I am now available to be your Pretend Boyfriend on the Playa

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 5:43 pm

Campmates and strangers hounding you? Tired of guys taking your picture without permission? Want to scare away weirdos yet be available for that hot boy in the fur pants? Well, do I have the solution for you. A friend of mine was going to go this year. She has a boyfriend and lamented that some of her campmates might like her, too. So I suggested that I be her pretend boyfriend (since she and I have already had sex and the curiosity is gone and now we're platonic friends and can do stuff like that). Anyway, she's decided to not go. So I am once again to be your Pretend Boyfriend (PB). If you need me, I will be at Black Rock Necklace Camp (we'll be listed at Playa Info). I'm 6'6", lean, an ex-Marine with a degree in English. The cost is only $200 per hour or whatever you have that you think is worth $200 per hour. First come, first "served". Women who talk a lot about their boyfriends need not apply for an appointment.

Seeya on the playa!

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 7:55 pm

Laughing, welcome to my world. Last year I ran around with a friend and her friend (one straight, one gay) and often I would find them pointing at me and shaking their heads. The guys would look confused and wander off, being that I am 20 and 22 years older than the two girls I could understand the confusion. One time a guy asked if he could dance with my daughter, I checked out the expression on Jen's face and did my best 'you are going to die now' look and said 'She - is - not - my - daughter.' Guy just sank into the ground. Being a pretend bf or male companion can be very entertaining.

I may or may not be wandering around with a fair number of young ladies this year, depends on my mood. The two really little ones and the one really tall one are dykes, ask about any others. Being a father figure can be a pain sometimes.

At a party a couple of weeks ago: If a straight woman who hangs around with gay men is a fag-hag, what is a straight man who hangs around with gay women called?

A lez-beau.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:09 pm

Silver 2 wrote:Laughing, welcome to my world. Last year I ran around with a friend and her friend (one straight, one gay) and often I would find them pointing at me and shaking their heads. The guys would look confused and wander off, being that I am 20 and 22 years older than the two girls I could understand the confusion. One time a guy asked if he could dance with my daughter, I checked out the expression on Jen's face and did my best 'you are going to die now' look and said 'She - is - not - my - daughter.' Guy just sank into the ground. Being a pretend bf or male companion can be very entertaining.

I may or may not be wandering around with a fair number of young ladies this year, depends on my mood. The two really little ones and the one really tall one are dykes, ask about any others. Being a father figure can be a pain sometimes.

At a party a couple of weeks ago: If a straight woman who hangs around with gay men is a fag-hag, what is a straight man who hangs around with gay women called?

A lez-beau.

Dutch Boy.

Most of my friends are married couples and this past weekend I hung out with one of my married female friends while her husband was out of town. We went to dinner and I saw women checking me out and I was checking them out. What's notable here is that I'm 6'6" and she's 6' so they probably thought we were together but that I had a wandering eye. I got a kick out of that. It's so fun hanging out with married chicks. You get the cachet of being with a chick but without the committment and jealousy.

I don't mind being the platonic friend. You have much more cachet with other women when with a woman. In fact, I've had some of the best times at Burning Man hanging out with women who have a boyfriend/were engaged/were married. It's nice to be trusted and be able to relate to women as people instead of...well, you know...

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:02 am

There is another aspect for me, I am 52 and the majority of women I hang out with and go places with are in their early 30's. I get a kick out of the looks I get esp. from the younger guys. About 2 months ago I went to a local goth club with two friends who were totally gothed out; when I was in the can a young guy came up and "I hate you." I get a lot of dirty looks from the 'normal' women about my age though (on the rare occasions that we go where they are) and there is a major dirth of Burner women anywhere near my age.

Something you can relate to; I am about 6'4" and I love it when the taller girls wear 6 and 7 inch boots. A couple of weeks ago the two mentioned above were almost as tall as I am when they had their boots on and I took mine off.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:53 am

Shit. I used the word cachet twice in the same post.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:15 am

Can I introduce you as my pretend boyfriend to my real husband?

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 10:57 am

God, I pity you tall, skinny guys.

joel the ornery · Post by **joel the ornery** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:02 am

robotland wrote:you tall, skinny guys.

fuckers

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:06 am

Boy , do I know that role well. Surrogate boyfriend, husband and father. I had a friend that I had helped out since she was 15. I moved up to Yosemite and moved in with her to help them out. I got a job to buy groceries. I cut firewood cause we[2 kids] were freezing our butts off. I took on everything except the bedroom. That was her live-in boyfriends domain. He thought it was great that I was there.
Dan

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:00 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Can I introduce you as my pretend boyfriend to my real husband?

Sure! I can also tell him to "get lost" if he's ever bugging you. Or we can just make out and he'll "get the message". Or I'll die at Burning Man.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:46 pm

Or he'll insist on joining in!

leftbraindp · Post by **leftbraindp** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:07 pm

This post made me laugh... thanks for aleiviating my pre BM tensions

Seriously, though, from a girls perspective, hanging out with guy friends who are taken works the same way... you get to have friends without worrying about unreturned feelings

and they go away when you ask them to

(or in my case, sometimes try to "help" when I see someone interesting)

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 4:13 pm

(or in my case, sometimes try to "help" when I see someone interesting)

Her: He's kinda cute.
Me: Seems a little scrawny to me, but you want me to go catch him for you?

Dallas might be tall and skinny; I am tall.

The worst extent of my 'father figure' is that I am considered the 'safe' old guy; from a near naked girl sitting on my lap -- "Oh, Silver, I wish my dad was a cool as you.". I do get some really interesting questions now and again.

JediDale · Post by **JediDale** » Fri Aug 26, 2005 7:06 pm

I will be camped at 3:30 and Delirium.

Requirements Brain, 1 ea., Heart, 1 ea., Open Mind, 1ea. Uninhibited attitude 1ea.

Obviously, these is are difficult requirements!!

Yet,....You Shall Come....To Me...Now

Genuinely,

Jedi Dale Of Reno

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:29 pm

JediDale wrote:I will be camped at 3:30 and Delirium.

Requirements Brain, 1 ea., Heart, 1 ea., Open Mind, 1ea. Uninhibited attitude 1ea.

Obviously, these is are difficult requirements!!

Yet,....You Shall Come....To Me...Now

Genuinely,

Jedi Dale Of Reno

Who, me?

JediDale · Post by **JediDale** » Fri Aug 26, 2005 9:13 pm

Lemme see....Uhhh...Maybe if I dumb this down a bit......Uhhhh..

Yeah....Like Dude!!! You're self absorbed!!!!

It's like....Uhhhh....I am askin' GIRLS, WOMEN, FEMALES, CHICKS, LADIES (OK! Forget the ladies part!! Heh...heh...heh... to come to my campsite....

No...Uhhh...DP...I won't be your personal ass wiper or anything else for any reason what so ever.

Jesteringly, Jedi Dale

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Fri Aug 26, 2005 10:22 pm

JediDale wrote:Lemme see....Uhhh...Maybe if I dumb this down a bit......Uhhhh..

Yeah....Like Dude!!! You're self absorbed!!!!

It's like....Uhhhh....I am askin' GIRLS, WOMEN, FEMALES, CHICKS, LADIES (OK! Forget the ladies part!! Heh...heh...heh... to come to my campsite....

No...Uhhh...DP...I won't be your personal ass wiper or anything else for any reason what so ever.

Jesteringly, Jedi Dale

Me? Self-absored? ME???

Well, I had no idea who you were talking to or if you were talking to me...and dale is kind of an androgynous name (someone correct my spelling). So yeah I don't want to miss out on an opportunity in case you ARE a chick.

Ass wiper? You're thinking of Chai Guy (one of my ePlaya heroes).

Steven bradford · Post by **Steven bradford** » Sat Aug 27, 2005 1:51 am

I love this thread, Dallas.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Sat Aug 27, 2005 9:21 am

Steven bradford wrote:I love this thread, Dallas.

Thanks bro.

[Insert male bonding here.]

OK now where are the chicks?

Steven bradford · Post by **Steven bradford** » Sat Aug 27, 2005 1:19 pm

If all goes as usual, hittiing on me. I'll send them your way.

You send the guys hitting on you to me for my Har-him.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:15 pm

Steven bradford wrote:If all goes as usual, hittiing on me. I'll send them your way.

You send the guys hitting on you to me for my Har-him.

Nobody is hitting on me. :(

Hey I just read your sig. I bought some body paint today! Cheap crap from Michaels, but still...

Steven bradford · Post by **Steven bradford** » Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:25 pm

Cool!!

If you need help painting come on by Vague(Denile) in Area47. Behind Flight2Mars.

Also, I believe at Black Rock U we'll be doing a bodypaint class and gallery show wednesday afternoon. I think BRU will be below center camp.

callmecrazy · Post by **callmecrazy** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 2:32 pm

Did you ever get any takers Dallas?