New Age Recovery

[The Rod]

Are you a recovering New Ager?

Has spiritual bypassing left your life a meaningless void of love and light?

Are you ready to let go of the illusion and take responsibility for your own existence?

You are not alone! There is a way out.

[The Rod]

And now for those too lazy to click the link:

12 Steps For The Recovering New Ager

Step One

"We admitted we were powerless over the New Age & that our Higher Selves had turned us into flakes."

Step Two

"Came to believe that a powerful bullshit detector could restore us to sanity."

Step Three

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our lower selves and a good psychiatrist."

Step Four

"Made a searching and fearless disposal of our crystals, tarot decks, incense, angel cards, rising signs, wands, spells, medicine wheels, pendulums and lottery tickets."

Step Five

"Admitted to God, our Guru and our seminar leader the exact nature of our delusion."

Step Six

"Were entirely ready to take back our mind, body and spirit."

Step Seven

"Humbly asked our Higher Power to fuck off."

Step Eight

"Made a list of all the New Age assholes we'd been nice to and vowed to treat them all like shit."

Step Nine

"Insulted the New Age wherever possible, especially when to do so made us look bad."

Step Ten

"Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly relished in it."

Step Eleven

"Sought through television and newspapers to improve our conscious contact with humanity, concentrating only on our ability to understand what the hell was really happening in the world."

Step Twelve

"Having avoided a paradigm shift as the result of these steps, we vowed to carry the NAA message to New Agers everywhere and to practice being ordinary in all our affairs."

[Simon of the Playa]

#8

[FIGJAM]

Gods, grant others the serenity to change the things I can not accept!!!

[ygmir]

haha perfect! 12 steps.......dance steps....cha, cha, cha.

[Perpetual Burn]

And now for those too lazy to click the link:

12 Steps For The Recovering New Ager

Step One

"We admitted we were powerless over the New Age & that our Higher Selves had turned us into flakes."

Flakes like grains of sand... "God's thoughts for you outnumber the sand on the seashore."-Psalms


Step Two

"Came to believe that a powerful bullshit detector could restore us to sanity."

"Be innocent as a dove and as shrewd as a snake."-Jesus

Step Three

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our lower selves and a good psychiatrist."

"All glory goes to God."

Step Four

"Made a searching and fearless disposal of our crystals, tarot decks, incense, angel cards, rising signs, wands, spells, medicine wheels, pendulums and lottery tickets."

"Put no false idols before me."-God

Step Five

"Admitted to God, our Guru and our seminar leader the exact nature of our delusion."

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Step Six

"Were entirely ready to take back our mind, body and spirit."

John 3:16

Step Seven

"Humbly asked our Higher Power to fuck off."

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."- Matthew

Step Eight

"Made a list of all the New Age assholes we'd been nice to and vowed to treat them all like shit."

"I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me... "

Step Nine

"Insulted the New Age wherever possible, especially when to do so made us look bad."

"Don't throw pearls before swine."-Master J (the founder of the zombie revolution)

Step Ten

"Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly relished in it."

"Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors."-redundant

Step Eleven

"Sought through television and newspapers to improve our conscious contact with humanity, concentrating only on our ability to understand what the hell was really happening in the world."

"The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." Or ask Bill O'Reilly...

Step Twelve

"Having avoided a paradigm shift as the result of these steps, we vowed to carry the NAA message to New Agers everywhere and to practice being ordinary in all our affairs."

"Simplicity is the greatest virtue."- Lao Tzu (who didn't even exist)

So, all the wisdom from that site was shared in the Book(s) thousands of years ago...

So being post New Ager is actually old shit...

Its ok padawans, we got all of eternity for you to catch your own tails...