Stupid Work Annoyances

[Lydia Love]

Heh.

When I was a receptionist for a nursing home there was a woman with whom I was *always* at odds. She was abrasive, she didn't seem to understand that I was not her direct underling... She once yelled at me for something I wasn't at fault over *in front of the family of one of the residents* (very bad form) and later on we had a huge screaming bitch out over it.

To relieve work stress I'd sit at my desk and draw little cartoons of horrible things happening to her.

When I left that job for greener pastures I walked up to her and said "I know we've had our differences in the past..." I was *about* to say some crap about no hard feelings or whatever... but she interrupted me.

"I don't know what you mean, Lydia. I think we've always gotten along well."

It shut me up and left me standing there totally aghast.

[Rian Jackson]

So, remember all of that mega drama from a couple of weeks ago? There's some stuff I can't say here until it happens (but believe you me, you'll hear it!)

At any rate, the dude in question was in the work room this morning. I had to go in there, and greeter him very warmly and respectfully. He didn't want to answer, really - just sort of grunted. I went out of my way to clear some things off the area he was about to work in.

Poor man didn't know what to do.

I just bade him a good day and left....

[Sandwichman]

I swear sometimes I work with the laziest of motherfuckers. His job is to work in the warehouse and be on his feet. Well yesterday he was bitching about how his back ached from being on his feet so long and kept going on and on. I decided to shut him up because it drives me mad. I looked over at him with a dead serious face and said "If your back hurts now and you have only worked here for three months, I can only imagine what it will feel like after working here for a year." He got red and a bit pissed but he did stop complaining about his back. This typically has a complaint every day and he waits for me to hear it. He will sit and face his chair towards me and look my direction until I make eye contact and work into a nice spiel about his troubles of the day. People complain about my generation not having the motivation to work? They never met this man. I am suprised this company would hire a man so close to retirement and expect much out of him.

Sorry just got caught up in my rant,

Jason

[theCryptofishist]

Upgraded my computer to one that works slower and I didn't manage to save my old bookmarks. anyone remember how to find the battery operated "glow stick alternative"? I'm not sure what to serch under. Oh well.

[Sandwichman]

Just a bit of humor for the workplace. Enjoy.

4 Easy Questions

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and it will tell you
whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each
answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.


1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?






The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things
in an overly complicated way.





2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?





Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the
refrigerator?" (Wrong Answer)

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the
elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through
the repercussions of your previous actions.





3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend
except one. Which animal does not attend?




Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You
just put him in there. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not
answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more
chance to show your true abilities.





4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles.
How do you manage it?




Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the
Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.



According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers
got several correct answers.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that
most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

[Rian Jackson]

Dear coworkers:

I understand that you must use my desk at times. There are just a few requests I'd like to make of you.

Please clean up my desk after you leave. I am tired of dealing with your trash, your kleenexes, your bits of food, your purses, you empty water botttles.

Please have the decency to put things back how you found them. I don't enjoy spending the first minutes after every break finding the rolodex and the mouse, searching for papers that were here at one point. Some of them have never been found.

It might also behoove you to attend to some basic common sense concerns. For instance, lock the cabinet at the end of the day. The reason that we are supposed to lock it is that it contains things with monetary value. Might i point out that I am ultimately respsonsible for these things? I leave the key out for you daily; I would hope this will suffice. Thank you for learning to turn the lights off. It only took three months.

I don't really mind when you let things pile up while I'm gone. I'm perfectly happy to do them. However, I wonder if, when there is something clearly marked as being time sensitive, you could send it out/process it coming in so that the entire office isn't held up? This isn't really about me. You're just wasting budget and frustrating people. Opening envelopes isn't that hard.

And for when you all aren't sitting at my desk - it hurts just as much for me to crane my neck 180 degrees to see you as to see anyone else. It hurts just as much when i get hit when you open the swinging door as when it's anyone else. Please undertand that there are some practical concerns dealing with pain here that do apply to you all, not just to the engineers.

And you all wonder why i get pissy.

Thanks so much for your time and attention.

surlyreceptionist.

[theCryptofishist]

RJ--unneeded unwanted advice. Don't leave teh key for those yahoos. That's a privledge and if they aren't up tot he responcibility, protect your own ass.

We will now continue with the regualary scheduled thread.

[samtzu]

just superglue the key to the desk... hours of entertainment watching them trying to pick it up.... and if they're engineers, even more hours of fun watching them trying to figure out why they can't pick it up....

[Rian Jackson]

RJ--unneeded unwanted advice. Don't leave teh key for those yahoos. That's a privledge and if they aren't up tot he responcibility, protect your own ass.

We will now continue with the regualary scheduled thread.

Can't help it. The boss wanted to lengthen opening hours a few months backs so i now take the first shift and someone else covers the last hour. the cabinet's needed during opening hours.

[theCryptofishist]

[unsolicited advice]talk to boss and ask that one extra key be made with one person responcible for it.
or
stage robbery and then talk to boss and ask that one extra key be make with one person responcible for it.[/unsolicited advice]

[Rian Jackson]

no, the issue is that the person needs to lock the cabinet when they leave; i have to unlock it the next day.

one key only means that people can't get at what they need.

[theCryptofishist]

Then that one person can open and close it and be responcible for any loss. Right now the problem (as I see it) is that without any accountability when you're not there, someone else's carelessness can get you in big trouble.

*fishy gets duckt tape and covers mouth*

[Rian Jackson]

oh, i think i follow you now. you mean, i lock it when i leave and she can't open it unless she brings her key?

besides any danger of me getting in trouble, that will still suck for everyone when the second key gets lost and either someone can't get the things they need, or it still doesn't get locked at the end of the day.

[theCryptofishist]

MMMmmmm mmm mmmmmmm mm mmmmmmmm, M! M!

[ThePikey]

Our department head is bitchy and out of touch with what we actually *do*. Her conduct is profoundly unprofessional, w. much ranting and screamfests. (Has made a couple of employees cry, fer fucksakes) Is also petty and vindictive, and stabbed our previous (well-beloved) boss in the back and ousted him.

Half our department's managers (the competant ones) left last year, along with two of the grunts who actually do work. Corporate is trying to cut costs, and so isn't replacing anyone. (Our site lost 26 people out of ca. 100 total employees last year, I think only one person was hired to fill in for a job...)

The people who remain in our dept are overworked, dispirited, and shopping around for another job. Almost to a man. (Or woman. Let's be fair about this. Equal Opportunity Oppression.)

Soon I'll be forced to work evening shifts, as well as on the weekend. (Sun-Thurs) Thankfully football season is over for now.

And in the latest round of power shifts our group came under the dominion of an ex-marine hardass who thinks this department is overrated and over-compensated. He also happens to be the man who will be deciding the next round of raises. We're not expecting much. (Just the sort of thing to make working weekends/swing shift palatable, eh?)

And the job market still sucks ass out here, making finding another employer... problematic.

{All appologies to *real* doms out there, who are by and large nice folks, if a bit strong-willed}

[RebA!]

THE FUCKER TOOK MY TIP JAR!

I didnt need that 3+ dollars. No.. you take it. I'm not saving it for anything important really. Just a trip. I'm sure your assholeness needed that pretty glass jar and the 3 bucks that resided in there for some smokes or maybe a malt liquor or something.

You SIR are an asshole of utmost proportions and I hope the karma cows stampede on your ass while you sleep. You fuckin cocksucker. Stealing from a ice cream scooper, how fuckin low are you. you scum of the earth.

But beyond that I had a great day. Thanks for asking.

[Rob the Wop]

Ok, so like, I'm sitting here at home doing some Work At Home (acronysm WAH- funny that) documentation. The port replicator that the company got me works with my Cybex box, so I'm at home in my undies and some fuzzy bunny slippers. The company paid for some CTS wrist braces, so my hands are gently propped up at their optimal angle for typing on my ergonomic keyboard. I have the noise machine playing sea and surf ambient sounds (the only noise breaking my complete silence) while I lay back in my high back pleather chair. As my roommate walks by the door to my room I ask her if she can make me an Italian soda. 1 ounce heavy cream, 1/2 ounce orgeat (bitter almond) syrup, 1 ounce vanilla, and 8 ounces of fresh seltzer water.

Get this, she puts in ONE ounce of orgeat syrup in my Italian soda.

By God, this almost disturbs me enough to slowly swivel my chair in the direction of the doorway and politely ask for one of my homebrews- which would most probably minorly upset the soft furry kitty gently purring on my lap.

I tell you what, if I hadn't just got another company bonus last week- I'd go right out and hire me a serf with a shock coller.

[GuinivereElise]

I would just like to say that RJ has now witnessed FIRSTHAND some (a very limited bit, ta be sure) of the shit I have to deal with at my job.

Thanks for stopping by, Rian!

Oh, and Reba, that sucks ass.... I'm sorry...

[Rob the Wop]

I would just like to say that RJ has now witnessed FIRSTHAND some (a very limited bit, ta be sure) of the shit I have to deal with at my job.

Thanks for stopping by, Rian!

Oh, and Reba, that sucks ass.... I'm sorry...

Hey! Where's my pity?

Oh shoot, I think I typed that too hard. I might have just chipped a nail. See what you did?

[GuinivereElise]

I would just like to say that RJ has now witnessed FIRSTHAND some (a very limited bit, ta be sure) of the shit I have to deal with at my job.

Thanks for stopping by, Rian!

Oh, and Reba, that sucks ass.... I'm sorry...

Hey! Where's my pity?

Oh shoot, I think I typed that too hard. I might have just chipped a nail. See what you did?

you don't get any pity, rob, until the cat that's snoozing on your lap startles awake, slicing clean lines into your unclad legs and ripping apart your pleather chair as it scrambles in confusion and fear from your working self.



Then I might laugh.


and feel sorry for your chair.

[bullD]

Ok, so like, I'm sitting here at home doing some Work At Home (acronysm WAH- funny that) documentation. The port replicator that the company got me works with my Cybex box, so I'm at home in my undies and some fuzzy bunny slippers. The company paid for some CTS wrist braces, so my hands are gently propped up at their optimal angle for typing on my ergonomic keyboard. I have the noise machine playing sea and surf ambient sounds (the only noise breaking my complete silence) while I lay back in my high back pleather chair. As my roommate walks by the door to my room I ask her if she can make me an Italian soda. 1 ounce heavy cream, 1/2 ounce orgeat (bitter almond) syrup, 1 ounce vanilla, and 8 ounces of fresh seltzer water.

Get this, she puts in ONE ounce of orgeat syrup in my Italian soda.

By God, this almost disturbs me enough to slowly swivel my chair in the direction of the doorway and politely ask for one of my homebrews- which would most probably minorly upset the soft furry kitty gently purring on my lap.

I tell you what, if I hadn't just got another company bonus last week- I'd go right out and hire me a serf with a shock coller.

Fucking LOL!!!

[Rian Jackson]

It's true. Just like she said. Countdown to closing time: less than 10 minutes. In walks idiot number one. Guin dispatches him smoothly, hides the body out back.

Two minutes to closing time. I think Guin wanted the new employee (who is fuckin adorable!!) to handle it, so it took longer. I can't believe they actually asked about AT&T plans.

It's ok folks, don't worry, with Guin taking charge, this Stupid Customer Fuckwit was taken care of, too.

No wornder my dreams were all bloody and shit.

OAN, GE, even though i knew he was male, i guess i can see how some people think he's a girl... there are a lot of us who are really flat... and he's got the earrings and the stylin' flamer clothes and something about the cut and color.

Don't tell him i said that....

Mostly it's just that people need to spend more time on Cap Hill, you see.

[GuinivereElise]

yeah, but people do the same thing when he hasn't shaved his FACE for five days and all his jewlery's out...

I agree... more time on Cap Hill..

[Rian Jackson]

Does he grow facial hair well?

You wouldn't think it to look at him.

He's just so fucking cute!!

[GuinivereElise]

i know. yeah, facial hair... his hair is really coarse, so he grows it well, but not often. (could you guess that he was 27?!?!)

[Rian Jackson]

Nope. Looked 17.

OK, fuck these SWA.

SWA No. 857,923:

It's freezing. I called the building folks again, dragged Doug up here.

He's poking around in the ceiling, babbling at me. I'm pointedly looking back at the papers i was reading every time he stops.This lasts about 0.65 seconds each time. My head is turning rhymically: look down, look at him, look down, look at him.

It was a month ago the first time we called these folks up here. Since then they've been here quite often. It's still freezing.

Come to find out there are no heaters directly servicing these areas, just a couple in the conference rooms. Those doors are often shut. And the elevator shafts bring in cold air. It's the only part of most offices that's essentially unheated.

Now Doug is acting like i'm stupid, telling me new shit, saying he'll 'explain it again.'

Mutha fucka.

I'm taking matters into my own hands.

[theCryptofishist]

yeah, but people do the same thing when he hasn't shaved his FACE for five days and all his jewlery's out...

I agree... more time on Cap Hill..

Funny, when I haven't shaved my face in five days, I'm taken for a man. And I'm dcups.

*shakes head sadly*

[Rian Jackson]

I think these he/she pronouns are just problematic.

[bullD]

It's freezing. I called the building folks again, dragged Doug up here.

wait a sec, you don't have to drag me anywere, just snapp your fingers, I will get the heat flowing.

I'm taking matters into my own hands.

seriously speaking, can you expense a space heater to place next to your desk? if so, get the kind that eats up shitloads of power, maybe that will get somebody's attention.

[Rian Jackson]

Actually, space heater is my plan.

I asked our office manager what the building policy is on them. She grinned and said, 'We're not supposed to have them.'

But we are doing Green Building standards, so i'm looking for a low power output number.