Crap Limericks

[nogganoodle]

I was inspired by Fishy over on the Apokiliptika thread, so, bring on your bad limericks.

Here's one to start you off

There was a young lady from Bude
who went for a swim in the lake
a man in a punt
stuck a pole in her ear and said
you can't swim here its private

[nogganoodle]

Not that I was saying your limerick was bad Fishy but.....

[Cabanasprings]

There was a young lady from Bude
who went for a swim in the lake
a man in a punt
stuck a pole in her ear and said
you can't swim here its private

Thank you - best chuckle I've had for awhile.

My poor friend, he looked like a duck
we knew from his wife he could jig
She walked with a limp
and she looked like a monkey
but he never got on "So you think you can dance!"

[geekster]

Said a Herring one day to a Sole:
"Life's very unfair 'pon my shoal
While I'm laid on a slab
You'll be with that crab
Billed in French at the Ritz-Metropole".

Oh, wait ... it's CRAP Limericks ... I thought it said CRAB Limericks ... nevermind.

[Desert Duck]

There was an old lady from Gloucester,
Who thought her old man had just lost her.
She went to the Pub,
He was drunk as a shrub,
And said "Honey, take me home."



No, really. That's it. And I just made it up.

Okay, it's supposed to go "Honey take me back I'm a bastard"

I still made the whole thing up, and it's supposed to be said with an accent (pick one). I think German is good, or Thai.

[SED]

There was a fellow from Sparta
A truly magnificent farter
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

[Lassen Forge]

There once was a lad from the city
He went home.


That's it.

[Bin Noddin]

There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
Said he with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"Hey! what the hell are you looking at? Bastard, just let me button my pants, when I get ahold of you, you'll be damned sorry you peeked in that window, shitty little brat. Get the fuck outa here! Kids these days - no respect at all."

[AntiM]

There once was a young man named Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
She was slimy as shit
And missing one tit
But with Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and some anger mangement clesses, he really thinks he can make it work this time around.

[nogganoodle]

She was slimy as shit
And missing one tit

Dammit thats funny!

[blyslv]

He stepped in da blue cube o'joy
And blew on his cheeks to expel
As it shuddered and shaked
He wished he was baked
And realized he was merely incontinent



(crap limericks people, stay on topic!)

[can't sit still]

There was a young man named Bill
He took an atomic pill
His navel imploded
His asshole exploded and
they found hjs balls in Brazil

[geekster]

Martin Luther had "95 Theses,"
And Darwin, his "Origin of Species,"
But all that I've got
Is contained in the pot
As butt nuggets, dirt snakes and feces.

[SED]

A man from Provincetown, Mass.
Had testicles made out of brass.
He banged them together
to play "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass.

[can't sit still]

Crap limerics in Japanese?????

[PurpleKoosh]

There was a fellow from Sparta
A truly magnificent farter
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

There once was a fellow named Cager
Who, as the result of a wager,
Offered to fart
The whole oboe part
Of Mozart's Quartet in F Major.