The L Word

PJ · Post by PJ » Fri Oct 24, 2003 6:32 pm

Even I'm moved to say "Awwww." And we all know what an insensitive bastard I am.

I await the Christmas-season-release movie version with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 24, 2003 10:33 pm

I love Tom Hanks, but mainly for that movie where he was a paid killer with a conscience, not so much for Big.

DE FACTO · Post by **DE FACTO** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 4:03 am

LOVE!

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:46 am

DE FACTO wrote:LOVE!

Doesn't exist. It's all about money, it's about self-centeredness, it's about ego. True love, the kind that lifts you off your feet and rocks your world doesn't exist.

Not to bitch but is there a woman left who's not on anti-depressants, who doesn't smoke, doesn't already have kids, doesn't take 2 hours to get ready to go somewhere, is height and weight proportional, and isn't totally stuck on staying in one city for the rest of their life? Is it too much to ask to find someone who wouldn't mind mountain biking and kayaking?

At least for me, this kind of LOVE doesn't exist. It's extinct. Anything that you think is LOVE is most likely an illusion brought on by a desperate effort to seek the one thing that has eluded you. Illusions of reality you might say. Again...the whole concept is bunk and is now dismissed for me. Next subject.

PJ · Post by PJ » Sat Oct 25, 2003 9:36 am

Kinetic II wrote:...is there a woman left who's not on anti-depressants, who doesn't smoke, doesn't already have kids, doesn't take 2 hours to get ready to go somewhere, is height and weight proportional, and isn't totally stuck on staying in one city for the rest of their life? Is it too much to ask to find someone who wouldn't mind mountain biking and kayaking?

Sure. All that and more. She even comes with a patch kit. And her buoyancy can come in extremely handy when kayaking.

Don Muerto · Post by **Don Muerto** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 9:51 am

PJ wrote:Sure. All that and more. She even comes with a patch kit. And her buoyancy can come in extremely handy when kayaking.

DAMMIT!

I *knew* she was stepping out on me!!!

<i>"Oh, I got a little wet taking a <u>shower</u></i>..."

What a fool I have been. -And with PJ fer chrissakes!

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 12:28 pm

Oh, so she doubles as a floatation device? Man, why didn't I think of this. But is she made out of marine grade materials? I can't afford any blowouts.

michael · Post by **michael** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 1:08 pm

Kinetic II wrote:True love, the kind that lifts you off your feet and rocks your world doesn't exist.

Yes it does.

Kinetic II wrote:Not to bitch but is there a woman left who's not on anti-depressants, who doesn't smoke, doesn't already have kids, doesn't take 2 hours to get ready to go somewhere, is height and weight proportional, and isn't totally stuck on staying in one city for the rest of their life?

Maybe I got the last one, probably not.

Kinetic II wrote:At least for me, this kind of LOVE doesn't exist.

It may find you.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 2:18 pm

I thought I would add a little post script to this story, it maybe this will help those that think there is no such thing as true love. I hope so.

Last December my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Things were good between us, I thought we were happy. She had been asking me to think about marriage and I was warming up to the idea (I had been married before and I was reluctant to try again). The break-up really devastated me. I saw a pattern emerging, it seemed that I had a series of 5 year relationships (three to be exact, starting at age 15).

I had always desired a life long relationship, but I wondered if it was even possible for me (or anyone else for that matter). Maybe the best I could hope for was few more short term experiences.

For the first time ever I went to Burning Man alone, it was a scary proposition for me. But I was determined to start doing things differently, and acting outside my comfort level.

The year before, I had met an older, wiser friend on the playa. I confided in him about a problem I was facing and he gave me some great insights that I had been working on all year.

I met him again and wanted his advice on finding a life long partner. I wanted to talk to him alone but there was a large group of guys hanging around talking, so I just posed the question to him in front of everybody.

He asked me to recount my past relationships, what worked, what didn't, why I thought they failed and so on. I did, and it was a little difficult to bare my soul like that in front of a bunch of other guys, but it was also very freeing.

He then told me some very harsh things about what he thought I was doing wrong. They really stung, because, well, they were very true. Some of the guys in the group also shared their opinions (after asking if I wanted to hear them) and they also gave some biting criticisms. It was a difficult pill to swallow but I knew that what everyone was saying was exactly right.

I tried to process what they told me (still processing), and then I posed this question "So, if I go and work on those things, does that mean I'm going to find someone as a life partner? Does everybody get that opportunity?"

My friend thought about it and said "Well, have you asked for one?"

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"Well, have you asked the universe for what you want?" he said. Hmmm. I guess I hadn't, so right there I asked the universe to bring someone into my life, someone who was maybe a little older, who was artistic, who I was physically attracted to, who would have an open heart, and nurturing soul. I asked for these things out loud and in the presence of my friends.

Well guess what? Two days later, I found her. I didn't know it was her at the time (well, not exactly, but I had a feeling- see above post). She was EXACTLY the person I described.

The whole thing has reminded me of the final scene in Willy Wonka when Wonka asks Charlie "Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he wished for? - He lived happily ever after".

Ivy · Post by **Ivy** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 4:14 pm

Kinetic II wrote:
Not to bitch but is there a woman left who's not on anti-depressants, who doesn't smoke, doesn't already have kids, doesn't take 2 hours to get ready to go somewhere, is height and weight proportional, and isn't totally stuck on staying in one city for the rest of their life?

Maybe I got the last one, probably not.

There are a few of us left.
That still doesn't mean we're the ones you're looking for.

Kinetic II wrote:
At least for me, this kind of LOVE doesn't exist.

It may find you.

I know it sounds totally corny, but it's true: it will find you when you least expect it.

Don't get me wrong--I'm the biggest cynic on the block. I have days when I agree wholeheartedly with K, and days when I believe as Chai Guy believes.
Thankfully, today is the latter.

K, stop trying so hard. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be; if it's not, then it's not. You can't make love happen. Focus on yourself, on your personal goals, on being the best person you can be, for you, not for someone else. Work on your projects. Build things. take some classes, take up hobbies. When you're so involved in what's important to you, you'll forget to dwell on "love," and that's when it will sneak up from behind and tap you on the shoulder. And it will be so much truer becuase all the time you've spent will have put you closer to yourself, and that love will be for you, the real you, who you really are.

It may take years. It may happen when you're 64. Who knows? But don't wallow in the meantime. It does you no good and it deflects any sort of true love.

III · Post by **III** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 4:24 pm

>Focus on yourself, on your personal goals, on being the best person you can be, for you

that's some good advice there. you only catch fish as good as your bait, and in the world of love, you're the bait. make yourself into someone you love, and someone else (wiho will fit your life) will too.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 5:40 pm

That's good advice III and Ivy.

Focus on yourself and loving yourself, and friends/lovers will come.

Try and be aware also, that sometimes if you love someone who can't believe in themselves, it can be frustrating to deal with, because they can't believe that you love them for who they are...since they don't.

And they can turn to disrepecting you for loving such an obviously flawed person, or for lying about it since you couldn't be telling the truth.

I really like what Phydeau wrote in http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... 4527#24527
about

Phydeau wrote:A side note tho, something I'm starting to take notice of, too soon to integrate into any of my personal theories, but it seems that now that I'm not wasting my time/heart on maintaining connections that my love is becoming more free and open. I seem to be having a much greater appreciation of beauty in all things. Very few people cross my path that I don't find to seem to hold some facination. Some point of unique beauty, whether inner or outer.

Find that point of a greater appreciation of the beauty in all things, and people will find the love in you.

I had a personal story like that recently that I brought up in another thread, where 'fate' seemed to get me onto my hammock when I hadn't been on it in about 6 months, and it turns out the thing was just waiting for collapse. http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic.php?t=1973

I found an appreciation of fate's beauty in that the hammock has been my daughter's place recently, not mine, and fate saw to get me up off my comfortable spot and try that thing out before the kid would have tumbled to the ground, and maybe broke something at the unexpectedness of it.

That's pretty cool, and I think it's part of that same "greater appreciation of beauty in all things" you have when you've started following a path that rejects society's views of how you are deficient and instead follow a path of what you like about yourself.

Flux · Post by **Flux** » Sat Oct 25, 2003 6:12 pm

abeerinthemorning wrote:Try and be aware also, that sometimes if you love someone who can't believe in themselves, it can be frustrating to deal with, because they can't believe that you love them for who they are...since they don't.

Kind of like the old Groucho Marx line, which goes something like:

Groucho wrote:I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.

I don't want to be with anyone who would have me as a lover -- I want someone with higher standards than that, fer chrissakes!

tzimisce1313 · Post by **tzimisce1313** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:51 am

love is a wonder,
a beauteous thing.

love is kind and forgiving.
love is harsh and thoughtless.

love is beauty, life and passion.
it's both energizing and draining.

it can make you feel on top of the world,
or the lowest creature on it.

but i never doubt that i do enjoy being in love with you.

alice · Post by **alice** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 10:48 am

Flux wrote:I don't want to be with anyone who would have me as a lover -- I want someone with higher standards than that, fer chrissakes!

oh, really?

didn't seem to bother you when you were mauling me the other day.....

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 10:51 am

Mauling? Hmmm....I need to get out to S.F. and see some things for myself. Now if I can just get over the apartment stickershock I'm seeing after looking at Craig's list.

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 11:51 am

When you're looking at rent, keep in mind that you've probably got at least another $1000/month to spend:

--> The median expected salary for a typical Engineer III in Kansas City, MO, is $77,948.

--> The median expected salary for a typical Engineer III in San Francisco, CA, is $89,182.

Flux · Post by **Flux** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 6:01 pm

alice wrote:
Flux wrote:I don't want to be with anyone who would have me as a lover -- I want someone with higher standards than that, fer chrissakes!
oh, really?

didn't seem to bother you when you were mauling me the other day.....

I wasn't speaking about myself, sweetheart; I was just restating a point that abeerinthemorning made.

As for mauling you, well, give me a call when you get home!

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:36 pm

Just a little update for everyone on my playa love life (for those interested)

Well, she was supposed to be in Central America until February or March, we had been emailing each other frequently, planning for my trip to visit her over Christmas. That trip fell through because of a few financial hardships on my end. I was devastated at the thought of not seeing her for another 2-3 months, but I told her to continue her journey and that we could plan for a trip together somewhere when she returned.

Then she called on Christmas day and announced that she would be returning in just a few days. She proposed a new plan, one in which we would spend January together, at my locale, and then depart for a week long trip to Central America in February. She would then finish her trip on her own and we will start a life together when she returns. (I'm from Southern California and she's from Northern California so we're not sure where we are moving to just now).

I was hesitant, I didn't want her changing her plans because of me. I told her that I was patient and that I would wait for her to finish her journey. She responded by saying that she would finish her trip, but that she really wanted to make love (and me) a priority in her life, this is what she had been searching for in this trip and she had found it and to continue on and ignore that would be the wrong path for her.

So she returned and we have been having this amazing romance together since our embrace at the airport. We spent NYE together, and went to Lake Tahoe this past weekend. This is the kind of love and partnership I've always dreamed of.

Thank you Playa! : )

bgirl · Post by **bgirl** » Mon Jan 05, 2004 8:16 pm

Kinetic II wrote:
DE FACTO wrote:LOVE!
Doesn't exist. It's all about money, it's about self-centeredness, it's about ego. True love, the kind that lifts you off your feet and rocks your world doesn't exist.

Not to bitch but is there a woman left who's not on anti-depressants, who doesn't smoke, doesn't already have kids, doesn't take 2 hours to get ready to go somewhere, is height and weight proportional, and isn't totally stuck on staying in one city for the rest of their life? Is it too much to ask to find someone who wouldn't mind mountain biking and kayaking?

At least for me, this kind of LOVE doesn't exist. It's extinct. Anything that you think is LOVE is most likely an illusion brought on by a desperate effort to seek the one thing that has eluded you. Illusions of reality you might say. Again...the whole concept is bunk and is now dismissed for me. Next subject.

Hello! You described me and alot of my female friends.Indirectly,at least,he,he.Me:Living in beautiful B.C.,yes....home of the mythic bud,have biked for 16 years as a mode of transportation and self-preservation(and I don't mean physically),tried kayaking didn't like it..still prefer a good canoe any day,am 32, don't smoke(tabacco anyway),don't have kids(personal,political,and environmental reasoning behind this,adoption ok),have never been on anti-depressants and don't plan on it either,take about 30 min. from shower to door,looking strikingly beautiful as always,he,he,am 5 feet and 7 inches,weigh 137-140 and my proportions are 38 1/2-26-39,I have lived in Holland and Vancouver(no brainer) ,work as a community health worker,am a Jin Shin Do acupressure practitioner and am studying rehabilative sciences to become a occupational therapist,partly because,well,I love helping people find their potential in whatever they do ,but also because I can travel around the world and work as a OT pretty much anywhere.I found mind-blowing LOVE almost 3 years ago ,still going strong as ever.Point is ,true love for me exsists ,sorry for your lack of suitable mates Kinetic II....come to BC ,there are many intelligent,involved,funny and happy beautiful women and men too!!!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 3:58 pm

Rabbi Dali Rick wrote:the bar tab? :arrow:

specifically,
the rebbi

Talk it over with Tish

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:51 pm

I want someone to love me, not for how I appear now, not for the bs that is coming out of my mouth right now, not for the zits on my face or my dirty house. I want them to love me for what I can be.
I can be kind, I can be compassionate.
I can be thinner, I can be fatter.
I can be an emotional rock, I can be a crying mess.
I can be a great lay, I can be wanting all the attention.
I can sit silently and listen to everything you say...
I can go on a stream of consciousness monologue.

Want me? You get the whole fucking package.
Love me? I'll give you my everything.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:57 pm

I miss Patience a lot.

really a lot.

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:57 pm

I thought the "L Word" was "lust"...

Damn, is that why I have problems relationships?!?!

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:00 pm

I miss Patience a lot.

really a lot.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:01 pm

So that those of you that dont know......I am DEFACTO.

my sock so you say......so I say.

I am DEFACTO.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:02 pm

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 11:50 am

Chai guy thanks for the update, I've wondered about you and her.

As for us, we're getting married this June, with a big playa celebration planned as well.

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 12:50 pm

bullD wrote:I thought the "L Word" was "lust"...

Damn, is that why I have problems relationships?!?!

Nope. Stands for 'lick'. Keep at it for a good 1/2 hour and the rest of the L words mean diddly.

DVD Burner · Post by **DVD Burner** » Thu Feb 03, 2005 2:53 am

Going by this thread, there needs to be more of it.
Bumpity bump bump, as G.E. or Giggles puts it.

(so shoot me. I cant remember Whom right now.......... No splainin.)

The L Word

Re: Noooooo!!!!!!, not the pink one!....