Hear me out: ... bedpan

[dog on the playa]

No one likes talking about it but it's the best part of Burning Man, thus I'm flummoxed. The topic: Having to use the facilities in the middle of the night when all you want to do is sleep. Sure, there's the gallon jug or bucket, etc., but you have to be in some sort of upright position to use them. The hose experiment met with disastrous results, although I'm still sure that can somehow work---the technology is just not here yet. So: I'm in the store today and I just happened to come across the **bedpans**. Now, I've never used one but it sure looks like you don't have to sit up OR ANYTHING to engage them in you know what and so forth. Although, like the bucket, there's an odor problem. Unlike the bucket, though, there's a containment shelf and it's difficult to knock them over.

Just getting more ready by the minute. That's all.

[Chowski]

That sounds like a lot of hassle, buying a bedpan and carrying it in and out of the tent to empty it and clean it? Pshaw! My plan is much simpler: pooping in my pants while I sleep. Not only need I not arise from my bed, I need not even awaken from my K hole. In the morning, simply change pants (something I would probably have done anyway, roll up the previous night's diaper, and on my way out to the playa for the day, simply gift the entire bundle into the bed of some porto-dependent fool's pickup truck. Ah, easy living.

[VultureChow]

Catheter Camp is another option.

[Jackass]

Ouch, that's going to hurt!

[Ratty]

Chowski where do you camp? (thanks for the smile)

[mudpuppy000]

Pooping while laying down,
into a shallow pan,
in your sleeping bag,
on an air mattress,
in the dark,
what could go wrong?

[dog on the playa]

Pooping while laying down,
into a shallow pan,
in your sleeping bag,
on an air mattress,
in the dark,
what could go wrong?

Just looking for answers... you didn't want that air mattress anyway.

[dog on the playa]

That sounds like a lot of hassle, buying a bedpan and carrying it in and out of the tent to empty it and clean it? Pshaw! My plan is much simpler: pooping in my pants while I sleep. Not only need I not arise from my bed, I need not even awaken from my K hole. In the morning, simply change pants (something I would probably have done anyway, roll up the previous night's diaper, and on my way out to the playa for the day, simply gift the entire bundle into the bed of some porto-dependent fool's pickup truck. Ah, easy living.

You bring a lot of positives things to the table, food for thought. The city is stronger because of your presence, imo.

[trilobyte]

I'm moving this to the Q&A board, since that's a better fit for general preparation discussions (the Stories board is intended more for the posting of pics, videos, and stories from the event).

That does sound like some seriously weapons-grade laziness, though. I can't say I've ever used one or even considered the idea. I know a few people who've either done a porto in their village or used a bucket, and yeah I routinely find myself having to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night... but it has not yet struck me as that much of a bother.

You could probably also look into the idea of adult diapers. Sure, they're marketed to people with bladder control issues and the incontinent, but I imagine it's all just as valid for people who just can't be bothered to get up and go to the toilet. You'd probably want to tie off the used diaper trash bag to keep odors at bay, and then just pack it out with you when you leave.

[mudpuppy000]

Yeah bring lots of diaper rash cream too when you sit in a filthy diaper all night.

[dog on the playa]

I'm moving this to the Q&A board, since that's a better fit for general preparation discussions (the Stories board is intended more for the posting of pics, videos, and stories from the event).

That does sound like some seriously weapons-grade laziness, though. I can't say I've ever used one or even considered the idea. I know a few people who've either done a porto in their village or used a bucket, and yeah I routinely find myself having to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night... but it has not yet struck me as that much of a bother.

You could probably also look into the idea of adult diapers. Sure, they're marketed to people with bladder control issues and the incontinent, but I imagine it's all just as valid for people who just can't be bothered to get up and go to the toilet. You'd probably want to tie off the used diaper trash bag to keep odors at bay, and then just pack it out with you when you leave.

Adult diapers? Good idea but Chowski kinda already covered that. And this is simple reactor-grade laziness. Some of us have tiny little bladders that must be emptied on an hourly basis, not manly tanker bladders that put camels to shame. We should all be welcome on the playa... with our---RUBBER BLADDERS WITH ***WATERTIGHT*** PENIS-ATTACHMENT VACUUM HOSES. Lock the thread.

[maladroit]

At least this thread reminded me to make extra sure the med kit has Imodium.

[mudpuppy000]

Hmmmm, I bet you could rig up something with a shop vac and a toilet plunger. Hell that could be a theme camp.

[BBadger]

If you happen to have a few spare massage tables around, and I know we all do, you can rig it up so you can just piss right through one of those face-cradles. You probably ought to label which one you used for that though.

It's also pretty convenient while someone is giving you a massage!

[dog on the playa]

I'm moving this to the Q&A board, since that's a better fit for general preparation discussions (the Stories board is intended more for the posting of pics, videos, and stories from the event).

If I told a story about a bedpan, could we -would we- move it back?

[Jackass]

If you happen to have a few spare massage tables around, and I know we all do, you can rig it up so you can just piss right through one of those face-cradles. You probably ought to label which one you used for that though.

It's also pretty convenient while someone is giving you a massage!

Massage table glory hole!

[dog on the playa]

Ok-ok-ok, 'new' idea. Urinal cake in the big-mouth Gatorade bottle. Everyone, feel free to use and enjoy.

[Doctor VonBacon]

Of course, there is a much simpler solution :

Government Cheese.

There will be a few here among us who will remember eating "Gubberment Cheese" way back in school or whatever. The kind that came in blocks as long as a Buick, with a U.S. government seal on it.

If my memory and calculations are correct, eating 5-6 slices of this cheese will leave you unable to poop for the entire week, and thus negating the need for a bedpan or adult diaper.

Besides, it used to make REALLY good grilled cheese sammiches....

[ygmir]

Hmmmm, I bet you could rig up something with a shop vac and a toilet plunger. Hell that could be a theme camp.

*paging Figjam*

[FIGJAM]

Wanna see my sketches???

[mudpuppy000]

"Poop like an Astronaut!"

[ygmir]

"Poop like an Astronaut!"

poop like an Egyptian.

[illy dilly]

I thought Steve Martin wrote that song?

[dog on the playa]

"Poop like an Astronaut!"

I know I was advocating for being able to poop instead of having to get up---but I'm usually good about holding that (---IN MA HANDS. No-no, that's disgusting). If I can get a solid five with a pee break somewhere in there, I should be fine. But I would like the vacuum hose for that.

Anyone ever fallen asleep in a port-a-potty? I bet if it was freshly cleaned it wouldn't be that bad. Have to be at night, too, you'd roast during the day.