The Bar

Sandwichman · Post by **Sandwichman** » Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:48 pm

KBOO radio report on the Portland Santa Con http://www.kboo.fm/audio/mp3/2%20KBOO%20News%201207.mp3

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Tue Dec 07, 2004 9:32 pm

Bout time for a shot, Patron please. And Rian sez hey to everyone.

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:57 am

Well. What a quiet night here last night.

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 6:48 am

Time for a 40 of Olde English.

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 7:13 am

Wow, this place is spotless! Was it closed last night?

*sigh* I miss the usual accumulation of crap on the floor.... Hellooooooo!

Well... Might as well get the coffee going... hmmm, french roast or italian?

Ahhhhh, half and half..... that should do it.... I'll be back in a few for the coffee...

gigglesnort · Post by **gigglesnort** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 7:16 am

[eyes half closed, walking slightly forward nostrils leading the way, following the aroma.....]

coffee....

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:27 am

* emerges stretching and unfolding from tent at back of bar, looking very perky and refreshed *

ahhh!! wow... mom was right. a good night's sleep won't kill me! so this is that 'early morning' thing i've heard y'all talk about...

nice...

ooh! coffee!

* pours a cup... on a whim pours a second. adds a dash of jim beam and just enough milk and sugar to both. leaves the second giant ceramic mug of steaming heaven on bar for whoever needs it *

hm. outta sugar... i'll go find some...

* wanders happily out of bar, blinking against the... ah... gray drizzle..., coffee in hand, ready to wander the city in search of sweetness *

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:29 am

helitack wrote:Fuck the carb, I'm going in the hot tub.

New diet plan?

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:30 am

tonytohono · Post by **tonytohono** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:31 am

Goodmorning all.

Fishy, forgive me for not being caught up on the threads, but is there any good news?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:32 am

GuinivereElise wrote:
helitack wrote:A FRANKLIN! BA you are generous. I was just gonna give her my credit card. Which would you like, the Visa or the Vic Secret? Or both?
blech. I used to work for Vickie's. No joke. I still have stuff that has the tags on it. I just tend not to wear it. Although, given the right circumstances, the babydoll could come in handy...

Here, I'll just show you where to swipe that card...

:twisted:

Appropo, this was in this morning's paper.

San Francisco Chronicle wrote:Felicity finds her bliss in store selling next to nothing

John Koopman

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

You could, quite possibly, fit the entire inventory of Felicity's clothing store into one large suitcase.

And still have room for a makeup kit.

The store caters to people in the sex trade: strippers, streetwalkers, massage parlor workers and the like. In this case, less is more, and the easier it is to take off, the better.

"I tell my vendors, 'If it's tiny and shiny, send it to me,' " says Felicity, the owner of Felicity's Fetiche on Sutter near Polk.

Felicity knows her market well. She spent three years as a stripper in San Francisco, much of it at the notorious Market Street Cinema. When her back went out and she could no longer work the dance pole, she went looking for another profession. She knew strippers and stripper clothing.

Felicity opened one of the first stores in San Francisco that specifically catered to the sex-trade crowd. Which is not to say you couldn't find sexy or skimpy clothing in this town. There is Victoria's Secret, for instance. But its merchandise is rather expensive and a little highbrow for the lap-dancing community. You could find skimpy, sexy underthings at some of the adult bookstores, but the selection is limited and a lot of women don't feel comfortable there.

At Felicity's, a lot of the strippers know the owner and they know the merchandise. Felicity can offer advice on accessories, makeup, hair. It's out of the way and upstairs, so the customers have a little privacy to check out a look, try on a g-string or do a bump and grind and feel comfortable with it.

The store is little more than a foyer with a long, L-shaped strip, on the second floor of a larger retail space called Foot Worship, which sells excruciatingly high heels and clear-plastic-sole stripper shoes.

It's a one-stop shopping experience for the skin crowd.

Felicity is a tall brunette with an infectious laugh; the noise is a little like a series of small hiccups when she's on the inhale side. She was on a TV show once, and friends told her they recognized her laugh before they recognized her face.

The stripping business attracts all kinds of women, and a lot of dancers are miserable. They don't like showing their bodies and they despise the men for whom they dance.

Not Felicity. She was born to strip. And, by her own account, she loved the business.

Felicity grew up in Salinas, the adopted daughter of Mexican American parents. She was an early bloomer, developing breasts bigger and faster than all the other girls.

As is typical for well-endowed girls, rumors of her sexuality swirled around her.

"People always thought I was the biggest slut, even though I just had the one boyfriend," she said. "I was a good girl, but everyone wanted to believe the worst."

But she was also mischievous and a bit of a show-off. She got sent home from school several times for wearing too-short skirts and too-tight sweaters.

Once a teacher accused her of wearing a sweater with no bra. She was, in fact, wearing one of the new sports bras that left almost no visible sign.

"So I showed him my bra and he got all mad," she said.

In fact, the first thing you notice about Felicity is her bosom. It's huge. She's a 38 DD. She calls her breasts "the girls," and they served her very well in her three years as a stripper.

Felicity is not her real name, but it's close. She prefers to go by the one name just because some family and friends don't know all the details of her past.

She's one of those people who exudes sex appeal. She's big and bold and brassy and appears to genuinely love the sensuality and sexiness of the erotic dance business.

After she graduated from high school in 1986, she went to junior college for a couple of years and then joined the National Guard. She was with a military police unit out of San Mateo when they got called up in the first Gulf War. She went to Saudi Arabia and Kuwait, performing mostly administrative functions and driving for her commanding officer.

In the Army, she got hit on a lot and dated a lot of guys, including officers. She giggles and remembers, "Men were always coming around. I had a great time."

After she got back to the States, she moved to San Francisco. She got a job as a security guard, first at a mall and later at the Culinary Academy. She liked that job, but was let go because, once again, men wouldn't leave her alone. She couldn't walk down the hallway without guys stopping to talk or flirt.

Anyway, working security doesn't pay much and San Francisco is an expensive town. She was working a second job at a grocery store and just making ends meet, when it occurred to her: It's time to work as a stripper.

She called around and found out she could audition at the New Century Theater on Larkin. She had no music, no specific dance moves and no costume.

But she had enthusiasm.

She borrowed an outfit from another dancer, found a CD in the DJ booth and started to dance.

"God, I loved it," she said. "I loved everything about it. I got the job and I started working that weekend."

The money flowed in. She got a better apartment. Things were looking up.

"I liked the people at the clubs, the guys," she said. "I never had a bad experience. I had my share of regulars. It was great."

But Felicity ran afoul of club policy by leaving the premises with a man. The story, as she tells it, was fairly innocuous. An admirer took to driving her around and doing favors for her, but it wasn't like she was dating him. Still, she was suspended for a couple of months. The only place she could go was the Market Street Cinema, which is considered the raunchiest, wildest strip club in the city.

"I heard all sorts of horror stories about that place, but I loved it," she said. "I made a thousand dollars the first night, compared to three hundred at New Century. There was more money, more excitement, more of everything."

But high heels killed her. She ruptured a disk in her back and later, after she recovered from surgery, the pain of dancing on stilettos hurt something fierce. It took two days to recover from one night of dancing. She had to find another line of work. But what?

She was buying shoes at Foot Worship one day, and told the owner, Hank Worly, that she wanted to open a clothing store for strippers. Worly had a small space upstairs, a balcony that ran along one wall. He offered to let her rent it, and Felicity's Fetiche was born.

"We really work well together," Worly said. "People come in and buy one of her outfits and then come here to get matching shoes."

Over the last couple of years, similar stores have opened up, cutting into Felicity's business. And the adult bookstores have brought in bigger and better selections of sexy clothing. To stay competitive, you have to offer more or better service.

Felicity now keeps records of purchases for her regulars. It's for tax purposes. Dancers and other "entertainers" can write off business expenses. And a latex nurse's outfit can be a business expense if you use it correctly.

At the end of the year, Felicity sends out statements to her clients and includes referrals to tax specialists.

"Everything is a write-off," she said. "Hair, makeup, costumes, clothing, massage, even boob jobs."

She has many racks of clothing, but somehow the place seems nearly empty, because the outfits are so incredibly small. There are g-strings and halter tops. Lots of spandex and latex. A little leather.

Her most popular seller is the school-girl outfit of plaid skirt and white blouse. There are police uniforms and camouflage shorts. And the newest, hottest thing: the microchip. It's a g-string that's only about an inch and a half wide in the front. It could fit in a coin purse and you'd still have room for laundry money.

"It's about showing without showing," Felicity said. "It's about tease. You want him to be interested, but you have to tease. You gotta make him wait for the 'gift.' "

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:39 am

Joel, you want this possible Falstaff or not?

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:41 am

wow, it WAS quiet in here last night...

oooo! Who left this steaming cup of heaven here? *looks around*

Hmmm, anyone?

*grabbing mug* well, guess it's mine now...

*blows kiss to invisible coffee angels and heads to work*

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:41 am

helitack wrote:Well Santa might just have to wait, your day is coming in 18 days.

Actually, St. Nick's Day is the 6th. So maybe this is one of those two-timing Santas.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:44 am

sputnik wrote:BTW, Ghettoblaster is an excellent ale made by a local microbrewery. Can't believe that some malt liquor company didn't think to use it first.

Do those malt liquor companies ever show much evidence of thought at all?

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:46 am

Getting to be almost lunchtime.

Hmmmm....think I'll make it a three martini lunch today!

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:46 am

"I made a thousand dollars the first night,

methinks it's time to consider a career change...

yer welcome, guin, baby! * blows kiss off into the distance *

g'mornin' y'all!

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:48 am

just a warning... the big boss finally made it into town, so I won't be on much today or tomorrow...

I'll try to hop on every now and again, though...

*sniff sniff* sheesh, I already miss you guys...

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:48 am

tisha2 wrote:oh my god!! i just finished browsing all those pics... Holy Feckin Hell!!!! the clowns at the theatre i work for are drooling over this... we've got an indian casino we could invade with santas...

Fishy like!

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:50 am

helitack wrote:Joel, you want this possible Falstaff or not?

Falstaff... if i must

Stag is my Saturday drink.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:52 am

tonytohono wrote:Goodmorning all.

Fishy, forgive me for not being caught up on the threads, but is there any good news?

Probably just drug interactions. Now he's got to battle with a city program to get a specialist. What Joel said earlier about health care.

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:54 am

Hehe, we used to get Canadian Ace beer when we were kids. $0.99 for a gallon. It came in gallon jugs like cider comes in. It was almost as bad a Schlitz but cheaper. We had this running joke that bad beer was named after the body noises it caused. Schlitz, Blatz, Pabst, etc.

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:56 am

geekster wrote:Hehe, we used to get Canadian Ace beer when we were kids. $0.99 for a gallon. It came in gallon jugs like cider comes in. It was almost as bad a Schlitz but cheaper. We had this running joke that bad beer was named after the body noises it caused. Schlitz, Blatz, Pabst, etc.

Phartt?

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:01 am

back when my sis got hitched, i had to go to frederick's to find undergarments that worked with the maid o' honour dress.

how ironic. she's a SUPERCATHOLIC!!!

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:07 am

An uBeRCATHOLIC?

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:08 am

Hmmmm.... good day at work today... good day on the eplaya... even though it's raining like a M*&%^$#fucker in Portland, it appears to be sunny here....

Good! It is a good day!

Hey, who drank my coffee? Guin?!

Ummm.... Please, M'am, may I have another?

gigglesnort · Post by **gigglesnort** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:12 am

[still aimlessly wandering, giggles arrives at an empty place and sits down to contemplate the mountains]

tonytohono · Post by **tonytohono** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:13 am

Here's to John Lennon.

I know where I was at when I found out. I will never forget.

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:14 am

here ya go, sammy. ran outta sugar this morning, but i'm expecting a friend to... oh! here he is...

* short darkly clad stranger walks in, peers around. pulls two large jars of honey out of his raincoat pockets and sets them on the bar. he nods to the 'tender, turns and heads out... *

Thanks, baby!!

honey, sam?

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 9:25 am

tonytohono wrote:Here's to John Lennon.

I know where I was at when I found out. I will never forget.

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

John Lennon