Dear Evil Rob and SurlyTart,

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 9:34 am

Wonder if you could sell his house for him on E-bay, then you'd deserve the neighbor you ended up with.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 4:49 pm

Dear Rob. I want you to seriously consider the prospect of your impending fame....it's right around the corner...are you ready for it? Your new life is eagerly awaiting you with joyous possibilities, beyond your wildest dreams....think about it Wopster......this ain't no joke.

gigglesnort · Post by **gigglesnort** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 5:26 pm

Dear Assholes,

Is it just me, or do you notice that oftentimes after reading about any odd subject in a thread, the newest registered user has a name that coincides? Like just now, CBA talking about ones and zeros, and the name down there is "digitsrme." Not the first time I've noticed this, although I couldn't come up w another example right now to save my life. What is the meaning of this????

Wonderingly,
Golly Sakes.

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Tue Dec 14, 2004 7:12 pm

Not to take away from Evil Rob or SurlyTart but

GuinivereElise, Alpha,

Your circle of friends and, umm, associates are your strong points. Alpha, invite DPW/Deathguild folks over for free beer, make sure that all the chairs aim towards your neighbor's house (hell boy you live in LA). GuinivereElise, invite some of the locals to your place of business once, thereafter remind him that they are coming over and he might want to get his work done early; even easier, mention that the coven is meeting every day until the Solsitce (sp), he might get into the habit of finishing early.

Alpha, non-violence, humm, we need to talk.

BTW: I got my hair cut, current GF is pissed; she is actually calling me by given name.

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:45 am

Yeah, I didn't figure I'd get much sympathy from the eplayans one the non-violence angle but remember two things: I've got a kid to raise right and it's likely that I'll have to live next to this asshole for quite awhile.

Still I love the idea of a DeathGuild party, though they'd probably clean out my fridge and terrorize my dogs. :-)

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:48 am

what is this guy doing exactly?

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:30 am

The story is too long and boring to post here, but the short of it is that he moved in 6 months ago and has laid claim to a small hill that is my property. We've tried to be reasonable with them but they're all over it doing whatever the hell they wish, because they (incorrectly) claim that it's public land. (It's a drainage easement, which prevents me from building on it but doesn't change any ownership rights). We asked them to stay off the hill and instead they came up it and weed-whacked the whole thing down to dirt. They're paying for a survey (as they should) but it's not complete yet. The last time I went out on the hill he puffed that it'd be in my best interest to get off that hill, then he came charging up saying maybe he should just throw me off it. I had to threaten him with my pepper spray (which I had because he won't restrain his dogs) to get him to stop. Once the survey's done I'm going down there and putting a fence 6" on my side of the property line... in the meantime we're figuring out how to extract our revenge for destroying the hill that we asked them to leave alone. Can't sue for it, what is the value of naturally-occuring plant life that once was there?

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:36 am

Alpha wrote: Can't sue for it, what is the value of naturally-occuring plant life that once was there?

Possibly priceless, if it was a relatively intact native plant community. Not sure that that would go to court--but if you got the native plant people and native butterfly people to go "poof" at him and give him lectures.

WEll, I"m angry for that. Biodiversity and all that.

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:43 am

After the survey is complete assuming that will resolve the ownership issue, just replant it in "native plants" not just what volunteers to grow. They are usually pervasive and will seed his lawn. It sounds like he's a grass lawn freak and natures own revenge should be enough to make you feel a little better.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:08 am

[channeling someone other than ST]
Alpha, I'd stick with the legal route. The damage is already done. He sounds like a prick. You don't really want to egg him on, and while it might feel damn nice, it's going to cause you more trouble later. When will the survey be finished? And hell, if he's threatening you then you could go the restraining order route, along with playing bad music loudly. Course, then he could escalate legal action against you, and...

It would be one thing if you weren't stuck with this dude, but you will be for a while.

We had a similar thing when i was young, except with neighbors we liked. As i recall there were surveys already done - all tied up in the house purchasing. They showed exactly where the property line was. Is this not normal? Are you sure there aren't existing documents?
[/channeling someone other than ST]

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:45 am

Thanks for the advice, all. We thought about loud music and such, but as you say, that's going to get us in trouble with the authorities. Hence my post -- fun ideas for things we can do that will LEGALLY annoy the crap out of him. (We might also just let it go once the fence is built, but he's offended our sense of justice by raping our hill). At the very least the fence will have barbed wire on top to prevent said prick from trying to climb it.

The survey was supposed to be done Monday, then Tuesday, now today or tomorrow.... the good news is that I met with the surveyors yesterday and they're very nice and I have every confidence that they will mark the line where it belongs. I also have every confidence that I know where it belongs, because I saw the original marker before it was covered with a wooden fence (which I should have objected to, but I was on good terms with the previous owner of that house so I let it slide).

In some states surveys are required whenever property is sold but (surprisingly) California is not one of them. The houses on either side of me have been surveyed in the past 10 years, but the markers are gone or covered up and the jerk down the hill would rather pay for a survey than try to locate them right where I'm telling him they should be. Fine with me, it's his money....

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:50 am

Idea: Just call every single Mormon church in a 12 state area and tell them that you want to learn more about the church. hen give them your "friends" address. Within a week it will be non-stop missionary pairs a knockin at their door. Wadda ya tink?

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:53 am

Oh, throw in some jehovah's witnesses if you're gonna do that.

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:58 am

Or maybe local republican party list.

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 12:00 pm

btw--how's he going over with the other neighbors?

And be sure to post no trespassing signs.

And complain if the dogs are ever unrestrained off his property.

Wonder what the real estate agent told him about the hill

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 12:24 pm

Not bad! They'll know we set it up, though... that's the beauty of the morning glorys -- we can plant a few on the hill and then feign ignorance when a bunch start sprouting up in his yard. Must be the birds. :-)

I've got pix of his dog on my property, and we've sent a letter to animal control -- in my experience that won't result in much action on their part, though. (your tax dollars at work)

The real estate agent told him that the hill was an easement and therefore public land. She should have known better. That *might* be true for a public utilities easement but it sure as hell is not true for a drainage easement.

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:30 pm

Alpha wrote: The real estate agent told him that the hill was an easement and therefore public land. She should have known better. That *might* be true for a public utilities easement but it sure as hell is not true for a drainage easement.

Legal Definitions.com wrote:easement definition – an easement is a legal right the owner of a piece of land to use another person’s land for a particular purpose, like a sewer line to get to the dominant estate or a thruway. Although an easement lasts in perpetuity, it doesn’t give the owner of the easement the right to improve or modify the subservient land.

Seems to me that you could file some sort of compliant on the realitor--she should have known better. What's all that training and liscencing for? In fact, your neighbor could too. I'm not a lawyer or a realitor, but that (which came out on top when I googled) jibes pretty well with what I understand to be true about easements--that some right is given up by the property owner or granted to another party, but if it were "public land" they wouldn't need an easement. Maybe you could get the realitor to build the fence. May not be worth the trouble, but dang, from what you've said--you was wronged!

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 1:38 pm

Still not finding california specific but

Q. What can I do within a storm drainage easement on my property?
A. If you grant the City an easement, there will be some restrictions on what you can and cannot do on that specific portion of your land. In general, you cannot build or erect any permanent structures such as buildings or walls. Below are examples of things that are allowed and not allowed:

Allowed: Trees, shrubs and flowers
Fences - Care must be taken when driving posts so storm drains or structures are not damaged. Fencing across channels is not recommended since the fence can catch debris and block flow.

Not Allowed: Tennis courts or swimming pools; Dams or anything that might block the flow of water; Walls or other structures made of bricks or blocks; Sheds or other buildings

And anyone who has had to deal with bad drainage after a storm (and presumably he's as down hill as you) should know better--okay okay rookie homeowner, but if he ever gets hit with a flood, sell tickets to e-playans so we can laugh at him live in person. Twice that with mudslides.

there now i'm getting some of the surly/wop spirit!

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:49 pm

gigglesnort wrote:Dear Assholes,

Is it just me, or do you notice that oftentimes after reading about any odd subject in a thread, the newest registered user has a name that coincides? Like just now, CBA talking about ones and zeros, and the name down there is "digitsrme." Not the first time I've noticed this, although I couldn't come up w another example right now to save my life. What is the meaning of this????

Wonderingly,
Golly Sakes.

Dear Golly Sakes:

I'm sure that if you were literate, this problem would go away. Yes, the letters in the english language DO show up in multiple words.

Linguistically,
SurlyTart

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:49 pm

cowboyangel wrote:Dear Rob. I want you to seriously consider the prospect of your impending fame....it's right around the corner...are you ready for it? Your new life is eagerly awaiting you with joyous possibilities, beyond your wildest dreams....think about it Wopster......this ain't no joke.

Dear Jokeless,

I have opted out of a life or fame and riches. Instead, I will endevour to become useless, meaningless, filling my pointless life with the contented babble of idiots and fools. I will spend my entire time striving to fulfill an empty hole by spouting useless drivel all over the Internet.

If you would be so kind, please instruct me on how to follow in your footsteps.

Sarcasticly yours,
Evil Rob

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:56 pm

Rob the Wop wrote:
cowboyangel wrote:Dear Rob. I want you to seriously consider the prospect of your impending fame....it's right around the corner...are you ready for it? Your new life is eagerly awaiting you with joyous possibilities, beyond your wildest dreams....think about it Wopster......this ain't no joke.
Dear Jokeless,

I have opted out of a life or fame and riches. Instead, I will endevour to become useless, meaningless, filling my pointless life with the contented babble of idiots and fools. I will spend my entire time striving to fulfill an empty hole by spouting useless drivel all over the Internet.

If you would be so kind, please instruct me on how to follow in your footsteps.

Sarcasticly yours,
Evil Rob

ah spoken like the regal "fool" in "King Lear"! I love it!
jo key less
the fool was father to the King

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:56 pm

gigglesnort wrote:Dear Assholes,

Is it just me, or do you notice that oftentimes after reading about any odd subject in a thread, the newest registered user has a name that coincides? Like just now, CBA talking about ones and zeros, and the name down there is "digitsrme." Not the first time I've noticed this, although I couldn't come up w another example right now to save my life. What is the meaning of this????

Wonderingly,
Golly Sakes.

Dear Golly Sakes,

These are not coincidences. Your computer has been unplugged from the Internet for months. You constructed an elaborate fantasy world where other people actually want to converse with you, while in reality those blank spots where you think you drifted off- your other personality has taken over and responded. Good catch. When you actually manage to find the other examples of this phenomenon, your head will explode like a watermelon on a stick of TNT.

Psycologically yours,
Golly Sakes

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:23 am

Dear Rob,

Why can't I kill Normals that are too stupid to live, and too dumb to die? At least put them out of my misery?

Violently,
RobbiDobbs

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 5:25 am

Dear Evil Rob & Surly Tart,

I'm in an incredible two month relationship with a woman I work with.

If we break up before January 8th, which is the employee holiday party, I'm thinking it would be more flip of me to bring the sluttiest looking girl I can find than to try & bring someone "nice". I am even willing to help make a nice girl look slutty.

This is all just idle speculation, as we get along wonderfully.

Just Wonderingingly, what would you do?!

nipples

BlueBirdPoof · Post by **BlueBirdPoof** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 8:54 am

nipples wrote:Dear Evil Rob & Surly Tart,

I'm in an incredible two month relationship with a woman I work with.

If we break up before January 8th, which is the employee holiday party, I'm thinking it would be more flip of me to bring the sluttiest looking girl I can find than to try & bring someone "nice". I am even willing to help make a nice girl look slutty.

This is all just idle speculation, as we get along wonderfully.

Just Wonderingingly, what would you do?!

nipples

Dear Sore Spot--
Have you considered the possiblities of not breaking up with her and showing up with a string of slutty girls to the party? Why not have the best of all worlds?

Flightily yours. . .

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:03 pm

robbidobbs wrote:Dear Rob,

Why can't I kill Normals that are too stupid to live, and too dumb to die? At least put them out of my misery?

Violently,
RobbiDobbs

Dear Robbiobbs:

Why can't you?

Please be advised that failure to address both advice columnists puts you in the category of your so-called 'Normals.' *

Menacingly,
SurlyTart

*not to be in any way construed as an acual threat, ya'll silly fucks.

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:06 pm

nipples wrote:Dear Evil Rob & Surly Tart,

I'm in an incredible two month relationship with a woman I work with.

If we break up before January 8th, which is the employee holiday party, I'm thinking it would be more flip of me to bring the sluttiest looking girl I can find than to try & bring someone "nice". I am even willing to help make a nice girl look slutty.

This is all just idle speculation, as we get along wonderfully.

Just Wonderingingly, what would you do?!

nipples

Dear Wonderingly:

I suggest seducing the boss and flaunting it around the office. Hell, why wait until you and this woman break up? There's no time like the present to ruin your career by dipping your pen in the company inkwell.

Incautiously,
SurlyTart

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:15 pm

robbidobbs wrote:Dear Rob,

Why can't I kill Normals that are too stupid to live, and too dumb to die? At least put them out of my misery?

Violently,
RobbiDobbs

Dear RobbiDobbs,

Normals are around to remind us not to breed with Gap store clerks. It's only OK to put them out of their misery if you can pop their heads like bubble wrap. Start lift weights. Make sure to film this and use it as proof in your defense in court. Addiction to bubble wrap made you do it.

Poppingly yours,
Evil Rob

PS. Invoke the wrath of SurlyTart at your own peril.

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:21 pm

nipples wrote:Dear Evil Rob & Surly Tart,

I'm in an incredible two month relationship with a woman I work with.

If we break up before January 8th, which is the employee holiday party, I'm thinking it would be more flip of me to bring the sluttiest looking girl I can find than to try & bring someone "nice". I am even willing to help make a nice girl look slutty.

This is all just idle speculation, as we get along wonderfully.

Just Wonderingingly, what would you do?!

nipples

Dear Nipples,

You are not allowed to dump her until you score on a relative. When you do dump her, make sure she has a large support group around to help her. Like at work. Or better yet, a work party where she will have lots of support. Make sure to cleanly cut all ties. Do this by tying up the cleaning lady and humping her at said party. Use a bullhorn so that she understands clearly that you prefer even the hired help to her. Do all this only after you have scored on said relative or your work may be that much harder.

Workingly for you,
Evil Rob

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Thu Dec 16, 2004 5:50 pm

I thank you for your kind & thoughtful answers.
Helps me a lot!

However, I fear that I may have alienated sluts in the asking...
I did not mean to denigrate sluts.
I have been a slut, and what I'd meant was that I would be slut
probably forever if this does not work out... as I'm not likely to ever "go there" ("L" word) again. Thinking long-term includes expectations.. ewwww!

What I guess I have MEANT to ask was how IF this does not work out, is it possible to have my parking validated when I re-apply for Slut Workers Local 101 status (assuming they take me back)?

Or, I could try celibacy again (eewwww!) & just bring MYSELF to the party with my hand made up to look like Carmen Miranda?