Pet Diaries

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 2:55 pm

What do our pets write in their diaries while we are away at burningman.

the rebbi

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 2:57 pm

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Day number 180

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

"Your Butt smells Better Than Mine"
Spot

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 2:58 pm

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about
what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no
good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it
included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick
minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of
thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I
was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear
the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call
"beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has
got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain
he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of
time...

"Go Fuck Yourself and Leave Me Alone!"
Persia

Angry Butterfly · Post by **Angry Butterfly** » Sun Sep 21, 2003 3:01 pm

Dave the Pug:
Where is Mommy? She gets up and feeds me earlier than daddy. That's OK I like daddy better.

INKY (the cat):
THE GIRL is finaly gone. I finaly have ALEX to MYSELF.

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Sun Sep 21, 2003 10:18 pm

Wonder what sort of cat toys she's bringing back this time? I love all those shiny, dangly things.

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:44 pm

Fine, I post an absolutely adorable picture of my cat and nobody says, boo!

Markov Chaney · Post by **Markov Chaney** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:48 pm

Boo!

Cute cat.

PJ · Post by PJ » Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:55 pm

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 9:00 pm

Does that include the leash?

incurably,
mr smith

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 9:18 pm

Angry Butterfly · Post by **Angry Butterfly** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:32 pm

your cat is cute, but mine is cuter. too bad she wants to get rid of me. My cat is EVIL.

Spokes · Post by **Spokes** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:53 pm

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/

TestesInSac · Post by **TestesInSac** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:58 pm

Holy shit! Man, that's awful.

Tiara · Post by **Tiara** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 9:59 pm

If you needed a nudge to decide if you're a "dog person" or a "cat person", I highly recommend mycathatesyou.com. . . of course, I'm a self-proclaimed "dog person"

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:12 pm

Angry Butterfly wrote:your cat is cute, but mine is cuter. too bad she wants to get rid of me. My cat is EVIL.

Pictures, pictures please. There are no unsubstantiated claims around these parts.

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:14 pm

Tiara wrote:If you needed a nudge to decide if you're a "dog person" or a "cat person", I highly recommend mycathatesyou.com. . . of course, I'm a self-proclaimed "dog person"

Personally, I like the self-reliance of a cat. Owning a dog is like having a child that never grows up. (Not that I hate dogs, just don't want to own any more.)

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Thu Oct 02, 2003 5:52 pm

Dog Haiku

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts--I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend--come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat--come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look!

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain--
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot--no greater bliss--
well, Maybe catching cats

The cat is not all
Bad--she fills the little box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence--why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Thu Oct 02, 2003 7:14 pm

We have 6 cats, and 2 dogs. I prefer cats. Most dogs are stupid, imho. Our new basset, you pick him up and he pees all over the place or on you. The cats are clean, they're fun to watch, and I've actually grown attached to one. And I used to HATE cats. I would have been the driver that hit the cat in PJ's picture at one time. Not now.

As for BM diaries, the dogs could care less but the cats all met me at the door when I came home from BM and I had to pet all of them before they would leave me alone. I was actually missed by them.

(Or so they wanted me to believe!)

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Thu Oct 02, 2003 7:24 pm

cat haikus

Oh, it's you again
you can pet me for awhile
then your face comes off

I show you my love
by winding between your legs
you fall and go boom!

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Fri Oct 03, 2003 9:03 am

Kinetic wrote:We have 6 cats, and 2 dogs.

As for BM diaries, the dogs could care less but the cats all met me at the door when I came home from BM and I had to pet all of them before they would leave me alone. I was actually missed by them.

(Or so they wanted me to believe!)

Cat #1: I hear his car, let's see if he smells like fish again.

Cat #4: I just want to rub some of my cat hair on him.

Cat #6: Maybe he has food with him.

Cat #2: See if he's heard from the great Cat God Irisisss...

Cat #3: Bet I can make him trip this time

Dog #1: Where's the bone. Where's the bone.

Dog #2: Get the bone first. Get the Bone first.

"the kenetic cat and dog group"

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Fri Oct 03, 2003 9:32 am

That was great...and likely more accurate than I care to think about.

antron · Post by **antron** » Sat Oct 04, 2003 12:16 pm

hey!

where's petsuntileaten's diary?
isn't this the pet's diary thread?

Pet Diaries

Pet Diaries

doggy doo...

Kitty's Kat...

While I'm away-- The Diary of Mr. Spock

I'm Having an Out of Body Experience...

Bite this ;)