your stupid joke here

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 10:06 am

theCryptofishist wrote:YOu've told 3 times--999,997 to go!

Okay, what do you call a guy who's telling bad jokes and hasn't had a shower all week?

Hummm... ibdave

altho in the shower today busted ribs and all, Wife due home today!!!!

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:43 am

If stupid is required,,,than stupid it is. I'll throw in sexist and racist too for good measure.

The Polish couple had been married for a few years and some of the fire had gone. One day, the man encountered an interesting ad in the paper.
He called his wife over and read the ad.
Look dear, they sell flavored douche. They have strawberry, vanilla, choclate and dozens of other flavors.
The wifey thought that it was a great idea. She replied that she would run down to the store and get some.
She returned all excited a short time later.
I'm home dear,,,I got some. That's great , he replied. What flavor did you get?
Tuna fish, she replied.

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Wed Jul 05, 2006 6:35 pm

http://www.marriedtothesea.com
ETA:

Magikal · Post by **Magikal** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 9:01 pm

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?

-Damn!

Thank you, thank you, I know I've won your hearts & minds again in the catagory of "Most Lame-O Joke Known To Man". Really, I appreciate your vote, truly I do...

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 10:14 pm

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish it'll die.

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:47 pm

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

(drum roll)

It can't be done. It's a hardware problem!

EspressoDude · Post by **EspressoDude** » Sat Jul 29, 2006 5:43 pm

OregonRed wrote:What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish it'll die.

If you beat your meat it'll come alive

robbidobbs · Post by **robbidobbs** » Wed Aug 02, 2006 11:11 pm

How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the door, shove him inside, and close the door.
How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the door, take the giraffe out, shove the elephant in, and close the door.

STN

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Wed Aug 02, 2006 11:26 pm

ThePikey · Post by **ThePikey** » Thu Aug 03, 2006 2:08 pm

robbidobbs wrote:How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the door, shove him inside, and close the door.
How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the door, take the giraffe out, shove the elephant in, and close the door.

All the animals are holding an election to see who gets to be King of the Jungle. Who doesn't vote?

The elephant, he's still stuck inside the refigerator.

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:12 am

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 5:33 pm

Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejad calls President Bush and tells him, "George, I had a wonderful dream last night. In it, I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Bush asks.

Mahmud replies, "ALLAH IS GOD, GOD IS ALLAH."

Bush replies, "You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What could you see on the banners?" Mahmud asks.

Bush replies, "I don't know what they said, I can't read Hebrew!

Silver 2 · Post by **Silver 2** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:55 pm

OK, humm, this is not something I am really into but I am good, giving and game.

Why did Jesus die on the cross?

He forgot his safe word.

Davoid · Post by **Davoid** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:58 pm

Did you hear about the gay midget?

He finally came out of the cupboard.

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:24 am

Silver 2 wrote:
Why did Jesus die on the cross?

He forgot his safe word.

You mean it wasn't "Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?"

Rockdad · Post by **Rockdad** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:14 pm

Why are you an Atheist?

...

felony · Post by **felony** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:04 pm

highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.

"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

Dr. Pyro · Post by **Dr. Pyro** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:47 pm

A baby harp seal walks into a club.

felony · Post by **felony** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:01 pm

...and says " OUCH" ?

capjbadger · Post by **capjbadger** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 2:19 pm

*Thud!*, replied the club...

Davoid · Post by **Davoid** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 3:50 pm

An old man went to the doctor for his yearly physical, and his wife tagged along. The doctor entered the examination room and told the man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a semen sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looked at his wife and yelled, "What did he say?"

His wife yelled back, "He said he needs your underwear!"

PurpleKoosh · Post by **PurpleKoosh** » Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:30 pm

felony wrote:highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.

"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

I told this joke on my local morning radio show today - and won concert tickets with it. Thanks!

felony · Post by **felony** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 11:48 am

Koosh. Congrats on the tickets. Who are we going to see?

PurpleKoosh · Post by **PurpleKoosh** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 11:58 am

The Fray, in November at the Warfield.

felony · Post by **felony** » Tue Aug 22, 2006 7:17 am

Have a wonderful time! Not only is laughter the best medicine, it can win you stuff too.

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 8:11 am

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies "No. What do you mean?"

"You must be new here," she says. "Let me explain. It's a rule here
that if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling,
she then leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel,

eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Finished, the man continues to explore the colony's facilities.

He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a
huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him.

"Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

"No. What do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man. "It's a rule that if you fart, it
implies that you called for me."

The huge man easily spins the
newcomer around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the nudist colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.

"May I help you?" She says.

"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But sir," she replies,"you've only been here for a few hours. You
haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

"Listen lady," the man replies, "I'm 68 years old. I get an erection
once a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here!"

felony · Post by **felony** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 8:20 am

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local
Pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to
target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs".

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to
Persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall
victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

can't sit still · Post by **can't sit still** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 8:30 am

" perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women "
A 2 bagger?????

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:31 am

damn, felony!! that's the funniest shit i've seen in ages!!!!!

felony · Post by **felony** » Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:38 am

Thanks tisha2. Come to Doc's Meet and Greet at Barbie Death Camp on Thursday. We can watch as the poor unwitting men are administered beer by the likes of us!