First burn filled with anxiety...

[Candee_kane]

Im not sure where to put this, and I'm sorry if this is the wrong spot. This was my first burn, i grew up about 3 hours away from the black rock and I had always dreamed of this magical place half way between neverland and oz... A place that you couldnt get to by train or boat or plane... When I arrived i felt like a kid living their dreams come true, that was until at the early start of day one i ran across the souk... Filled with curiosity i entered fully prepared to say yes! That was until I came across the drum tent. I was so excited i thought what an amazing thing to get to learn to play hand drums! But no, dont touch please dont get too close. I was still very new at all of this. Then a woman said they were having an auction for them and still a bit perplexed i signed up with my fingers crossed that i could be so lucky, seconds later another woman in the crowd asks me what is going on and i quickly explain what i thought was a simple concept only to be loudly intrupted by the woman who was running the tent for her to tell me i was completely wrong... I slinked back into the crowd feeling very foolish and did not return for the auction because i then felt very unworthy because ive never had the chance to play one so why should i own one... I stumbled across another tent that had a petition to have wifi and water wells dug for 2015...i was so confused by this i thought about radical self reliance and leave no trace and disconnecting from the other world while we were here... I spent the next 4 days alone in my camp only to come out for ice having anxiety attacks every day.. My parents are burners and raised me like the community... Or at least i thought... But so many people were shoving me out of thier way when i was on my bike and i was too afraid to say yes because i didnt want to burden anyone... The one time i did say yes one of the owners of the G Spot day bar drug me in to play dogeball... He really made me feel like i was welcome like i belonged... I guess my question is where did i go so wrong? Did i miss interpret the way my parents said it would be? I wanted to see halacon so badly... But then i just ended up feeling like he would judge me so i didnt even go to that... I want to go back but i dont want to spend the money to be shut away by my own anxitey attacks... Do you guys have any suggestions?

[danibel]

I love your fresh virgin burner enthusiasm. Sorry you ran into a burner with a power issue (lady in the Souk). They are out there.

Speaking up for yourself can be a hard lesson to learn, but it's one that will carry you far in life. Have you heard the saying "take what you like and leave the rest?"
I apply that to all my burns. Not everyone out there is loving and kind. Some people need to drink water, or are going on 2 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period. I am not excusing it, just stating a reality.

I don't know if you should go back. I don't ever make the call for anyone to go to Burning Man. If it's something you want to do...by all means, go again and be as open and ready as you were for the entire experience. But if you are soured on it, save your money and don't go. If you go again - find a circle of friends now that you can hang with, explore with. Sometimes having a "partner in crime" can be helpful. Then again, the playa can test relationships (friendships too!!).

[Candee_kane]

Thank you, i didn't think of it that way... A lot of people are litterally burnt out ha ha.

[GreyCoyote]

BRC can be an intense place. And every block has a different vibe. If you were surrounded by people you didnt click with, no problem. Just move to a new spot next year. The city is constantly reshuffling itself.

Just as there is every species of jerk out there, so too are there great, WONDERFUL folks! If you dont like the program, just grab the remote and change the channel.

One other suggestion: maybe build something interactive and bring it. It will help to draw like-minded folks to you and bring you one step closer to feeling less like a spectator. I think once you step through that veil, you will see things differently.

Final thought: make a pre-burn list of things you want to see. Put a bunch of stuff from Eplayans on that list. AntiM's Home For Wayward Art, Barbie Death Camp, Elliots Naked Bike Repair, Sunbeams Emergency Tamale Dispensary, etc ntroduce yourself and sit a spell. In truth your list will fall completely apart (a good thing!) after about the third item, but in the mean time you will be visiting people you "know" and this may make you feel more "included". After that, take the training wheels off (or not!) and have fun.

[tamarakay]

Anxiety is a treatable thing. Go see a doctor. This could have long term effect on your health and well being.

[chuckularone]

In truth your list will fall completely apart (a good thing!) after about the third item,

Hell, I never made it to item #1 let alone #3 and (as you know) I had a blast!

[GreyCoyote]

Chuck had a now-famous quote that I'd like to share with you, and it became the basis of his epic 2014 Burn:

"I'm here to drink too much and make bad decisions!"

I've never seen an adult have more fun with his clothes (mostly) on.

[chuckularone]

Chuck had a now-famous quote that I'd like to share with you, and it became the basis of his epic 2014 Burn:

"I'm here to drink too much and make bad decisions!"

I've never seen an adult have more fun with his clothes (mostly) on.

You can't forget my rules!
1: Say yes
2: Don't die

"Make bad decisions" was more of a guideline, due to the fact that it was frequently in direct conflict with rule number 2.

[ygmir]

a drum auction? for money?............huh?................

[lucky420]

petition for wifi and water wells dug.


Did your parents not raise you with a sense of humor?

[some seeing eye]

If you are within 3 hours of BRC, you are within less distance than that of fine supportive burning communities. Connect with them, go to their house parties and events and find a supportive camp of people you have met in person, and where there is a family camp vibe. The event is stressful in one way or another for everyone, suggest getting that anxiety treated medically. There are other suggestions that may apply in the shy persons thread - viewtopic.php?t=45094. If you are a yoga person, there are also many fine yoga festivals with good people, less dust, but also less blinky lights. Again great to experience with friends.

[theCryptofishist]

I'm with Lucky on the petition thing. (Well, maybe not the wifi, that's already almost there. Maybe it was a retro-Luddite petition.)
Also, do talk with a doctor about the anxiety. Do you experience it other places?
My husband had dreadful anxiety. It can really interfere with life on all sorts of levels. Makes depression look positively rosy.

[Savannah]

Here's a thread you might like . . .

Tips for Shy People at Burning Man
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=45094

The key is [probably] going to be picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when you encounter prickly people--redirecting yourself somewhere more pleasant and realizing difficult people are-how-they-are for complex reasons, and it might not have anything to do with you.

I also agree with the others about getting some professional assistance for your anxiety attacks. Daily ones are officially interfering with your life.

[Candee_kane]

To clarify! ^_^ since the burn I have gotten help with anxiety however to me medicating it is only a band-aid, I know where it came from and I am in the process of working through it. However I cant afford traditional therapy so I'm doing it on my own. And yes its a slow process but I'm on the right road. The drum autcion I phrased incorrectly it was a give away draw your name thing, and the wells and wifi... It was most likely my predisposition from the previous event but it did seem very serious. As to where i live i now live in utah i moved away from that town because the people that are there are part of the reason i have anxitey so i removed my self from a bad situation. As for the yoga, my mom teaches kundilni yoga is a reiki master and a internalist so yeah i have thankfully, we belive my heart and throat chakras are where my problem could use the most help ^_^ thank you all of your replies i have found the other threads immensely helpful thank you all so very much!

[rmc50]

Candee_Kane:

I sympathize with your anxiety issues. Someone I am very close to suffers from similar issues, although (fortunately) none of her issues were triggered by anything Burning Man.

I am sure that many people reading this thread won't understand. I mean, why hide in your camp just because of a bad experience on the playa?

The answer is that anxiety / panic attacks defy logic. They can be debilitating, rendering the victim incapable of rational thought or the ability to function. They can't just "get over it", it doesn't work that way.

I never saw the petition for Wi-fi or water wells but I would believe that it was a joke. Like the Black Rock City subway. If that came right on the heels of a misunderstanding about the drums I can see it being a trigger for anxiety.

You also mentioned "so many people were shoving me out of thier way when i was on my bike"
I have been in a bunch of crowds but I have never been shoved. However, I can imagine someone who has a requirement for a bit more personal space might feel that way in some situations that you might encounter at Burning Man.

Were you with a significant other or a close friend while at Burning Man, or were you on your own?

Having someone with you who is aware of your anxiety issues and can guide you out of the situation that has triggered an anxiety attack could make all the difference in the world. Someone who can recognize that there is a problem and run interference to provide you with the personal space you might need at the moment, or guide you to a quiet spot to just sit and relax.

Should you come back? I think only you can answer that. If you can avoid the triggers for the anxiety attacks and/or learn to recover from them quickly then yes, I would recommend coming back. But if encountering a similar situation will result in being confined to your camp for most of the week then I wouldn't recommend it.

Rod

[Elliot]

Hey Candee_kane, welcome to ePlaya!

In recent months I have learned about something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (also known as Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), and it strikes me that you are a great candidate for this.

I see that you cannot afford to pay much (and I'm in the same situation), but it may be possible for you to "learn the basics" and then continue on your own with only occasional guidance. CBT definitely has the potential to conquer anxiety. So please look into this.

And absolutely feel free to visit our camp, Elliot's Naked Bicycle Service & Sunbeam's Bacon Tamale Dispensary, as GreyCoyote mentioned earlier. And other camps populated by ePlaya folks. In fact, if you participate regularly in some of the discussions here on ePlaya, you cannot help but get to know a bunch of us, and you will soon have a long list of "safe" camps to visit.

[Candee_kane]

Yes i was with a friend this year, we are quite close but I felt I hindered his fun cause i was flipping out. I completely forgot about EFT and its other forms! I will most definitely look into what you sugessted thank you! And i will absolutely stop by next year, because im going to overcome this and participate more! ^_^ thank you all again!

[AntiM]

If you are in Utah, we have a great burner community, very diverse, and many events. Let me know if you are interested in learning more.

I had someone make me cry at a theme camp one year, I wasn't good enough for what they were doing. It hurt. I went and created my own way to give freely, without making people feel unworthy or unwanted. I would be delighted if you would like to visit my small camp.

I am glad you are working through this. My thoughts are with you.

[Agaton]

[RedHeaven]

Hey there!
It actually took me a long time to get to BRC, I live in the Sierras west of Tahoe so I have been hearing about it since the mid 90s. Took me 10 years to finally go, I was just nervous about it. I was into jam band festivals and shows like Phish, where everyones a dork and being silly and easy to connect with because we all love the same music. I was used to REALLY friendly environments like Grateful Dead shows. I was nervous about Burning Man....I thought it would be more of a lonely freaky serious place.....(and I was right, except it was also humorous. Thank goodness for the humor)

I did wait til people I really trusted invited me to go to the Burn. (Utah Burners, thank you!) People I met through the jam band community. So I knew with them by my side, I could have meltdowns out in the desert and be taken care of. My friends really helped me out......I dont even suffer from anxiety.....and I STILL had a cold lonely feeling out there a few times. And I didnt even run into any asshats, really. People were usually cool. But I still felt anxious and alone. At the time though, I kind of ended up enjoying it. It was a nice break from the jam community where I know EVERYONE. The loneliness inspired me. However, it was easier, because I was having positive interactions with people out there as well as vague ones. But they were still kind of vague. I was still on my own in my head.
My point being, that even with a good first burn I still felt lonely and anxious, and definitely had some meltdowns.
Now I know a lot of peeps out there. Havent been in a couple years but its different now....and I STILL get lonely out there. I ride out by myself and get lost in the weirds with or without knowing. Ive been to 7 burns and always get a major case of the creepy crawls mixed with agoraphobia like vibes at some point.

Ive learned there are a few good tips for meeting more down to earth people. A couple are
~ Hang around the art at night, stuff that isnt crowded. Intimate places to chat with folks out on the inner playa. Better than sound camps
~ Explore the suburbs, go to dive bars. Forget the big popular bangers....go for the small stuff. Last time I was there I spent almost the whole week at Hair of the Dog, which had an epic view of the cranes that the city uses to build shit. It wasnt the prettiest spot, but it was one of the most friendliest.

Even with those tidbits, I STILL get lonely out there. It's so vast.....
This is one of the reasons I shook my head at the "Oh the Places You'll Go!" video that came out a few years ago. A lot of newer images paint Burning Man to be all nicey nice Lollipop Land, and I just never thought of it completely that way.

[Candee_kane]

Red heaven, i really know what you mean about the new videos and media creating an image of burning man to be lollipop land! Because honestly i fell for it... Like a fool... Everyone said i wouldn't be ready for it too.. And i totally was not. Agaton I love that and it is very true! AntiM i would love to meet more burners here!

[some seeing eye]

One of my favorite camps is the HeeBeeGeeBee Healers. In the past they have a time in the morning when people can sign up for massages and energy work on a schedule for the day. But they also have a shaded area to wait or just sit, chat with others if you like. There are other camps with tea and a calm uncrowded atmosphere.

I have found the energy around the man burn and especially at the end, and on into that night to be intense - you may have experienced. You probably should stay out of the clutches of Black Rock Animal Control, that could be stressful. If you are having a serious anxiety reaction, there is a non-judgemental medical and counseling group with a chill space most of the time for that.

An unusual portion of burners are somewhat empathic, so you are not alone.