Fuck!

[theCryptofishist]

one of those folks who just doesn't give a shit

Coprophobes?

Herion addicts.

[III]

rian -

many years ago, someone gave me this advice. it hurt at the time, and it may hurt you, but it also got me on the path away from the pain i was wallowing in. here it is, for better or for worse:

your ex is exactly that: an ex. he's part of your past. you've recently lost him, and are looking for something to fill that void in your life. unfortunately, even though he filled that void once, now he is exactly the wrong thing to try to fill that void with.

you need to leave him behind. go forward, find yourself. use your friends. but leave him behind, until that hole is filled, and you can see him as the person he is, rather than a part of you that's missing. that means no phonecalls, no emails, no peeking at his livejournal entries. if you've got mementos of him around the house, put them in a big box on a top shelf of the closet. (don't burn em, just put em out of sight).

cutting him off will hurt. it may piss him off, hurting you more. but it's the only way to heal...

good luck.

[Rian Jackson]

thanks III. it would be easier advice to take if i WANTED to get back together (no thanks) or if i was the one to initiate the emails or phone calls or had proactively gone after the lj.... in fact i've ignored half of said attempts at contact, told him to leave me alone on eplaya and at work (which he did, after being asked) and not taken him up on his offer to be on his lj friends list so i can see everything that's not on public domain.

but i still care about him as a person.

*sigh*

i'm moving to AR.

[Rian Jackson]

ok, fuck you fucking corporate whores, who vindictively DONT let us leave early today - because you had to sign your own goddamn xmas cards.

fuck you who ask for my 'help' and then dump it ALL on my lap, while not telling me the full scale of the task. it was your fucking work in the first place. you who didn't get it done. HELLO, you fuckers!

fuck you job. maybe i should leave right the fuck now and never come back.

[gigglesnort]

[voice whispering in head]that's right.....leave now......don't go back.....go to.......arkansaw.......[/voice whispering in head]

[Guest]

your ex is exactly that: an ex. he's part of your past. you've recently lost him, and are looking for something to fill that void in your life. unfortunately, even though he filled that void once, now he is exactly the wrong thing to try to fill that void with.

......

good luck.

If III is right about the void, then something I've felt helpful in those kind of situations is to find another way to experience the things that filled up the hole.

Used to love going to the drive-in movies with my sister, then my home-town buddies, but in both cases geographical differences arose.

Went with a girlfriend, but we broke up.

Now when I think of the drive-in I think of my wife and daughter beside me in the front seat of a rented car in a beach town.

The four experiences were obviously quite different, but they still helped me to fill a hole that was created when I no longer did something with a particular person.

[quote:"Rian"]
oi. just read through the ex's lj, since he emailed me the most recent bit, as it is a direct reference to myself. well, much of the last few weeks is...
....
this blows. both of us hurting like fuck, but i can't exactly make a new rapport with him unless he understands and recognises his actions and his impacts, which can't happen without talking, with freaks me out because if i say anything about it i'm gonna be lashed out at again and frankly i'm not ready for it.

damn, why wasn't i born as one of those folks who just doesn't give a shit? [/quote]

I'm glad you weren't born a person who just doesn't give a shit - we all could learn from people like you who do.

But

"oi. just read through the ex's lj, since he emailed me the most recent bit, as it is a direct reference to myself. well, much of the last few weeks is... "

You should give a shit about that. And you should tell the person what actions are distressing you, and how. Try and frame the letter not in a dialogue way, but in a one-sided informative and clear directive of what kind of behavior you'd like that person to exhibit when it comes to talking about or with you.

Hope that helps.

[helitack]

i'm moving to AR.

AR? Another Region? Huh?

[buckethead alien]

ok, fuck you fucking corporate whores, who vindictively DONT let us leave early today - because you had to sign your own goddamn xmas cards.

fuck you who ask for my 'help' and then dump it ALL on my lap, while not telling me the full scale of the task. it was your fucking work in the first place. you who didn't get it done. HELLO, you fuckers!

fuck you job. maybe i should leave right the fuck now and never come back.

You're fuckin' hired!

[Rian Jackson]

sweeeeet... um, for what?

[helitack]

No BA, I'll hire her!!!!! Ranger Rian, sounds pretty good, eh?

[SilkenTofu]

Well everyone from my office will be gone by 3 or 3:30 and I was asked to stay until the doors lock at 4:30pm (damn fucking auto locks), it doesn't pay to be responsible, or to know everyones duties.

FUCK
FUCK
AND
DOUBLE FUCK

[helitack]

Fuck! This is what I think about today:
http://www.despair.com/meetings.html

ANd she is STILL FUCKING TALKING!!!!

[gigglesnort]

[adult character on charlie brown voice] wah wah wah wah, wah wah wah wah. [/adult character on charlie brown voice][fuck]

[samtzu]

Fuck! This is what I think about today:
http://www.despair.com/meetings.html

ANd she is STILL FUCKING TALKING!!!!

I love those things!! Too bad about the meeting, however...
http://www.despair.com/goals.html

and my favorite...
http://www.despair.com/ambition.html

[helitack]

Fuck this just happened. The lady talking just said something about how great a job Gail FUCKING Norton is doing and started clapping as if we, the non-appointee people would agree with her. Not one single person followed her lead. We just stared at her. I think we took the wind right out of her fucking sails. Fuckin political hacks!

[cowboyangel]

thank you heli!
Just found out another carpenter friend of mine died...this has not been a good year for capenters and we're all in our 40's and early 50's
Don't tell me death happens...I don't believe in it. Fuck

[GuinivereElise]

fuck!

I just set off the smoke detector in my apartment making a boca burger...

fuck!er is so loud, and now my fuck!ing dog is all edgy.... well, MORE edgy....

[III]

>if i was the one to initiate the emails or phone calls or had proactively gone after the lj.

that was my point though - it's not whether you initiate them, it's that they happen at all. set your filters to delete any mail from him - get caller id and don't pick up the phone if it's him, ignore what he writes about you in lj. he needs to do that, to clean himself, but that's not really about you anymore, it's about him finding himself.

i don't want to be too pedantic about this, so i'm going to stop after this. i just wanted to make clear that i was talking about a whole different level of cutting off. it doesn't mean you don't care about him, btw - it just means that you need to find a way to make caring about him not make you crazy.

[GuinivereElise]

it just means that you need to find a way to make caring about him not make you crazy.

beautifully put, trey...

(by the way, I don't think we've met... I'm Guinivere)

[/quote]

[III]

hi!

i'm sure we've got friends in common. don't believe a word they say, though...

[GuinivereElise]

oh, I know we do. Sensei can say nothing but the best about you: shall I dismiss the good stuff, too?

Good to meet you, though. I've really heard nothing but the best...

[III]

>shall I dismiss the good stuff, too?

absolutely.

btw - i'm not sure i ever met sensei in person. i think ellen/pedro/princesshoneybee is up there, if only for another week or two. if you did santacon, you probably were, uh, exposed to her santa's cookie panties...

[GuinivereElise]

I did portland santacon... but recall no panties, except for mine, which got me into a bit of trouble... well, it was what they DIDN'T cover that induced the trouble...


I don't think I've met her, though I have heard about her..

[Sandwichman]

I did portland santacon... but recall no panties, except for mine, which got me into a bit of trouble... well, it was what they DIDN'T cover that induced the trouble...


I don't think I've met her, though I have heard about her..

I introduced you to Ellen at the bowling alley here in Portland. She is moving on the 27th and unfortunately tonight I am still sick so I cannot go hang with her.

Jason

Ps Fuck

[samtzu]

FUCK!

That sweeeeeeet job offer just got pulled out from under me!

Life is still good...

[Simply Joel]

FUCK!

That sweeeeeeet job offer just got pulled out from under me!

Life is still good...

Sam, sorry about that... a better job will appear.

now onto my rant...

i spent the entire fucking day putting up a wall to divide the basement into two bedrooms for the teenagers.

every, nearly every fucking muscle is telling me i should be practicing yoga... we got about 85% complete yesterday, from destruction to construction to mudding the drywall... a few small pieces, more mud and sanding, a couple of doors, and we'll be done.

fuck, i am sore... all over my body.

[gigglesnort]

I have a lot of fuckin respect for you Joel, for the time and effort you put forth in caring for those teenagers (and stepchildren at that?!).

[Simply Joel]

I have a lot of fuckin respect for you Joel, for the time and effort you put forth in caring for those teenagers (and stepchildren at that?!).

there is another choice? an alternate path?

nope, gotta stick it out, provide a good role model (hold you jeers), stiff upper lip and all that shit.

besides, i imagine when they are my age, they are going to be suffering through the same stuff i am... and i hope the lessons become all too apparent as the lessons have become for me.

now, on the other hand, if they don't get their fucking schoolwork complete and pass... then they will have to deal with the fucking likes of me, an angry me.... the right wing conservative me which tells me to put a boot in their asses for being lazy and ignorant.

that really felt good typing the above paragraph.

[gigglesnort]

No other path for you, perhaps, but yes, there are different paths; you could go the route of my poor sad father and abandon your children altogether, or less drastically, be there and just not give a shit. Seems to be somewhat fuckin common these days.

[GuinivereElise]

fuck! sandwich... I remember now. She was the cute one, right?? The one who had a teensy weensy crush on me?? Long black skirt, black fishnets, short hair?

Fuck! I hate it when that happens! Damned memory!