Tips for bringing your adult kids to the Burn

[Zubeneschamali]

Thanks, great post and relevant for me this year as after being radically self reliant X 1 for many burns, I'm bringing my 22 year old for his first burn. So the basic checklists need to be reviewed and realigned to being radically self reliant X 2. And its more than that, you know? I'll admit I've fallen into a kind of a rut and there are routines that I may take for granted that need to be blown up/ set on fire/destroyed so I can grow and make a better contribution on the playa.

I want to share so much with him, but I know its his burn also and he needs to make his own experiences. So I don't want to be all rigid schedule master and make "dates" to go do stuff. On the other hand, I am used to doing my own radical thing and this might be perceived as aloof or not wanting to bond and I don't want that to become an issue to us never having time to share. Any pointers ?

[Savannah]

Thanks, great post and relevant for me this year as after being radically self reliant X 1 for many burns, I'm bringing my 22 year old for his first burn. So the basic checklists need to be reviewed and realigned to being radically self reliant X 2. And its more than that, you know? I'll admit I've fallen into a kind of a rut and there are routines that I may take for granted that need to be blown up/ set on fire/destroyed so I can grow and make a better contribution on the playa.

I want to share so much with him, but I know its his burn also and he needs to make his own experiences. So I don't want to be all rigid schedule master and make "dates" to go do stuff. On the other hand, I am used to doing my own radical thing and this might be perceived as aloof or not wanting to bond and I don't want that to become an issue to us never having time to share. Any pointers ?

Well, I suppose you know this, but talk it out beforehand. Tell him what your Burn style is like, and what you are (generally) inclined to do--for example, be solo during the day and more social at night. (Do you like to stay up all night and sleep all day? The opposite?)

Ask him what he feels like he might do. This will be subject to change.

Acknowledge between the two of you that there will need to be significant flexibility built into your social game plan, because you don't know what he's like at a Burn, and you've never guided someone you care so much about at the Event.

He might be very independent in normal life, for example, but become a little less so when encountering so much new, strange stuff. Or, he may be a shy person who is nonetheless a great explorer, and comfortable roaming on his own.

Figure out 3 to 5 experiences you'd specifically like to share with him. For example: a trip to the Temple, a trash fence circumference MOOP @ Dawn, a trip to Center Camp for cocoa and to see the sights, the first ride out to the 'Man after your camp is up, and The Big Burn. Maybe that's too many; 3 would probably be fine. Rank them in order of preference. Talk about what might be meaningful to experience together and try to come to agreement ("Okay, we'll be free agents all week, together and apart as we decide, moment to moment . . . but we meet back at camp at Sundown on Burn Day, and experience the Burn together.") Even then, plans change and accidents happen, as you know.

This is a good link if you've never seen it before. The relationships page is for friends, family and other campmates, not just romantic couples.

http://burningman.org/event/preparation ... tionships/

[Eric]

Zubeneschamali, I've split this into it's own thread. Taking an adult child is going to be very different from taking a minor (like in the "kids & teens" thread discusses), and I thought this way you would get better advice for your specific inquiry.

[Hope-a-Lope]

How cool! If you've been burning for this long, I'm sure your son is cool and has some street smarts. Sounds like it'll be a great experience for you both.

I'm sure you've thought of this, but an in-depth talk about safety is definitely in order. How to act around LEO, avoiding dehydration, what to do in case of shit, a plan to be in touch, and the names/contact other experienced burners you know who can be there for him.

Do you plan to camp together? Maybe you both commit to returning to camp at sunset for dinner together (at least the first few days), so you can share experiences and make loose plans based on what you've both done independently. In fact, camp dinner together after a big ol' howl at the sunset is one of my favorite things on the playa.

[lucky420]

I took my adult kids and I haven't seen them since...








As long as he knows the emergency info etc he should be fine. He'll probably find his own thing and go with it. Don't sweat it to much momma/poppa

[gaminwench]

Nightly dinner at sunset was pretty much the only time I saw my daughter when she came to BRC.
Her tent was right next to mine, too.

Oh, wait, she did ask to borrow an outfit midday, mid-week.

[MyDearFriend]

I have brought my adult sons more than once (nephews, too) after seeing others work this out and my advice is to separate your sleeping quarters and don't worry about it.

How much you babysit them is up to you; I give mine a list and a quiz and then let them sink or swim. They have their jobs around camp and they do them. They are actually fun to be with.

[Simon of the Playa]

no sword crossing in the orgy dome, it gets awkward later on at holiday meals.

[Jackass]

no sword crossing in the orgy dome, it gets awkward later on at holiday meals.

Wiener cousins, or better yet wiener twins.

[Savannah]

How cool! If you've been burning for this long, I'm sure your son is cool and has some street smarts. Sounds like it'll be a great experience for you both.

I'm sure you've thought of this, but an in-depth talk about safety is definitely in order. How to act around LEO, avoiding dehydration, what to do in case of shit, a plan to be in touch, and the names/contact other experienced burners you know who can be there for him.

I like that a lot. Especially the stuff about LEOs and dehydration.

Many new people are surprised by 1) the undercover LEO stories 2) how easy it is to dehydrate, and how to spot it 3) what "piss clear" really means (it means light yellow and not cloudy, not colorless!)

Do you plan to camp together? Maybe you both commit to returning to camp at sunset for dinner together (at least the first few days), so you can share experiences and make loose plans based on what you've both done independently. In fact, camp dinner together after a big ol' howl at the sunset is one of my favorite things on the playa.

And sunset is the easiest time of day to mark.

[Zubeneschamali]

Thanks for your insight and laughs. He's very independent and has been asking to go for several years. When he was younger I told him it was my one week to be selfish and frankly I was not able to take care of anyone besides myself out there. When he got 18 I told him that he was totally invited to come and camp with us and he had to buy his own ticket. This year he took me up on it.

He's joining my camp, which has been around for years. We'll camp together but plan on having separate sleeping arrangements for privacy. I don't rave and don't find myself drawn to the music . He's deep into EDM so our nights are going to be radically different. I like organizing distance runs at dawn. He likes breakfast in the afternoon. We both like industrial art and blowing things up. I can see us squatting down in front of something big and talking it thru for hours.

We're going beach camping (the other playa) for a week at month end. Thanks for the pointers - I will use.