The Bar

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 7:51 pm

~~~~~heli peeks out from under the covers, sees that Santa has not been there yet and crawls back under~~~~~~~~~

amnesia · Post by **amnesia** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 7:57 pm

Thank you sir, may we have another?!

~lifts covers to reveal Helitack & paps unveiling of Perfect Drink Machine™, version 1.0~

paps · Post by **paps** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 7:59 pm

It's not ready yet.

~closes covers after setting several glasses out for refills~

PurpleKoosh · Post by **PurpleKoosh** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:03 pm

*pulls LoveSac over next to the fireplace, looks for last night's infinite blanket*

Bailey's and cocoa, please? I'se a cold koosh....

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:06 pm

Not ready yet?

The "Perfect Drink Machine"?!

I've got a feeling that every drink I hand under those covers goes into the "machine", which is actually Tupperware™ you'll dole out later.

Oh well!

~refills 143 drink orders, slips under covers amid giggles & happy voices filled with glee~

Nights like these make my job easy!

~looks in Popular Mechanics™ back issues for pictures of pretty girls~

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:09 pm

One Bailey's & cocoa coming atcha, Miss Purple!
May I say you are looking fine in your night-clothes, this evening?!

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:16 pm

I'm heading out to take a pee & stuff.

Seriously though, whatever Koosh is wearing
is the new black (dyed purple, or course!).

See ya later!

nipples

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:21 pm

I saw something cool at Safeway last night that I think I will take to BRC next year. They had Stagg chili in boxes .. about the size of a kid's juice box, for 69 cents (limit 6 for cardholders). A single serving per box. I like the idea ... less waste and boxes can be burned and they store more compactly, less wasted space than a box of round cans.

And thanks for sharing your bladder status, nips, that was very intimate of you.

nipples · Post by **nipples** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 10:10 pm

I cannot recall the last time anyone had a bare-ass
spanking in this bar.

A pretty hard one,
make yer ass cheeks red.

Anyways, ever notice that not only did "they"
pull you from a nice warm pussy,
but hold you upside-down & beat yer ass
until your lungs filled enough with blood to cry?!

Such was my introduction to this world.

Also, Happy Birthday, Jesus Christ.

~sets various shots & freshly poured mixed drinks, obstensibly from Helitack's' Miraculous Drink Machine™~

Skøl!

tonytohono · Post by **tonytohono** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 10:38 pm

I think someone said there is a pillory stashed down in the basement Nipples.

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 11:02 pm

Scientists Discover Peace On Mars!

Pasadena, CA -- Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena announced today that as far as they can tell, not a single shot has ever been fired in anger on the planet Mars. According to Dr. Phillip Wotsizlipz, not only is there no evidence of armed conflict ever occurring on Mars, they have detected no sign of any armed force of any kind at any time in the planet's history. "We have not seen a single ammo dump, no airfields, not even an archery range", said Dr. Phil, as his colleagues like to call him. "Our current thinking is that it might have something to do with the atmosphere, or the lack of much thereof.", he added.

Scientists at JPL are analysing the data to see if anything they have learned on Mars can be applied here on Earth. According to Dr. Phil, "A simple reduction in atmospheric temperature to -55C here on Earth may be all it takes to end war once and for all!". Coupled with the elimination of almost all oxygen from the atmosphere, the JPL scientists think they may have the secret to a permanent solution to armed conflict, mugging, murder, shoplifting, and jaywalking. "The world would could certainly be a much less violent place if we could simply push it out another AU", said Dr. William Stuffinkopf, Director of the Center for Planetary Violence. NOTE: an AU is an "Astronimical Unit" or the current average distance between the Earth and the Sun.

Our calls to the US Department of Defense were not returned as of press time. When asked about the prospect of reducing violence by chilling the entire Earth and removing the oxygen from the atmosphere, Jeffery Gorfdadler, a guy that lives up the street from me replied, "It sounds wonderful, something I have always dreamed about. A world where my children would never have to worry about armed conflict, or even any conflict ... uhm ... wait ... what's that going to cost?". Jennifer Blinkwell across the street commented "F--- that! What are you trying to do, freeze us to death?". This just goes to show that you can't please everyone. Let us know what you think, dial 1-800-ITS-COLD and give us your opinion.

Magikal · Post by **Magikal** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:05 am

...this is what happens when burners drink.

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:16 am

too early to drink, too late to sleep....

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:42 am

No time for drinkin', we just helped Santa get most of the stuff under the tree and we are some stockin' stuffin' mofos at this point ... back to "work"!

III · Post by **III** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 5:53 am

you know, today's seems like a good day to test out whether 6:00 am is to early to start drinking.

it's been at least a year since the last time i tried that.

rum seems like a good start...

Simply Joel · Post by **Simply Joel** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 6:22 am

III wrote:you know, today's seems like a good day to test out whether 6:00 am is to early to start drinking.

it's been at least a year since the last time i tried that.

rum seems like a good start...

here here III, unfortunately, i only have single malt scotch, beer and wine...

i didn't do well in laying up provisions.

merry christmas all... happy holidays to all others.

helitack · Post by **helitack** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 7:39 am

I'll have a drink. Working today. Many visitors will be awed by heli's brilliant speechifying on the mysteries, mythology and downright lies perpetuated by a rich Chicago millionaire and a mystical con man during the 1920's and 30's. If you can't wow em with brilliance, baffle em with bullshit! Happy four days after Solstice!!!!!!

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 11:15 am

** HAPPY HOLIDAYS ** ** LET'S GET DRUNK ** ** HAPPY HOLIDAYS ** ** LET'S GET DRUNK ** ** HAPPY HOLIDAYS **

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 11:18 am

MerryX to you too Donita! and for the rest of you.....don't drink and fly

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 1:42 pm

One hour and forty-five minutes until EGGNOG & CAPTAIN MORGAN time. Mmmmmm....eggnog.

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:30 pm

I like to drink the good stuff as much as the next Sensei, but on Christmas Day... well, that's when the cheap shit comes out. Who'll join Sensei in a glass of Andre? For the Holidays?

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:36 pm

Sure!! **scratching head with curiosity** Um, what's Andre??

gigglesnort · Post by **gigglesnort** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:44 pm

Isn't Andre kinda bubbly? I like bubbly stuff, even the cheap kind! I'm in!

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:48 pm

Donita wrote:Sure!! **scratching head with curiosity** Um, what's Andre??

Why my dear, Andre' is simply some of the worst 'champagne' in the world. In fact, legally, it's not champagne, because it doesn't come from the famous (and litigious!) Champagne region of France. Furthermore, I've tasted better motor oils; though they do tend to be less carbonated.

* Pouring a glass off sparking Andre' for Donita *

Cheers!

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:48 pm

* Pouring a glass of Andre' for Giggles *

Skol!

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:51 pm

III wrote:you know, today's seems like a good day to test out whether 6:00 am is to early to start drinking.

it's been at least a year since the last time i tried that.

rum seems like a good start...

i started with a lil rum in me coffee at about 8 this morning, followed by mimosas at a friends, a lil non-tobaccy, now on to another friends (fresh cookies in hand) for beer (probably cheap!)... so far i'd say, no. no, it is not too early to start drinking...

i'm having a lovely magical day, and part of it is knowing that y'all are out there doing your thing and that i may be crossing your mind now and then like your are crossing mine. Happy Happy Day, my friends!!

it occurs to me that it really has much less to do with whatthefuckever your celebrating and more to do with the fact that we are celebrating... period.

there's a big kettle of spicy cider & rum on the stove... actually more like a big kettle of rum with a little cider & spice mixed in for flavor.
Smooches a topless hugs to every last one o you muthafuckas!!
(((((((((((((((((OO)))))))))))))))))

Sensei · Post by **Sensei** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:11 pm

* Sensei's eyes roll in his head like the wheels on a Vegas slot machine, stopping on the 'nipples' symbol *

Man, that Andre is better than I thought... I just had the weirdest hallucination.

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:15 pm

This Andre is giving me the serious giggles...

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:20 pm

tisha2 wrote: ...there's a big kettle of spicy cider & rum on the stove...

Dang. Now I'm starting to hallucinate. When I read this, I thought it said "there's a big kettle of spidery ice & rum on the stove..."

Donita · Post by **Donita** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:28 pm

I love The Bar at Christmas...