Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

[BBadger]

I find that putting fresh produce, such as grapes and berries on the bottom of the cooler and then pouring loose bags of ice on top is a fine way of keeping everything cold. It also works well for those Subways sandwiches that are in wax paper.

[Skuzzy61]

I was told wearing any type of shoe is a bad idea as they will make your feet sweat and this could cause "playa foot".

I was also told my Wife should go topless as wearing a bra could trap dust on her breasts, which would cause them to shrink!

[graidawg]

Staring at the sun is the best way to acclimatize

[some seeing eye]

A little sunscreen here or there will protect you. Don't bother to put sunscreen under your nose, chin, unclothed lower facing half of the breasts or nether parts. There is no way the sun could reflect off the playa and get into those places.

[Meat Hunter]

When you visit the airport. Do not hesitate to stop by and visit the VIP lounge. If you cannot find it, ask for directions.

Membership is not required and it is open to all. It has just been newly renovated and the bar is open most all the time.

[ygmir]

be ready with snacks for gate road.

[Meat Hunter]

ygmir,

Yeeee Haaa. That video is an absolute hoot,,,,,,

[1durphul]

Last year the advice in this thread resulted in many saved lives, and many culled virgins. It is time to resurrect this thread so that Virgins may read some really great bad advice.

I hereby declare this thread necromanced! My first tip for the 2016 burn:

Socks in the sheets, bare on the streets. Playa dust is like a natural cushion for your toesies.

[BBadger]

Getting your feet wet and then covered in playa dust produces an excellent -- and healthy -- exfoliate when wearing boots!

[C.f.M.]

If you want a free shower, bring a spray bottle of bleach. Walk behind the trucks that spray water on the ground, spraying yourself and the water hitting you with the bleach. It turns the "non-potable, don't bathe in this water" into clean, refreshing water good for bathing, drinking, and mixing cocktails.

[GreyCoyote]

Sunblock significantly inhibits the bodies ability to sweat. At altitude, its better to have your natural cooling system working at full capacity rather than slathering some witches brew of (likely carcinogenic) UV-absorbing compounds on your skin.

Further, the bodies sweat system is partially photo-activated as a result of evolutionary pressures. Wearing sunglasses or goggles delays the onset of the sweat response, and prevents you from effectively shedding heat.

[BBadger]

Speaking of sunblock, if you hipster-doofuses still want some added sun protection, but want to go "full organic," consider rubbing some giant hogweed all over your body.

If you can't find that noxious weed in your area, lime juice is an excellent alternative.

[lucky420]

Don't worry about buying a ticket, for one shall surely be gifted to you.

And most of all, don't you worry bout a thing baby, the playa provides

[Jackass]

Run like the wind and be free, bring along scissors and a blindfold...

[knobdyspcl]

Always wait till the last minute to get tickets. Buying them at inflated prices from scalpers is the 11th principal of Burning Man. Just don't resell them for profit. That's always lame.

[BoyScoutGirl]

Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.

Miraculous stuff, bacon grease! Did you know that, when mixed with a little playa dust, bacon grease is a fairly acceptable as lube? It takes a few thrusts to warm up but after that, boy howdy!

[tatonka]

look for a guy named sparr , he will show you how and when to party ")

[burner von braun]

look for a guy named sparr , he will show you how and when to party ")

[Skuzzy61]

Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.

Miraculous stuff, bacon grease! Did you know that, when mixed with a little playa dust, bacon grease is a fairly acceptable as lube? It takes a few thrusts to warm up but after that, boy howdy!

Use enough of it and you can make bricks to build a home! Very versatile!

[FlyingMonkey]

look for a guy named sparr , he will show you how and when to party ")

Thanks. I almost shot coffee out my nose.

[FlyingMonkey]

Don't stand out as a Virgin Noob. Veteran Burners never wear goggles or dust masks. You will never get used to the dust if you don't embrace it.

[forty_eight]

bike seats are universally uncomfortable

remove yours and ride standing all week

it makes such a difference

[forty_eight]

learn to drop in on a mini rap at Sk8Kamp

actually, that is good advice ... get outside your comfort zone!

just familiarize yourself with medical station locations prior

[maladroit]

No need to bring your own water, just buy ice from Arctica and melt it down.

[GreyCoyote]

The waterless handwash stations co-located at the JOTS make a good, free way to wash your hair, face and private parts.

[illy dilly]

Always bring your very best DJ gear. Don't waste peoples time with lousy decks!

[BBadger]

The waterless handwash stations co-located at the JOTS make a good, free way to wash your hair, face and private parts.

They always run out of that sanitizer though!

Usually I'll wait until the the porta potties have been pumped and then dash a little bit of the blue water on myself to kill off any stinky bacteria (bring a ladle if you can't reach). Just make sure you do it before you piss in it.

[mgb327]

and that blue water makes an awesome tye-dye.

[FlyingMonkey]

Because it's held on federal land Medical Marijuana cards from all states have to be honoured. There's nothing the Sheriff's office can do so feel free to light up right in front of them. They are merely there for insurance reasons & don't have the authority to enforce any local laws on federal land.

--Of course you still have to smoke in the designated smoking areas in the mandatory parking lots.

[Jackass]

Buy your high priced last minute ticket today, because they're not going to be cheaper or on sale tomorrow...
Tomorrow afternoon will be interesting.