Will I / should I ever go back to BRC?

[Sandstorm]

I first heard about Burning Man in 1996 when I read Bruce Sterling's Wired article about BM. At that time I was 27 1/2 years old and living in Boston. Sterling's article made a firm imprint on my psyche and I knew that one day I'd made it to BM.

In early August 2007 a close friend of mine with whom I went to High School in NYC came to visit my wife and I in NYC. My friend is a classic, old school Bay Area type; she's a Pagan, Poly and a Burner. One day during her visit she mentioned to my wife and I that she was going to Burning Man later that month. Being that I'd wanted to go to BM for over 10 years and being that I had the month off from work I spontaneously decided to attend that year's burn. In the coming weeks I bought my BM ticket, booked my airfare, found a rideshare via eplaya and went on the consumerist frenzy that precedes most newbies' first burn. In the early morning hours of Monday August 27th I traveled from my house to JFK airport and from there I flew to Las Vegas. During that process I left my sleeping bag at JFK, something I learned about only when I went to claim my baggage in the Las Vegas airport. I then had to grab a cab, which took me to and waited for me outside a "nearby' sporting goods store while I bought a new sleeping bag. The taxi then took me back to the airport, where we picked up 2 of my RV mates, neither of whom I'd ever met in person. We were soon at a "nearby" RV rental depot, where we met up with the other 4 people who were getting a rideshare in our RV. After a too long spell at the RV depot we hit the road for Black Rock City. 17 hours later we made it through the gates of BRC. At some point not long after that we found a place to park our RV we learned that on Monday night/Tuesday morning someone had set fire to The Man. A couple days later one of my RV mates popped into our RV and let us know that the guy who had torched The Man was down the street signing autographs.

During those roughly 6 days that I spent in BRC I was humbled by the desert, the art, the music and the many unexpected acts of human generosity that I repeatedly encountered. After I volunteered with the Lamplighters one of them invited me to watch The Man burn from atop their trusty camp truck, who was known as Lucy. The night that The Man burned I felt like a High School freshman who was somehow magically hanging out with some of the coolest, most badass (and nicest) seniors in the school. The next night I danced naked around the ashes of The Temple and then somehow managed to lose track of my clothes, that as the night air began to grow chilly. I still remember the steady flow of art cars that drove past me as I tried to find my clothes in a dark desert landscape that had almost no landmarks. More than a few of the drivers and passengers of those vehicles cheerfully laughed at the random and unexpected sight of my nude figure wandering about the near-deep playa. I soon spied my clothes and once I was dressed me and one of my RV mates walked from the near-deep playa back to our RV. Along the way we stopped to rest atop a large art project that was like a low-rise Mayan Temple and which was surrounded by an array of LED panels that illuminated the "Mayan Temple" and the adjacent airspace. As my RV mate and I lay atop that structure we watched the wind carry playa dust through air above us. About 20 feet above our bodies the dust passed through an ever changing spectrum of pastel colors that rose from the small farm of LED panels that were installed around the base of structure upon which we lay. Through our backs we could feel the vibrations of the machinery that was installed inside that large piece of art. That moment in time was made more vivid by the small amount of Psylocibin mushrooms that one of our campmates had gifted us and which we had eaten as we walked out to The Temple burn. After my RV mate and I climbed down from the "Mayan Temple" we continued our journey across the playa and along the way we spontaneously broke into a duet of 'Take Me Out To The Ballgame" that gave me chills. At that moment I felt a profound romantic love for the woman with whom I sang that song. Even though she and I had never had sex with one another or kissed or even flirted with one another that duet that we unexpectedly sang together that night on the playa was one of the most intimate moments I'd ever shared with a woman. Things like that seem to happen a lot in Black Rock City.

Like so many other people, my first burn changed my life. Since then I've been back to BRC 5 more times; I chose to skip the '09 burn and I sadly could not make my 2014 burn a reality. Like so many other burners I've been repulsed and disgusted by the recent months' news about SHERPAGATE and the related COMMODIFICATION CAMP CONTROVERSY. Even before my 2013 burn I could feel that my relationship with Burning Man was shifting. That wasn't because I was "over" or "done with" Burning Man; it was because the burns that I made in '07, '08, '10, '11 and '12 had helped me to grow and heal in countless ways. In 2011 I took my paternal grandmother's ashes to The Temple of Transition. My doing so helped me to start putting behind me a long, painful passage of my life that had begun in late 2000 when I was randomly physically attacked in Boston one night when I was walking home from the college that I was then attending.

Before the news of SHERPAGATE exploded onto the Internet I figured that I had perhaps 1 or 2 more big burns left in me. During my 6 burns I've been fortunate enough to have almost all of the experiences that I've wanted to have in BRC. During those burns I've given a fair amount of my time to various camps and art projects. In 2012 and 2013 I did a small gifting project: I brought an Instant Film Camera with me to the playa and I used it to take Instant Photos of burners I randomly came across. I then gifted those photos to the people whose photos I'd just taken. I'll never forget how in '12 there was a woman who cried after I gifted her and her husband an Instant Photo as we stood just outside the entrance to The Lamplighter's bar. When I got back to Reno after that burn I sat in Old Granite Street Eatery and drew up a design for a deep playa Pop Up bar. I still very much want to realize that project. That said, I honestly no longer feel as inspired about Burning Man as I did even as recently as this past burn, when I repeatedly watched the live web cam feed of the burn. That reality is due to my knowledge that Larry Harvey & Co., the alleged protectors of Burning Man, have engaged in the peddling of BM tickets and access to and influence with certain members of the BM founders, THE BORG and the BM Board of Directors. It disgusts me to know the some of the same people who lay down legal rules and a code of behavior to the burner community have themselves behaved in ways that are antithetical to the ethos of the event and the community.

Some people have told me that I shouldn't let Larry & Co.'s behavior ruin my potential future burns. While I understand that POV I also recognize that if I go back to BM next year I will more than likely be helping enable the atrocious behavior of people such as Larry Harvey, Maid Marian and their ilk. I and other burners have had it in our minds to go to BRC next year and realize some highly creative acts of non-violent pranksterism against Larry & Co. While I like that idea I also don't want the heart of my relationship with BM to become informed by either the contempt I now feel for Larry & Co. or by the nature of their betrayal of the event and the community. I've always engaged BRC with both an open heart and awe, even when I was bringing a heavy heart and mind to the playa.

So, at this point in time I don't know if I will or if I should ever go back HOME to Black Rock City. I, like many other burners, be they relative newcomers or veterans, feel broken hearted about the fact that those who were meant to protect BM have instead used it to advance their personal agendas and misguided perceptions of reality. When I was last in BRC I gave every ounce of my strength and vibrancy to the dust. If I don't make it HOME again then I'll be sad. And if I do make it HOME again I'll be sad. On the night that The Temple burned this year I never thought that I'd feel this way.

I wrote this post because I want to give a voice to this crossroads that I'm at in regards to my relationship with Burning Man. I'm hoping that perhaps some other burners will use this thread to share their thoughts about the future of their respective relationships with Burning Man. If you actually read this entire post, fair play to you. Dusty hugs.

[Captain Goddammit]

It was too god damned long!! The effect of that is I have no clue WTF you wrote all that about.

[Sandstorm]

It was too god damned long!! The effect of that is I have no clue WTF you wrote all that about.

Captain: My apologies but I've never been one to cater to the TL;DR crowd. Dusty hugs!

[Captain Goddammit]

Lol no harm done!

[theCryptofishist]

Sadness is everywhere, and inevitable.

Corruption, ditto. It's perfectly possible to re-frame this as a lesson on the inevitable. Another "whereever you (humans) go, there you are." Wisdom.

No expectations also covers believing in the righteousness of the founders. Am I better or worse off for having been betrayed by my friends than the organization? Yes.



You are the only one who can answer your question.

[Patsh]

Well, Sandstorm, I did read the whole post, and I agree with alot you've written. I feel the same way about the commodification, but I also know it's a forever changing reality out there in BRC. I've come to know so many extremely special people through the 4 burns I've attended and even more through ePlaya... I know these people are the main driving force getting me there, even if I only get to see them for a few minutes a year. The rest is whatever I choose to make of it.

I've been accused of being an unrelenting optimist... not a bad thing...
on that note, I'd like to believe we'll all get past this glitch, and for the better. Of course, it'll never be the same, (and thank goodness, it never is) but that's a huge part of the magic of Black Rock City.

I hope I'm never in the state of mind to say "I'll never go back again". There may be a year or so that I won't make it back, but I'm not planning on that. (yet)

I hope you can get back there one of these years, and make another excellent experience out of it.
"holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your mind."

[Sandstorm]

Sadness is everywhere, and inevitable.

Crypto: Thanks for your Buckaroo Bonzai influenced feedback. I never thought that Larry & Co. were superhuman, so it's less that I'm shocked by their lesser actions and more so that I'm disgusted by those actions. All the people I know who have connections to the "elders" of First Camp have told me that the elders' shenanigans have been going on for years, so SHERPAGATE & Cp. is nothing new. It's just that the event becoming so popular that's pushed the elders' dark arts into the public eye.

And yeah, I realize that I'm the one who has to make a decision about whether or not to go back to BRC. It's just a decision that I resent having to make and with which I'm struggling. I probably just need to get over myself.

"holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your mind."

Patsh: That's a great line!

You have a wonderful approach to life. I've tended to be an optimist my entire adult life, so I can relate to your POV on life and this situation. I think that I find this situation so tricky because I have a background in audio-visual work and live event production, so part of me looks at this situation as Larry & Co. trying to get free labor from the almost all-volunteer construction and creative content "unions" of Black Rock City. Beyond the magic that is BM and BRC there's the very real fact that Larry & Co. have gotten rich off of a lot of people's blood, sweat, tears, time and money. Apparently it wasn't enough for Larry & Co. to get rich; they felt a need to get RICHER.

I haven't gotten to the point at which I'm saying that I'll never go back to BM. It's more that I'm at the point at which I'm prepared to walk away from the event for a while knowing that by the time I'm ready to go to the event again it may no longer be around. Honestly, I think that it's time for something new to replace BM. As long as people like Larry and Marian are involved the event will continue to endangered by those who helped found it.

[Aurelia]

Well I'm going to let you figure it out .

Personally I believe that we are all doing our best.

xoA.

[Bless]

especially given the circumstances

[tatonka]

the top dogs may have changed but the reg people will give you the same feeling as your previous years. I plan on haveing fun cause that is what i will be looking for . I will not even remember that this is going on , unless some rich guy shoves me out of his way

[digital]

It was probably unnecessary to recount every single little detail about each burn to make your point; but in the end this decision is a personal one and something YOU need to decide. If you are over it then you are over it. Move on and find something else to do with your time.

That said, something about group think comes to mind here. Have you considered taking a step back to listen to yourself? Are you really, personally, truly effected by the current drama? Or are you another sheeple looking for something to bitch about? Have Larry & Co really harmed you to the point of quitting your Lamplighter family because a few PnP camps infiltrated our event? Do they somehow change the meaning and purpose of providing the city with light?

I understand the frustration (esp w/ JT) but to me this is just another growing pain that we as a community need to push though. Instead of joining the choir in bitching harmony I'd rather do something productive and push for change from the inside out. But then again group-think always bothered me.

Bahh.

[Aurelia]

Tatonka says it
Digital spells it out for you

The regs know how..the news are shifting about..
clarity of your identity is your spot to feel good about

or knot

xoA.

[Sandstorm]

aserendipity & Bless & tatonka & digital: Thanks for your posts.

digital: Re: the detailed nature of my initial post in this thread: I hear you. I wrote the post in a stream of consciousness and I was more focused on achieving clarity than brevity. I wrote the post the way I did because I was recounting a wonderful relationship that, wisely or not, I'm contemplating leaving. I was simply trying to do justice to my relationship with BM and my current feelings about that relationship.

And no, I'm not one of the angry sheeple; I'm just someone who's not very good at ignoring other people's crappy behavior. One of the reasons that I love BM so much is because of the scale of the event. I'm not very good at suspending my sense of disbelief and the scale of BM alleviates that shortcoming by making my mind feel smaller and quieter even as it expands my consciousness. I've never before gone to BM and had to or chosen to ignore certain aspects of the event. This is the first time that I've had to consider engaging in that type of behavior.

I started this thread because I wanted to get feedback from people and I don't need all that feedback to concur with my POV about this situation. I think that you and tatonka have highlighted the fact that I may need to teach myself to choose joy and (temporarily) bypass the angst that I'm feeling about the COMMODIFICATION CAMP CONTROVERSY. Who knows, perhaps that's an important step in my evolution as a person and burner. Dusty hugs.

[digital]

Excellent followup post, Sandstorm.

I admit I only have 5 burns under my belt and nowhere near a veteran as many of you. However, in my short tenure I have become close with many volunteers, staff, and some ORG given my duties in the dust. Not once have I seen this vein of corruption so many are ranting about. My experiences are limited but each one of them involved questions on how to make the event better, how do we serve the citizens better, how do we move forward incorporating everyone.

Yes, I am beyond pissed hearing reports from JT's spectacular display of arrogance and stupidity. Yes, I have questions how this fuck got on the BOD. Yes, when asked I will voice my concern. BUT, my experiences tell me this problem will be dealt with and certain actions / motives barred from the event. Otherwise it is ruined and the core infrastructure will crumble. Before we yell the sky is falling let's give them time to respond. If they are taking actions against JT it MUST be handled delicately and legally. He is a member of the BOD with voting rights.

It's only November. Let's give our founders the benefit of doubt before lighting the torches. I assure you if corruption is exposed the event will fall apart. DPW, GP&E, etc. etc. etc. all make the city work given free or near free labor. If they lose faith in the event it would be near impossible to hire your way out of it... within budget, that is.

[Aurelia]

AND, I think you have given me access to a concept I am working on ..
I think we "should" reward positive choices and dismember the impact of negative behavior
I am speaking about the huge presence of addiction and its associated txs
I want to remove that and say belly up to your own bar

xoA.

[Sandstorm]

Excellent followup post, Sandstorm.

digital: Thanks for the kind words and your follow-up post.

I only have one more burn than you do, so relatively speaking I'm a "young" burner. In '12 I made my 5th burn and back then I felt as though I'd reached an important landmark in my evolution as a burner. With all the emotional discomfort that SHERPAGATE & Co. has caused me I now feel emotional light years removed from the joy I felt at and about BM back in '12 or '13.

As for corruption at BM or in THE BORG, I think that it is a reality that is confined to Larry & Co. and the worst of the COMMODIFICATION CAMPS and the PnP Camps. I by no means paint the event and THE BORG with a lone, sh*t stained brush. There's so many wonderful and hard working people in THE BORG and that's why I always point my BM related-criticism at "Larry & Co." and "certain people within the founders, THE BORG and the BM Board of Directors".

The last thing that I'll say about the corruption amongst those who run BM is that it was Larry & Co. who loaded the BM BOD with people who have one or more of the following traits: they are: obscenely affluently; great advocates for large-scale capitalism; great advocates for the commodification of various aspects of various cultural endeavors. That is why I have no faith that Larry & Co. will clean house with who it is that is running BM nowadays. The fact that last year Maid Marian was offering $650 "donation tickets" to highly affluent people at social mixer in LA does bode well for Larry & Co. fixing the mess that they created over an extended period of time. Maid Marian did that when the event was sold out and hundred if not thousands of real burners were desperately trying to get HOME and would have gladly paid $650 to get HOME. Those people didn't have that option because they weren't one of THE CHOSEN PEOPLE and that sucks.

Only time will tell how this fiasco will evolve or devolve. Like many other burners I've made some popcorn and am eagerly awaiting whatever official propaganda that THE BORG eventually release about this situation.

AND, I think you have given me access to a concept I am working on ..
I think we "should" reward positive choices and dismember the impact of negative behavior
I am speaking about the huge presence of addiction and its associated txs
I want to remove that and say belly up to your own bar

xoA.

aserendipity: I am still trying to decipher your post.

[Agaton]

Regarding the original post: Writing is generally improved by removing words, not by adding them.

[Leo]

Sandstorm,
I appreciate your initial post and in my opinion, it isn't too long. While I only have 4 burns under my belt, I feel the same way that you do about the commodification an corruption. Hearing about the bad behavior of JT, Larry, and Maid Marion dampens my enthusiasm. I don't expect the BMORG to be saints, but if we are going with 9 principles, instead of 10, the BMORG should have some balls (or ovaries) and call it like it is: "Hey burners, we are commodifying Burning Man. If you don't like it, too bad 'cause it's our party".

Perhaps this crisis will become an opportunity for improvement, just like the ill-fated ticket lottery of 2012. I'm willing to return home in spite of the recent fiascos and bad behavior of individual members of the BMORG. That is if I can get tickets, but that is another story.

[Captain Goddammit]

I figured it was only good for a few more years about fifteen years ago.
This whole thing has gotten so blown out of whack, I figure I'll go next year and after that, who knows.
There's other places to go and things to see and do.
I've always wanted to go to Bonneville Speed Week. This year I went to Kauai.
Fuck it.

[theCryptofishist]

Regarding the original post: Writing is generally improved by removing words, not by adding them.

I think this was more in the spirit of journaling.

[theCryptofishist]

I think that I find this situation so tricky because I have a background in audio-visual work and live event production, so part of me looks at this situation as Larry & Co. trying to get free labor from the almost all-volunteer construction and creative content "unions" of Black Rock City. Beyond the magic that is BM and BRC there's the very real fact that Larry & Co. have gotten rich off of a lot of people's blood, sweat, tears, time and money.

I want to go back to the idea of volunteers, because I think of that as being a big part of the success of the event. I think volunteering makes people "buy in" to the experience, to go out and be boosters, to really have a good time. But when it goes sour, it can get really bad. You've worked, for free, and people have taken away the meaning of that. You feel ripped off. Over the years, I've seen a lot of bitterness around that on the boards.

(This is a general "you".)

[Aurelia]

Oh Fishy, you got it exactly right .
I read his stuff and decided not to bother but you did
good on you .

xoA.

[Ano]

My two cents...

Ever since I've gone to Burning Man, there has been massive controversy. My first year was 2011, and it was the end of the world because it sold out, virgins were taking over, the veterans were going to stop coming, no theme camps were going to come back... the doomsay was deafening. It colored my entire burn, until I got out there and had one of the most absolutely powerful experiences of my entire life. I can honestly say that my short week in the desert helped kickstart a ton of changes in my life, and I've been better since.

2012, the lottery happened, and according to everyone, nobody got tickets. Thus, nobody was going to go, the virgins were taking over, veterans weren't coming, and no theme camps were going to be able to make it. I got my ticket again by getting involved locally, made a lot of new connections and friends, and again, had an absurdly powerful experience.

I think you get the picture, but 2013 and 2014 were much the same for me. 2013 was my least favorite year, but it was still amazing because I brought my parents, and finally a friend. 2014, I co-lead a small theme camp, and despite all of the bumps in the road (including ticket theft from our camp by a mentally unstable "friend"), it was still the same as ever; fantastic, life-affirming, soul-refreshing, and just plain debaucherous stupid fun.

Every year, crusty veterans tell me how shitty Burning Man is. According to the internet, everything is terrible. To be honest - my experience this year was that beyond seeing Segways at major sound camps and seeing a massive line of RVs staged outside of the city during EA... you couldn't even feel the presence of Caravancicle. And I even had a long discussion with a Caravancicle organizer, near their camp, and visited their bar a few times (and was served each time). Not to discount the fact that what Caravancicle did was absolutely awful, and the fact that the BMORG was complicit in it depressing... but in the long scheme of things, why should I let people who I don't ever interact with, that I barely even see, camping on the complete outskirts of the city, ruin my burn?

I go to Burning Man to work with my Gate family. We get drunk, we get loud, and we do a great service for the city. I go to Burning Man to see the friends I can only see once per year - my family in the big esplanade camp, my family randomly placed throughout the city, and the family that I created this year with my theme camp. I go to Burning Man because I get to hear some of my favorite music played through audiophiliac-quality sound systems, and I know that's an unpopular opinion around here, but you really have to appreciate folks like Opulent Temple or Ooligan Alley for going in to massive debt for the sole purpose of playing music all night and some days, for free. I go to Burning Man because I get to ride my bicycle naked, drinking whiskey, and singing 90's TV sitcom theme music through my megaphone. I go to Burning Man for the big art that makes my jaw drop when I see it across the flat desert, and for the small art that moves me to tears once I get to proper perspective and see that the random pieces of wood spell out "LOVE EVERYONE" when I finally get the right spot. I go to Burning Man because it's the one week per year where I can have beer for breakfast, beer for lunch, beer for dinner, and then suddenly get delivered a Pizza in the deep playa at 4:30 in the morning by a guy driving a hot dog. I go to Burning Man for you. I don't go to Burning Man for anyone else except for everyone and myself.

So, I don't know. Maybe you've gotten what you've needed and can move on and do something else. That's totally valid. I know a twelve-year Burner who stopped going in 2013 because he was done, and now he spends his vacation time doing other awesome things. Last year was Thailand. This year, he went to Goa. AWESOME. Totally awesome. If you're done with Burning Man, then you're done, and that's okay!

Politics aside, Burning Man is still awesome every year. This year, I was feeling a little jaded, but then I'd turn to my virgin friends, and realize that this desert city is actually still as awesome as ever. Every year is different, but every year is still great. It's up to you to decide if you do or don't like it.

Personally, getting involved with volunteering for the city was the best possible thing I could have done for myself. The popular line on the internet is that I'm giving away my labor for free in order for Larry and Co. to get rich - but I don't see what I do as labor. When I tell someone, "Hey, you're here. Cool, you have a ticket, awesome. No dogs, fireworks, weapons, live plants? Awesome. Hey, guess what? You're at Burning Man." and tear their ticket, the incredible excitement they radiate is payment enough. That's awesome fun. Maybe working for one of the city services would be re-energzie your Burn? I know that it definitely helps keep me excited.

Ultimately, I try not to let what "they" do ruin my day. I'm young - 25. My generation is fucked at the moment. I have a silly degree that I pursued because I had dreams, and now I'm in massive crushing debt, I can't find a decent job, and according to everyone, it's all my fault. I don't let that get me down, though. I still live my life with a smile. I don't know, that's just how I am.

I've kind of ranted here for awhile, but maybe there's some nugget of useful in these paragraphs for you. Who knows?

[robbidobbs]

Just like you make the Burn you want, volunteerism is so vast that if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. Do something else.

I think there is an inflation of expectations though, someone hears of someone else that gets whatever perk that is coveted. Word spreads of favoritism blah blah. Same person makes either spoken demands (and gets fired?) or grumbles to their friends and bitterness spreads like mange. Sure I hear about the cool perks. I don't care. I don't get paid wages and I don't live in hard walls. I get exactly the compensation I request. I'm a cheap date. I deeply love what i do, as many listeners are aware.
There is one thing I am sorely in need of to do my job though. I can handle the other details, but this one is just outside my reach.

There isn't nearly enough toe sucking. Maybe Lamplighters could assist, they're not doing anything all day. Gate uses teeth and DPW knows where my feet have been. Rangers would make me feel guilty and Greeters would get distracted and wander off.
There needs to be a Department of Toe Sucking.

[lucky420]

best post on this thread ^^^^

[digital]

best post on this thread ^^^^

So good I almost want to suck a toe!

[But only after her mandatory flogging]

[some seeing eye]

I have come to realize that the event is a tool for me, not an end or an entitlement. If you or any reader were to go in a future year, what would be the result in your future actions? The ticket shortage in non-directed classes in itself does not conceive if any particular individual goes or not.

[Dr. Pyro]

It seems to me if Sandstorm has to ask the question, the answer probably should be no. YMMV.

[tamarakay]

It seems to me if Sandstorm has to ask the question, the answer probably should be no. YMMV.

I agree. Burn out happens and a year off might be a good thing.

[Sandstorm]

Leo & Ano & robbidobbs: Thanks for your posts.

Sandstorm,
Hearing about the bad behavior of JT, Larry, and Maid Marion dampens my enthusiasm.

Leo: That is exactly how I've been feeling about this situation. My displeasure over the situation never got to the point at which I wanted to throw bricks and Molotov Cocktails at anyone. To begin with, I'm just not wired that way. In the style of Simon, I've made a few tongue-in-cheek images about this situation and then posted them over in the FB BM group. In the end what I feel about Larry & Co.'s lesser behavior is this:

"Really?"

In BM they had the best thing on Earth going on and they chose to let themselves behave in corrupt manners. I guess that those folks really are that dumb and that human. All I know is that I would have not done what they did.

This whole thing has gotten so blown out of whack, I figure I'll go next year and after that, who knows.

Captain: I'm trying to manifest the perspective that you have about next year's burn.

I want to go back to the idea of volunteers, because I think of that as being a big part of the success of the event. I think volunteering makes people "buy in" to the experience, to go out and be boosters, to really have a good time. But when it goes sour, it can get really bad. You've worked, for free, and people have taken away the meaning of that. You feel ripped off. Over the years, I've seen a lot of bitterness around that on the boards.

Crypto: Part of why this situation has bummed me out so much is that for most of this year I had identified next year as one during which I'd give a HUGE chunk of my time to the event pre and post burn. I was planning on helping with the off-playa fabrication work for The Temple. I was also looking into doing Resto. If those endeavors truly are so important to me then I need to find a way to separate my critical feelings about Larry & Co. from relationship with the great people and projects of BRC.

My two cents...

...So, I don't know. Maybe you've gotten what you've needed and can move on and do something else. That's totally valid. I know a twelve-year Burner who stopped going in 2013 because he was done, and now he spends his vacation time doing other awesome things. Last year was Thailand. This year, he went to Goa. AWESOME. Totally awesome. If you're done with Burning Man, then you're done, and that's okay!

Politics aside, Burning Man is still awesome every year. This year, I was feeling a little jaded, but then I'd turn to my virgin friends, and realize that this desert city is actually still as awesome as ever. Every year is different, but every year is still great. It's up to you to decide if you do or don't like it...

...I've kind of ranted here for awhile, but maybe there's some nugget of useful in these paragraphs for you. Who knows?

Ano: THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking the time to write that awesome post. It contained a LOT of clarity and honesty and in no manner did you ramble in your post.

Yes, Burning Man is awesome! I don't want to let the combination of Larry & Co.'s lesser behavior and the way my brain works when it gets irritated about something and/or some person or people to keep me from making it HOME. In that regard, your post was a big help. It's reaffirming to hear someone speak in detail about their emotional and practical relationship with BM.

Just like you make the Burn you want, volunteerism is so vast that if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. Do something else....

...There is one thing I am sorely in need of to do my job though. I can handle the other details, but this one is just outside my reach.

There isn't nearly enough toe sucking. Maybe Lamplighters could assist, they're not doing anything all day. Gate uses teeth and DPW knows where my feet have been. Rangers would make me feel guilty and Greeters would get distracted and wander off.
There needs to be a Department of Toe Sucking.

Ano: I've always had lots of FUN at BM, with the one exception being the '08 burn, which was my second burn and the one when I brought my now ex-wife. As I examine the idea of me going HOME again I know that I need not to learn to have FUN in BRC but rather to learn to live with the fact that Larry & Co. are engaged in behavior that makes it both easy and easier for highly affluent non-burners to attend BM and more difficult for real burners to go to BM. Note: I don't assign people "real burner" status based on how much money they do or not have. My least favorite thing about this situation is that Larry & Co. have introduced class warfare to BM.

And as for a Toe Sucking Guild, I wish you well the realization of your dream!