your stupid joke here

Rabbi Dali Rick · Post by **Rabbi Dali Rick** » Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:02 am

Two cool avatars walk into a thread. The reigning Duh Fecto torts, "THAT JOKE WAS VERY STUPID."

to which the crowd replies...

alice · Post by **alice** » Sat Oct 11, 2003 3:23 pm

this post is for stupid jokes, ya fuckin lame-ass.

DE FACTO · Post by **DE FACTO** » Sat Oct 11, 2003 3:24 pm

alice wrote:this post is for stupid jokes, ya fuckin lame-ass.

now that was a stupid joke.

DE FACTO · Post by **DE FACTO** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 1:57 pm

a long time ago i used to be a butcher. i really liked that job till one day i backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 3:48 pm

This was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best
Comeback Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white
male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on a Friday
night..

Lawrence would be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public
indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles.
At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it,
and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really to
it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County
police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer
Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for
sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up (to Lawrence) and he's ... just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.

"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you
are screwing a pumpkin?"

"He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then
looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight
already

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 3:55 pm

US Marine Corp's General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you've got to love this!!!!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

TristanGabriel · Post by **TristanGabriel** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 10:16 pm

Two muffins are sitting in a oven, one muffin turns to the other and says "Is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin says...

OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!!

Rabbi Dali Rick · Post by **Rabbi Dali Rick** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 10:27 pm

A TALKING MUFFIN!! snort

the rebbi

Flux · Post by **Flux** » Mon Oct 13, 2003 8:55 pm

Don Muerto wrote:Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A: A stick

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick

Clever Username Girl · Post by **Clever Username Girl** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 11:10 am

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

alice · Post by **alice** » Sat Nov 22, 2003 4:39 pm

what do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

well, most of the time, you get an onion with long ears, but every once in a while, you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Captain Goddammit · Post by **Captain Goddammit** » Sun Nov 23, 2003 3:58 pm

What's black and comes in little white cans? Michael Jackson. By the way, when they raided his place the other day, they had to send a detective to check the back door for signs of forced entry.

Raheer · Post by **Raheer** » Sun Nov 23, 2003 10:18 pm

Michael Jackson proves what a wonderful country the United States is. Where else could a young, handsome, wholesome, talented black boy grow up to be an old, ugly, perverted, talentless white woman?

Raheer

diane o'thirst · Post by **diane o'thirst** » Sat Nov 29, 2003 12:27 am

/? Nothing, he can't come.

diane o'thirst · Post by **diane o'thirst** » Sat Nov 29, 2003 12:29 am

A man and a woman walk into a bar. Woman says to the man, "You didn't see it either, huh?"

PurpleKoosh · Post by **PurpleKoosh** » Sat Nov 29, 2003 4:57 pm

What's big and grey and full of cement?

An elephant. I just put the cement in to make it harder.

ZenRascal · Post by **ZenRascal** » Sat Nov 29, 2003 5:08 pm

Celebrity spokesperson Jane recently announced the merger of Ford & Honda.

The new company will be named ...

... Fonda

DE FACTO · Post by **DE FACTO** » Tue Dec 02, 2003 2:36 am

You need mediaplayer to see this
http://pages.sbcglobal.net/digicastipv7/salmon[1].asf

A guaranteed good laugh.

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 11:18 am

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a
dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse
than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped
cars, so he rolled down his window and asked the officer what was
causing the
holdup.

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set
himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we
went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qa'ida,
or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the
press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from
Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual
innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we're taking up a
collection for him."

The lobbyist asked, "How much have you gotten so far?"

The officer replied, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still
siphoning.

"Your opinion is indirectly connected to your asshole."
submittingly,
mr smith

Sanjanaclouds · Post by **Sanjanaclouds** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 12:01 pm

1. Once upon a time there was a woman with three children all under the age of 10. The fact that she had kids isn't really important, but its useful in understanding why she was late for Church on one particular Sunday morning. Anyway, shes late for church.

So as she hustles her children up the stairs extremely late for service she see's a man sweeping the front steps.

So she says to him, "Excuse me Sir. Is Mass out?"

And he replies , "No lady, but your hats on crooked ."

2. Whats big and red and eats rocks?

A Big Red Rock Eater

alice · Post by **alice** » Sun Dec 21, 2003 1:27 pm

what did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

make me one with everything.

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Sun Dec 21, 2003 3:02 pm

make me one with everything.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -
Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

ridiculusly,
mr smith

Wind_Borne · Post by **Wind_Borne** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 12:18 am

Last Real Burner wrote: "Half this game is ninety percent mental." -
Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

Syllogistically thinking...
perhaps then 45 percent of the game is mental; but then I guess we don't know how much of the other half of the game is mental. OK. So the game is somewhere between 45 and 95 mental.

The Copenhagen School of baseball.

SED · Post by **SED** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 1:16 am

Oh, fuck you!

Oops, wrong thread. Besides, you're always nice to me. Sorry . . . .

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 10:11 am

Syllogistically thinking...

Fractionally, you're only half right.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey."

supposedly,
mr smith

NaughtySnowAngel · Post by **NaughtySnowAngel** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 4:37 pm

Why did the turtle cross the road???

To Get to The Shell Station!

And my all time favorite stupid joke, created by my 3 year old nephew...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Red

HA HA HA HA !

I know it makes no sense....gotta love it!

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 5:02 pm

Q: Knock-knock.

A: Who's there?

Q: Pol Pot.

A: Pol Pot who?

Oh, never mind....

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 5:11 pm

Badger that wasn't a stupid joke, that was insensitive, sick, vile, and downright disgusting.

PurpleKoosh · Post by **PurpleKoosh** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 5:30 pm

Kinetic II wrote:insensitive, sick, vile, and downright disgusting.

...and those are his good qualities....

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Mon Dec 22, 2003 6:00 pm

...and those are his good qualities....

Mine or Pol's?

Anyway... an older one.

"Cambodian dictator Pol Pot died this week and was cremated on an
outside pyre. Cambodians as far as five miles away were heard to say,
"[sniff, sniff] Hey... do you smell Pot?"

your stupid joke here

Does this dress make my ass look big?...

Muffins

Muffins of Steel...

?What do you call a dog with no legs?

GWB is a oil baron...

To the Moon, Alice!!!!!..To the Moon!!!...

Re: To the Moon, Alice!!!!!..To the Moon!!!...

It parallels my existance, and divides my concoiousness...