Conversations with my mother

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:22 pm

This one was today, after a a voicemail she left obviously upset, I called her back

Me: mom, what's wrong?
Mom: I just hung up on your bitch sister. (Note, I have two sisters. From history I know better than to guess, just wait for it)
Me: (pause pause pause)
Mom: you little sister is such a bitch. I just got home from three days with her and she was so hateful (here I tune out for a bit, sometimes you just have to let it flow) so I called her at work just now and she answered really mean and said she was to busy to talk to me what the hell did I want, so I just blurted out Dorie is dead and I hung up.
Me: wait, what? Dorie is dead? Dorie miller? (Note, Dorie is my sister in laws sister. A special needs lovely young woman that I've known since I was in high school)
Mom: yes, but I've been with your sister for the last three days in Houston and she's (on and on)
Me: wait mom, what happened to Dorie! How is Dorie dead?
Mom: we don't know. The police are there it was what they call an unattended death. But your sister (on and on)
Me: you want me to hit her in the head with a baseball bat? I've done it before.
Mom: laughs yes.
Me: so, Dorie?
Mom: since they have to do an autopsy we probably won't have a funeral for a week or so. But, your sister and I are driving to the other funeral in corpus tomorrow, you can ride with us if you want.
Me: um, gee you make it sound so fun. But, um, I have to work. Wait! What other funeral?

Ratty · Post by **Ratty** » Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:58 pm

My Mom interrupted me sewing a tiny see-through outfit for next years burn.

Mom: Ruthy! I hope you're not planning to wear that out of the house.

Me: It's perfect for Burning Man. A lot of people don't wear anything.

Mom: Well. You're not a lot of people. You are way to old to be dressing like that. (Pointing at the offending object).

Me: And you're not exactly the person to be giving me fashion advice. You've been out of the loop for almost 40 years.

Mom: You're right honey. I love you. Wear what you want and enjoy life.

Me: I love you too Mom.

Mom died in 1969.

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:23 am

Ahhh moms, gotta love them.

And I absolutely adore my mom, she is the glue that has held my family together for many years.

I love you mom

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Fri Oct 31, 2014 8:45 am

My favorite from "a few" years back. On the phone again.

me: Hello
Mom: Oh honey, i forgot your birthday, i meant to call (note, the call was in August, my birthday is July. Plus, she never remembers my birthday, they just weren't a big deal in my family growing up) I'm so sorry.
me: Well mom, not sure why it's a big deal this year?
Mom: Well, turning 40 is hard on a woman and I really wanted to be there for you.
me: Thank you Mom, but I was 43 this year. This was Mike's (my brother) 40th birthday year, but that was in February.

Then she hung up on me.

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:27 am

My mother-in-law is like T's mom.. We have not spoken in 54 years "thank Goodness".. When my wife would call her.. She would make my wife cry every time.. My wife has passed these twenty years.. No my daughter ( a real nice person) tries to call, but she make her cry too.. Her son is her only contact.. He has to bring her food once a week.. Every year I ask him how his mother is.. He always answers " She is meaner than a snake"..

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:47 am

Oh my mom doesn't make me cry. She makes me laugh a lot. She is just very self focused and that's something I am accustomed too. All I can do is love her. About thirty years ago I started saying ouch, or wow that was hurtful. So she thinks a bit more (sometimes) and every now and again she calls and compliments me. Out of the blue. Usually for weird things, and that makes me laugh too.

her childhood was horrid. Think of the worst and add some, so I empathize with her. Every now and then the things she says can sting a bit, but she made my childhood so much better than hers was. She had to work hard to try and stop those cycles. Mostly successfully. I consider her a survivor.

None of these posts are meant to gain sympathy or put her in a bad light. She makes me laugh and I thought it would be a good thread for these kinds of wtf conversations.

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:55 pm

In later years when mom was done with doing traditional xmas, I started taking her to Vegas for xmas.

She would play the slots and keno having her old lady fun.

I would check up on her every couple of hours and eventually ask if she wanted to go to dinner later.

I could NEVER get a yes or no answer to this question.

Always a 5 to 10 minute discourse on everything under the sun and at the end, still no answer to my question!!!

Thecatman · Post by **Thecatman** » Wed Nov 26, 2014 4:36 pm

Me when I was about six years old: Mommy, can me and Sissy (my sister who is two years older than me. Name changed to protect the innocent) go outside and run through the sprinkler?
Mommy: No!
Me: Why not?
Mommy: (Calmly)Well you know she's sick and can't go outside.
Me: OK!
So I go outside, turn the sprinkler on and bring it in the house.
True story. My sister still reminds me of it from time to time.

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Wed Nov 26, 2014 5:26 pm

This years excuse to not give me a raise at work was "email communication is abrupt, rude and unprofessional." And again they could not provide examples of such communication. So, this is how I would usually communicate:

Mike,

Thank you for the screenshot of the error. As we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7 and the IT department is investigating solutions. HR is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change.
Hopefully we will have a resolution soon.
(My signature black is set up to auto populate. )

So I started sending this:

Hey mike!

Thank you for sending the screenshot of the error!!!

as we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7

And the IT department is investigating solutions. Hr is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change!!!!!! Hopefully we will have a resolution soon!

And my supervisor responded that she loves my new attitude!!!!!! This is much improved!!!!!

Shoot me.

Hope-a-Lope · Post by **Hope-a-Lope** » Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:01 pm

A couple of weeks ago:

Mom: So, what did you do for Halloween?
Me: Oh, I went to this big warehouse party that one of the Burning Man camps did in Brooklyn.
Mom: Ooooh, is this the Robot Heart? I remember that name, you really like them!

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:31 pm

tamarakay wrote:This years excuse to not give me a raise at work was "email communication is abrupt, rude and unprofessional." And again they could not provide examples of such communication. So, this is how I would usually communicate:

Mike,

Thank you for the screenshot of the error. As we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7 and the IT department is investigating solutions. HR is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change.
Hopefully we will have a resolution soon.
(My signature black is set up to auto populate. )

So I started sending this:

Hey mike!

Thank you for sending the screenshot of the error!!! as we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7
And the IT department is investigating solutions. Hr is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change!!!!!! Hopefully we will have a resolution soon!

And my supervisor responded that she loves my new attitude!!!!!! This is much improved!!!!!

Shoot me.

I think I see the problem.

You didn't say "Fuck ur day"!!!!!!!!!

Post by **Elderberry** » Wed Nov 26, 2014 10:09 pm

That's funny. (I'm sure it's less funny for you having to put up with that crap.) Sort of reminds me of Alfred Hitchcock and Psyco. When the censors looked at the movie for the first time, they said the shower scene was too violent and had to be changed. He waited a few weeks, said he edited it and showed them the exact same movie with absolutely no edits. They approved the movie. Go figure.

tamarakay wrote:This years excuse to not give me a raise at work was "email communication is abrupt, rude and unprofessional." And again they could not provide examples of such communication. So, this is how I would usually communicate:

Mike,

Thank you for the screenshot of the error. As we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7 and the IT department is investigating solutions. HR is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change.
Hopefully we will have a resolution soon.
(My signature black is set up to auto populate. )

So I started sending this:

Hey mike!

Thank you for sending the screenshot of the error!!! as we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7
And the IT department is investigating solutions. Hr is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change!!!!!! Hopefully we will have a resolution soon!

And my supervisor responded that she loves my new attitude!!!!!! This is much improved!!!!!

Shoot me.

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Sun Dec 14, 2014 5:40 pm

tamarakay wrote:This years excuse to not give me a raise at work was "email communication is abrupt, rude and unprofessional." And again they could not provide examples of such communication. So, this is how I would usually communicate:

Mike,

Thank you for the screenshot of the error. As we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7 and the IT department is investigating solutions. HR is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change.
Hopefully we will have a resolution soon.
(My signature black is set up to auto populate. )

So I started sending this:

Hey mike!

Thank you for sending the screenshot of the error!!! as we discussed, this is a known issue since we upgraded to win7
And the IT department is investigating solutions. Hr is aware of the issue and can assist with your employee status change!!!!!! Hopefully we will have a resolution soon!

And my supervisor responded that she loves my new attitude!!!!!! This is much improved!!!!!

Shoot me.

Well yer in TEXAS, gosh!!!

You have to GUSH, and GRIN, and wave yer pompoms!!!

Otherwise yer a Mean Girl!!!

Golly gee Tamara Kay we want to see yer ENTHUSIASM in the SMILIN' Department here!!!

That's how you win beauty pageants pay raises in our town!!!

*pow pow pow yer all dead*

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:45 pm

You know, if I got the second email, even apart from the fact that I believe that if you have 2 exclamation points back to back you should follow with a 1, I'd be wondering why I didn't have my name capitalized...

And this from little miss bauhaus.

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Mon Jan 05, 2015 6:16 pm

Ken was just trying to open a tube of lotion. Got the shrink wrap off etc, really had to pull on the lid. Lid shot off, lotion squirted out everywhere straight up in his face etc. dropped lotion like a hot potato and jumped back

Me: yep, I know that feeling.

That was an hour ago. We can just now breathe again.

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:07 am

yesssss

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Tue Jan 06, 2015 2:34 pm

It took me an entire day to figure the joke in this one. I guess I'm more three stooges, than Something About Mary.

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Tue Jan 06, 2015 2:44 pm

Grand father is a great story teller... But anymore there is a gasp after every third word.. Yesterday instead of an hour to fill out his bills.. I was there for four hours.. It's ok I love the old man and he is what I will be some day soon..

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Wed Jan 28, 2015 1:12 pm

We have had a series of unfortunate events here at work, ending in a down data center and a complete failure to cut over to our dr site. It's been a busy day. So my supervisor called wanting to know why the cio couldn't print. Then she couldn't Figure out why her company email wasn't at least going to her iPhone. It's not on the network right? THEN her boss called and put me in charge of communications for this crises (instead of her). I will be punished for this.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 7:21 pm

I hope they punish you by forcibly retiring you at twice your pay.

That came from Our Man in Havana, didn't it?

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:59 am

boss: I'm not seeing those documents i told you to upload to sharepoint
me (sends screenshot)
Boss: I'm not seeing them, you didn't do it right
me: They are on the bottom of page 2
boss: how do I go to page 2
me: click the button next to where it says page 1

Yes, she is a supervisor in the i.t. department.

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:13 pm

If you want to look at it from a different perspective, TK, I guess we could start applying for jobs we know nothing about, since there seems to be a precedent.

Post by **Elderberry** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:25 pm

Too bad you need that job. I could think of so many great replies!

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:32 pm

tamarakay wrote:boss: I'm not seeing those documents i told you to upload to sharepoint
me (sends screenshot)
Boss: I'm not seeing them, you didn't do it right
me: They are on the bottom of page 2
boss: how do I go to page 2
me: click the button next to where it says page 1

Yes, she is a supervisor in the i.t. department.

i bet you got all sorts of bite marks on that tongue and cheek of yours

BeeWeeDee · Post by **BeeWeeDee** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 2:50 pm

"ring..... ring...... ring....."
Mom: "COME ON IN"
Me: "Hello! It's me. Do you have somebody at the door?"
Mom: "No"
Me: "I thought you had somebody at the door - You said 'come on in'"
Mom: "I did???"
Me: "Yeah - that's why I thought you had someone at the door"
Mom: "Oh, Well there's nobody at the front door. Why would I say 'come on in?'"
Me: "I don't know. When the phone rings you're supposed to answer with Hello"
Mom: "I thought I did"
Me: "You said, 'come on in' - not Hello"
Mom: "Well... Maybe there's someone at the front door then.....(silence as she goes and looks)...."

(after that it was pretty normal conversation)

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 5:10 pm

Beeweedee sounds a lot like the ones I have with my mom.

Lucky I have a lump in my lip. My doc says it is like a callous cause that's what I suck/chew on in meetings to keep from laughing/screaming.

I am actually having to get a note from my doctor that explains the medication I am on keeps me emotionally a bit flat and I can't be made to smile on demand.

Seriously if any one knows a good employee rights attorney let me know. Making a call to workforce commission this Friday.

minnow · Post by **minnow** » Tue May 19, 2015 10:25 am

My mom found out i'm going to Burning Man and after a few weeks of research she finally got up the nerve to tell me she knows i'm going:

Mom: So, do you want to tell me about your vacation?
Me: Yeah, i'm going to Raleigh to visit my friend in August. It's going to be great!
Mom: I'm sure it will be. Do you want to tell me about your other vacation in August??
Me: Ohhh, you mean burning man

...Well, my friend and I are going to this thing in the desert. It's kind of like an arts festival/ temporary community...building shade structures...dancing...sleeping in my car...bring your own water...radical self reliance...
Mom: You have to do all that? That doesn't sound like fun to me. I'd need an RV at least.
Me: So you'd come to burning man if I had an RV?????
Mom: Maybe.
Me:

Here's to a possible future burn with my Mom. 2017 perhaps???

MyDearFriend · Post by **MyDearFriend** » Thu May 21, 2015 7:20 pm

Hahahahaha, when my mom found out I was going to Burning Man, first time I went, in 2011, she wanted to know, "Who told you you could do that?"

Mind you, I was over 50 at the time.

Happy married, grown kids, going off by myself.... hahahahahaha, what permission did I need??? Not my mother's!!!!

She's now completely demented, I guess that's how it starts...

What a blessing that your mom wants to share an adventure with you!

minnow · Post by **minnow** » Tue May 26, 2015 8:58 pm

I know! She's said it multiple times now. She's just not sure she could take the heat.

BeeWeeDee · Post by **BeeWeeDee** » Fri Jun 05, 2015 9:16 am

Mom: Pull up your pants
Me: For gawd's sake - I'm 61 - stop telling me what to do
Mom: Pull up your pants

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