Semantics

[Rian Jackson]

Speaking of semantics and other such grammatical and literary topics, as we so often do...

My sweetie and i were discussing terms for relationships and suchlike last night. Curious, but what do you think?

I hate the terms boyfriend/girlfriend for us becuse it reminds me of shallow, facile HS and college 'relationships'.

Lover works - but only between us. Otherwise it sounds like i'm saying we're just sexual toys.

Significant Other - accurate, but awkward. Sounds like you're trying to hard.

Partner - sounds like we've decided to spend eternity together, though in practice 'partner' is an apt description.

Sweetheart - works, more or less. vague enough to mean nothing.

what do you all use?

[Simply Joel]

spouse

[samtzu]

Main squeeze... too flippant
Sweetie Pie..... too casual, not representative enough
The One To Whom I Owe My Piece of Mind... accurate, but awkward

Bitch.... ummmm... nope!

[GuinivereElise]

I agree, Rian. It's hard.


I use lover, because if it's just sex toys, then I say something like "boy-toy" or something... to me, 'lover' is more than just sex...

Partner seems sterile.

I tend to also use pet names as proper nouns...

e.g. My Sweetness.

[theCryptofishist]

I've found "Moof" works best--but only in private. I was fine with boyfriend. Husband is a little strange (oh look at me! I succeeded in one of the tasks set by culture) but fiance was wierder.

[theCryptofishist]

Which is why in this venue, the MrFishist is the preferred term.

[tonytohono]

my ex

[Rob the Wop]

Well I've been called that annoying noisy, hairy thing on the other end of a perfectly good penis- does this count?

[Rob the Wop]

Oh, and I found out - 'That Hole I'm Digging' is pretty much right out.

[samtzu]

Oh, and I found out - 'That Hole I'm Digging' is pretty much right out.

(They're starting to stare at me at work... most people don't laugh at all around here, let alone laugh as hard as this)

[Rian Jackson]

Now that i'm back from lunch, continuing:

we discussed blowjob: no intimacy, makes it sound like, well, a job.

'performing' oral sex: if you do it to show what a stud you are

'giving' oral sex: if you're doing it out of love

'practicing' oral sex: if you're trying to get better

(shit, there was another.)

and what about this?

vagina seems very clinical to me. 'oh honey, your vagina is so hot' just seems a little strange.

pussy annoys me, cunt works but only if said by the proper people or in the proper way (but he thinks that one is degrading)

maybe i need to read back through vagina monologues and look for a better term.

suggestions?

[tonytohono]

some women are bothered by one term while another gladly embraces it. I mean I know someone that calls it her snatch sometimes and her pussy at others.

I will never use the C word. No way.

[bullD]

When fumbling for words to describe just how good an ex-lovers vaginapussycunt was for me, said ex-lover graciously smiled and said, "just think of it as your little slice of heaven."

I was hooked...

[SilkenTofu]

Significant Other - accurate, but awkward. Sounds like you're trying to hard.

Partner - sounds like we've decided to spend eternity together, though in practice 'partner' is an apt description.

These two show up quite often in the gay community because they are vague enough to use when you are around straight people. If you used these terms around me I would assume that you had a gay relationship. Esp. if you said "Life Partner".

How about

Love of My Life - too cheesy?

or if you aren't to sure on the longevity of a relationship

My Future ex-Husband - I love him now but who knows about next week

[Rian Jackson]

also very true, but i know more and more people who use them with either same gender or different gender 'partners'

i think, at least here, it's losing that meaning.

i like the future husband.. but i'm not planning on marriage.. damn...

if you switch a lot, it could be 'flavour of the week'

[AntiM]

Sugar bucket. The term works for either husband or vagina.

When we're around the AF base, he's "sponsor" and I'm "dependent spouse." Sheesh.

Around home he's "my Larry" as there are a number of Larrys in the family already.

[QuasiPseudo]

Might be too crazy a thought, but...

How about nixing the categorizations altogether and simply call them by name?

[theCryptofishist]

Significant Other - accurate, but awkward. Sounds like you're trying to hard.

Partner - sounds like we've decided to spend eternity together, though in practice 'partner' is an apt description.

These two show up quite often in the gay community because they are vague enough to use when you are around straight people. If you used these terms around me I would assume that you had a gay relationship. Esp. if you said "Life Partner".

I used those in reference to the MrFishist in part to express solidarity with those communities and because we're queer.

Love of My Life - too cheesy?

That one I can't do, soulmate either. It comes too close to this idealized misty view of life as needing a particular one "love." Although my Grandmother did refer to my grandfaher as the Love of My Life 20 or 30 years after she died. (She was remarried, I believe happily. So it's obviously more complicated than I know.)

[theCryptofishist]

Might be too crazy a thought, but...

How about nixing the categorizations altogether and simply call them by name?

It always depends on the audience. . .

[Rian Jackson]

Might be too crazy a thought, but...

How about nixing the categorizations altogether and simply call them by name?

because sharing people's real names on the internet isn't necessarily nice.
and then there's answering that question 'So you guys are...'

...'dating?'
...'seeing each other?'
....'spending significant time together?'
......

i could just stop talking to people. but failing that, semantics continue to be important.

after reading the book i've been reading, i think that 'conservative' and 'liberal' have completely changes and/or lost their meanings for me.

[theCryptofishist]

Love of My Life - too cheesy?

That one I can't do, soulmate either. It comes too close to this idealized misty view of life as needing a particular one "love." Although my Grandmother did refer to my grandfaher as the Love of My Life 20 or 30 years after she died. (She was remarried, I believe happily. So it's obviously more complicated than I know.)

Especially if you include all my typos.

[tonytohono]

I always love it when someone says, "This is namehere, my fuck buddy.

[Skull]

I often just opt out of it all together. I don't give her a label. for me it's more of a "if you want to know then ask" sort of thing. Not that I'm a particularly private person, but I never want to speak for my "partner" or anyone for that matter. so when an introduction is necc then I say this is so and so. and if someone asks about relationship status, I just tell them. I don't like being called anybody's anything.

[theCryptofishist]

I always love it when someone says, "This is namehere, my fuck buddy.

That's just sooooo gay.

[Rian Jackson]

i hear ya, skull. but it does become somewhat necessary; or at least practical, at times. not necessarily during introductions, but in other references.

****

here's a curious one:
midwesterners eat supper
west coasters eat dinner.

****

crypto, do you find queer to be the current term-du-jour where you are?
it seems like it became the best option here a couple of years ago, though within the community it's anything goes.

[SilkenTofu]

I always love it when someone says, "This is namehere, my fuck buddy.

That's just sooooo gay.

ummm yeah...what she said.. brings back The Pansy Division's song of the same name.

Sugar bucket. The term works for either husband or vagina.

that reminds me of "Sugar Walls" by Sheena Easton. God I used to love that song, I still have the 45.

[Skull]

Never heard the one about dinner and supper. very interesting indeed.

I believe the same goes for pop and soda, pop being the midwestern term.

[theCryptofishist]

crypto, do you find queer to be the current term-du-jour where you are?
it seems like it became the best option here a couple of years ago, though within the community it's anything goes.

Depending on the segment of the community. Those who have sensibilities shaped by 90s Queer Nation or who aren't "traditionally gay" will use it. You still get letters to the editors of the local free gay weeklies from older gays that find it painful. I personally like the term--coming into the community from an odd angle and not being really comfortable with a lot of the sorting that goes on. There is a sort of discarding over time of words used to describe "contaminated" identities: Colored, Negro, Afro, Black, African-American being one continuum over fairly recent history. I remember reading something about a similier slip of terms for women into disrespectability over time--but longer time, centuries as I recal, and in some ways there isn't any word for the sex that isn't at least a little compromised. Chose of words can be reallly political--with some of these identies there isn't a word that's neutral to everyone.

[theCryptofishist]

Never heard the one about dinner and supper. very interesting indeed.

I believe the same goes for pop and soda, pop being the midwestern term.

And then there's the people who call "lunch" dinner and use supper for the evening meal--don't even get me to High Tea.

And "soda pop" seemed to be what I used as a kid. In books set in the south they seem to drink "Co-cola."

The champion is (as far as I know) is ottoman, chesterfield, davenport, couch, sofa.


Linguists actually draw maps and infer stuff about social class from usage of this sortl

[Rian Jackson]

isn't queer one of those terms that fits in the reclaimed category? like cunt, you know. like nigger (when said salf-descriptively).

i just like it because it's pretty all encompassing... there are too few terms that fit everyone who isn't 100% straight. not to say i would discount the other terms, but, let's say, at PRIDE it's what i'd start with.