The Bar

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:51 pm

yeah, i told her to come in when she and the hat were leaving.

so, something i've been thinking about since last night, and i'm curious if it's just us or everyone:

our activist community isn't always good at verbalising affirmations and shit - you know, people are so used to each other kicking ass, being mind bogglingly smart and creative and trying to save the world, that people forget to tell each other verbally how amazing the shit they pull off is. and we expect so much of ourselves and our communities, the standard is so high, that it takes a lot for someone to take special notice, i guess.

i realised that here on eplaya we have 'crush' and there's a lot of affirmation stuff because otherwise we'd all think we hated each other... but in face to face communities, do you guys find this to be true? as if people forget that it really helps to hear it, or that superhuman feats shouldn't be expected of people, even if they produce them regularly?

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:53 pm

GuinivereElise wrote: Heli: I'll take a few big stiff ones, myself. I seem to have not had enough lately...

EeeeGawd, flushing again, I haven't had the opposite of that in awhile as well. Jeebus, the hell with mixing drinks, here's my recipe, open bottle of Patron, throw away cork, drink until gone. ~heli goes back into the monastery to contemplate~ until rescued!

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:55 pm

helitack wrote:
GuinivereElise wrote: Heli: I'll take a few big stiff ones, myself. I seem to have not had enough lately...
EeeeGawd, flushing again, I haven't had the opposite of that in awhile as well. Jeebus, the hell with mixing drinks, here's my recipe, open bottle of Patron, throw away cork, drink until gone. ~heli goes back into the monastery to contemplate~ until rescued!

fuck you, heli: if I'm drinking petron, YOU'RE drinking petron...

c'mon....

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:56 pm

*grabs heli by the collar*

where do you think you're going, huh?

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:57 pm

Rian Jackson wrote:yeah, i told her to come in when she and the hat were leaving.

so, something i've been thinking about since last night, and i'm curious if it's just us or everyone:

our activist community isn't always good at verbalising affirmations and shit - you know, people are so used to each other kicking ass, being mind bogglingly smart and creative and trying to save the world, that people forget to tell each other verbally how amazing the shit they pull off is. and we expect so much of ourselves and our communities, the standard is so high, that it takes a lot for someone to take special notice, i guess.

i realised that here on eplaya we have 'crush' and there's a lot of affirmation stuff because otherwise we'd all think we hated each other... but in face to face communities, do you guys find this to be true? as if people forget that it really helps to hear it, or that superhuman feats shouldn't be expected of people, even if they produce them regularly?

Here in the evil corporate world, we are definitely made more aware of our mistakes than our successes...

On a personal level, I try to tell the people that I think rock that I DO think that, as often as possible, because I KNOW that we don't hear it enough... it's something I've had to WORK at, because I get a little self-conscious (me? no!)... but it's getting easier to just say 'hey, you kick ass, and I'm glad that you're around'.

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:57 pm

I think that taking care of the community is very important.

I keep thinking of that study that said something like if you're not saying 3 positive thinks to your *husband* for every negative thing you're headed for divorce. Probably oversimplification, but not a lie. I think that carries to broader communities.

Certainly, there's that over enthusiasm of praise that sounds like *you're an idiot, but I want to be positive* but that's not hte only way to do it. A simple "good to see you here" at planning meetings might do wonders.

There is a real problem with those of us who went through the irony decade of the 80s (and I'm not sure it's really over with.) We act "hip" thinking everyone knows it's an act and we forget that the act can step on toes just as hard as actual indifference.

These comments are of course general, since you are the only member of hte community in question that I know.

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:58 pm

~heli gets yarded back into the bar~
yes Dear?

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:58 pm

thanks Rian: couldn't let him get away...

if need be, we can summon the 4WoTA

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:59 pm

I think I have told those people who rock my world, right?

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:59 pm

Put em in an oversized parakeet cage!

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:00 pm

helitack wrote:I think I have told those people who rock my world, right?

my theory is that they can never hear it enough, if it's heartfelt...

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:00 pm

GuinivereElise wrote:thanks Rian: couldn't let him get away...

if need be, we can summon the 4WoTA

They wouldn't hurt me, would they? And just what ARE your plans for me? Get me drunk? Huh?

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:00 pm

I'm riding off into the sunset for a bit. Talk with you later!

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:02 pm

GuinivereElise wrote:
helitack wrote:I think I have told those people who rock my world, right?
my theory is that they can never hear it enough, if it's heartfelt...

Seconded.

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:02 pm

((((((((((((((((Rian RMW))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((Guin RMW))))))))))))))))

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:02 pm

helitack wrote:
GuinivereElise wrote:thanks Rian: couldn't let him get away...

if need be, we can summon the 4WoTA
They wouldn't hurt me, would they? And just what ARE your plans for me? Get me drunk? Huh?

it's entirely possible!

and I think the 4WoTA would only hurt you if we told them to...

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:03 pm

woah... now I'M flushed...

thanks Heli...

((((heli))))

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:05 pm

helitack wrote:Naw, nice things come to those who are patient. Hell there's a shitload of "cathouses" around here, and I'm not even that desperate, yet. Maybe I should go to Vegas anyway, some dancing, who knows what could turn up?

i think it would be an interesting evening sitting around a "cathouse" drinking with the women that work there.

partake of the goods, nah, i am more interested in weird conversation.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:06 pm

RMW??

well, anyway:

((((((((((all ya'll))))))))))

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:07 pm

From what I understand of how the legal places work, there isn't much chitchat, just a line up and choose.

I could be wrong though.

and it would be like talking to any other service employee at work--you want to know what they really think and feel? Ask them on thier own time.

IMHO

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:08 pm

always remember that the 4WotA COULD hurt you, in multiple ways.
besides that, i doubt that you'll get an answer.

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:08 pm

Simply Joel wrote:
helitack wrote:Naw, nice things come to those who are patient. Hell there's a shitload of "cathouses" around here, and I'm not even that desperate, yet. Maybe I should go to Vegas anyway, some dancing, who knows what could turn up?
i think it would be an interesting evening sitting around a "cathouse" drinking with the women that work there.

partake of the goods, nah, i am more interested in weird conversation.

One of the best meals, and wierdest conversations, I ever had was in a 'cathouse' in Nha Thrang... my friends were "sampling the goods" while I was in the waiting room, talking to the ladies not working, and having some sort of rice meal that was stupendous. Good food, good company...

...Kinda like this place...

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:09 pm

Simply Joel wrote:
helitack wrote:Naw, nice things come to those who are patient. Hell there's a shitload of "cathouses" around here, and I'm not even that desperate, yet. Maybe I should go to Vegas anyway, some dancing, who knows what could turn up?
i think it would be an interesting evening sitting around a "cathouse" drinking with the women that work there.

partake of the goods, nah, i am more interested in weird conversation.

I have, it is an interesting socialologic observation. Goods are quite pricey. Way too pricey, and it's just the thought of that anyway. Beers are relatively cheap, sometimes the conversation was quite good, if not ecclectic. Might try that again, but probably not.

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:10 pm

*lines up shot glasses, pours shots of petron*

Okay, guys. Who's drinking?? Heli, don't even think about not having one of these. Rian, here's yours. Sam?? Wanna do shots with us?? Birdie??

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:10 pm

samtzu wrote:
Simply Joel wrote:
helitack wrote:Naw, nice things come to those who are patient. Hell there's a shitload of "cathouses" around here, and I'm not even that desperate, yet. Maybe I should go to Vegas anyway, some dancing, who knows what could turn up?
i think it would be an interesting evening sitting around a "cathouse" drinking with the women that work there.

partake of the goods, nah, i am more interested in weird conversation.
One of the best meals, and wierdest conversations, I ever had was in a 'cathouse' in Nha Thrang... my friends were "sampling the goods" while I was in the waiting room, talking to the ladies not working, and having some sort of rice meal that was stupendous. Good food, good company...

...Kinda like this place...

it reminds of the movie "The Cheyene Social Club" with Jimmy Stewart, Henry Fonda and Mrs. Partridge (forgot her name)

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:11 pm

Can I get a bottle of M/D to go please?

Hi Y'all

I miss you.

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:12 pm

miss you too, Stuey... have some measurements for me??? (it's okay, you've been busy...)

take one of these shots of petron, and here's your beer...

*slides shot glass and bottle of beer down bar*

GuinivereElise · Post by **GuinivereElise** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:13 pm

Rian Jackson wrote:RMW??

rock my world, I am assuming...

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:14 pm

That was a bottle of Mad Dog, but I'll take what I can get.

No metrics as of yet. They might change drastically after all the stair climbing I have been doing though.

<Smooooch>

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:15 pm

i'm up for shots.

hey stu. you don't think you can leave so quick, do you?

*saunters over to the door, attaches padlock*