go ask alice

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 7:52 pm

Dragontear is a teenage girl. Pardon my prejudice, but I'm certain she was offered all sorts of things that I wouldn't be offered! Don't know about you, though... from what I remember you don't look much like a teenage girl....

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:07 pm

Alpha wrote:Dragontear is a teenage girl. Pardon my prejudice, but I'm certain she was offered all sorts of things that I wouldn't be offered! Don't know about you, though... from what I remember you don't look much like a teenage girl....

Did I meet you out there? And did you see me in drag at all?

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 8:09 pm

K, I did meet you, and although I bet you were cute as hell in drag...

I still don't imagine it made you look like a teenage girl.

Alpha · Post by **Alpha** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 9:31 pm

Questioning my memory, Kinetic II wrote:Did I meet you out there? And did you see me in drag at all?

Sadly, no, we have not met. But remind me of your size? From what I recall your stature wouldn't easily be mistaken for your younger sister, unless perhaps by women of the Amazon.

That's not to say you're not a hottie in drag -- how would I know? jpg? :-)

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 10:00 pm

I'm camera shy, I work better behind the camera than in front of it. So alas, no .jpg's or full video to show anyone. And yeah, I'd fit the role of an Amazon warrior quite well in drag. Damn, I missed a great idea for this year's theme!

I won't discuss my size....it's been fluctating lately as I try and get back into shape. I will say that I'd be a slimmer version of Isotopia's avatar, and that's about it. One thing about drag, you learn that heels suck, and makeup is a bitch to put on, and in some cases even harder to get off. And try finding a size 14 pair of heels. It's not easily done.

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 8:23 am

I will say that I'd be a slimmer version of Isotopia's avatar,

But NEVER will you be as fabulous or as regal as moi.

Never. Ever.

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 9:38 am

Isotopia wrote:
I will say that I'd be a slimmer version of Isotopia's avatar,
But NEVER will you be as fabulous or as regal as moi.

Never. Ever.

Don't be so sure. I have help this year from several prominent members of the Kansas City drag community. Roz Ryan is one not so well known name, but Melinda Ryder has been doing this for 20+ years. And of course there's the infamous Flo, who was one of the hosts of Aspen Gay ski week among her other performances nationwide. She also hosted the Flo Show at the former Club Cabaret here in KC where they raised over 1 Million USD for AmFar, they were the highest fund raising club in America for years until a developer bought out the club and it closed. I have some pretty good star power to help me next year and in fact they are already working with me on different things. Iso, you have competition!

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 11:35 pm

Alpha wrote:Purple, of course!

obQuery: Dear Alice, why is it so hard to score shrooms on the playa?

because you havn't asked the universe for shrooms.

and beause you weren't camping with me.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 02, 2003 9:43 am

Dear Alice.

Some advice to the confused please.

PurpleKoosh says that everything that's purple is his/hers.

If a part of my body became purple does that then become theirs' too?

Please help.

abitm

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 4:37 am

abeerinthemorning wrote:Dear Alice.

Some advice to the confused please.

PurpleKoosh says that everything that's purple is his/hers.

If a part of my body became purple does that then become theirs' too?

Please help.

abitm

dear abitm -

possession is nine tenths of the law.

love,

alice

ophelia · Post by **ophelia** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 6:34 am

Dear Alice,

Two questions:

1) Why can't I find a fucking job?

2) Should I be looking at the "big picture", the overall "rhythm of life" and all that, or should I be immersing myself in the zen of the moment?

confused

O

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 6:53 am

ophelia wrote:Dear Alice,

Two questions:

1) Why can't I find a fucking job?

2) Should I be looking at the "big picture", the overall "rhythm of life" and all that, or should I be immersing myself in the zen of the moment?

confused

O

dear o -

1)
you can find a fucking job - just send your cv to [email protected]. do you want to live in hawaii? positions are available on a massive global scale.

2)
i wasn't aware that the two were mutually exclusive.

love,

alice

Patience · Post by **Patience** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 6:53 am

I'll take these questions, if you don't mind, Alice.

1) You're too busy fucking around on the internet.

2) They are the same thing, ya fuckin noob!

Love,

Alice

Sheeeit, this is easy!

Patience · Post by **Patience** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 6:54 am

Damn, beat me to it!

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 6:57 am

Patience wrote:Damn, beat me to it!

go find your own fuckin advice column, you smarmy basatrd!

ps - i love you!

Patience · Post by **Patience** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 7:05 am

alice wrote: go find your own fuckin advice column, you smarmy basatrd!

Done.

alice · Post by **alice** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 5:19 pm

thanks, doll!

Last Real Burner · Post by **Last Real Burner** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 9:03 am

Hi Alice,

.

Can't fine my EX-large Choccahumbris Tribe Penis Gourd, or the match to my red, chartruse, and mauve argyle sock, can you help.

mystified,
mr smith

alice · Post by **alice** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 10:12 am

Last Real Burner wrote:Hi Alice, .

Can't fine my EX-large Choccahumbris Tribe Penis Gourd, or the match to my red, chartruse, and mauve argyle sock, can you help.

mystified,
mr smith

dear ms -

what am i, your fucking mother? how should i know where things go when they dissappear? i can't even find my own shit half the time.

hell, i can't even find my fiancee, who's been missing in action for over a day. just hope he's not dead.

excruciatingly,

alice

SED · Post by **SED** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 4:39 pm

Dear Alice,

Why am I such a prick?

Severely Emotionally Disturbed

SED · Post by **SED** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 5:18 pm

Dear Alice,

Also, why do I have such a prick?

SED

Flux · Post by **Flux** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 5:21 pm

You should have used "big" after "such a" in both of those...

SED · Post by **SED** » Sat Nov 15, 2003 5:23 pm

Big and powerful are not synonymous, my my friend.

But actually, it's fucking huge. Howdja know? Gossip?

SED

alice · Post by **alice** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:28 am

SED wrote:Dear Alice,

Why am I such a prick?

Severely Emotionally Disturbed

dear sed -

i have no idea.

but you're a sexy prick, if it's any consolation.

love,

alice

alice · Post by **alice** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:31 am

SED wrote:Dear Alice,

Also, why do I have such a prick?

SED

dear sed -

you get a lot of excersize?

love,

alice

SED · Post by **SED** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:40 pm

I work out like a fiend. A tiny little barbell attachment is my secret.

Kinetic II · Post by **Kinetic II** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:43 pm

There's a lot to be said for the benefits of kegels. 100X a day minimum, 300 preferred = no complaints what so ever and no blue pills needed.

alice · Post by **alice** » Fri Nov 21, 2003 6:59 pm

not to mention how much fun it is to watch you guys do the "mr. happy dance".

joel the ornery · Post by **joel the ornery** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 5:38 am

Dear Alice,

Today, as I was doing correspondence, cooking breakfast and surfing voyeurweb.com for photos of naked women... I found further evidence of ignorant destruction of kithchen utensils and cookware by my teenage step-sons. We have given instructions on the proper care of said utensils, yet apparently our guidance was not heeded.

In what manner do you suggest I once again discuss this matter with these young men... without ripping their heads off and shitting down their throats.

patiently waiting for further guidance,

joel the ornery... and very pissed

alice · Post by **alice** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 6:34 pm

joel the ornery wrote:Dear Alice,

Today, as I was doing correspondence, cooking breakfast and surfing voyeurweb.com for photos of naked women... I found further evidence of ignorant destruction of kithchen utensils and cookware by my teenage step-sons. We have given instructions on the proper care of said utensils, yet apparently our guidance was not heeded.

In what manner do you suggest I once again discuss this matter with these young men... without ripping their heads off and shitting down their throats.

patiently waiting for further guidance,

joel the ornery... and very pissed

dear jto....avp -

destruction and deliberate misuse of kitchen utensils by teenageagers is a very serious matter. as you are probably already aware, teenagers have selective hearing when it comes to the things we adults (paybacks's a bitch, ain't it?) ask them not to do. or to do, for that matter.

when i was bu† a young lass of 14 years, away at boarding school, we used to get severe a dressing down from our aging, hippie quaker teachers whenever we dared put the wrong piece of silverware in the wrong drawer.

i believe the success involved in such an undertaking was due in large part to the public humiliation aspect: mike (our reading teacher) would hold up each utensil and ask the entire class,"this is a soupspoon - where does it go?" and we'd all have to chant in unison:"the soup-spoon drawer!".

i'm not at all certain that this will be helpful to you. you can always banish them from the kitchen if things get really bad. but a sad little abused kitchen utensil memorial in the front yard might be just the ticket.

love and lots of luck,

alice

go ask alice

an attempt at humor

Re: an attempt at humor

Doe, de doe, doe de doe doe, doe dee doe...

Re: Doe, de doe, doe de doe doe, doe dee doe...