Anthropomorphism

EvilDustBooger · Post by **EvilDustBooger** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:14 am

Today is Squirrel Suicide Watch Day

I think the squirrel economy is not so great this year.
I was running an errand earlier in my jeep.
Tooling around through the city, I started to notice the smashed viceral remains of several unfortunate animals who had apparently lost their lives whilst jaywalking in the roadway.
..I turned into a neighborhood and started down a side street when I saw the poor dejected squirrel. Holding a single nut, He stood beside the street sobbing uncontrollably. He looked up at me with his sorrowful eyes, drew a deep breath and stepped into the street in the other lane, watching me get closer, as if looking for help or some kind of a sign. By now, I could tell he was having second thoughts about living, and I slowed down and pulled back on my turn signal indicator lever to flash my bright headlights at him to warn him that if he proceeded he could be injured...
...but he just stood there, eyes glazed, his will to live fading with every tearful sob from his cute little squirrel lungs.
...Then without warning, he let out a horrific scream, and ran right into the path of my vehicle. I slowed even further, franticly flashing my lights and tapping on my horn. I was still about half a block away, so I moved to one side of the roadway thinking I could swerve around this poor agitated animal, but he only ran back into my path dodging back and forth, trying to line his cranium up perfectly with my passenger-side tires.
...I finally screeched to a halt just feet away from the poor soul, leaned out the window and yelled "Don`t Do It Motherfucker!!! ..I don`t want your blood on my tires!!!"
He chattered at me with a contemptuous squirrel`s version of "Fuck You!!!"....hopped on the curb and scurried up a tree.

I did a good thing today. I saved a life. I feel strangely good about that.

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:45 pm

I found an injured squirrel on the road once. I picked it up and it bit me. The scar still itches sometimes. I'm glad he died. Damn evil squirrels.

Elemental666 · Post by **Elemental666** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:49 pm

Squirrels were invading my yard, so I called upon the spirits of my ancestors for help in defending my realm, now I have a murder of crows in my yard...

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:54 am

Remember that Geico commercial?

....My wife and I still call squirrels "interns"- At our old house we always had ONE squirrel hanging around...not more, not less. Every once in a while we'd find a squirrel dead in the road, and almost immediately a replacement would appear. This happened A LOT. Weird.

Martiansky · Post by **Martiansky** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:51 am

Squirrels have been digging up my mom's plants, she is none too happy. We find it strange that this year it seems as though the squirrels have resorted to tearing up our gardens when we've never had trouble with them before. I have even fed them peanuts and they have turned on us. We've had to resort to putting up black plastic netting over our flower gardens to keep them out.

Sharky · Post by **Sharky** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 7:21 am

Yesterday a little squirel cashed it in by throwing himself in front of my cat. We live on a very quiet street with very little vehicle traffic, so it appears the desperate little critter had to settle for the cat.

EvilDustBooger · Post by **EvilDustBooger** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 7:31 am

Oh No.
Crappola.
Maybe I shouldn`t have called him a motherfucker.
I just drove by 13th & Pittsburg where I saw him yesterday, and there he was, the poor bastard...roadkill. Dammit. I`m pretty sure it`s the same one...medium height, weight, build....fluffy brown tail....or whats left of it.
Geez.
It seems like there are certain days or moon-phases, or something that turns squirrels into.....nuts.
I could tell yesterday that fuckwit squirrel was bent on destruction.
Was he wasted on fermented mullberries?
Was he tripping on some moldy rye-bread that some old lady tossed out? Was he hallucinating, and doing the cha-cha with imaginary nympho-squirrels in the street?
Maybe I should have tried to talk to him yesterday, instead of just screaming at him.
Dumb Fucking Bastard
I tried....

Cabanasprings · Post by **Cabanasprings** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 7:45 am

A few weeks ago I was visiting relatives in Portland. What a beautiful city. As I was sitting on the front porch reading the paper a squirrel ran down out of the tree and into the street and got his head run over by a car. Yes unfortunately he was killed and he selfishly traumatized the poor driver. Well, not ten minutes later along came mister and misses crow who preceded to gut and eat mister squirrel. Cycle of life. Man it's great.

BTW - It looked to me like he was wearing a vest lined with firecrackers and he got run over before he could light the fuse. I'm not positive on that though.

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:45 am

My dad, a usually peaceful and critter-friendly sort, had to finally resort to rodenticide when the local squirrels discovered the moose antlers mounted on his garage....I guess the little buggers get valuable dietary mineral supplements from gnawing bone and antlers, in addition to preventing their ever-growing incisors from poking up into their brains, which is why nice antler racks are so seldom found in the forest.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:59 am

So that's why those deer eat mice. Revenge.

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:07 am

I thought it was because they were called "deer mice".

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 11:35 am

You're thinking of "Dear Mouse" the rodent equivenlent of a "Dear John" letter.

Nightterror · Post by **Nightterror** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 11:42 am

What about a Tit Mouse?

Oh wait that's a bird - nevermind.

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Thu Jul 14, 2005 11:47 am

theCryptofishist wrote:You're thinking of "Dear Mouse" the rodent equivenlent of a "Dear John" letter.

So it's NOT "dormouse", but DOORmouse, as in, "Get out- there's the door"?

ahchim-namdongsang · Post by **ahchim-namdongsang** » Fri Jul 15, 2005 10:13 pm

[quote="Nightterror"]What about a Tit Mouse?

Oh wait that's a bird - nevermind.[/quote]

I'm confused. Is that a tit that eats mice or a mouse that eats tits?

I'm a tit man myself.

Ahchim

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 5:30 am

http://www.worldburnsclub.com/poems/tra ... ns/554.htm

diane o'thirst · Post by **diane o'thirst** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 4:23 pm

Daddy, I <i>want</i> a pet SQUIRREL!

Actually, I understand they make neat pets, believe it or not. It'd drive my cat bonkers, though...

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:44 pm

We had a pet ground squirrel in San Diego for a short while. Darn cute, loved larry, played tag with the cats, made newspapaer nests under the bed and in the couch uhpolstery. I'd found a half-dead baby squirrel on my way to work and too it home, if nothing else I thought I'd let it die somewhere besides the hot sidewalk. Little sucker thrived and plumped right up. Lived in a birdcage but was very tame. I made larry take "ed" to the wildlife rescue folks when he hit puberty and bit me. Ed, not larry. There was a couple who had a squirrel refuge outside their backdoor and handfed the tamer guys. Lots of beautiful hawks in the area too, hmm.

They're such adorable little plague carriers! Yep, bubonic plague is endemic in the north american rodent population; I wasn't worried, I'd been immunized for plague. Currently, housecats are dying of plague in Wyoming, four documented cases near Laramie this year. Be careful on those I-80 reststops.

Lassen Forge · Post by **Lassen Forge** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 7:24 pm

diane o'thirst wrote:Daddy, I <i>want</i> a pet SQUIRREL!

:lol:

Actually, I understand they make neat pets, believe it or not. It'd drive my cat bonkers, though...

Skunks do, too,,, really friendly (esp. when raised from pups), and once the scent glands are removed are relatively harmless unless hurt or scared. Except they're also notorious Plauge carriers, and contract it way, waay easy.

BBS

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 8:36 am

I think it's the same story with speedbumps...I mean, armadillos.

shitmouse · Post by **shitmouse** » Tue Aug 09, 2005 7:19 pm

in denver about 7 years ago, i saw 2 squirrels have it out on a stretch of line between 2 poles, one getting pushed off and hit the pavement below about 6 feet from us. -- huge "phlap" smacking the ground...

he got up and sauntered off. couldn't really see if the creature was ok or not after that.

-b

p.s. on related note, about a year ago, i was behind a city plate car and there were 2 people inside talking, and doing a slow-roll through the stop sign. while they were rolling, a pigeon was pecking around the pavement right in the direct path of the car's back wheels..........

it literally made a "pop" noise and the car was going less than a half a mile an hour. (caught the bird by it's tail feathers)
the people in the car had no idea what just happened, while my morning started with an "itchy & scratchy" episode.

-b

EvilDustBooger · Post by **EvilDustBooger** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:42 pm

I saw a truly amazing thing tonight.
I was driving home after a trip to the bank, looked over and saw hundreds, if not thousands of crows in the treetops in the neighborhood
behind a fairly busy street I was travelling on. I went on for a while, and couldn`t resist my curiosity. I pulled off and went back to where I thought I saw them. It was kind of a tricky, windy neighborhood so I picked a direction, and looked to the sky,... and sure enough there they were,
like an alien black blanket had fallen from the sky and landed on these 3 huge trees .
The Council of Crows.
I parked my jeep and got out....god I wish I had a camera, it was instantly stupifying to see all the crows evenly dispersed on every available top twig of three stately trees in someones large backyard. None were on the lower branches. Only the very highest points on the trees were covered, like a canopy of large black snowflakes.
I`ve seen plenty of crows before, but never any gathering remotely like this.
You can see them in pods around the city in groups of 5 to 20 usually, and on rare occasions I`ve seen maybe a hundred converge in a field somewhere, but this convergence was awe inspiring.
And what gave me chills was the exquisite quiet of this huge gathering. Every crow was silently facing west, into a beautiful golden sunset. Almost as if they were in prayer. Such a peculiar event. Especially in the middle of a large city. What brought them all together right here and right now?
No squawking. None of the typical restless behaviour. Every crow was balancing calmly and peacefully and uniformly as they literally had to, just to gather the multitudes together so closely.
My presence, although not directly under the trees, but close enough to normally scare most crows away, wasn`t acknowledged by so much as a chirp or a single turned head. I suppose I could have thrown something and startled them into leaving,...but I wouldn`t dare, ...I couldn`t do anything but join in the reverance of those moments with the strange souls in the treetops, and gaze at them gazing at the sun.
I wanted to stay and see what became of the function, but I was thinking the neighbors might call the police about the strange man lurking around staring into their backyard.
I have GOT to go back tomorrow with a camera(and Montana)and see if this will happen again, or if I just unknowingly stumbled into the closing silent prayers of the Lost Souls National Crow Convention.
I`m still shaking my head about this awesome thing I`ve seen.
I`m glad I noticed them, and really glad I stopped and turned around.
There`s some pretty amazing things going on out there that you don`t read about in papers or see on the tube.
Attendance is all that is required.
I`ll update tomorrow...

PrincessCharming · Post by **PrincessCharming** » Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:53 am

Wow.. What happened??

In Vancouver, BC, there's an evening crow-fly. At first, it's a very Hitchcockian sight, there's a darkening in the sky, you look up and see it's one hell of a murder of crows, all winging westerly across the sky, gold with the setting sun. It's like every crow in the whole sprawl of the city is in the air on a mission, all flying.. somewhere... Every evening at sunset. My friend and I wondered if they were going to feed, if there was a mass dumping of foodscraps or something. It's nice to think they may be following the sun.

EvilDustBooger · Post by **EvilDustBooger** » Tue Feb 07, 2006 4:54 pm

Montana and I went back the next day and there were several dozen in the trees but not nearly as many as there were the day before...
...the sunsets have been very golden in color lately, that`s my guess.. is they congregated on a high spot in town to watch the sun setting...
Harvard Ave. the street that goes through this area runs along one of the higher ridges in town. A few miles to the west is the Arkansas river valley and a gradual decline leading to it...
Some neighbors warily arrived home while we were taking pictures, we asked them, ...they didn`t know why the crows were so prolific in this particular yard, and they looked at us like "OK. You`re crazy, we`re going inside now..."
I`ve driven by several times since and have seen crows everytime, but never such a crowd as that one time....and naturally I start carrying my camera in my car and it get`s broken into and stolen(but returned thankfully, after the crooks got caught)
anyhoo, your sightings in BC sound fabulous too!
very interesting creatures Crows
...and they look so sharp in that basic black!

robotland · Post by **robotland** » Wed Feb 08, 2006 11:16 am

Perhaps the crows were en route to a nearby jungle gym, where they planned to terrorize a young Veronica Cartwright....

PrincessCharming · Post by **PrincessCharming** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 1:15 pm

They're so fascinating.. and one of the smartest birds. Apparently the first bird known to make and use a tool was a female crow. She bent some wire into a hook to reach some food down in a tube. They certainly seem to have an intelligent regard. Strange though.. I've know two people who were attacked by them, just walking down the street. Must have been near their nest.. And they gang up and harass eagles! I've always liked them.. used to feed and "talk" to them as a kid ( I know, I know, weird kid.. :roll: )

Observer · Post by **Observer** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 3:04 pm

HughMungus wrote:I found an injured squirrel on the road once. I picked it up and it bit me. The scar still itches sometimes. I'm glad he died. Damn evil squirrels.

And the squirrels aren't alone in this!!! The dark side of cute rodentlike creatures needs to be more widely known. Thanks for speaking out, Hugh.

I say nuke the little bastards!

Preferably after they've been stewed with tomatoes and okra.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:59 pm

For ground squirrel deterent: GENUINE COYOTE URINE
We use to buy the stink by the case to protect new landsacpe.. I always had the boss's son fill the little bottles...

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Fri Mar 03, 2006 9:34 am

By the way, crows gather together into a unit called a "murder," in case you didn't already know that.

Post by **AntiM** » Fri Mar 03, 2006 2:03 pm

The Ravens at the Tower of London have been relocated indoors for fear of the avian flu.

That makes me rather sad.

Anthropomorphism

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Re: Anthropomorphism

Re: Anthropomorphism