your stupid joke here

[Dr. Pyro]

Answer: SISSS BOOM BAAA

Question: What is the last noise you hear from an exploding sheep?

[FIGJAM]

Bah da BOOM!

[ygmir]

.

13312741_1622648101115887_6683466971541470135_n.jpg

[FIGJAM]

nq160530.gif

[tatonka]

[theCryptofishist]

I love this thread.

[Canoe]

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

The following Sunday, anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand..."You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, 'I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?"
Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"
Louie just nodded.

"That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged.. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"

[Canoe]

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodinger's Cat.
She said it range a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

[Thecatman]

A cat and a mouse died the same day and they went to animal heaven.
After a few days the mouse was strolling around and ran into God.
God asked the mouse "Well, how do you like it here?"
The mouse replies "Its great. But is there any way I can have some roller skates?"
"Sure! Here you go." and the mouse has roller skates.
Later while strolling around heaven the cat runs into God.
God asks the cat how he likes it in heaven.
"Great!" says the cat "and I sure like the meals on wheels" he ads.

[Thecatman]

Little five year old Billy just started kindergarten and just leaned how to count and do simple math with his fingers.
One day grandma and grandpa came to visit. Excitedly Billy tells them about his new skills.
"That's great" says grandpa. "Let me give you a simple math problem. What is 4 plus 2?"
Billy looks at one hand and counts "one, two, three, four." He looks at his other hand and counts "one, two." The he counts "one, two, three, four, five, SIX" he yells.
Grandpa says "That's good Billy but soon you'll have to do it faster so let me give you another simple problem. But first you have to put your hands in your pockets so you can't see them." Billy puts his hands in his pockets and grandpa says "what's 10 plus 10?"
Grandpa sees Billy's hands wiggling in his pockets and after a few seconds Billy yells "ELEVEN."

[Thecatman]

"what's 10 plus 10?"

That was supposed to read "whats 5 plus 5?" But ya'll knew that.

[171/348]

Answer: SISSS BOOM BAAA

Question: What is the last noise you hear from an exploding sheep?

My favorite Carnac ever!!

[Ratty]

Seeing my wife come slowly down the church aisle was the happiest moment of my life.




The six pallbearers did a great job.

[Thecatman]

A husband comes home from work. Takes a shower. Stepping out of the shower and drying off he says to his wife,
"Honey. It's to hot to wear clothes today. What do you think the neighbors will think if I mow the front yard like this?"
Wife looks him over and says "Probably that I married you for your money."

[Ratty]

It's almost christmas...

[The Rod]

What's the difference between a Greyhound station and a lobster with boobs?

Well, one is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

[Dr Helix]

Where do you get virgin wool?


From ugly sheep.

[Ratty]

Yup.

[FIGJAM]

Old FIGJAM, he bought a farm ei ei oooohhhhhhhhhhh.......

The cow burned down...........the barn ran away....................and I got a nasty crop bite!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dr Helix]

A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the
Varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.


"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave,
He continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him ?" pointing to a second, older man,
"Three women, three feathers."


The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"


The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."


Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"


The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."


The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be hostile!"


The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"


The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"


"No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast!"

[lucky420]

what's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

snowballs!

as told to me by my mailman

[Thecatman]

[Ratty]

Good morning my friends.

[Ratty]

oops

[BBadger]

^-- I like that last one

chicken_joke.jpg

[FIGJAM]

01_11_17_c51217f4d6853dbbd4a898c9176c0f13.jpg

[LowePro]

What's the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?



Donald Trump never had a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

[lucky420]

[Ratty]

What did one frog say to the other at the party.......

Time's fun when you're having flies.

[Thecatman]

Little Johnnys teacher asks him a simple math problem: "If I give you two cats and then another two cats, how many will you have?" Johnny replies "Five" The teacher says let me ask you again, If I give you two cats and another two cats, how many cats will you have? Johnny replies again Five. So the teacher says let me put it to you another way, If I give you two apples and the another two apples, how many will have? Johnny says Four. "That's right" says the teacher so how do you come up with five cats? she asks. "Well I already have one cat" says Johnny