lobe

GreyCoyote · Post by **GreyCoyote** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:57 pm

Bri: I used to worry about your sanity. Now I know it's completely gone.

EPIC rant!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Mon Sep 08, 2014 7:31 pm

Bri, will you write my biography? You'll make my life fantastic!

Jovankat · Post by **Jovankat** » Tue Sep 09, 2014 4:00 pm

Yeah dude you've got a talent.

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:44 am

A guy came into the Artery with a laminate that said

Good for one elevator ride to the observation deck in the head of the Man

He wanted to know how to redeem it.....

Wrath · Post by **Wrath** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:48 pm

littleflower wrote:A guy came into the Artery with a laminate that said
Good for one elevator ride to the observation deck in the head of the Man
He wanted to know how to redeem it.....

Golden.

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 2:15 pm

the Supreme Eternal Leader for the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea Kim Jong-un was chilling in the dust. Due to the Burner vibe, which Kim totally got, no longer in North Korea is wearing LED finger pointers or pink fur a crime punishable by hard labor for the offender and family...well, the offender still pounds rocks but the family is only mildly tortured and ostracized from eating, manifestations initiated due to Kim boogying down at Robot Heart, no worries.

That's actually really good news to hear. In fact, in my estimation such information ratchets Kim Jong-un down a few notches from being the most reviled person on the planet and positions second place runner-up Gwyneth Paltrow into that unenviable post.

GreyCoyote · Post by **GreyCoyote** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 2:18 pm

Iso: Where does Jane Fonda rate on that scale?

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 3:04 pm

Iso: Where does Jane Fonda rate on that scale?

Well, certainly below celebs like the Fox News whore puppet Ann Coulter, and that blathering shit-bag of delusional Christ-o-holic rants - Michele Bachmann. Still, she's has done a thing or two which I cannot find myself able to forgive her for. Ever.

The movie Barbarella being a case in point.

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 3:05 pm

Isotopia wrote:
Iso: Where does Jane Fonda rate on that scale?
Well, certainly below celebs like the Fox News whore puppet Ann Coulter, and that blathering shit-bag of delusional Christ-o-holic rants - Michele Bachmann. Still, Fonda has done a thing or two which I cannot find myself able to forgive her for. Ever.

The movie Barbarella being a case in point.

fireheadwhale · Post by **fireheadwhale** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 3:44 pm

Plans are being made to open a Burning Man themed Amusement Park in the desert. It will be open year round. Families will pay to bring their own water, entertain other families, and camp in the desert. A wooden "art" thingy will be burned every Saturday. Some names being considered for this attraction are Larryland, Burnin' Land, and HarveyWorld.

GreyCoyote · Post by **GreyCoyote** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 4:39 pm

Isotopia wrote:
Iso: Where does Jane Fonda rate on that scale?
Well, certainly below celebs like the Fox News whore puppet Ann Coulter, and that blathering shit-bag of delusional Christ-o-holic rants - Michele Bachmann. Still, she's has done a thing or two which I cannot find myself able to forgive her for. Ever.

The movie Barbarella being a case in point.

I am SO totally crushing on you right now.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:18 pm

I heard that if you ask a person directly if the are on the Board of the Burning Man Project, and they are, they have to answer truthifullness.

jneilvindy · Post by **jneilvindy** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 2:39 pm

As a kid I totally crushed on the dinosaurs in One Million Years B.C.

Other than that it just looked like another one of those beach movies by Frankie and Annette with a serious lack of surfing to my pre-teen brain.

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:13 pm

Rumor heard, but unconfirmed....Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook was there in a plug 'n play camp.

Rumor heard and confirmed....one additional death off-playa after a heart attack on playa.

Rumor heard and unconfirmed......the Paiutes arrested a number of burners at Pyramid lake camping....the burners had established a temporary autonomous zone of nudity becauseof the rain on Sunday.

Confirmations or denials, anyone?

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:11 pm

^Rhino! wrote:Rumor heard, but unconfirmed....Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook was there in a plug 'n play camp.

Rumor heard and confirmed....one additional death off-playa after a heart attack on playa.

Rumor heard and unconfirmed......the Paiutes arrested a number of burners at Pyramid lake camping....the burners had established a temporary autonomous zone of nudity becauseof the rain on Sunday.

Confirmations or denials, anyone?

I know that public nudity is disrespectful to the Paiute tribe at Pyramid. Went to a hippie fest on sacred/private land at the lake in 2012 and there were "no nudity" signs everywhere

And if those campers didn't buy a camping permit...

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 7:19 pm

*making mommy another drink*

maladroit · Post by **maladroit** » Thu Sep 18, 2014 11:27 pm

3:00 side of the city is so dusty because PnP camps dump it there after sweeping the whole 9:00 side.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 10:51 am

I heard that the soundcamps in 2015 are going to use federal prison labor to set up the dance floor/moop collecting areas as part of their drive for "radical inclusion".

vargaso · Post by **vargaso** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:03 am

Fact: Clive Bundy just declared he, as an American citizen, has the right to graze his cattle on the Black Rock Desert, since it's public land. This time next year, there will be 5000 head of cattle roaming the playa. I only hope they aren't wearing feathers, that would cause a lot of MOOP.

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:18 am

vargaso wrote:Fact: Clive Bundy just declared he, as an American citizen, has the right to graze his cattle on the Black Rock Desert, since it's public land. This time next year, there will be 5000 head of cattle roaming the playa. I only hope they aren't wearing feathers, that would cause a lot of MOOP.

Great. It just shows that he's NOT a student of history. During the 1850s through the 1870s you could, as Mark Twain put it, 'walk on the carcasses of oxen and cattle" that they had TRIED to drive across the Black Rock Desert. 5000 of them should be just enough to line the Esplanade with rotting flesh.

vargaso · Post by **vargaso** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:34 am

^Rhino! wrote:
vargaso wrote:Fact: Clive Bundy just declared he, as an American citizen, has the right to graze his cattle on the Black Rock Desert, since it's public land. This time next year, there will be 5000 head of cattle roaming the playa. I only hope they aren't wearing feathers, that would cause a lot of MOOP.
Great. It just shows that he's NOT a student of history. During the 1850s through the 1870s you could, as Mark Twain put it, 'walk on the carcasses of oxen and cattle" that they had TRIED to drive across the Black Rock Desert. 5000 of them should be just enough to line the Esplanade with rotting flesh.

Clive Bundy doesn't need history. Clive Bundy looks history square in the face and laughs. He is not beholden to its laws.

BREAKING!!!
I just got word that Larry Harvey invited Clive Bundy to the Burning Man headquarters last week, where they hashed out a plan to provide porta-potties for the 5000 head of cattle to use, so as not to MOOP up the playa. My sources tell me that the dude behind the slotted wood sculpture thing is working on the design as we speak. Once that is complete, the next step will be to teach the cattle to use the porta-potties, which will be called COW-a-Bungas henceforth (fully trademarked, all rights reserved). I'll keep every updated as news trickles in.

vargaso · Post by **vargaso** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:39 am

That was fast. My sources report that Chip Conley wants to get into the burgeoning bovine hospitality business and has thrown his hat into the ring, donating $50,000 to research the logistics of providing an immersive, luxurious grazing experience to cattle. He has hired Temple Grandin to design a PnP camp that can accommodate a cow's unique ergonomic and dietary needs.

GreyCoyote · Post by **GreyCoyote** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:54 am

My sources tell me that Laura Brannigan was seen stark raving (literally) nekkie at the JOTS at 5:00 and H on Thursday. Something about wanting to do an acoustic set at Distrikt, and Simon giving her certain drugs led to a meltdown and the death of her tuba playa.

Lonesomebri · Post by **Lonesomebri** » Fri Sep 19, 2014 12:19 pm

The new hit single video by Pharrell, recorded in the porta-potties at 9 and E, titled "Get Crappy," is gonna break soon and break hard.

zeigen · Post by **zeigen** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 1:27 am

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