Top Asshats of 2016

[Chowski]

This is always a great thread. Okay, I'll start:

We were placed on B at 7:45. Behind us (fronting on A) were "overflow" parking for some of the Esplanade camps, and one camp that just didn't really have it together, socially. They did bad drum circles all through the night and regularly broadcast screaming drunken fights at 4:00AM.

Not the worst neighbors, but certainly not anyone we wanted to get to know. They topped themselves only on Sunday, however.

Our camp was pretty large - 100 x 150, and our main public area was at one end. At the other end were tent campers, and a yurt or two. Our yurt campers broke down, MOOPed everything, and raked the ground, and got approval from our MOOP Master before they took off, leaving behind a roughly 20 x 30 foot area of CLEARLY MOOPed and raked land. Within minutes, Camp ScreamFights dragged a 15 x 15 foot section of astroturf onto that area (our placed land) and whipped out a leaf blower to clean off his rug onto our land!

Our MOOP master ran over and chased him off, but we had to re-MOOP that area. When they were finally gone the next morning, they left behind three large oil stains on the Playa.

I've met some real Asshats at Burning Man, but this guy took all the cakes.

[Ratty]

I wouldn't put them in the #1 spot but they were asshats. Shine Camp at 4:25 and H. Directly across from us. They got plascement by promising an open bar, (which isn't enough these days), and an event where you make your own copper pendants.

1. Bar day serving moonshine with the worst music on the worst sound system.
2. No pendant making because they, 'ran out of supplies'. WHAT? You never had the event! People kept asking us and we were waiting too. It looked great on paper.
3. Cancelling the 'Water Fight' and other events because they stayed out all night every night.
4.They burned their garbage in the burn barrel. When it blew our way it could gag a maggot. In a windstorm I ran out to catch their burning garbage rolling down the street. Really! You have to be told to douse your flames?

Oh, and did I mention they used the bull-horn liberally. Very repetitious. Not funny or witty. Just sad and annoying. I hope they get placed on the outer ring next year. Or not at all.

Oh, BTW the first 2 people to set up the camp are eplayans. They recognized me right away. Sorry guys but you failed in so many ways.

[Token]

ME

While you were all out frolicking in the desert, I was here and by far the biggest asshat on the rather quiet boards.

Never once hesitated to dish out the snark.

You are all welcome!

[VultureChow]

The idiot who put wet pewter into my furnace and got molten pewter in his eye.

But honestly it was pretty good all around. No major asshats that I personally saw or interacted with.

[Elorrum]

The thirty plus asshats who used a good part of 6:15 and K for a parking lot. Just cars, no campers. "No this is not the overflow parking area!" It's still the city and they just shat on the possibility of it being a neighborhood.

People who thought the perfect place to set up their camp was six feet away from mine...in a totally fucking empty block! At least three sets of people pulled their cars in like it WAS a parking lot and I woke up got dressed to say, hey... Could you leave same space? Not sure what is up with this. Solo bad ass was completely dumbfounded.

[BBadger]

We need to start gifting parking boots.

[Popeye]

The asshats from the placed camp (inside blue flags) at 6:00 and J who did a land grab along J for a parking lot THEN left their car alarms turned on.

[Elorrum]

We need to start gifting parking boots.

. Think I can get a grant for this?

[ygmir]

The asshats from the placed camp (inside blue flags) at 6:00 and J who did a land grab along J for a parking lot THEN left their car alarms turned on.

would Figjams lags, and an impact driver, reach the battery?

[danibel]

I wouldn't put them in the #1 spot but they were asshats. Shine Camp at 4:25 and H. Directly across from us. They got plascement by promising an open bar, (which isn't enough these days), and an event where you make your own copper pendants.

1. Bar day serving moonshine with the worst music on the worst sound system.
2. No pendant making because they, 'ran out of supplies'. WHAT? You never had the event! People kept asking us and we were waiting too. It looked great on paper.

Wow. Thank you for the report. Our camp has been talking about bringing a press and making copper pendants. We probably wouldn't do a bar, there are too many of those. We would however, have the pendants!!!

[Popeye]

The asshats from the placed camp (inside blue flags) at 6:00 and J who did a land grab along J for a parking lot THEN left their car alarms turned on.

would Figjams lags, and an impact driver, reach the battery?

Good idea and if you missed the battery the first time you could always try again

[FIGJAM]

Probably have to go in through the fender.

[Drawingablank]

Most of my complaints are centered around street traffic.

This was my first time camping street side since 2012 and first time ever on a radial street, but there seemed to be way more traffic in the form of non mutated golf carts than I've ever seen before. I'm not referring to mobility flagged carts, or carts used by various departments, but carts that appeared to be unregistered and used anyway. I understand that some may have been mobility registered whose flag had been stolen, but there seemed to be an enormous amount of them.

Not only was there way more golf carts than usual - many of them were ignoring the speed limit constantly and doing 15 - 20 mph which kicks up dust and is dangerous in a pedestrian city. Even some mobility carts were doing this, which is disappointing to say the least. I saw at least 2 motorcycles (which aren't even supposed to be cruising there at all) speeding around several times as well.

Gas powered skateboards - which add absolutely nothing to the burn except an obnoxious noise are rarely if ever observed only doing the speed limit.

Much of this boils down to entitlement and willingness to flaunt the rules everyone else adheres to.

[Dr Helix]

I put this in Top asshats of 2013 by accident. Guess I need to read better......

My ass-hat was at our art piece Ursa major. Girl and guy were looking at her and they asked if I was the artist and I said yes. The guy politely asked if it would be okay to climb it. I said it really wasn't set up to climb so no. The girl immediately starts yammering at me that he can climb it if he wants to as "everything here is okay to climb. It's in the rules." I asked her what rules she was referring to and she just started yelling that you can't stop him and told her boyfriend to go ahead. He was mortified and started to try to apologize but she cut him off and said she was going up. I told her if she tried I'd drag her off. She told her boyfriend to kick my ass. He told her to shut up. She started to scream at him. He left. She screamed at me that this was all my fault. She left. End of story.

[ACfromSAC]

^Wow. That's all.

[Elorrum]

Dr. Helix, yes, wow.

Also, thank you very much. I love Ursa Major, was surprised and delighted by the texture to look at and to feel (whilst not climbing, of course.)

[forty_eight]

He told her to shut up. She started to scream at him. He left. She screamed at me that this was all my fault. She left. End of story.

I bet he has a top asshat of the burn story to tell, lol.

[Dr Helix]

He told her to shut up. She started to scream at him. He left. She screamed at me that this was all my fault. She left. End of story.

I bet he has a top asshat of the burn story to tell, lol.

I wished he had stayed. he was a nice guy, and I felt sorry for him.

[trilobyte]

Speaking personally, of course...

There was a small string of vehicles that set up a parking lot camp between the placed theme camp and the potty bank at the end of our street. It made me think that maybe next year, it might be worth making a sticker pointing out the location of the parking lot might be a nice 'gift' to affix onto the doors or hoods of these vehicles. That way, when they eventually come back to their car, they'll know where to park it in the future...

Most of my experiences were pretty awesome. A couple things stood out as annoying asshattery...

While in the ice line, I spot a fun mutant vehicle (Pig Pen from Peanuts) and pull out my camera to try and take a shot. It's not tiny or invisible, and I'm looking through the viewfinder to set up the shot, and just before I'm able to snap it I hear some asshat call out "who wants to get misted?" as he sprays water all over the crowd. Not light misting, but just squirting with water... and of course, it blasts the camera lens. It wasn't enough of a drenching to do any damage, but did prevent me from using the camera again until I got back to camp and gave the lens a proper cleaning.

Another time in the ice line, for some reason the line wranglers had been letting the massive line head in the opposite direction. At one point a more experienced wrangler realized that wasn't working, and so they put their arms around the difficult task of moving the line when there were probably 100-200 people in line. They were doing a relatively admirable job of it too, everyone was being respectful of each other and nobody was trying to get cuts. Until the very end, a group of idiots started screaming about cuts as they ran up to and cut into the line, pushing and shoving people out of the way in the process. Really, dude? I thought about getting all pissed and calling the guy out, then I remembered that I didn't really need ice that badly (I still had a couple bags & blocks in the freezer at camp, as I'd loaded up the day before) and I didn't want to have to deal with that bs for however long it would take to make it to the front of the queue. As I walked away it was easier to shrug off, a lot of people were still just getting settled in and may have been in some kind of panic over getting ice for their coolers. My burn was going pretty well, and I didn't want to let the asshat get to me.

Egads, Dr. Helix, that's crazy. Sounds like that relationship was under a lot of stress - I'm glad he was good about it, and I really loved seeing Ursa too.

[Token]

I put this in Top asshats of 2013 by accident. Guess I need to read better......

My ass-hat was at our art piece Ursa major. Girl and guy were looking at her and they asked if I was the artist and I said yes. The guy politely asked if it would be okay to climb it. I said it really wasn't set up to climb so no. The girl immediately starts yammering at me that he can climb it if he wants to as "everything here is okay to climb. It's in the rules." I asked her what rules she was referring to and she just started yelling that you can't stop him and told her boyfriend to go ahead. He was mortified and started to try to apologize but she cut him off and said she was going up. I told her if she tried I'd drag her off. She told her boyfriend to kick my ass. He told her to shut up. She started to scream at him. He left. She screamed at me that this was all my fault. She left. End of story.

I think you can add "performance artist" to your portfolio.

I live for that kind of Playa interaction. I would call her a deranged participant. Truly the best kind of audience.

[ACfromSAC]

our art piece Ursa major.

Jesus Christ, I just realized that you said that was your art piece. I fuckin' loved it! My girlfriend and I were talking about this year's art a couple of days ago and I mentioned that one as possibly being my favorite this year. Truly an amazing piece. I didn't realize it was covered in pennies until I got closer up to it. Really beautiful cover and such a satisfying texture to the touch as a bonus. Well done! That thing must have weighed an effing ton.

How many pennies were used?
Edit: Google search says 180,000. ZOINKS. Great piece.

[Dr Helix]

our art piece Ursa major.

Jesus Christ, I just realized that you said that was your art piece. I fuckin' loved it! My girlfriend and I were talking about this year's art a couple of days ago and I mentioned that one as possibly being my favorite this year. Truly an amazing piece. I didn't realize it was covered in pennies until I got closer up to it. Really beautiful cover and such a satisfying texture to the touch as a bonus. Well done! That thing must have weighed an effing ton.

How many pennies were used?
Edit: Google search says 180,000. ZOINKS. Great piece.

Actually it's 160,000 (give or take a few thousand). And she's about a ton and a half. And I'm glad you liked her! Means a lot.

[AntiM]

Our personal top asshat was the guy from LA with a rental trailer brought in by a vendor, placed right on the Hushville line with the generator muffler pointed straight into our camp. He may or may not have tried not to run it a lot, and as it was a cool year, perhaps he did not, but he wasn't interested in the slightest about muffling it. I don't think he was prepared to do so, had just rented a fucking trailer and had it plopped down. "It isn't that stinky or loud". No dude, of course not, you're in the fucking trailer! We parked a car in between, and that helped with the noise, but did little for the exhaust.

Don't place your trailer/genny on the edge of your camp if you have no clue who may be on the other side. Point it into your own damn camp.

[maladroit]

Our personal top asshat was the guy from LA with a rental trailer brought in by a vendor, placed right on the Hushville line with the generator muffler pointed straight into our camp. He may or may not have tried not to run it a lot, and as it was a cool year, perhaps he did not, but he wasn't interested in the slightest about muffling it. I don't think he was prepared to do so, had just rented a fucking trailer and had it plopped down. "It isn't that stinky or loud". No dude, of course not, you're in the fucking trailer! We parked a car in between, and that helped with the noise, but did little for the exhaust.

Don't place your trailer/genny on the edge of your camp if you have no clue who may be on the other side. Point it into your own damn camp.

I like the honey approach. Set up some chairs, snacks, cooler full of beers. Tempt the neighbor outside with a cold beer, "we've got nachos!" etc while the generators is going. Then walk them around to where everyone is sitting in your camp, near the generator exhaust. Put him in a chair and ply him with treats and conversation while trying to ignore the generator. Watch the discomfort fester and grow...and grow...and grow...that will be the best tasting beer you've ever had.

[BBadger]

My ass-hat was at our art piece Ursa major. Girl and guy were looking at her and they asked if I was the artist and I said yes. The guy politely asked if it would be okay to climb it. I said it really wasn't set up to climb so no. The girl immediately starts yammering at me that he can climb it if he wants to as "everything here is okay to climb. It's in the rules." I asked her what rules she was referring to and she just started yelling that you can't stop him and told her boyfriend to go ahead. He was mortified and started to try to apologize but she cut him off and said she was going up. I told her if she tried I'd drag her off. She told her boyfriend to kick my ass. He told her to shut up. She started to scream at him. He left. She screamed at me that this was all my fault. She left. End of story.

Wow what a keeper! Maybe the incident was for the best -- for the guy anyway.

On another note, Ursa major was a huge favorite at our camp! Up close I loved the feel and texture of the fur!

[Drawingablank]

Our personal top asshat was the guy from LA with a rental trailer brought in by a vendor, placed right on the Hushville line with the generator muffler pointed straight into our camp. He may or may not have tried not to run it a lot, and as it was a cool year, perhaps he did not, but he wasn't interested in the slightest about muffling it. I don't think he was prepared to do so, had just rented a fucking trailer and had it plopped down. "It isn't that stinky or loud". No dude, of course not, you're in the fucking trailer! We parked a car in between, and that helped with the noise, but did little for the exhaust.

Don't place your trailer/genny on the edge of your camp if you have no clue who may be on the other side. Point it into your own damn camp.

I like the honey approach. Set up some chairs, snacks, cooler full of beers. Tempt the neighbor outside with a cold beer, "we've got nachos!" etc while the generators is going. Then walk them around to where everyone is sitting in your camp, near the generator exhaust. Put him in a chair and ply him with treats and conversation while trying to ignore the generator. Watch the discomfort fester and grow...and grow...and grow...that will be the best tasting beer you've ever had.

Or just pound a potato a foot up the exhaust pie.

[Ratty]

I loved the feel of those pennies too. I revisited several times throughout the week. Always laughing at the people trying to make the same pose and examining the texture as they ran their hands over it. Thank you for a memorable art piece.

BTW I left your pennies at HQ with a note.

[Drawingablank]

I would also like to add a personal Fuck you to the two assholes who decided to give our camp two red spots after we left.

I personally mooped both those areas Tuesday morning and they were squeaky clean when we left at 12:45 P.M. Tuesday.

Since the only thing inbound from our camp was placed theme camps, I am even more pissed off since this kind of behavior is more like something I expect from newbie frat boys.

[Jackass]

I would also like to add a personal Fuck you to the two assholes who decided to give our camp two red spots after we left.

I personally mooped both those areas Tuesday morning and they were squeaky clean when we left at 12:45 P.M. Tuesday.

Since the only thing inbound from our camp was placed theme camps, I am even more pissed off since this kind of behavior is more like something I expect from newbie frat boys.

The winds picked up big time around 1PM Tuesday, gusts as high as 40-45 mph by my estimates. I was out there, it blew until after dark and in three different directions. Things were blowing all over the place, it's possible that it was wind distributed.

[Drawingablank]

I would also like to add a personal Fuck you to the two assholes who decided to give our camp two red spots after we left.

I personally mooped both those areas Tuesday morning and they were squeaky clean when we left at 12:45 P.M. Tuesday.

Since the only thing inbound from our camp was placed theme camps, I am even more pissed off since this kind of behavior is more like something I expect from newbie frat boys.

The winds picked up big time around 1PM Tuesday, gusts as high as 40-45 mph by my estimates. I was out there, it blew until after dark and in three different directions. Things were blowing all over the place, it's possible that it was wind distributed.

I am not disinclined to agree, but generally wind distributed shit won't give you a red spot (normally yellow at worst) . Red spots are usually caused by showers or contaminated cooler dumps.