Fuck!

[Kinetic]

Lydia, Tiffany gets those, I get 'em. Don't respond, it WILL make it worse.

[Lydia Love]

I know, I know - but I just wish there were a national registry for "I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!".

[PJ]

I just wish there were a national registry for "I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!"

It's OK, sweetie. You can get all the penises you want using what you already have.

[Kinetic]

I just wish there were a national registry for "I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!"

It's OK, sweetie. You can get all the penises you want using what you already have.

PJ, you never cease to amaze me with your posts. You deserve the #1 poster position on e-playa!

I'm closing in on you though...I'm finally at #2 and climbing fast.

And Lydia, if they made such a list, Murphy's Law says someone would steal that list and market female items to you instead. It never ends.

[Lydia Love]

It's OK, sweetie. You can get all the penises you want using what you already have.

I know! But I don't have a... what do you call it... Power of Attorney on it (I don't say "them" cause there's really only one in my life right now). *I* don't get to choose how big it is or how often it's feeling perky. But oh no, I get an email about enlargement every 15 minutes.

Okay. I really am drunk.

[PJ]

I don't have a... what do you call it... Power of Attorney on it...*I* don't get to choose how big it is or how often it's feeling perky...

Power of attorney?

The aphorism coined by Mr. Brumble in Dickens' Oliver Twist was: "The law is an ass."

He did NOT say "The law is a penis."

[Lydia Love]

He did NOT say "The law is a penis."

But he should have.

[Ivy]

He should have said both, he was paid by the word.

[Lydia Love]

The latest one just hit my email box - the first line:

Face the Facts: Your_penis is Small.

It just made me laugh. I mean how awful!

[Angry Butterfly]

yeah spam sucks! wanna have some fun? my husband gets like 300 porn spams a day, so I made a fake one from me and sent it to him, It said
"Naughty hot married blonde wants sex now!" in the subject line and " You get so much porn spam, I thought you would like to see one from a woman who REALLY wants you!" in the body, then when he got it later that day he just about died laughing. I said I was going to send him some pics too, but got lazy, then I said, "Hey wanna make some porn? " And then we did! Seriously, it was hella fun.

[antron]

if you read all the fucking spam, you'll have breasts the size of basketballs, a penis that you'd need a ladder to reach the end of, and all the money you can launder from uganda.

what if it worked?

[Spokes]

How come I don't ever get spam that says "Your vagina is too big"? I would at least read that one.

[Lydia Love]

what if it worked?

I guess I wouldn't be able to dance or walk without tripping... and I'd probably feel pretty guilty over the people in Uganda.

[Kinetic]

if you read all the fucking spam, you'll have breasts the size of basketballs, a penis that you'd need a ladder to reach the end of, and all the money you can launder from uganda.

what if it worked?

Don't forget you would have perfect hair with Propecia, a waif like body from taking all the Xenical, 4 guaranteed hours of sleep per night with Sonata, freaky hallucinatory trips by taking Hydrocodone, be free of muscle tension after buying Skelaxin without a script, and on and on it goes.

[Spokes]

Damn Kman. Where you been logging on?

[antron]

it was fucking hot today.
it's still fucking hot in the house.
no breeze.
i guess i'll go skinnydip.

[Kinetic]

Damn Kman. Where you been logging on?

Despite my best efforts, that's what sitting in my private RoadRunner e-mail. And my Hotmail Junk Folder is a sight to behold....even with the filters cranked to the max it's amazing some of the stuff I get. I go in there every so often to take a peek. That's some crazy shit.

Oh and don't forget about getting all of those spammed drugs via Canada so you can take advantage of the serious discounts North of the border.....that one just came in as I wrote this. They never fucking sleep.

And what's worse is I really try to limit who gets the address and where I use it at.

[Guest]

fuck i fucked myself silly and fucking went out in this fuck-all hot day and had this great fucking party and fuck wow did i have a great fucking time.

[precipitate]

Fuck. Just fuck.

[Ivy]

Your place or mine, baby?

[antron]

i want a fuck buddy.
not another commitment.
not an anonymous fling.
a friendship that includes mutually satisfying sweaty, breathless, passionate fuck.

[Ivy]

Antron, you not in SoCal, by any chance, are you?

Eh, I think I'm gonna do the whole "be celibate for a month" thing again.

[antron]

Antron, you not in SoCal, by any chance, are you?

no. sf bay.
fuck!

[PJ]

I think I'm gonna do the whole "be celibate for a month" thing again.

The man burns in 346 days!

[JonoVision]

FUCK! Fucking electronics I spent a fucking fortune on are ALL fucking up on me at the same time and I'm on a fucking roadtrip, stuck in fucking Texas trying to deal with fuckwits at customer service centers that don't know fuckall and keep fucking me around. Fucking $400Cdn car stereo that I just bought fucked up before I'd gone 400 fucking miles from Vancouver, fucking 300pound(UK) iPod clone won't take a fucking charge and they're fucking me around because I bought it in the fucking UK, and the peripherals are fucking shorting out, and now I'm fucking stuck driving the endless miles of Texas having to fucking HUM Johnny Cash despite all the hardearned money I spent to be able to fucking ROCK my way across N.America! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!! F U C K!!! F*U*C*K!

[nymphgonebad]

FUCK! Fucking electronics I spent a fucking fortune on are ALL fucking up on me at the same time and I'm on a fucking roadtrip, stuck in fucking Texas trying to deal with fuckwits at customer service centers that don't know fuckall and keep fucking me around. Fucking $400Cdn car stereo that I just bought fucked up before I'd gone 400 fucking miles from Vancouver, fucking 300pound(UK) iPod clone won't take a fucking charge and they're fucking me around because I bought it in the fucking UK, and the peripherals are fucking shorting out, and now I'm fucking stuck driving the endless miles of Texas having to fucking HUM Johnny Cash despite all the hardearned money I spent to be able to fucking ROCK my way across N.America! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!! F U C K!!! F*U*C*K!

oh dear, that sounds like an emergency to me. you could always do what i did the last time i drove across texas: picked up an italian hitchhiker who has endless dubs of bad eurotrash heavy metal. just don't get lost on 1-10 like i did - it turns an already unbearable trip into a gothic nightmare of epic proportions.

[JonoVision]

Hell even that sounds pretty enticing, though he'd need a boombox and plenty of batteries, and he better not let me get near his stuff because every electronic thing I touch TURNS TO SHIT!! Fuck my fucking body's polarity must be reversed or some fucking thing.

[nymphgonebad]

Hell even that sounds pretty enticing, though he'd need a boombox and plenty of batteries, and he better not let me get near his stuff because every electronic thing I touch TURNS TO SHIT!! Fuck my fucking body's polarity must be reversed or some fucking thing.

sounds like your limbic system needs adjusting. how soon can you make it to the east bay?

[JonoVision]

Well I will be passing through in Jan/Feb, on my way back home to Vancouver post-Baja, VW willing. Thank Jeebus, it doesn't seem to be affected by me so far, which I guess is a benefit of driving a 25+ year old vehicle from an era predating microchips and whatnot. I take it you know a thing or two about this sort of stuff? If so I would be happy to bring some trinkets and goodies from Mexico (Dia de los Muertos goodies, for example).

[Guest]

holy rats...no new posts on this fucking thread in, like, two fucking days...fuck me in the ear!