Dear Evil Rob and SurlyTart,

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:17 pm

cowboyangel wrote:Dear Rob, please complete the sentence...."when confounded by the tribulations of ones Karma......

Dear Circular One:

I'm not Rob, but i can answer you anyway:

Give up the Red Sox.

Helpfully,
Surlytart

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:20 pm

geekster wrote:Dear E & S

How do you deal with tards in your life that expect no consequeces for THEIR OWN actions yet always expect others to suffer consequences for theirs?

Yours truly,

Goober

Dear Goober:

You already posess the answer. Simply make the consequences clear to them. Lighter fluid, sharp pins, grapefruit spoons, and anvils are good tools.

Informatively,
Surlytart

p.s. Goober, you did realise that asking such a question has consequences... didn't you?

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:22 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Dear Surly Rob and Evil Tart--
This Xmas I'd like to give away the ultimate white elephant--my foot fungus. However, I am at a loss to decide who deserves this very special gift and the best manner of presentation. Can you help?

Thank you very much,

--Myco

Dear Myco:

Such a gift requires care and thought. First cultivate your foot fungus ( I recommend a petri dish arrangement) so that, biblically, it may strengthen and multiply. Then make sure that you not only gift it to your favorite givee, but also share it with your local and national heads of state.

Conspiratorially,
SurlyTart

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:30 pm

CoworkerLurker wrote:Okay, then-

Dear Rob & Surly-

How might I best remove myself from the gene pool?

-Swimming, Occasionally Treading W.. er, genes

Dear Swimming... Genes:

While some might suggest that it is sufficient to eliminate yourself, I instead advocate a complete wipe out of the entire genetic line. Thoroughness, as you know, is commendable.

Gather your family together. (This, for safety's sake, should include any children that are not direct genetic descendents.) Think Waco.

Happy immolation.

Thoroughly,
SurlyTart

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 2:42 pm

P.S.

Dear Swimming - want to ask about the money now??

--SurlyTart

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:10 pm

Deat E.R.S.T,

I have a headache from having a thought process on my day off, what should I do?

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 4:34 pm

helitack wrote:Deat E.R.S.T,

I have a headache from having a thought process on my day off, what should I do?

Dear HeadStruck,

Since your boss will never believe that you are capable of thought outside of work, make sure to make a thorough record of this event. Start by removing those portions of your skull that obscure taking a good picture of your brain. Since you are not actually doing brain surgery per se, a chain saw may be used in place of a bone saw.

Lobotomizely yours,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 4:36 pm

cowboyangel wrote:Dear Rob, please complete the sentence...."when confounded by the tribulations of ones Karma......

Dear Obscured One,

"...eat your dogma."

Karmicly yours,
Evil Rob

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 4:59 pm

Rob the Wop wrote:
cowboyangel wrote:Dear Rob, please complete the sentence...."when confounded by the tribulations of ones Karma......
Dear Obscured One,

"...eat your dogma."

Karmicly yours,
Evil Rob

now I like that.....like the old lady Mexican "sin eaters"......I gotta find one of these ladies and see how much they charge.....perhaps they may be interested in an ebay venture......
Circular one? Obscured One? I take my cues fro Tisha

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:12 pm

Dear Evil Tart and Surly Rob,

Now that i have successfully slipped the bonds of limmerance and infatuation i find i can step back and observe the budding romances in my life without feeling sucked in by their gravity - i can choose to be involved or not, i can see without my vision being clouded by desire...the problem is that now it feels like i just don't give a shit. without the teenage crush i am left feeling like i have no crush at all. what should i do?

anxiously awaiting your instructions for how i should conduct my life,

the longest lank

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:21 pm

geekster wrote:Dear E & S

How do you deal with tards in your life that expect no consequeces for THEIR OWN actions yet always expect others to suffer consequences for theirs?

Yours truly,

Goober

Dear Coworker of Goober,

From your description of Goober's actions, it definitely sounds like he's trying to blame you for all his screw-ups. Wow. What a whiner. Make sure to tell the boss the truth and place the blame squarely where it belongs.

Wait a second. It appears I've mixed your Emails. My bad.

I'll make a note in my Outlook calender to give a shit.

Corporately yours,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:27 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Dear Surly Rob and Evil Tart--
This Xmas I'd like to give away the ultimate white elephant--my foot fungus. However, I am at a loss to decide who deserves this very special gift and the best manner of presentation. Can you help?

Thank you very much,

--Myco

Dear Myco,

The blood of thine enemies makes a fine culture to grow toe fungus. The problem is that to get a truely selective, pure strain- you need to make more enemies. While I can't help you with proper laboratory proceedures, I have plenty of experiences in making enemies.

Vote for Bush. Get an account on the Eplaya. Tell everyone who you voted for. Kill them at the Meet and Greet.

As to who should receive this fine gift, try Bob Winslow in North Dekota. He's a used car salesman that I've never met. I'm sure he's done something to deserve it. Send it to him collect.

Bloodily yours,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:29 pm

CoworkerLurker wrote:Okay, then-

Dear Rob & Surly-

How might I best remove myself from the gene pool?

-Swimming, Occasionally Treading W.. er, genes

Dear SOTW,

Tell your coworkers that they are cute. Make sure to do it before they have coffee in the morning.

Deliciously evilly,
Evil Rob

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:39 pm

LONDON (Reuters) - A lone whale, with a voice unlike any other, has been wandering the Pacific for the past 12 years, American marine biologists said Wednesday.

Using signals recorded by the US navy to track submarines, they traced the movement of whales in the Northern Pacific and found that a lone whale singing at a frequency of around 52 hertz has cruised the ocean since 1992.

Its calls, despite being clearly those of a baleen, do not match those of any known species of whale, which usually call at frequencies of between 15 and 20 hertz.

The mammal does not follow the migration patterns of any other species either, according to team leader Mary Anne Daher.

The calls of the whale, which roams the ocean every autumn and winter, have deepened slightly as a result of aging, but are still recognizable.

The study by scientists at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, appears in the New Scientist magazine.

OK oh answer-people......what do ya make of this?

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:41 pm

regynalonglank wrote:Dear Evil Tart and Surly Rob,

Now that i have successfully slipped the bonds of limmerance and infatuation i find i can step back and observe the budding romances in my life without feeling sucked in by their gravity - i can choose to be involved or not, i can see without my vision being clouded by desire...the problem is that now it feels like i just don't give a shit. without the teenage crush i am left feeling like i have no crush at all. what should i do?

anxiously awaiting your instructions for how i should conduct my life,

the longest lank

Dear Longest Lank,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said- I was staring at your tits. Wanna fuck?

Lustly evilly,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 7:40 pm

cowboyangel wrote:
OK oh answer-people......what do ya make of this?

Dear WhaleBoy,

Sushi. Lots of sushi.

Uncookingly yours,
Evil Rob

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 7:43 pm

Rian Jackson wrote:
cowboyangel wrote:Dear Rob, please complete the sentence...."when confounded by the tribulations of ones Karma......
Dear Circular One:

I'm not Rob, but i can answer you anyway:

Give up the Red Sox.

Helpfully,
Surlytart

yeah. and I can easily give up my addiction to eplaya as well.....

I can only give up the RS to the "greater Glory of Gawd"

Count Sockula · Post by **Count Sockula** » Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:19 pm

Dear Evil Rob and Surlytart,

WTF? Why can't I log on as giggles anymore? Is this a fucking conspiracy?

Perplexedly,
Gotta Sock

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 9:58 am

cowboyangel wrote:LONDON (Reuters) - A lone whale, with a voice unlike any other, has been wandering the Pacific for the past 12 years, American marine biologists said Wednesday.

Using signals recorded by the US navy to track submarines, they traced the movement of whales in the Northern Pacific and found that a lone whale singing at a frequency of around 52 hertz has cruised the ocean since 1992.

Its calls, despite being clearly those of a baleen, do not match those of any known species of whale, which usually call at frequencies of between 15 and 20 hertz.

The mammal does not follow the migration patterns of any other species either, according to team leader Mary Anne Daher.

The calls of the whale, which roams the ocean every autumn and winter, have deepened slightly as a result of aging, but are still recognizable.

The study by scientists at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, appears in the New Scientist magazine.

OK oh answer-people......what do ya make of this?

Mutant alian spy planted bio-submarine.

Obviously.

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 10:05 am

What is the proper way to let someone know that she's ... uhm ... "not so fresh"? I tried leaving a can of Comet and a bottle brush on her desk but she didn't seem to make the connection.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 10:11 am

geekster wrote:What is the proper way to let someone know that she's ... uhm ... "not so fresh"? I tried leaving a can of Comet and a bottle brush on her desk but she didn't seem to make the connection.

Next time you are "intemate" try grabbing one of those swimmer's nose plugs when you dive beneath the waist.

Freelancingly

Crypto

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 11:03 am

Okay, maybe I should get one of these ...

http://www.pussysnorkel.com/facts.htm

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 11:05 am

cowboyangel wrote:Circular one? Obscured One? I take my cues fro Tisha

huh?

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 1:31 pm

Count Sockula wrote:Dear Evil Rob and Surlytart,

WTF? Why can't I log on as giggles anymore? Is this a fucking conspiracy?

Perplexedly,
Gotta Sock

Dear Gotta Sock,

Yes. Nobody likes you, everybody hates you.

Start cultivating an appetite for worms.

Childishly,
Evil Rob

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:23 pm

Rob the Wop wrote:
regynalonglank wrote:Dear Evil Tart and Surly Rob,

Now that i have successfully slipped the bonds of limmerance and infatuation i find i can step back and observe the budding romances in my life without feeling sucked in by their gravity - i can choose to be involved or not, i can see without my vision being clouded by desire...the problem is that now it feels like i just don't give a shit. without the teenage crush i am left feeling like i have no crush at all. what should i do?

anxiously awaiting your instructions for how i should conduct my life,

the longest lank
Dear Longest Lank,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said- I was staring at your tits. Wanna fuck?

Lustly evilly,
Evil Rob

hmmm....tempting! but i think i'll have to pass :) thanks for the offer though. try to focus, k? cuz i simply cannot move forward in my life without your sage advice. if i must change my avatar i suppose i will, but really i think you can rise above this...try, try harder...ok, release and then try!

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:32 pm

regynalonglank wrote:
Rob the Wop wrote:
regynalonglank wrote:Dear Evil Tart and Surly Rob,

Now that i have successfully slipped the bonds of limmerance and infatuation i find i can step back and observe the budding romances in my life without feeling sucked in by their gravity - i can choose to be involved or not, i can see without my vision being clouded by desire...the problem is that now it feels like i just don't give a shit. without the teenage crush i am left feeling like i have no crush at all. what should i do?

anxiously awaiting your instructions for how i should conduct my life,

the longest lank
Dear Longest Lank,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said- I was staring at your tits. Wanna fuck?

Lustly evilly,
Evil Rob
hmmm....tempting! but i think i'll have to pass thanks for the offer though. try to focus, k? cuz i simply cannot move forward in my life without your sage advice. if i must change my avatar i suppose i will, but really i think you can rise above this...try, try harder...ok, release and then try!

Dear Longest Lank,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said- I was staring at Rob's tits. Wanna fuck?

Just Evilly,
Surlytart

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:44 pm

regynalonglank wrote:
Rob the Wop wrote:
regynalonglank wrote:Dear Evil Tart and Surly Rob,

Now that i have successfully slipped the bonds of limmerance and infatuation i find i can step back and observe the budding romances in my life without feeling sucked in by their gravity - i can choose to be involved or not, i can see without my vision being clouded by desire...the problem is that now it feels like i just don't give a shit. without the teenage crush i am left feeling like i have no crush at all. what should i do?

anxiously awaiting your instructions for how i should conduct my life,

the longest lank
Dear Longest Lank,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said- I was staring at your tits. Wanna fuck?

Lustly evilly,
Evil Rob
hmmm....tempting! but i think i'll have to pass thanks for the offer though. try to focus, k? cuz i simply cannot move forward in my life without your sage advice. if i must change my avatar i suppose i will, but really i think you can rise above this...try, try harder...ok, release and then try!

Dear Longest Lank,

I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said- I was staring at SurlyTart's tits. Wanna fuck?

Equally Evilly,
Evil Rob

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 4:17 pm

ok fine, let's just all fuck and get it over with, so maybe then you can give me the advice i am longing for, i simply cannot live without your advice! so fuck me, now, both of you - i insist!

*mmmph, gasp, sproing, fiddle, thrust, twitch, sigh*

now innt that a whole lot bettah?

heh

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 12:34 pm

Rob the Wop wrote:
Count Sockula wrote:Dear Evil Rob and Surlytart,

WTF? Why can't I log on as giggles anymore? Is this a fucking conspiracy?

Perplexedly,
Gotta Sock
Dear Gotta Sock,

Yes. Nobody likes you, everybody hates you.

Start cultivating an appetite for seeds.

Childishly,
Evil Rob

Sandwichman · Post by **Sandwichman** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 12:54 pm

Dear Evil Rob and Surlytart,

I shook more than three times and nothing happened. What gives?

Mr Palmsatufury