Idle Chat Thread

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 3:50 pm

Hard to believe but I'm in the 7th Circle of Hell too!

RebA! · Post by **RebA!** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 4:00 pm

Kinda reminds me when i stuck a hand ful of ants on a record player (remember those!)when I was about 5-6 years old
And turned it up to the fastest speed. Ants had no fuckin clue which way they were to go to get off that damn thing. it was like a carosel from hell for them.

Gosh to think I have been this twisted for that long.

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 4:07 pm

I tried to make a grasshopper circus - get them to jump through hoops and shit.

I was pretty distressed when my star performer committed suicide by jumping headfirst into a rock.

Booker · Post by **Booker** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 5:35 pm

That's cool, actually. I doubt you could train them, though. Strategic placement of the obstacles would be important, no? Dumbasses would probably just end up clinging to the hoop they're supposed to jump through or something.

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 6:04 pm

Ya... training them wasn't really part of the plan. Place the obstacles and then scare the hell out of them so they jump.

Probably explains the suicidal one.

Niacin · Post by **Niacin** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:02 am

Apparently, I'll spend eternity frozen in ice screaming with no way to move or communicate with my fellow damned.

I could go for some time off, yeah. Be nice to recharge.

Best part about hell - always hot shower water.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:14 am

precipitate wrote:Kneecapping Crickets...Dispose of leg. Repeat on other side...

Why did you take off both legs? I'm thinking it'd be more sporting (OK, more entertaining) if the cricket still had one leg. He couldn't hop effectively but he could vainly struggle--at least in circles. And the toads would get more exercise capturing them.

BTW, you'd like my Mom. One year I came home from college hungry, opened the basement deep freezer, and saw a vast sea of cut-off chicken legs. A whole freezer full of them, nothing else in there. Surreal. She made soup out of 'em. Wish I'd taken a picture of that.

Most recently Mom taught my nine-year-old daughter how to shoot squirrels out of a bedroom window. It's good for these mandatory life skills to be passed down from generation-to-generation.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:16 am

Lydia Love wrote:I tried to make a grasshopper circus - get them to jump through hoops and shit. I was pretty distressed when my star performer committed suicide by jumping headfirst into a rock.

Eh. It's no surprise--circus folk are always fucked-up.

Booker · Post by **Booker** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:31 am

how to shoot squirrels out of a bedroom window

The bastards come into the bedroom window, they deserve to be shot. Same if they wander around someplace you can see them from the bedroom window. The fewer squirrels the better.

But wait, did your mom go make soup out of it?

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:44 am

clandyone wrote:Lard is all well and good for one's runny fried eggs, but I prefer drippings.. of the kind that MFK Fisher describes as "very English, the kind poured off an unidentified succession of beef, mutton, and bacon pans, melted gradually into one dark puddle of thick unappetizing grease, which immediately upon being dabbed into a thick hot iron skillet sends out rendingly appetizing smells."

But who eats mutton any more, you may ask? In a pinch, bacon grease will do.

Mmmm. Bacon....

clandy, i have a jar of drippings in my fridge.

my personal fave: corned beef hash. favorite place to get it: the flower mart cafe. after retail therapy at fantasticos.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 7:49 am

how to shoot squirrels out of a bedroom window...The bastards come into the bedroom window, they deserve to be shot. Same if they wander around someplace you can see them from the bedroom window. The fewer squirrels the better.

But wait, did your mom go make soup out of it?

Traditionally only Grandma is allowed to shoot squirrels in the house. That's because her .22 rifle is loaded with bird shot. (More commonly known as "snake shot" in western states.) When Grandma dies the next generation's matron will be granted this privledge.

Typically our squirrels get roasted in the oven with lots of vegetables--sort of a stew. But like rabbit or chicken you can do anything you like with them and it's tasty.

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 8:02 am

PJ wrote:
Traditionally only Grandma is allowed to shoot squirrels in the house. That's because her .22 rifle is loaded with bird shot. (More commonly known as "snake shot" in western states.) When Grandma dies the next generation's matron will be granted this privledge.

will she be at the wedding?

can't wait to inherit.

Rabbi Dali Rick · Post by **Rabbi Dali Rick** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 8:45 am

I'm kinda getting the hang of this board just through familairity. Well I'm off for the next two days on a shoot in the Seqoia Forrest with the actor Kirk Cammeron (Eight is Enough?, I don't know, one of those family shows). His relegious-base Media company "Living Waters" hires their truck and production equipment from where I work, here in LA, and I usually go as driver, and crew. A one day shoot with a paid day up and back. It's my birthday Friday, so what better way than to spend it in the woods shooting a movie and getting paid for it.

"Well, don't just stand there, God is a busy man!"
the rebbi

precipitate · Post by **precipitate** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 10:18 am

> Why did you take off both legs? I'm thinking it'd be more sporting
> (OK, more entertaining) if the cricket still had one leg. He couldn't hop
> effectively but he could vainly struggle--at least in circles. And the toads
> would get more exercise capturing them

Tried that. They're strong enough to launch themselves with just one leg.
Pain in the ass to catch them again. And believe me, the toads don't need
any further challenge. I'm amazed they thrive in the wild. Bugs in the
Chinese mountains must be really fucking dumb.

I'm quite sure I'd like your mom. And I still want squirrel pelts. I definitely
want to make a squirrel version of my trading card halter top.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 10:56 am

precipitate wrote:I'm quite sure I'd like your mom. And I still want squirrel pelts. I definitely want to make a squirrel version of my trading card halter top.

Mom has her great points, but I learned long ago that I can't be around her for more than 48 hours without her making me insane.

Anyway, regarding squirrel pelts: flew up there last week intending to harvest a pile of them. Long-story-short, I'm an incompetent hunter. If I were part of a stone-age tribe I'd better hope the alpha male wants to keep me alive for amusement value and feeds me scraps. I got ZERO goddamned squirrels. I have failed you. Might try again in October, when the leaves are off the trees.

On the upside, I got some good books on taxidermy from the library. Got pestered by an overly helpful librarian that was following me around. She found other work to do when I mentioned that, "...I'm only finding books here about animal taxidermy..."

Some of these books seemed (possibly unintentionally on the part of the author) kinda provocative:

precipitate · Post by **precipitate** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 11:12 am

> I got ZERO goddamned squirrels. I have failed you. Might try again in October

Okeydoke. I want squirrel pelts, I do not require them, so no failure.

I can't very well shoot at wildlife in Venice. At the very least the gangsta
neighbor kids would come over to see what's up, and that would be bad.
Besides, we don't get squirrels much and I don't really want a
possum-and-crow halter.

TestesInSac · Post by **TestesInSac** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 11:57 am

precipitate wrote:> I got ZERO goddamned squirrels. I have failed you. Might try again in October

Okeydoke. I want squirrel pelts, I do not require them, so no failure.

I can't very well shoot at wildlife in Venice. At the very least the gangsta
neighbor kids would come over to see what's up, and that would be bad.
Besides, we don't get squirrels much and I don't really want a
possum-and-crow halter.

I can easily get 5-10 squirrel pelts from my own trees. Maybe more. And I hate the little pests, even if I don't like killing things. Only thing is, I'm not sure how best to prepare the pelts. Any ideas?

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 12:25 pm

TestesInSac wrote:I'm not sure how best to prepare the pelts. Any ideas?

Having browsed through several books I haven't come to any conclusions. There's a lot of conflicting advice. Making leather is one thing; retaining the hair while preserving the skin in a soft state (vs. what's appropriate for a stuffed animal mount) is another. One upside is that lots of nasty chemicals are involved, which is always good.

Watching the dumb town squirrels in the nearby parks makes me strongly prefer farm squirrels. They're fatter (more meat) and have much healthier-looking pelts. Sleek and smooth, plus they're BIG. I recommend finding a big grove of oak trees adjacent to some corn fields--that's squirrel heaven. (Until you show up with a .22, that is.) A smart dog or a second person is handy--squirrels are smart enough to simply hide on the other side of a branch. If they can't see you, you can't shoot them.

And you might as well wait until the leaves are off the trees. The corn will still be standing in the fields, they'll be trying to put away as much for winter as they can, and it'll be significantly harder for them to hide.

Also, squirrels don't like to come out in the rain. It rained both days I was in Minnesota. They pull that hide-in-the-tree-hole shit next time and I'm gonna break out the chain saw.

TestesInSac · Post by **TestesInSac** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:04 pm

There's tons of walnut trees in my neighborhood for the squirrels to fatten themselves up on. Fruit trees galore, too. The smallest of them would yield a pelt maybe 8-10 inches long and 3 or more inches wide skirted.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:10 pm

TestesInSac wrote:There's tons of walnut trees in my neighborhood for the squirrels to fatten themselves up on. Fruit trees galore, too. The smallest of them would yield a pelt maybe 8-10 inches long and 3 or more inches wide skirted.

That's the size of a chipmunk in central Minn. Squirrels there are about 20" nose-to-tail, and the tail a bit longer than that. Corn is very good squirrel food and there's an unlimited amount of it around.

I've seen squirrels there that are as big as a small fox in Colorado. (No fair pointing out that, if they're so big, how come I couldn't shoot them?)

jinx_sf_burner · Post by **jinx_sf_burner** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:19 pm

Once, while in Costa Rica, I had a fun time with cutter ants... you know, the kind that march in mile-long lines through the rainforest with little parts of leaves?
Well, I had a stuffy nose and a cold, so I had some Vicks Vapor Rub with me. I put a fingerful across the line. It was like a thousand ants all of a sudden had no idea where to go! They just kept piling up and up and up... couldn't find the trail left by the ones before them.
After a while, some smarty pants found his way out, them came back and got the rest. It was really fascinating.
I wonder what would have happened if he hadn'd found the trail? Would they all just mill around for eternity?

RebA! wrote:Kinda reminds me when i stuck a hand ful of ants on a record player (remember those!)when I was about 5-6 years old
And turned it up to the fastest speed. Ants had no fuckin clue which way they were to go to get off that damn thing. it was like a carosel from hell for them.

Gosh to think I have been this twisted for that long.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:24 pm

Talk about rodent size queens. Hell, try wrapping you head around this one: http://www.usatoday.com/news/science/20 ... sp=19_wxia.

Certain thoughts frighten me. Certain other thoughts frighten me more. This Chipzilla megarodento or whatever the fuck it'd be called falls into the latter category.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:25 pm

I mean, that fucker would scare a New Yorker.

precipitate · Post by **precipitate** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 1:29 pm

> I wonder what would have happened if he hadn'd found the trail? Would
> they all just mill around for eternity?

Nah. Throw enough ants at it and they'll eventually either find the trail, or
make another one. I've tried that tactic to keep ants out of my cricket
and roach cages, and the only thing that works is the full moat.

antron · Post by **antron** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 2:56 pm

TestesInSac wrote:There's tons of walnut trees in my neighborhood

we had walnut trees, too. in the fall, the squirrels would eat so much it was like they'd be drunk.

i always enjoyed shooting them as they run down the powerline. not a shot you want to miss low on, however...

in the woods, if you know where the squirrels are, it's quite relaxing to bring a folding chair and a book, and just wait for them to return.

plink!

TestesInSac · Post by **TestesInSac** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:05 pm

I didn't know I was supposed to include tail length when calculating pelt size, I just went by the skirted size.

Anyhow, I suppose if I stretched it out I'd get 15", give or take. I'm too damned lazy right now to find a good tanning method, though.

Oh, and my break-type air rifle in .177 will bring 'em down, quietly. You do have to hit them right, though.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:17 pm

TestesInSac wrote:I didn't know I was supposed to include tail length when calculating pelt size, I just went by the skirted size.

Anyhow, I suppose if I stretched it out I'd get 15", give or take. I'm too damned lazy right now to find a good tanning method, though.

Oh, and my break-type air rifle in .177 will bring 'em down, quietly. You do have to hit them right, though.

I always considered the tail to be a separate entity from the skin. Hang it up to dry and it's a cool thing for little kids to attach to their bike.

I think the longest squirrel skin I've ever seen was about 25" long, nose to butt. Average is about 16--20" I'd guess. Tails are usually about the same length as the skin.

Corn-fed squirrels grow just like corn-fed steers.

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:47 pm

a cool thing for little kids to attach to their bike.

Ooh, ooh, can I have one?

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 25, 2003 5:13 pm

Ivy wrote:Ooh, ooh, can I have one?

I was going to save a heap of 'em for whomever wanted some...but I was too incompetent to get any. Not one.

The little neighbor kids used to get a dozen every morning before school in those same woods.

The squirrels are mocking me. I just know it.

WarmFuzzy · Post by **WarmFuzzy** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 5:19 pm

An old friend whom I used to camp with once told me the way he got squirrels back home on his farm.

He said to take bread and soak it in whiskey and leave it out for the little critters to party on. Then they are too drunk to run away and hide very well. He said it also works on quail, he just would walk out and pick 'em up and toss them into a sack.

Never tried it myself, not too much game here in San Francisco, unless you count the pigeons. And after watching them eat out of the gutters, I wouldn't want one on my plate.

Idle Chat Thread

Hey Let's Have A Pissing Contest....

Squirrel bait