literary tomes and other works

tonytohono · Post by **tonytohono** » Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:35 pm

phoenix13 wrote:This is more of a free form rant that I wrote. Hopefully it's as good as the poetry I have written before

Lots of feeling. Lots.

tonytohono · Post by **tonytohono** » Mon Nov 15, 2004 3:39 pm

Telempathy...

puts me right there beside you, sometimes even inside you

feel the things you feel...like they were my own

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Fri Nov 19, 2004 2:42 pm

Hey, DVD Burner...

Where you be at, y0?

Sandwichman · Post by **Sandwichman** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:47 am

It is one of those days. You wake up and look out the window. The trees reveal their skeletons and leave their leafy garments on the ground. The fog drapes the hills like a soft stocking cap. It is truly fall and winter is catching up quickly. This rain today is soft and very soothing on my jagged nerves. Sleep has not really been an option lately. My eyes share this fact with every passerby. I feel my skin hanging on my bones and I feel the need to eat but no want to eat.

Today is that day. I am moving I am telling her we are through. Every day she looks at me suspiciously knowing this moment is coming. Her comfort is slipping away and soon she will be thrust into a new world as will I. I feel my head slipping into oblivion and I have no way to keep afloat. I know this is right and I guess it is just that fear that keeps me hesitating.

She comes in the door and slowly hangs her head and her coat all in the same breath. She knows. She is not ready but she knows that this is the time.

To be continued…….

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:05 am

Helen In Love

The smooth fingertips on her right hand touched
her breast, around the aureole. It was
firm, erect, touched by winter sunlight, on
the back porch. I dreamed away her anger.
She was looking for someone I am not,
far below the house, moving through the shadows
and wet trees.

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:09 am

So, I was watching Smallville (yes, I realize that they don't follow the Superman storyline at all), and a couple of things got to me. They're some things that I could easily indentify with. But it helped me to come to a conclusion about the soul searching that I have been doing as of late.

Positive change comes from within. I can't always be talking to a therapist or a friend and expect things to change for the best. I have to start with me. Even though a therapist is trained to have more insight, it won't make me make the positive change.

Now back to the Smallville thoughts.

The two topics they had on there was one dealing with the whole Lana and Clark plot arc. That's more a flight of fancy thought when it comes to me. The thought that someone would come back and still admit that they still love you a lot. It can happen, but I've been trying not to think that. I don't want to give myself false hope. I've come to terms with the very real possibility that it may be just friendship from here on out. It hurts, but not so much as it first did.

Then there's the topic of Chloe's mother. Her mother was in a mental hospital. That I can totally relate to. That was a part of my childhood. It was quite a large part of my childhood. But I'll get back to that later.

Those two things caused my mind to work more... And probably a little bit harder as well. I've been longing to change myself. I think I've always lacked the inner strength to do so.

Last night, when I checked my horoscope for today, the horoscope spoke to me... a lot.
"It is important now for you to focus on who you are and what you want to share of yourself. If you don't have a solid foundation, then whatever you do will be built upon shifting sands. Don't be in too much of a hurry, for if you rush, you'll be wishing that you thought about the consequences before you went into action."
I think that's been the crux of this change that I started over a year ago. I just wanted to get it all done with. I never really thought about all the inner strength that I would get in working it all out.

But I think I realized a lot today. I'm not saying that my transformation is complete. That's still going to take time. I think I might have found the foundation on which I can build myself. It's no longer a foundation of sand. I finally have one made out of stone.

There are things that I need to just come to terms with. In a lot of ways, I think I have. I love myself (despite all outward appearances and anyone elses thoughts to the contrary). And I know that I've been dealt a pretty bad hand in life. I've dealt with quite a bit for these 25 years.

But it's something I need to forgive and forget. This might get a bit icky for some, but it's something I need to write. I apologize in advance.

I know everyone thinks that. They think for the most part that their childhoods are bad. I don't know if in the scope of the world mine is considered one of the worst, but it also wasn't a good childhood.

I don't think that being molested at the age of two would contribute to a mentally healthy person. Nor would being beaten with a wire hanger by your father would either. Watching my mother get doped on drugs to numb herself and then watching her kill herself, that didn't help either. That contributed to somehting that I just recently realized contributed to my emotional sensitivity (in a negative way). Being around a mother who was manic depressive when I was a child and seeing how she dealt with the world at that time, it didn't help contribute to a good psyche.

I don't think the stint that I had at my mom's ex best friend's helped. I know that I was beaten for no reason. Sometimes, I was beaten for things that I never did. Then there was the 8 years of emotional abuse that I recieved from my stepfather. Emotional abuse from my grandmother and two boyfriends... I think that just about covers it all.

I think in a lot of ways, subconciously, that I used to seek out more of that abuse. Not because I like to feel like shit, but because it's something I've dealt with for my whole life time.

But at some point, you have to just leave that in your past. You can't dwell. You can't let yourself be dictated to by your past. But psychology's funny that way. It works in strange ways.

But I've decided to do that. I decided to do that a year ago. I think I just came to the point where I can finally say good-by to all of that. I can't just stay in the same cycle where I either cause, or I seek out negative situations unbeknownst to me.

But since I've come to that realization, I've felt almost lighter... maybe even freer then I did before. Granted, this is an entirely new sensation for me. But, I think I can grow into this.

Now I can hold my head up and say that this is who I am.
I'm bi-sexual, polyamorous, introverted extrovert (that description might take some explaining... if you really want to know, ask). I'm a Goth. I'm a good soul. I'm any multitude of additionaly titles that you want to stick on me.

But more importantly, I am me. I am me for all my flaws and strengths. And some of those flaws will disappear as I change more and more... But I will always be me.

sparkletarte · Post by **sparkletarte** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:52 am

I thought this was about books we are reading. Nothing of my own writing to contribute, but I am reading an interesting book, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. It's by a Japanese author. I like reading translated books.

So far it's kind of science fiction but in the more fiction style if that makes sense. The main character has had his brain altered to do special data computations that have something to do with a unicorn skull that communicates through sound. At the same time, a scientist is developing a way to control sound- turn it up, down, or off- as well as ways to read the history of what a person or an animal knows through communicating with it's bones.

sparkletarte · Post by **sparkletarte** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:55 am

Nevermind, I've made a thread about books.

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Sun Dec 19, 2004 3:41 pm

I can see it in the way you look,
I can feel it,
Radiating,
Like a long lost star.
The feeling has grown too strong,
This sense,
This knowledge,
It becomes too much.
My patience dwindles as it continues to grow.
Too many nights,
Tears my constant friend.
I can feel you there.
I feel that hole since you left.
Your words say one thing,
Your actions another.
Your eyes tell me another tale.
I wish I knew less, I wish this all would disappear,
Destroy what isn't necessary.
The words,
They cleft us asunder,
The stupid actions,
The petty arguments.
Search what is felt,
Both in heart,
And in soul.

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 8:59 pm

Behind closed eyes,
Black water flows freely.
The thougths of the day,
The stress,
The sorrow,
The joy,
They seem to dissipate,
Washed on the tide of rest.
Behind closed eyes,
A play comes to life.
Things future are known.
Visions,
Dreams,
All come.
A sign of things to come.
A sign of love.
Tales of pain.
Wonderment.
Beauty of life in a surreal plane.
Words left unsaid.
Sights left unseen.
Thoughts left unthought.
Worlds collide,
Worlds combine.
Day and night,
Meshed and seperated.
Dreams,
Visions,
Thoughts,
Prophecy.
All are one,
And all are seperate.
See the future,
Families,
Friends,
Loves,
All come to life.
A sublime thought,
A beautiful vision,
A superb dream.

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:37 am

friends may come
and friends may go
friends can peter out
you know

but we'll be friends
through thick or thin
peter out
or peter in

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 9:59 am

A holiday poem read by the Governor of California

http://kzbr.com/audio/arnold.mp3 (3.44 mb)

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 9:20 pm

Here's a site if you want to see something that's just my pure fiction writing.

This is something that's been there for a while. I finally gave her life tonight.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/bloodygrace

amnesia · Post by **amnesia** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 9:31 pm

Just went within yer pages,
wit me freinds paps & nipples.

Most pleased, we were!

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Sun Dec 26, 2004 7:54 am

Ye might keep looking back. I be keeping it updated almost daily, yar.

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:38 pm

Let the chaos of the year,
Dissipate and fade.
Feelings of hurt and anger disappear.
Let the positive begin.
Feelings thought dead,
Be reborn.
Let growth happen in the wake of death and decay.
Agony becomes a faint memory,
In the spring of something new.
Those that were traitorous,
Let all turn green..
The foul brown leaves of lies,
Of slander,
Fall to the ground,
Dead,
To be blown away on the winds of change.
Let positivity shine,
In the mire of negativity.
Let love be born from indifference.
And let the truth come to light,
Of lies once told.
Things shall grow once again,
By the gentle rays of spring,
After the passing of winter.
Let strength flow,
From those who grew weak with battering.
The fire of summer help cleanse,
Burning to ashes,
This frail and battered phoenix.
Let her be reborn from the ashes on the desert plain.
Let her fly higher,
Find love,
And contentment.
Wrap her firey wings around her body.
And know her mates touch again.
Kindred flames rekindling,
Burning into eternity.

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 1:09 pm

FADE IN
EXT. OCEAN BEACH- NIGHT
Dark and lonely sight. There are bonfires that dot the darkness. The sound of crashing waves is heard. Occasionally you hear the sounds of voices and laughing.
MADELINE, mid-twenties, is a slight Punk/Goth looking woman, stands leaning against a cement break overlooking the beach. She looks at the fires.

MADELINE (V.O.)

I hate to think about it. I hate looking back and seeing the mistake that was made. But it’s there. It’s something that I have to live with for a while.
Madeline stand upright and walks down the stairs.

MADELINE (V.O.)

I feel so alone right now. I don’t think I have ever recalled feeling so solitary in my life. It feels as though something has been lost to me.

Madeline walks down to the beach. She continues to walk straight ahead. A COUPLE passes by her. They are talking as she crosses their path. They look at her and walk on.

MADELINE (V.O.)

But I don’t think that I could ever really get back. Not really. There’s always going to be this lack of trust. This constant questioning... Is he being honest with me? Is he telling me everything?

Madeline continues her path. She walks by bonfires. There are GROUPS OF PEOPLE, various ages, genders, races, aorund the bonfires. She is acknowledged with only a glances. They go back to their bonfires.

MADELINE (V.O.)

But I guess that doesn’t matter much now. It’s not going to happen again. I can only hope, wish that it could. But I feel as though things are beyond redemption.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 6:43 pm

good....I like it

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Tue Feb 01, 2005 9:49 am

Thank you. I hope that the screenplay, as a whole, keeps up the same integrity:).

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:24 pm

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:59 am

Hey guys

phoenix13 · Post by **phoenix13** » Fri May 25, 2007 3:29 pm

Wow, I feel bad for not checking this thing in quite some time...

I feel like I neglected this for far too long. If I can get around to it tonight I might just add some more writing.

Thank you to those who enjoyed the screenplay snippet.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Fri May 25, 2007 4:02 pm

YAAAAY!

The Hot phoenix is back.

literary tomes and other works

Re: Note to A Lost Lover

Self-Exploration: Who I Am

~

Behind Closed Eyes

Phoenix's Prayer

Page 1 of work in progress