The Narc that Stole Burning Man

[Q_]

Every Burner
Down in Black Rock
Liked Burning Man a lot...

But the Narc,
Whor lived just South of Black Rock,
Did NOT!

The Narc hated Burning Man!
The whole Burning Man season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were to tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Burning Man Eve, hating the Burners,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Narcy frown
At the warm lighted tents below in their town.
For he knew every Burner down in Black Rock beneath
Was busy now, hanging a rope light wreath.

"And they're starting their art cars!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Burning Man! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Narc fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Burning Man from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Burner girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Burners, young and old, would sit down to a trip.
And they'd trip! And they'd trip!
And they'd TRIP! TRIP! TRIP! TRIP!
They would start on Muschroom-pudding, and rare Burner-roast-salvia
Which was something the Narc couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Burner down in Black Rock, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Burning Man on fire.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Burners would start Raving!

They'd Rave! And they'd Rave!
AND they'd RAVE! RAVE! RAVE! RAVE!
And the more the Narc thought of the Burners Raving
The more the Narc thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for twenty-one years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Burning Man from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE Narc
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Narc Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Playa hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Narcy trick!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Hippie!"

"All I need is a Art Car..."
The Narc looked around.
But since art cars are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Narc...?
No! The Narc simply said,
"If I can't find a art car, I'll make one instead!"
So he found his golf cart "Max". Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of its roof.

Max THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle trailer
And he hitched up old Max.

Then the Narc said, "Giddyap!"
And the trailer started down
Toward the camps where the Burners
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their tents were dark. Quiet playa filled the air.
All the Burners were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first camp on the Esplande.
"This is stop number one," The old Narcy Hippie hissed
And he climbed to the shade structure, empty bags in his fist.


Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole camp, and he took every shwag!
Pop Rocks! And Joints! Roller Papers! Blunts!
Glow Sticks! Blinkies! Booze! And Rope Light!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Narc, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his Art Car!

Then he slunk to the cooler. He took the Burners' feast!
He took the Burner-bacon! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that cooler as quick as a flash.
Why, that Narc even took their last can of Burner-hash!

Then he stuffed all the food in the Art Car with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Narc, "I will stuff in the Man!"

And the Narc grabbed the Man, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Burner!
Little Cindy-Lou Burner, who was not more than two.

The Narc had been caught by this little Burner daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold Emergen-c.
She stared at the Narc and said, "Saint Hippie, why,
"Why are you taking our Burning Man? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Narc was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Burner lied,
"There's a light on this Man that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Burner went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the base and stuffed the Man in!

Then the last thing he took
Was the scraps for their Burn Barrels.
Then he went to his art car himself, the old liar.
In their structure he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food
That he left in the camp
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then
He did the same thing
To the other Burners' camp

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Burners' mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...
All the Burners, still a-bed
All the Burners, still a-snooze
When he packed up his car,
Packed it up with their Drugs! The Blinkies! The Bacon!
The hits! And the joints! The glow! The beer!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Hood,
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Burners!" he was Narc-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Burning Man is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then all the Burners down in Black Rock will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Narc,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Narc put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Black Rock!
The Narc popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Burner down in Black Rock, the tall and the small,
Was raving! Without any drugs at all!
He HADN'T stopped Burning Man from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Narc, with his Narc-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without joints! It came without hits!
"It came without glow, blinkies or beer!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Narc thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Burning Man," he thought, "doesn't come from a chemical.
"Maybe Burning Man...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Black Rock they say
That the Narc's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the drugs! And the booze for the feast!
And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!
The Narc rolled the first joint.

[the_iconoclast]

Well DONE!!!!

Congrats on such a feat!!!

[dj big E]

Thanks