The Never Ending Story

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:12 pm

On the old Eplaya, someone started a thread that allowed folks to create a story on the fly. It seemed to work pretty well, some of the creative folks wrote various things that were pretty dern funny. So I figured I'll try and start it up again.

Ranger Bill stepped out of the porta-potty having just discarded the eventual remains of a meal of refried beans, tortillas, and tequilla from the night before. He had missed the sad last remains of a early morning coffee pot and was in particulary foul mood from having to convince a tripping hippie type that he wasn't being chased by small purple pygmies. To top that off, he had mistakeningly used the wrong side of a People magazine as TP.
"Always wondered what Britteny Spears would look like in a scat film." he mused while adjusting his 2nd-hand welding googles. "I wonder where I parked my golf cart last night?"
He heard a small funny noise off to his right that didn't quite belong with the other small funny noises he typically associated with the playa.
"HOLY SHIT!!-

"All persons used in this story are fictional and are a product of my mind, any legal claim to the use of said fictional people, is solely the property of the voices that reside therein. Battle it out with them. And tell that bastard that keeps telling me to kill the neighbors to quiet down while you're at it."

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:23 pm

A family of Jehova's Witnesses were walking up the street, stopping at every theme camp trying to get the good citizens of BRC to take copies of "Awake!" , and explaining to them why they were going to hell. Ranger Bill realized it was only a matter of time before this family came to violent ends, and that he should stop them before they got to the DPW.

He walked up to the father figure in the family, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Good morning, sir..."

chickenfish · Post by **chickenfish** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:34 am

The father turned around slowly, with a fire in his eyes. It was then that Bill realized that these weren't ordinary jehovahs...The mans eyes were spinning, drawing him in , closer, closer...He felt his muscles lose the power to keep him upright, as he collapsed into the mans arms. He tried to scream, but no sound would come out.. He could here them as they surrounded him, moving in closer, and closer. There voices were like a swarm of wild bees, buxxing louder and louder, until the cacophany of sound became white noise, and he blacked out, only to awake later in a strange tent, in a strange camp....

Booker · Post by **Booker** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:43 am

. . . with some purple lint in his pocket that had not been there before. His hair was . . .

chickenfish · Post by **chickenfish** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 10:54 am

...Shaved from his head and reattached to his ass cheeks. A strange odor was emanting from....

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 12:02 pm

...his ass cheeks.
"Wait a second," thought Ranger Bill, "that's just normal."
He had a strange affliction of letting loose flatualance when feeling eminant danger.

He raised his head to take in his surroundings.
Day-glow pink and green plaid tent cloth. Normal for Burning Man. Check.
A discarded pile of multi-color feather boas. Normal. Check.
Art piece that looks like a used Volkswagon screwing 4 baby heads. Check.
20 gallons of water. Check.
Industrial size box of glow sticks. Check.
Something cheese-like and translucent catches his eye-
Wait a second. Just what IN THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE!?!
...

chickenfish · Post by **chickenfish** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 12:05 pm

a four hundred pound block of goat cheese! My lord! He though, I've never seen a block of cheese that big! and on the Playa, no less! Hmmm things were just starting to get interesting where he caught something in the corner of his eye, a movement in the shadows, it was.....

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:15 pm

...the Goat of Christmas Past, glowing splendidly in a flowing white robe and festooned with red ribbon.
"Bbbaaaaaaaa."
"What have I done? Was it little Jimmy? Did I not give enough to the playa orphans? Was it eating that Raver at Bianca's in '99?"
"Bbbaaaaaaaa."
"How should I atone? What gift would make up for my past transgressions? Who have I offended?"
"Bbbaaaaaaaa."
"When will the next spirit appear? Why are you here in summer?"
"Bbbaaaaaaaa."
"Well fuck all. You're not very good with that whole communication bit, are you?"
"Bbbaaaaaaaa."
The goat then shrugged in a distinctly non-commital way, yet his eyes were filled with accusations. Some god had played a very cruel joke on him, and he obviously wasn't very amused. Yet, he wasn't done with poor Ranger Bill. Bill gasped in amazement when the goat suddenly...

chickenfish · Post by **chickenfish** » Mon Sep 29, 2003 10:43 am

...began to float up into the night air, as if levitating, defying the force of gravity. It was only then that he noticed a large glowing Orb in the night sky, what appeared to be some type of aircraft, if you could call it that. The goat slowy raised up towards the craft, as if caught in some sort of ant-gravity ray. There was a bright flash, and the goat and the craft was gone. He wondered if it was all an illusion, if this was somethig that his mind had constructed for him, a lesson of great magnitude. What was in that punch I had? He wondered. No more wandering into strange domes in the night, drinking strange drinks from strange people he thought. If I care for my sanity I need to watch what I drink...and then.......

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Oct 06, 2003 4:04 pm

he noticed the Bratwurst. But not just any Bratwurst.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 3:33 pm

It was a firey determined Bratwurst that had decided not to end its brief life at Milwaukee's SummerFest. This Bratwurst had evolved legs and a thumb and hitchhiked out west to discover America before ending up on a paper plate. While talking to a over wrought trucker on I-94 it had first heard the legend of the burning man and said to itself "That's a barbeque I must see." Disguising itself as a

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 11:33 pm

dildo, it snuck past the greeters in a purse. The purse belonged to a man dressed in a vest made of paperclips, a necktie, and no pants. Having successfully passed himself off as a dildo, the Brat found himself being given as a gift to a dusty woman who wasn't very horny, but WAS hungry...

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 12:36 am

"Egads!" thought the errant Bratwurst, "I seem to have placed myself in quite a pickle!"

In reality, no self-respecting pickle would place themselves in this particular situation. Nonetheless, the Brat needed a way out and he needed it fast. No normal seasoning would deter this hungry, dust laden playa babe. The Brat reached deep into his pocket and smothered himself in ...

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 12:46 am

tiger balm

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 2:45 pm

um...ok...

he started to feel warm all over, and at first it was great, then all of a sudden it started to burn...like really burn. he ran in circles, trying to find some way to make it stop, when all of a sudden

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 2:51 pm

Rob the Wop wrote: "All persons used in this story are fictional and are a product of my mind, any legal claim to the use of said fictional people, is solely the property of the voices that reside therein. Battle it out with them. And tell that bastard that keeps telling me to kill the neighbors to quiet down while you're at it."

yeah, what he said. and who're you calling a bastard, asshat??

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 2:57 pm

regynalonglank wrote:um...ok...

he started to feel warm all over, and at first it was great, then all of a sudden it started to burn...like really burn. he ran in circles, trying to find some way to make it stop, when all of a sudden

... he came face to face with a one-pound block of goat cheese. he began to roll in it, revelling in the slight give and the heady scent. then, finding the cheese soft enough to work through, he began to burrow into it, hoping to elude the hungry burner chick. all of a sudden, he felt the cheese cheese block, his chariot, being lifted into the air....

buckethead alien · Post by **buckethead alien** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 10:09 am

...the bratwurst peeked his head out from a crack in the goat cheese and saw much to his surprise that he and his kit and the cheese were being carried by a naked man with a cowbell tied to his wang. The naked man was accompanied by another man, shorter and wearing a purple tutu, who turned to the naked man and remarked, "maybe they'll let us in Thunderdome if we give them this cheese."

"I sure hope so," the naked man answered. The cowbell clanged gently with each step.

Considering his options, the bratwurst ducked back inside the safety of the cheese...

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:06 pm

Being a bratwurst was tiresome indeed. Neither being in a block of cheese (not the wisest camoflauge for an edible meat product), nor being given to Thunderdome appealled to the little brat. He needed more options.

When passing a LEO, the tiny brat made a leap for the safety of the officer's front trouser pocket.

"Kind of tight in here. Is that a pickle, or is this gentleman happy to be here?" he thought. "While I have escaped the clutches of the Thunderdome, I now have to navigate my way out of this man's pocket without notice. What I need now is a distraction."

Luckily for the little brat, the LEO just happened to look up and see the wet dream for a man in blue...

The Never Ending Story

The Never Ending Story

Chupacabra

Re: The Never Ending Story